Mastectomy distress

[Shihtzumom]

Had my mastectomy last week and I’m having the dressing and last drain out tomorrow. When I went for the first check up Monday, I got very upset and couldn’t look at the scar and asked for it to be recovered until tomorrow, I thought it would be fine and I’d not care about losing the breast if the cancer was gone, I’m so angry with myself that it upset me so much to have the dressing removed 😢 anyone else struggle afterwards?

[jackearls1000]

Ohhh I'm so sorry to be reading this, this morning . ...I didn't have a mastectomy, but my advise would be ....don't be angry at yourself, not one bit ... one step at a time , go slow and give yourself time ....Its not a scar at the mo ...it is a wound and in time it will not look so bad as it does now ...this is time of adjusting to things and recuperating...the very best thing is ...the cancer is gone ....this is amazing .....be kind to you and sending lots of love .....you are soldier in this battle against an awful infliction ...... are you going to have reconstruction? ...

I wish you a lovely weekend ...do something nice for you and try not to be so hard on yourself ....keep looking forward my lovely ....lots of healing love Jane xxx

[jackearls1000 in reply to jackearls1000]

Im here if you'd like a phone call ..just let me know ill message my number xxxx

[Shihtzumom in reply to jackearls1000]

Thanks so much xx

[Shihtzumom in reply to jackearls1000]

No I’m not having a reconstruction, I’ve got an allergy to silicone, so I opted for the prosthetic xx

[jackearls1000 in reply to Shihtzumom]

That is good that you know the next step ....lots of ladies on here going or been through the same as you ....I was offered " someone like me " on the help line ....maybe that would help for you ....the lovely ladies match you up with someone whom have been through the same as what your going through ....you get a phone call as often as you like to talk about everything and get useful information ....I found it invaluable, my lady was called Jackie and she talked about emotions, help and how she got through it all .....you are not alone ......please give yourself time,.....lots of love and thinking of you xxxx

[Shihtzumom in reply to jackearls1000]

Hugs and thanks x

[Goggling in reply to Shihtzumom]

Have you considered a DIEP?

[Hidden]

Hi Shihtzumom

Bless You Darling Lady 🌷 it’s bad enough looking at a scar if you’ve had your appendix out or any Surgical Operation as you are marked where you once were perfect.

Now this isn’t just a scar, a piece of You missing as well.

I decided to look but treated it like an ‘Operation Site’ that l was checking to make sure it looked clean & was healing well......

It kept me more focused on the ‘healing’ rather than the loss.

You are more than entitled to be angry, it’s a huge loss & the shock of the diagnosis takes its toil.

I haven’t had a reconstruction due to the fact l have an autoimmune disease & am on long term steroids, l wear a prosthesis too, we can chat about that another time as you don’t get fitted for that for about six weeks post surgery.

So don’t forget, we are all here for you, cry as much as you want, let it all out.....

Thinking of You 🌷🌷🌷

MrsN xx

[Shihtzumom in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words, I know I can do this but I’m finding a lot harder than I thought I would 😱

[Hidden in reply to Shihtzumom]

It IS hard, you’ve had your Chemo first if l remember correctly, so the effects of that are still coursing around your body.

Then there’s the additional worry of Your Darling Husbands Cancer, Surgery & Recovery. I would ask at your next appointment about some counselling as you’ve been through so much both personally & as a couple 💕

Thinking of You 🌷

MrsN x

[Shihtzumom in reply to Hidden]

I will, thank you x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You’ve gone through major surgery, And come out the other side, at the beginning I think we all “ just want the cancer GONE, and you wake up to a huge relief, then realise your breast is gone, forever, it’s a lot to adjust too.Please try not to be so hard on yourself, cry, when you need to, have you got somebody close, you an talk to, all sorts of emotions are running around in your head at the moment, relief, anger, uncertainty, you are only human, take your time, your scar will fade,( I have to look hard for mine) I used bio oil to help it fade, but you can’t do that yet.

good luck, you don’t need to look at your scar until your ready, do whatever suits you, take it slowly, it’s such an emotional time.xxx

[Shihtzumom in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, the whole family have been through so much this year, I think it’s just a matter of time, but thanks again for your kind words xx

[Cyara]

I'd say you are doing okay. Anger is part of the grieving process and what you are experiencing is normal. We grieve that the normal we thought we had (our life as was) has changed irrevocably (by the diagnosis and the treatment). Yup, it's crap. Be gentle on yourself and take things one day at a time, or one moment at a time. The essence of you hasn't changed; the caring generous, thoughtful person is still there. Love n hugs xx

[Shihtzumom in reply to Cyara]

Thanks, love and hugs to you too x

[Birthday2018]

Oh gosh I know exactly how you feel, I was exactly the same. I couldn’t look for a few days after having my dressing removed. It is hard, it’s scary but after a few days I thought ‘I need to be strong, this is me now and I have to get familiar with it’. Don’t get me wrong I cried, I was sad in fact I didn’t know really how I was feeling it was all mixed up.

