I’m so conflicted

[Tthomas96]

I’ve found out that I am pregnant yesterday and I’m so confused as to whether to keep it or not. I love with my boyfriend of 5 years in a 2 bed house. However I also have a 10 month old baby and only went back to work in February, I’ve always said I could never have an abortion because I mentally don’t think I would be able to go through with it. My partner was with me when I took the test and our first reaction was oh god 😑. He doesn’t like the idea of abortion either but said that it would be best if we did have one as our house isn’t that big and we currently have the spare room as our office as we both work from home and we have only been in this house since October so looking for a new place isn’t an option at the moment. Another thing is we feel guilty for our son as he is still very young will having another baby mean we will have less time for him?? I was hoping to be married by the time I have my second one, I’m only 24 so I know I’m young enough to try again in a couple of years but I keep thinking what if I don’t fall pregnant easy in the future or what if the abortion affects my chances?? On top of that I’m stressing that if i do keep it what will everybody say and how do I tell me work 🙃🙃. I would love to keep it but practically I’m not sure how we’d cope with finances and having 2 so young. But then if I do get an abortion I worry how I’ll be mentally like would I be able to get over it. I’m just so conflicted and keep crying I was up all night

[MrsE29]

Both me and my husband work from home from the kitchen table and have a small house. I fell pregnant when my first born was 9 months. Yes I'm sure it will be a challenge having 2 under 2. Although I choose to think of it it will be nice to have them close in age growing up together. I wouldn't worry too much about what people will say or telling work. When I went back to work had to tell them was pregnant again which would have came as a shock as had IVF for first pregnancy. Only you can decide on your own situation.

[Anonymous998]

In my personal opinion when things seem to be going bed things have a way of sorting g themselves out and yes I know that this is probably not what you wanted as an answer, so me and my perter found out I was pregnant I lived in a 2 bed house with 2 flat mates plus me and my partner there was absolutely NO room for a baby and sometimes not even us.... but I spoke with people at work, friends, family and well anyone I could about my situation because I am the same I didn't want to have an abortion but I knew I couldn't have it where I was then one of my friends (whom I did NOT know was a lanlord) offered me a place to live that suited my needs and I understand that this I not a typical situation however I really do belive in faith taking a hold and things working out do what your gut tells you ❤❤

[Glitterstar]

I had an abortion 10 years ago and I plunged into depression after the abortion. It was one of the most painful thing I went throug. If you are already worried that you cannot cope emotionally, I'd suggest that you don't rush into any decision but explore all available options before you decide. Don't make any decision when you are conflicted or confused.

[think30]

I would think about having some counselling from BPAS if you’re conflicted and think about how it will affect your mental health going forward.

I am older than you but I had a 14 month age gap between my first 2 children. Although it was really hard initially now they are older (2 and 3) it is quite nice having a small age gap. I found the jump from 1-2 quite big though!

Then I got unexpectedly pregnant with the third. I actually ended up taking the first abortion pill, completely regretting it and thought I’d ruined my life and felt so guilty for the baby. Amazingly everything was ok and we have a healthy baby 22 months after our second child. I know now it was the right decision.

I feel so lucky the pregnancy continued . It’s crazy now but family are helping. Finances arnt a problem for us.

I had counselling through BPAS after what had happened as I was racked with guilt and I felt pressured to make that decisions the time from. My partner. I knew I couldn’t go through with it in the end but had already taken the first tablet after an argument when he was shouting at me to take it.

In the end he was supportive but didn’t realise what I wanted at the time so it’s important to have an open discussion and not to feel pressured as it your body and your baby and you have live with your decision.

I’d recommend BPAS counselling before your decision, I should have done this.

You will cope with the age gap but only you can make the decision what’s best for your family and how you feel about abortion.

It’s so hard I don’t envy anyone in this position. It’s your body and life and ultimately your choice.

Good luck x

[Bigblueskies]

I’m really sorry you are feeling like this, it is a complicated decision and it is so normal to have ambivalent feelings about it!

It is difficult to know how things will work out in the future and whether the pressure of another baby so soon is something you can cope with or not. Getting some counselling by someone who is properly trained and neutral can be helpful. So please explore that option!

Not all terminations cause depression or regret. I had a termination in the past when it was absolutely not the right time to have a baby and afterwards I mostly felt relief although there is always an element of loss too. They are never completely clearly positive or negative experiences, so only you will be able to decide where that balance lies for you and your family and what the overall impact will be if you go ahead, positive or negative!

Big hug 🤗 and I hope you will be able to make a decision that is right for you soon. It must be a hard place to be at the moment.

[MomaJoni]

I personally don't know a single woman who has not regretted an abortion. I struggled with infertility for 12 years. had 2 miscarriages and 4 rounds of fertility treatment then finally fell pregnant after IVF in July.

Your baby might be a bit of an inconvenience at the moment, but your life will adjust and you will love it like you love your first born...and he will love it too!

You have an amazing gift, you created a life without a single bit of effort. If you can be such fantastic parents to your little boy, just double up that love and bring your next bundle along to the party. Forget what your work think, your family is far more important than any of that.