Trying to find out if anybody else has gone through what is happening to my parent. They had CABG 5 weeks ago. The family think she is making a good recovery, we are encouraging her. She is 80. She is having problems where she states she is having breathing problems at night, whilst in bed and is becoming increasingly anxious. She has visited the Gp last week and had meds reviewed, recommenced ramipril. Due to have blood tests and ECG in 2 weeks and further GP appointment in 4 weeks. She is extremely short tempered with all and will argue black is white.
Anybody experienced similar and how they have overcome this?
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Minnieminx1
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Your post made me feel it all over again (not your fault). The breathing difficulties at night were real and scary and the reason I slept upright for a lot of my recovery.
My advice, sleep where you’re comfortable and when you’re comfortable. There’s plenty of time to get back into a routine.
Thank you for your response, we had been trying to get her to sleep without as many pillows as she had been sleeping bolt upright, so maybe we were in the wrong. We live and learn-thanks
5 weeks is really really early days after such a huge operation (my fiancé had a triple bypass.) and I’m not surprised your parent has anxiety and is argumentative.
My fiancé’s mood swings were certainly “difficult” at times, he would be downright nasty, but I just kept smiling and remembering what a huge and horrible thing he’d been through, plus the frustration he was feeling at being in pain, unable to do a lot of normal things (due to the restrictions on lifting etc.)
The road to recovery is a long and patience is the key (along with making sure you get some time for yourself if you are the one doing the caring.)
We keep telling her she is doing fabulous. I didn't want to initially say "she was downright nasty ", but between the rest of the family, we have said this. She has said some very nasty things to us. My father had the same op 25 years ago so she tries to compare herself but she is obviously much older. Thank you for your reply.
I think the advice from mattychd is sound. Patients with breathing problems and some heart conditions have often been encouraged to sleep in a more upright position.
With regard to the nasty moods we experienced the same with my mother when she was going through a crisis (not health related). The family were giving her a lot of care and attention and all we got in return was bitter, spiteful nastiness. My sister was in the wrong for suggesting alternative ways of doing things, my brother was in the wrong for suggesting it would soon pass and I was the worst of the b***y lot because I said nothing! We thought at the time it was severe depression/anxiety brought on by the realisation that she was becoming less able to cope with things which in the past she would have coped with n her stride. I offered to go to the GP with her but that didn’t happen. It’s good that your mum has taken that step. Things eventually improved and, although my mother will not talk about it, she does obliquely acknowledge the situation.
Thanks for your reply, what you have said about your brother and sister is exactly what we are going through, so in a way it sounds a "normal" reaction. Hopefully now we have a little better understanding and can reassure her that she is OK but also keep an eye in things. Thankyou
Has she got any other illnesses or pain problems too?If she also suffered things like oestoarthritis or other joint problems she could be more ill tempered because of that too.
I know my Nana was very short with people when she was post surgery, it just felt like too much all at once.
If she does have any other health problems as well as the heart issue it might be an idea to get the GP to come and discuss those with her too , she might need a review of the dose of other medications she is on as well to make her more comfortable,
And , as others have said , it does help the breathing to have the upper body raised in bed , but don't feel bad for not knowing that , the doctors should have advised you about things like that.
Just remember, you are all doing a great job , the support of an extended family is priceless, you all deserve a pat on the back for your Care, and she will probably do just that when she starts to feel more like herself again.
Mum has her breathing physio that was given in hosp and is reaching higher than the target set by them. We worry for my father who is taking the brunt of the emotions and nastiness, he is 84. We can walk away if we feel we are making the situation worse but he can't. I was so concerned with how she was last week, I rung the GP for advice but they couldn't discuss mums case(which is correct) and said to bring her in but if i had suggested it, I think she would have been furious. Also rang the cardiac rehab who were due to call her in the hope they may delve a little deeper. Luckily mum went to GP on her own accord , as she was concerned. I think she is on their radar now and from what I can gather, are going to "monitor her closely ".
Thank you for for comments, I really appreciate it.
I think a lot of us can relate to being the 'horrible daughter/son' and it helped me to just think that my dad could erupt and have a go at me because he felt comfortable doing it!! With neighbours, he was a model bloke!
It's really early days for your Mum. My hubby had a quad bypass in 2018 and still sleeps with 3 pillows. For the first few months he slept with a V shaped pillow that supported his neck and shoulders. He also had a V shaped pillow on the settee when he watched TV!
It might help to show her a couple of positive replies on this forum.
Thinking of you and your Mum. She'll get there and will probably be running. around by Christmas!
Thanks Jan, I'm not sure how she would feel if I told her I was discussing her on her but I'm hoping to try to word it correctly, so she can understand that she is struggling and other people have also struggled but overcome the problems. If anything just to reassure her. All the comments have reassured myself and my sister that what she is going through is "normal"
If you can get Mum to understand you're worried and there's a heart forum where people help each other through difficult times, she might come round.
I knew my husband would be horrified to know I was chatting on Health Unlocked so I could get an idea of what was happening. I was beside myself with worry. One day when he was recovering, I told him what he was going through was normal and he asked me how I knew. I just showed him some of the comments from people who'd been through the op. From then on, he just asked to look on the forum and even told me to ask questions!!