I haven’t had a reconstruction through choice as I am quite small and tbh I didn’t feel that I wanted to go through all that. Although friends thought it was the worst thing for me, saying things like ‘what if you meet someone’, ‘you won’t look right’, which in some ways yes I am single but if honest, I wouldn’t want any man who couldn’t understand my decision. This was about me, I was the one living with it and that was how I felt. I have a prosthesis which, if you didn’t know me, would never know it wasn’t me. Recently, it is some 8 months since my surgery, I have felt a bit incomplete and upset that I’m not me anymore but I am doing okay and I know, which is most important, the cancer had to go and this was the only way it was going. I still have worries now after treatment, surgery, follow up treatment am I okay? I think coming to terms with all that has happened takes time, I try and see the positive now in everyday and move on with my life. I am alive and as far as I know healthy and well. I have recently been made redundant so now have another thing to focus on which helps.

I was sad when this happened but in another way okay as knew, after all that has happened in the last 13 months, I wanted a new start. I want to make the most of everyday and needed to get rid of negative (which was my old job and company - not understanding people), find new interests, hobbies, take care of myself etc etc.

Take care and you will be able to look at your scar in time, take it one day at a time and you will get there. Best wishes to your husband too.

Keep in touch and we are all here for you xxx

[Shihtzumom in reply to Birthday2018]

Thanks, it’s nice to know I’m not being weird about it, I’ve still got the sterile strips on but it still makes me cry and the silly prosthetic they gave me won’t stay in place! I know it’s early days but I thought I was stronger than this, I’m angry with myself 😥

[Birthday2018]

No you shouldn’t be, look at what you have been through up to now. I know what you are saying and sometimes it is what happens, try and focus on how you have got this far. You had to be strong to go through all this, I know myself, I never thought I was so strong, however once you are on the programme of treatment you realise you are and somehow find strength to get you through.

Please be kind to yourself, you are doing so well and only experiencing what is normal for us all. Sending you lots of love xx

[Shihtzumom in reply to Birthday2018]

🤗

[anrean]

Your feelings are totally valid!! Breast cancer was my 2nd (2004) and 4th (2009) cancers - all primary, no metastisis. Gave up 2/3 of one breast and 1/2 of the other, both times unsure if I would come out of surgery with a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Some days the scars still bring occasional sadness that parts of me are missing and I fight that sadness with reminding myself that my life depended on this, and it isn't any different from the other scars. I did not opt for reconstruction either time because I just couldn't face yet another surgery. You are very strong to choose reconstruction. Right now the feelings are very strong, but I promise you that they will go away with time. Hold on to the knowledge that you did this so that you would live for many years to come!! That is the most important part - all of us go through surgery so that we can LIVE!!

Praying that you have great days ahead You are strong, never forget that!!

[Shihtzumom in reply to anrean]

Thanks x

[Goggling]

You’re reaction is totally understandable. You have lived with that part of your body in one form or another all your life. It was a part of you. I had a breakdown some years ago when I had to have a tooth removed! Thought I would never get used to it . But of course I did. Presumably you can consider a reconstruction in the future if you want? In the meantime you have been through a big operation, presumably after a worrying time and you are most likely still in shock. You are not alone in this. Sending you a gentle hug. Take your time.

[Shihtzumom in reply to Goggling]

Thanks hugs xx

[Goggling]

In general, let’s hope that the researchers come up with an auto immune drug for BC so that no more women have to go through this. Let’s support our scientists. I am very grateful to my surgeons and doctors but I would rather be able to help my own immune system fight this disease. The first woman to have a mastectomy had it without anaesthesia. She wrote about the experiences and went on to live to a great age. Women are very strong. For myself, I found it helpful to think in terms of transformation and change. At 64 a lot of that has happened already. Mental healing goes along with the physical healing. Just takes time. There will be a future when you are not feeling like this ,

[Bluemoon46]

I feel exactly the same. I had my mastectomy 4 weeks ago and I am grieving the loss of my breast. It isn't helped that I also have a seroma so I look deformed. I have not seem my surgeon yet - see her on Thursday so not knowing what they found yet is not helping. I do know I have to have radiotherapy and possibly chemo. I am not even sure if the cancer has gone as they were not sure they could take it all.

I have read what the other ladies have said but at the end of the day it is the uncertainty of it all which makes if difficult.

[Hidden]

You posted 2 weeks ago, how are you feeling now, I do hope better, but remember “ it takes time”,xxx