Hi my husband 51 had a heart attack,and since this has had a stent fitted with the possibility of another stent in the future. My husband likes to socialise and is now after three weeks is still smoking and binge drinking. I'm trying to support him but feel very worried that this heart attack hasn't changed his ways. It's almost like he's been given a second chance with a stent and is carrying on like before. I feel embarrassed when he smokes in front of our friends. He's a very stubborn person. We have children who are young so one is only 9 and another is 12. I have tried to mention giving up smoking but he's not ready and shuts me down. He's bought the Allan carr book so hopefully it's a step in the right direction. He's smoked since he was in his twenties/late teens . I feel that surely this is a wake up call. I can't sleep at night worrying about him and our children
Heart attack still smoking and drinking - British Heart Fou...
Heart attack still smoking and drinking
Dear Cat
I needed a new valve and the time, skill and effort from the cardiac team was monumental. Three years on and I am still in awe at what they did. I gave up smoking ten thousand years ago. Cutting down on booze is more difficult. Some people need to eliminate booze altogether, cutting down is probably harder. I now drink half a bottle of wine per week and one whisky every fortnight. But the key is to give up 100% for lent. Which I do every year.
In the meantime you should check up to see your husbands Will and get him to take out a policy to provide funds if he dies before your children are 21.
Then I would just accept and live the life best as you can. If that includes booze and tobacco then so be it. Greatly assists with funding the NHS.
Sooty
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I hope you have family & friends available for support as it’s really important to look after yourself as well. Has he been offered cardiac rehab? This may have a positive influence on him in terms of making better lifestyle changes going forward.
Also I have found that sometimes people are reluctant to change their ways as it almost becomes a coping mechanism for them to revert back to their old lifestyle due to perhaps being in denial, or not having fully accepted what has happened to them. As a result, some may continue living as they did prior to the incident in order to avoid thinking about the problem.
Would it be worth talking to him about receiving some therapy perhaps?
The NHS also offer stop smoking services locally. Have a look and see if there is one available in your area and maybe suggest the idea to him and see how he responds.
nhs.uk/better-health/quit-s...
It might be a good idea to also sit down with him and explain the consequences of his lifestyle decisions and the impact it is having on you and the kids.
There are people always available on this forum if you need to have a chat or a rant.
I really hope things improve for you and your partner soon.
All the best.
Tos
Hello 
This is a very difficult one as you only can change your own ways and if someone decides to continue doing what is not in their best interests you are powerless
I stopped smoking after I had pneumonia stopped drinking years ago now but at the time I stopped I wanted to and I think that is where it starts the person has to want to sounds like your Husband does not so all you can do is keep telling him how lucky he is but if he carries on and their is a next time he may not be as lucky and to think of you and the Children
I do understand your worry and wished I could say more to comfort you but I think it is a case of hoping he sees sense sooner rather than later which could happen so don't give up hope x
There’s a saying “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. This is very true and whilst it sounds reckless of your husband to continue to drink and smoke, unless he wants to change his habits, no amount of persuasion will help. To me, it seems frightening that he wishes to carry on as before, especially with young children and being at a relatively young age himself and I can understand how you feel. I also have a family member that should really change their bad habits to benefit their future health, but they continue to be in denial despite me (their close relative) having a heart attack and knowing they are at increased risk because of that. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone, it was truly the worst experience of my life and one I wouldn’t ever want to repeat. I do hope your husband sees the light soon and makes the changes he needs.
Hi I had HA and stent fitted ,was at work when it happened 10.30 pm walking back from smoke shelter , found out 6.30am at hospital it was a mild HA ,my daughter is 10 years old im 50 i havent touched a cig since 5 minutes before my attack ,i eat healthy now ,walk 3times a day , not intrested in going out to the pub ,use to but not at the moment , when a doctor gets you in a room and tells you stop smoking get fit eat healthy or you wont see your daughters 21 st (been smoking since i was 13 )but i think thats a fair swap ,especially after the amazing work they all did in mending me ,that was 4 weeks ago ,i live alone but ive took my 2nd chance seems your husband hasnt .
People only change if they want to. It’s pretty clear that your husband doesn’t want to change at all. Given that then you are going to have to find ways to live with his obviously selfish behaviour. The best thing you can do is make sure he keeps taking the medications he will have been given by his medics. People like him are notorious for “forgetting” their meds.
