Struggling :(

[Starlight_ftm]

38w pregnant, not on meds, just really struggling today! Diagnosed with ptsd anxiety depression. Got psychology report and although accurate and well written, it’s just made me feel really anxious etc. Feel really alone.

[Craven18]

You're doing REALLY WELL! I've just found out I'm pregnant and have been off my meds for almost 2 weeks and I'm really struggling. I have bipolar, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I don't know what sort of mess I'll be in by the time I get to your stage.. You certainly aren't alone xx

[Starlight_ftm in reply to Craven18]

Hello I have a friend who has bipolar and takes medication while pregnant and had three healthy boys; are you connected to Perinatal Mental Health Services ? Thanks for your kind words how do you find your symptoms affect you? Hope you’re ok and congratulations x

[Craven18 in reply to Starlight_ftm]

One of my medications were 150mg Pregabalin which according to my research can cause disfigurement in unborn children. I am registered with my local mental health facilities and I see them every 3 months or less. I have an appointment on Thursday coming so I will talk to him then..

where I am off all of my medications, my friends and family have started to notice huge differences in my behaviour and the scariest part is, I've noticed it myself.

I suffer with anxiety and paranoia, which is actually having the biggest effect on me at the moment. I do not want to go outside though I know I have to, I think people are looking at me all the time. With my bipolar, I have been having an episode of mania over the last few days but last night I had an overwhelming moment of anxiety and paranoia and I had a complete melt down. I'm worried about anything and everything, questioning myself, whether I'm right or wrong about everything. I have a 9 year old boy and when he's naughty, I'm second guessing myself as to whether I'm over reacting or under - reacting. I'm short tempered and very irritable but on the one hand I'm aware of myself but on the other hand I'm not sure whether I'm being too sensitive or what...? I used to use a drug as a pick me up as I can and do get very depressed but I am not using anymore so I'm struggling with what to do to pick myself up or just distract myself and another thing is spending! I love to buy stuff, just for the thrill of it, I've ordered a dishwasher once, only to send it back. I look forward to receiving post and yes I have ordered thing's just to send back. Another episode is an increased sex drive; this can be fantastic! It's not just your normal feeling " Oh I fancy some pleasure " or however you'd put it, its a case of " I NEED IT, I NEED AN ORGASM, I WANT TO DO THIS TO HIM/HER, I WANT TO HEAR THEM MOAN, I NEED TO SCREAM. It feels almost like desperation and I'm going to explode if I can't succeed ( obviously, being in a relationship the only person I want is him but there have been occasions where if he's unavailable or it's not possible I have sorted myself out.. I've masturbated in some wonderful places - my mothers house, a friends shared bathroom, train toilets, even in a car ( whether I'm driving or not ) Generally borderline personality disorder covers ( Obviously a lot of mental states but ) self harming and suicide. These are less common within bipolar behaviour. I have a long history of self harming and a couple of failed attempted suicides, both of which were under control with my medications but since coming off them I have been fighting with myself not to cut.. admittedly I have thought about suicide but i would never go through with it purely because of my baby I've got and the other inside me.. but then that gets into my head and I get anxiety because I feel like I cant commit suicide, therefore I'm trapped being alive and I don't have a choice.. but deep inside, I know I have a choice and I choose not to.

Sorry, I've just gone off on a tangent but I've pretty much covered the basics of me and my confused head.

[Starlight_ftm in reply to Craven18]

Hello no apology needed at all, I appreciated you sharing with me your symptoms and how it is for you. I like to understand things as much as possible.

Is there a way you can receive support that isn’t just every three months ? That sounds like quite a wait? Who is it with?

It’s good you have self awareness about you and your symptoms; and the fact friends and family noticed too, think a chat with the professional on Thursday would be really helpful.

I was able to stop self harm when became pregnant because if I did to me it was like I was doing to her inside. Our minds are so powerful though with how it chooses to communicate or cope with situations so well done for not cutting and definitely for not leaving this world through suicide the world needs you around and so do your children.

Thanks so much again for your response and explaining it so well. X