Lost the plot

OH Dear I have done it this time I lost the plot as my work col-luge wound me up and saying dont push me any further I lost it used profanities and said she was a liar in a public office.

With much reluctance as yet again being dragged into anon productive disagreement I have found this really difficult.

All I want to do is go to work do my job and go home there are plenty of interesting things to do without all this sort of unhelpful crap.

I have worked with the person for many years. She is very good at the job she does but for some reason likes to make my life difficult so if I ask for some assistance with a task the usual answers are I dont know, its not my job, idont work in your department. this becomes really frustration when you know the person has that knowledge.

I have raised the issue many times about them being uncooperative to work with over 10 years.

The number of time I have gone home upset and angry and worried about these problems these. So even thopugh it gets reported nothing gets done.

you are just left to sort it out your selves.

So tomorrow I have to go to work and apologies for the second time as my written email apology was not sufficient and I will have to retract my comments and offer a second apology in front of the whole team.

any suggestions or comforting thought would be most welcome sometime I have got to learn to control the red mist

I really hope I havent dampend things for you - Oh no thats the rain that has done that hope all are well and happy

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34 Replies

  • Don`t worry about things to do with work.

    It is difficult to meet targets and be on top of work when you feel you are not getting the support required to get the job done.

    We all loose the rag sometimes it is called living, being human, just try and relax deep breathing, control, and then score them off the xmas list.


  • I wish i Could Just for get it but the individual who has used the bulling and harassment procedure before so has chosen to go down the official route so now I have to bow and scrape my way back into my job.

  • Just another thought.

    Your employers need to get to the bottom of this problem and stop sitting on their hands, it is not good management to ignore any kind of disruption in the workplace, it is non productive as you said.

    So I believe they also are fault here.

    I know that what you described can be viewed as your fault but there are two sides to a story and both sides should be heard and reviewed by the employer to hopefully get an amicable lasting settlement for both parties.

    It sounds to me a bit like you are being over stressed and that needs to be addressed for your sake.

    Do you have a union rep??


  • hi there

    well I groveled and swallowed my pride apologized retracted my comments and my god did she make me pay I didn't know whether to hit her or cry well i managed not to do either. I am sure it will calm down eventually. thanks for the help

  • Sorry Just got this post...Good I`m glad you kept your head and did not show emotion.

    Sounds like they would dwell In smugness if you had.

    Hope everything gets sorted out amicably for all concerned.


  • You too can use the official way to cpm[;ain about bullying tactics. This shouldn't be allowed in the place of work. os there no way to can change place, office or something. But you should alert your boss, especially if it's over 10 years of this. Unacceptable. We are with yo on this. Take courage to stand up for your right to have a peaceful office.

    Can you consult someone like a social worker for the place,or even the union?

  • I am not the first person who has had to deal with this an the management do nothing even though I have complained about the uncooperative nature of dealing with this individual. Well I did the public apology thing and my god did she make me pay. don't think I am a total nasty person I have been worrying about her feelings too. I have 18 months to go I will just have to try and shut my mouth!!!! thanks for your support

  • I found that indeed, if you can do it, bear it for 18 months. I had insensitive people over me. there came a point when I had enough and went. But I suppose if you know how long you will have to bear this...! Is there anybody else who could help you bear the situation?

  • That sounds a really awkward working environment.

    You need to make your position clear to your employers, I am not saying there is no blame on yourself but it sounds like the other person has a lot to answer for also.

    As I said before, I can understand your position and the frustration/tension you describe so for all concerned A sit down round the table and an honest heart to heart may alleviate some of the working tensions.

    It is not good to daily have this thrown at you and it really needs to be sorted out calmly and productively.


  • most of the people are really lovely and I get on well with every one in the office bar one. the matter will never be dealt with in the proper manner I am not the first person who has had to put up with this and I wont be the last. I will have to learn to shut my mouth!!! thanks for the help

  • I would not SHUT MY MOUTH. But I would watch my tongue.

    I don`t think much of your management team, Has she some kind of special arrangement with managers??.

    As an employer I would not tolerate this kind of thing in the working environment and I would definitely stick my oar in to get some kind of calm and productive working routine and a smooth running ship.

    Happy staff are productive staff.

    Did you have your talk today? How did it go?.

    Good luck for the future, I do hope it can be sorted so that you are not so unhappy or stressed.