Just remember to take care of yourself. The op your Mum has had will have affected you in many ways. It helps to let off steam as well as asking all manner of questions on this forum. They're an amazing bunch of people on here.
Hi Jan, I went to see my mum last night and did tell her I was on a forum and had lots of very helpful replied. I told her about some of the comments I had had and reassured her. She was still hanking for an argument but I managed to diffuse the situation. I think it's just take one day at a time and deal with what we come across. 😏
I think older people tend to be fiercely independent (mind you, I'm not too far off your Mum's age!!).
As she gradually improves, she'll get to see you're talking sense and just care about her. Recovery can't be rushed. Is she able to get up and move about now? I kept a diary showing tiny daily improvements in hubby's recovery.
Thinking of you all. Lots of love and hugs. Jan xxxx
Firstly, as others say, it is very early days. Secondly it is very encouraging the operation was carried out on someone of quite advanced years so they would have thought it was all worth while , the person was thought healthy enough to withstand the operation and thrive afterwards. lastly it is a big mental jolt and there will be tears and short tempers and enforced rest is always irritating..
Thank you for your reply. We as a family have reiterated this to her that they would not have agreed to carry out the op, if she wasn't well enough. We have also said she should not compare herself to my dad who had the same op 25 years ago at the age of 59. From all the responses I've had, her feelings and how she is behaving is "normal " after this type of op.
Pad her with pillows and get her to sleep almost sat upright. Laid prone is part of the problem ... but it goes away. After CABG she's likely a bit anemic and this causes the breathlessness. Liver & onions + Guinness works better than iron supplements ... and tastes better.
Thank you for your reply. She was originally sat "bolt up right" to sleep but complained she was getting sore on her coxyx-, so we suggested she removes some pillows and now she says she is having breathing problems, it appears we have probably not given her the best advice but trying to go back now and say sleep more upright, there may be fireworks, but I'll have to try. Mum has had issues with anaemia and her op was postponed due to it and had an iron infusion, the GP is checking on her levels again.
Hi there, yes to all of the above. I also had breathing difficulties and yes it can be very scary. As others have mentioned i tried to sleep with extra pillows and sat up more. 5 weeks is still early after such a big operation. hope your Mum gets better daily
I agree with the comments above - my husband slept propped up for the first few weeks and also found it easier to sleep on our settee rather than in bed. As for the mood swings, we were warned by the consultant that my husband's personality might change for a while but I wasn't prepared for the total change in his character. It was scary as well because he didn't even realise how nasty he was being. I pulled him up on it on a number of occasions and his reply was usually that he hadn't realised and he was sorry. This settled down though over the first few months and he went back to normal. Some of the medication may affect her moods/how she feels too so if she continues to struggle, get her meds changed. My husband struggled on Ramipril, for instance - it made his breathing worse and he had an upset stomach
Thanks for your reply. The consultant did inform her she would feel worse after the op and she was cross when he said that but she understands now that he said it for a reason BUT she will get better. As much as anything, it's the nastiness and how argumentative she is but that could stem from poor sleep and anxiety. I think she is frightened but we have reassured her that she can do so much more now than when she came out of hospital. We are all just treading on egg shells around her. The GP has just put her back on ramipril? To try to stop the tingling in her arms and legs but I sense he is aware how anxious she is.
Hi, I had a CABG just over two years ago now. Following my operation, I also was having problems breathing. My condition gradually got worst, and I was re-admitted when I called 111 for advice. It turned out that I had a Plaural infusion (not sure of the spelling of that) which is fluid trapped between the outside of the lungs and the inside of the rib cage which was preventing the lungs from expanding. I had to have a second operation to drain off the fluid. I’m not saying this is the problem in this case, but it’s certainly something to speak with the doctor about which may need investigation.
With regards to being short tempered and depressed, I too suffered those symptoms, but they wore off after a few months.
Thank you for sharing that. It is always something to think about and that's why I have asked for advice. We have noticed if we can get her mind off things and she is talking about something totally different, she isn't breathless. She can even tell us off whilst walking upstairs, which is fabulous really, so we sort if know, it's either when she lies down and she is panicking or that the chest area does feel different and is healing inside. I'm pleased that you are able to share that you were short tempered/depressed but you are back to your normal self. Hearing from someone who actually had that op and looks back and says "that was me", helps us understand. thank you
Well, after just a little over 2 years since my op, I think I am as near back to normal as I will ever get. I don’t think I will ever feel the same as I did before the op. I seem to get quite tired easily. I don’t have the stamina I had before. And you may find that 12 - 18 months after her op, your mum’s anxiety and depression may come back. Mine did, and my doctor put me on a short course of anti-depressants which seemed to rectify the problem. My GP said it was quite common for people to suffer anxiety and depression a year or so on once the magnitude of what you have gone through sinks in. It’s a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder. I hope this does not happen to your mum, but I have just shared my own experience to try and pre warn you just in case it should happen, you will know it’s quite common.