When my father in law had a heart attack all my in-laws stopped smoking there and then except my husband. Heart attacks ran in the family and our boys were young. I tried anything I could to persuade him to stop but he didn’t want to know. When he got to 62 he had a heart attack and needed a quintuple bypass. Even whilst he was waiting in the hospital he asked for his cigars. I went mad and refused to take them. From that moment he went cold turkey and hasn’t smoked since. Unfortunately if your husband wants to carry on smoking nothing you say will change his mind. I hope for your family’s sake he comes to that decision by himself.
He needs a shock. Perhaps you should say you want to get some specific health insurance on him and get a quote after saying he smokes and drinks heavily and has had surgery.
I dare say the costs will startle him and may knock some reality into him.
I agree your husband needs a shock, you may try "Seal59"'s approach and orchestrate a massive emotional reaction which may just give him the motivation to pack up smoking and minimise alcohol, I do wish you very well.
bless ya, I understand your worries and can feel your stressful life. He won’t change, he loves you all but it didn’t kill him first time so he believes it won’t if it happens again. My husband was like this with alcohol. He had repeated admissions to hospital, jaundiced, varices haemorrhaging ending up ventilated in itu. His last admission saw him get confused and not recognise me for a couple days. The consultant told me that this is it, he’s not going to get over it this time, I had the hospice at home and he had about 8 weeks knowing he’d gone too far and finally stopped drinking as he believed he was ‘immortal’ I think and had one last chance. He was a functioning alcoholic and lovely person but couldn’t stop drinking, my daughter and I tried snd tried, shouted, cried snd in the end were just sad and angry. At 47 it was a waste of life, waste of money-5 bottles wine a dsy that I knew about. I’m still paying off debts.
What I’m saying is live your best life with your children and try to accept the man you love isn’t going to change.
Take care 🦊xx
Cat
I'm so sorry to hear about the position you are in, it must all seem to be a nightmare for you. It is difficult for an outsider like myself to offer advice; I would guess that only you will really know what may change your situation for the better. However, a couple of suggestions - and they are only thoughts that have occurred to me having read your post, please ignore them if you don't like them. I have no professional knowledge in any of this, I can offer sympathy and thoughts.
You probably need someone to talk to, to have a way of letting off steam. Perhaps you have a friend who you trust not to blab to others about your situation. If such a trusted friend is around, you might like to think about confiding in them. At least you wouldn't feel alone.
You might also like to talk on the telephone to one of the BHF nurses about your situation. Sadly, you won't be the only person to have a partner who is burying their head in the sand. They may be able to offer suggestions to you that would ease your position.
Further, it might be useful to let your GP know the position you are in. I assume you both go to the same GP practice. Your GP won't discuss your husband's behaviour with you unless he has already given permission and I assume that hasn't happened. You would be relying on connections being made by your GP, who might then talk with your husband about the destructive direction of his behaviour. It would be useful to ask your GP directly for help/support for yourself to see what assistance might be offered/available for you.
a final thought - Your husband should have been offered rehab classes which you haven't mentioned. For me, these classes had a session where partners were invited too. They are really useful and were an important part of my recovery process.
Good luck in finding a way through this situation.
Henry
Has your husband been offered any help in quitting smoking or drinking? You can go to the cessation groups or have weekly checks and chats with the pharmacist where they then give free weekly supplies of Nicotine inhalers and gum. The GP would also give free prescriptions for patches in the circumstances.
The health service decided to provide all of these options because they realised that , although it costs far more to buy a packet of cigarettes many people are out off giving up smoking because they don't want to spend money on the substitutes.
You could suggest that to him and get the local information for him so it's there when he is ready to make a positive change.
Is he going to cardiac rehabilitation with a physio?
I would hope they would be asking him if he has made the lifestyle changes he needs and trying to encourage him to stop.
Unfortunately, no matter what has happened some people still won't change their habits no matter what damage it is doing and they often get even more resistant to the advice they get because they aren't ready within themselves to change or find it difficult to do so. Trying to push them in those circumstances can often make the matter worse rather than better.
You could always try to be honest about how you feel in a kind way. Explain to him that you and the children are worried since his heart attack and that it makes you worry more because he is still smoking and drinking. Ask him if he could try to start reducing and that you will help him in any way you can. If he smokes at home you could even ask him if he could smoke outside instead because now that he has had a heart attack you aren't comfortable with having smoke in the house around you and the children. If he doesn't acknowledge that he still needs to change though there isn't a lot that you can do.