  • Hello hopetorun im sorry but you made me smile a little there.Seriously though situations like that are so uncomfortable to say the least.Have you ever asked her why she is the way she is with you in a quiet fashion? A while back now id started a new job and there was a girl there very liked very efficient and onit in everyway,it was my first time back in the work place after my children so it had been a while to say i was nervous is an understatement.This girl became the hump on my back and her mouth felt like it was stitched to my shoulder "not that way,thats wrong,dont be stupid , cant you be quicker!" I was a jibbering wreck and her on my case just made everything a hundred times worse.By the end of the week I new i had to speak to her but that scared the s--- out of me to do that,confrontation not me.But i did and asked her if i had offended her in any way?and that i was finding her constant nagging was having a very negative.affect on me. Well she apologised to me saying "i know im such a bossy bitch!" we have been great friends ever since im pleased to say. You say to control the red mist does this happen a lot? you naughty girl lol.I dont envy the morning for you,apologise for your filthy mouth only :p saying you shouldnt have used those profanities it was unnecessary to use them trying to get your point across! ( and im velly velly sorry to have offended you you very annoying ugly old bitch now off) lol .Im joking about that last bit of course. :) Janexx

  • oh dear indeed. Hold your head up, some deep breathing. Write a brief script before you do it & try to stick to it.

    Wishing you best of luck.

    (some people instinctively know what button to press)

  • well i did it she did make me suffer but i was wrong in the way I addressed the matter so will have to do better next time

  • takes a big heart to say you were wrong :) xx

  • Well I have done it she managed to make me feel very angry and upset but I kept my cool and eventually she accepted the apology. I will try to avoid her as much as possible and Keep my mouth shut. thanks for the support

  • Hi Hopetorun. I think we have all been there. Those sort of people always get away with it. I had a right miserable one at one place I worked. If only jobs were two a penny you could tell her what you really thought of her. Personally I would have a really good talk to the management or write it out like you have done for us. The written word is stronger as they can't forget that and it will be filed away. Whatever you do I hope things get better for you. X

  • Wise words from Mavis I think.

  • I think if this sort of provocation happens again I will go straight to the top. I have been reporting problems for years and it is just ignored. thanks for your help

  • You seem to have some good advice here,I like Mavis's suggestion of getting it in writing,way to go!

    Try not to let it get you down to much,otherwise that's a win for the enemy!

    I understand it's hard to deal with,especially when you don't feel up to par,but you definitely need some other input,as Tom said,what about the union?

    Hope things are better soon,xxx

  • All good advise.

    Firstly the apology it can be worded somewhat like this, I apologise for my outburst, and concede it was the wrong thing to do. however I would put the same thing in writing to management adding, I would like to make it clear that it was borne out of frustration due to the lack of respect and assistance I have endured from my colleague over the years. I request your assistance in addressing the obvious problem he/she has with me as it is affecting my work and causing me undue stress. They will have to act, otherwise I would go to the doctors and take stress leave, they will soon jump then, if not it could get messy.

  • I like your style Kad21 very good advice nicely put :) Janexx

  • Cannot stand bullies Jane, and this person obviously is

  • Oh working with difficult people is miserable - I wonder if you could make a complaint that she is bullying you by not helping you or harassment. Perhaps you could ask for more training so that you don't have to ask her! Everyone gets annoyed - I did yesterday and walked out of the office pretty angry. Another day - try to have a good one xx

  • No the work that she does for the team m is not something I would like to do on a daily basis. But I am ask my management to get information from her and it is like pulling teeth or I have to go back to the management an get them to tell her to provide it. totally unsatisfactory means of communication with an Awkward person!! When you mentioned training did you mean self defense classes or boxing! I have got to go sleeping pills are taking effect. thanks forhte suppot

  • PS the ACAS website has very useful information xx

  • GOOD LUCK TODAY Hopetorun

  • You need to keep a daily diary of all and any situations that arise between you, no matter how trivial. Don't respond negatively to their provocation and bad manners. It will be your proof that you are being bullied and mentally abused and make you feel you are in control. When you feel upset with them, just smile and say okay - thanks. It drives them nuts, they don't understand why you're not getting upset. I've used this over the years and it has worked for me. Good luck.

  • Smile.... it will either warm their heart or p*** them off... either way you win!

    Are management involved in this attempt at public humiliation? If not then I really think you should involve them. That person has got you feeling guilty about something that she has created.... typical bully behaviour.

    Hope it went as well as possible.

    If all else fails - go to the Doctor and take time off. Make sure the sick note says 'for stress' and doesn't mention your ongoing condition. Don't give them any chance to blame you.

    Good luck.

  • I have decided to take a tip out of Mrs Browns Boy and Just use "thats nice" or just OK then and just woft from the room

  • Good - because really that's all the blighters deserve..... no reply, no respect, just drift away... :))))) xx

  • Enough problems hopetorun try not collecting anymore life brings actions that we miss when we cannot work how weird is that just move on enjoy the good parts when you can.


  • Yes Hopetorun, to get it all written down sounds good to me, But really feel for you, all will be fine,just keep thinking roll on payday, you know who your real mates are, just pay the others lip service.xx

  • This reminded me when I worked at the local hospital years ago as a staff nurse. I had a nursing officer who had her favourites but if you weren't one of them, she nitpicked and made trouble. She had her favourites. I now see it was my fault. I used to dread going to work. I wouldn't give up. With hindsight I should turned on her, and asked for an interview in her office. as some people did and blasted her. She left after dubious circumstances. Reading your message, you did so right, hope to run.

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