Don't worry about feeling low

[baly_2023]

It's odd isn't it.

I posted something about how great I felt 2 months on from my HA.

I still do, but now I'm back in the real world, working again I realised the real world moves on, to the real world my event happened a "long time ago " and since I'm back in the real world I must be fixed so treat me as fixed.

But the mind works differently, things I found so important in the real world, especially the working world don't seem to be that important, to me they seem trivial.

In 30 years of my working life it was the first time I cried in a meeting with someone as my brain no longer felt connected. I think I apologised a million times.

My workplace is amazingly supportive I can't fault them at all.

I'm not after any sympathy please in any replies ( if there are any lol) but what I'm saying is be mindful of you as a person, recovering at home in a safe bubble is important for confidence but prepare to face some mental hurdles when you gey back to the real world as the safe bubble doesn't exist anymore.

I'm finding this journey fascinating, tough, but ultimately rewarding as I fall one day, then get up again the next.

Be strong all my fellow members of this club.

[Looking_4_support]

Thanks for your post, i have been working from home the last week and tomorrow i have to go into work for the first time since my HA 1 month ago.

Im so anxious at seeing everyone again and even though i know it will be ok the thought of walking in to the office is terrifying. I also cant see the relevance of work things that were once really important to me. I suppose my mind says now i have to earn money to pay for the life and holidays that i enjoy. Maybe its right that my priorities are now shifting, just hope i keep it up and don't become so stressed at work again.

Take care.

Danny.

[baly_2023 in reply to Looking_4_support]

Hi Danny,

Ask yourself this because I'm asking you, 1 month from a HA?

That's such a recent event and don't under no circumstances don't feel the need to go into an office until you feel ready. I'm really hoping you've been offered a phased return back to work ie reduced hours and this is working for you thus you feel it's right to try the office for a day, if not speak up to your manager please.

It was nerve racking for me to do a day at the office, I spent most of it just adjusting to watching people get on with their day, and me thinking blimey I'm back.

I work from home 4 days, no one asked me to come back In but I decided that I can't stay in a safe bubble all my life . It was odd, I felt disconnected to other people, but I got through it.

Regarding work, I'm slowly but slowly like you and all of us getting back into that frame of mind and realising that it's what I did before, I had no issues doing it, it pays the bills so I need to get back into that professional frame of mind.

But I do allow myself the space and make sure people are aware that there will be times I'm not quite with it.

It's a new journey for me, as it is for you and many others, the way I see it is, take it easy when your mind tells your too and eventually this will be a thing of the past.

I wish you the best

[davebal67 in reply to Looking_4_support]

I agree I had my surgery in July. Been back at work full time since the start of the year. My only focus is when can I financially retire and give up work, maybe in 3 years. Then it will be retiring in Cyprus.

The work could close tomorrow and I wouldn't give a toss.

[Looking_4_support]

hi baly_2023,

work are being really good. 4 hours per day, reduce to 3 if it gets too much, for several weeks. They have said work from home as much as possible but i wanted to get the first time back out of the way as it was becoming a fear on my mind so i picked tomorrow to just go in and say hello and get the first time done so its not on my mind anymore.

Guess it will be really strange and i plan to take it really easy. Will let you know how i get on.

All the best.

[Etzel]

It's interesting, my HA was 15yrs ago and to be honest couldn't wait to get back, I was tired but I just said i'm doing 10-4 to avoid the stress of traffic for a couple of weeks. The worst part for me was everyone asking how I was, I know it's caring but a week of that got old real fast.

Fast forward to now, 2 more (different) events later I just chat about what I have had done as if it was the 'how was your weekend" chat. Friday I had an angiogram in prep for OHS and it was just the norm. Workwise I went from a high pressure pharma to a much more chill charity but for me that downgrade was always coming due to having pneumonia in my 30's whilst on a large project, that took 3 months to recover, that's a long time to focus the mind.

And I do look at my pension thinking I wish i'd put more in, i'd jump at retirement.

[Furryears]

I agree with you, and for me it’s because I see things differently now, with different priorities.

Coming up to 2 years for me and I still fall some days, but now I can pick myself up and shake myself off and carry on as best I can.

You sound as though you are doing really well😊

[trafar]

I am with you I am now back to work and have been fine mentally but now back at work I am honestly struggling, it’s not helping thst I have a new boss and she is a total control freak has taken one of the areas thst I know and live away from me and given me another area unfamiliar with me to look after. She wants to come to meetings to see how we deal with our customers, wants to check all our paperwork before it goes out (I am more qualified than her chose not to apply for the job because of my heart attack). I like you find myself close to tears I wasn’t like that before she started. Nit sure if it’s her or just what happens.

[baly_2023 in reply to trafar]

Hi , that's not good at all from your employer, hopefully ( fingers crossed) once your new boss settles in they will be less controlling.

Try not to let it get to you as let's face it in the grand scheme of things a calm heart is far far more important then a weird boss.

easier said then done but try your best

[trafar in reply to baly_2023]

Thank you, for your reply. I will hang on in there. I think we both need to realise what we have been through and we are nit the same people that we were.

[Nunk]

I can so relate to your baly-2023, I had my HA 5 months ago. I’m back at work 3 days a week but no longer doing the strenuous job I had before. I’m office based now because I daren’t risk anything happening again. It’s the mental side I real struggle with, so much so that I’m having talking therapy which has helped me a lot. Your point about people thinking you should be back to normal is so true in my case. No one’s actually said anything along those lines but it’s a feeling I’ve got all the time. Maybe it’s my meds, I don’t know, I’m still on the Sertraline which I was taking before. I’ve got a review in a couple of weeks with my cardiologist, hopefully he maybe able to help me. Keep on going Baly-2023, it’s a long road but hopefully we’ll all get there.

[baly_2023 in reply to Nunk]

It is a long road, some uphill bits, but that's life in general.

It's the way of the world, ie" hey your back, now do this".

Can't fault anyone It's the way the system works but it's up to us to say when the system might me pushing us to something which is beyond us at the moment.

I feel and please I mean no offence to anyone, but if I had a mental health issue, with a label attached to it, I reckon there would be more concessions made to help then with something like a heart attack which is both mental and physical.

Like I said don't shoot me down for saying that, but i see far more emails about mental health support then other types of health.

[TaylorW]

Yep, going through the same thing Mentally...Been suffering with CP for years now. Trying to deal with the Physical aspects is one thing, but the Mental is another. The ups and downs and bits in-between. The Good Days, Bad Days you never know when they come. Cant get any support...It Can be a very Lonely Road. Good Luck on your mission...