If you don't feel able to do this maybe you could find one of your mutual sensible friends or a family member whom you could talk to about it and ask if they could have a quiet word with him. If they are often out with him you could ask if they could persuade him with other friends to curb his habits.
Hopefully the message will sink in , I sympathize with you very much , you've been through enough dealing with the stress of seeing your husband suffer a heart attack as it is without having the stress of watching him continue to damage his health.
Keep posting , we are here for you if you need to talk , take care , Bee
There have been several helpful posts so far with varying solutions to your problem. We are, however, constrained since we do not know your family relationship dynamic and the temperament and mental and physical situation your husband is in, although it is clear he has a smoking addiction, and perhaps an alcohol addition, as well as heart issues. My suggestion is to get the family together, that's you and your children and your husband, and have a frank and open discussion on the situation you now find yourself in regarding the need for your husband to change his ways so that he remains to be there for you and your children. That way it is a shared responsibility not something that falls entirely on your shoulders. You could explore how he will achieve that. How he responds will be his decision. If he values his relationship with you all he will make every effort to do something about it. If he refuses then there is little you can do about it, other than keep going and hope that time acts as a healer and provides him with the recognition that he is really being very selfish. I hope the outcome works for you all.
Hi Cat. It took me 3 months after my HA before I decided I must give up smoking, so he might just need a bit longer. He knows he should as he’s shutting down the conversations, so he’ll get there xx
my ex husband was an alcoholic too and i tried for years to get him to stop drinking and smoking for the sake of our kids. And making excuses up for him I used to say the same thing you have and After 22yrs we split up he still drinks and smokes and our kids are now adults and won’t have anything to do with him and I also made excuses up for him. And sometimes you just have to think about yourself and your kids if they deserve better. Also my dad died at 51 with a heart attack I was in my early twenties at the time and it broke my heart like he will with your kids.
Hi, Im so sorry to read what you are going through. My brother is similar age & has had a mild stroke. He is still smoking, though he has tried to give up.
I suggest you have your own appt with your GP and talk through support for you all this worry isnot going to help your health.
Your GP should be checking on your husband & can refer him for cardio rehab, which I certainly found invaluable. Hopefully at rehab he will hear all the things he should be doing from experts & stories from fellow hearties which might be a reality check for him.
Wishing you well.
There are some very severe critical comments above almost all who have all but given up drinking and smoking! and even some smug comments. We know and I am sure he knows deep down that what he is doing is really bad for his health but for whatever reason is in denial about this danger. I have seen people in their 70s that still drink and smoke who will claim that it never done them any harm and honestly they have even convinced themselves this is true. I would think it would be advisable to ask a GP or even the nurses when he is in cardiac rehab to point out the severity of what he is doing, hopefully enough to scare him into moderating and giving up his bad habits. Whatever about moderate drinking smoking is a definite no no whether you have heart problems or not, so that should be his first goal. Most members here drink moderately which in my opinion is really not that bad and in our so called culture can give a social outlet for some people, and by moderate I mean 3 or 4 bottles of beer or spirits maybe twice a week. None of us know how his mind is effected by this recent event so I think a little sympathy rather than downright criticism might be in order. then hopefully with some education may well change his ways? which I suspect he will do. It took me a full year to stop smoking and is not an easy task to be honest.
Show him this reply from Bingofox!! He needs a jolt to bring him to his senses! I'm amazed the Cardio team didn't say anything to him when he was in hospital!
He should be thinking about your children too-how can you say don't smoke when he is doing just that? Add up all the money he is spending it's frightening when seeing it written down!
Bingofox007 profile imageBingofox007
2 hours ago
bless ya, I understand your worries and can feel your stressful life. He won’t change, he loves you all but it didn’t kill him first time so he believes it won’t if it happens again. My husband was like this with alcohol. He had repeated admissions to hospital, jaundiced, varices haemorrhaging ending up ventilated in itu. His last admission saw him get confused and not recognise me for a couple days. The consultant told me that this is it, he’s not going to get over it this time, I had the hospice at home and he had about 8 weeks knowing he’d gone too far and finally stopped drinking as he believed he was ‘immortal’ I think and had one last chance. He was a functioning alcoholic and lovely person but couldn’t stop drinking, my daughter and I tried snd tried, shouted, cried snd in the end were just sad and angry. At 47 it was a waste of life, waste of money-5 bottles wine a dsy that I knew about. I’m still paying off debts.
What I’m saying is live your best life with your children and try to accept the man you love isn’t going to change.
I agree and those were my thoughts, show him the bingo fox reply.Logic and common sense are not helpful here,
I thought the lady's post explaining her position was heartbreaking.My wife had many of those thoughts.The worst part for me was when she said she felt embarrassed when he smoked in front of others almost flaunting his invincibility.Self awareness and seeing himself as others see him is not one of his strong points.But she loves him as of course do his kids and he lacks the imagination to see this as anything but nagging.If he ever lifted this blindfold he'd stop smoking and crawl into a hole with embarrassment.
The only thing i can in his defence is that a lot of people are affected physiologically by a cardiac event.Usually this is anxiety and depression, but if he needs an an excuse for weird behaviour- almost bragging about sticking to old habits- then maybe this is it.
Hi Cat77jf,Unfortunately it really has to be up to your husband to change his ways!! We are all different and some people think they have been " fixed" and can carry on with their old lives. Others get the absolute fright of their lives and do everything in their power to change their lives!! I fall in to the latter category!! I was a heavy smoker ( 20 a day) and in 2021 had my first heart attack!! I was petrified and stopped smoking immediately and havnt looked back! I've had another 2 heart attacks since and a double bypass in January. I now no longer touch alcohol. No amount of talk from anyone else will change his mind set I'm afraid! It has to come from him and he has to want to do it!! Smoking is very high up there as a cause of plaque in the arteries of the heart. I'm guessing health care professionals have spoken to your husband? but they can only say what they can and the rest is up to the patient. These surgeons are highly skilled and perform life saving procedures every day. No judgement here at all, but your husband is a very lucky man to still be here. Maybe one day, hopefully soon, he will take a good look around him at the things he is blessed to have, and make changes? I do so hope so. Stents are good, and sometimes they last a long time, but you have to play your part to support the care you have been given. When I was in hospital I was opposite a lady who was recovering from having a cancerous growth removed from her lung, she was warned to stop smoking!! She was actually vaping in the ward!! She was being discharged that day and was heard askingn her husband to remember to bring in her "fags" The others in the ward were astounded!! In her mind she was " cured" I pray your husband realises how precious his family is and makes changes. The sooner the better. Please take care and I hope things change very very soon. Xx
Giving up smoking is not that easy..and you can only do it when your body makes that decision..many people stop many times and go back to it before being able to stop for good..many took up vaping..but used liquids without tar or nicotine and so were able to stop taking in the poisonous chemicals and then also stop vaping..alcohol may be easier to control..and he can still have a few drinks..maybe start by skipping one day between lighter drinking days..so drinking only 3 to 4 days..and not 7...sometimes the addicted person will get stubborn about people telling him to stop..he really needs to get to that moment himself..and he will.
I just wondered if he's continuing to smoke as he finds it relaxing (especially after the stress and shock of what he's been through). If you can think of alternative ways he can relax that may possibly help.
Hi Cat, I’m sorry to read about your situation, it is a horrible place to find yourself unable to protect all the ones you love. I can’t really add to the variety of responses above, I’m hoping some of them will work for your situation.
Don’t forget to get support for yourself, you are the core of your family and need looking after too.
Best wishes that you find a way forward.
hi. I agree with what Elsabounre said. I have a relative who had a stroke last week. He went back to chain smoking straight out of the hospital and went to the pub 2 days after. He is aware of the risks but is addicted and doesn’t have the fight in him yet to quit. I suspect that he’s very fatalistic in his view of his own health and probably thinks that he’s done for anyhow, regardless if he changes. He’s probably using this mindset as permission to continue as he is. As much as you can encourage your husband to change his lifestyle he needs to make the decision to do it himself. All you can do is look after yourself and your little ones Xx
I haven’t had a heart attack myself but a family member has. It sounds to me as if he is in some sort of denial and finds it hard to accept what has happened to him. It is a huge shock when you have been healthy. It’s probably worrying him too re. you and the children. Give him time to come to his senses. He is still young compared to some of us. You could also talk to your GP if you are worried and tell him it is causing you stress. He may well talk to him next time your husband visits him. He probably needs to hear it from the horses mouth what he is doing to himself. Best wishes.
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