In addition to the helpful information given above I'm inclined to add that those of us much older are particularly suseptible to suffering delusions after surgery/hospital stays because of unfamiliarity and also anaesthesia. Sometimes hospital stays can also lead to dementia syptoms which may have been well hidden previously. It is scary having surgery and suffering pain and breathlessness will only increase anxiety and possible fear that this is the end. Hard for family carers to deal with and you can only imagine how she might be feeling., have you been able to talk with her about how she really feels? A V shaped pillow with others behind and one under the knees helped me be more upright so helped pain wise and continued kindness and reassurance and perhaps checking in on her during night ( if you are wakeful it's an awful long time) may add to her feeling of being loved and cared for - something that she may have forgeotten.
Hi, we have tried to discuss with her her how she feels but she replies "I don't know", it seems her" get out" reply to stop us talking to her. We struggle with that, as we then have to question further and this irritates her and she becomes argumentative and nasty. As I said to another member, we feel like we are treading on egg shells at the moment. My sister and I slept there for the first 2 weeks and then had to return to work but we checked in with mum every day and went round after work. (Dad was always with her). We were up in the night with her, sat looking out of the window with her, talking etc. Taking her to the loo and doing everything we could but she then started to become nasty and say we have done nothing to help her. Its hard but the positive responses on her have helped and know there will be light at the end of the tunnel .
I was much younger when I had my triple 31 now 77. I suppose much younger and much fitter.I think as I you get older you get more grougy anyway,I certainly am.It’s hell of an op to go through at 80 but the doubt in your mind after an op like that at any age makes you feel uncertain.To compare with your other relation is not really ideal.there is a vast difference with age,fitness etc. So try and find a more comfortable sleeping position.What position was she while in hospital because they would know best.
Thanks for your reply. We have told mum not to compare herself and her recovery to my dad as he was 59 when he had is (25years ago and still going strong💪). She was in a upright position in hospital but once home , she took to sleeping bolt up right, which we didn't think was right. She was sleeping with 7 pillows because that's what she wanted. Her op was 5 weeks ago today. We suggested to reduce the pillows but she takes things to the extreme and slept on 2. It's so frustrating. We feel let down by the hospital after care-we had none. Nothing was arranged, we had to enquire about a district nurse and to see if there were any aids we could have. They expected her to travel to her GP for stitches to be removed-at 80, I thought that was too much tbh.
Hi,Oh my goodness!! I had my double cabg in Jan and I'm now nearly 7 months on. There have been lots and lots of little niggles along the way which have been really worrying as you automatically think something us wrong. My GP and cardio rehab team have been amazing things will settle down but it does take time. The mood swings/ temper/ anger/ depression/ bad dreams/ dark thoughts / health anxiety are all part of the recovery
Its a massively huge operation
And the central nervous system takes a bit of a bashing!! I couldn't sleep in my own bed for 4 months and even now I have to have my pillow raised a wee bit. I wish you all the luck in the world, things will get better!!
Thank you so.much for your reply. It's really encouraging, I hope you can see how far you have come and are doing well. I'm pleased that you have had such good support from the rehab team and your GP. Mum has just got her 1st appointment through for rehab and the questionnaire that has accompanied the letter is asking all about her feelings, so we have had a little joke with her and said "they haven't written this especially for you"- just do she can understand that this must be a normal reaction. The rehab can't come quick enough for us, so she can speak with others on her own and see what they gave experienced and will give her an hour or so away from us, which I think she will enjoy-it will be something for her. I know they will push her physically which should show her, she can do it! I hope you continue to recover well and wish you all the best x
Your mum will be feeling anxious and frustrated. My husband was the same as he wasn't expecting the long journey to make a full recovery. Its important to sleep upright at first. I'm having surgery soon and have bought an electric recliner to sleep on as recommended by fellow hearties.Just make sure you get plenty of rest.
Thank you for your reply. Firstly I hope your surgery goes well and you are a good patient and listen to your own advice(I'm sure you will). I think we will suggest she tries to sleep more upright and I will just have to take the back fire but if she gets more sleep, she may be less grumpy and less frightened. Good luck with your op.x
Hi, I don’t have any experience of CABG but when I had a pacemaker fitted as an emergency I had problems at night too. I would suddenly come awake unable to get a proper breath. As I was supposed to be “better now”, I found this very scary and hard to deal with. I too found that sleeping propped up helped a great deal but it was difficult to sleep in a different position than what I was used to and at first I’m sure I was very irritable because of the fear and disturbed sleep. I also found it difficult to get across to family and friends how ill I still felt, especially when they tried to tell me I was doing really well. I have to admit I sometimes found that quite hurtful, as if they didn’t believe how ill I was. I slowly began to improve and eventually had to have a different type of pacemaker implanted which helped tremendously so the fear and irritability went away. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that your parent is reacting to a huge shock to her system but hopefully things will gradually get better and she will not react so strongly to the emotions she feels. Hang in there and best wishes.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it's quite interesting to read that when everyone was telling you, that you were doing so well, it had an opposite effect on you. That's something to bear in mind. We are just trying to encourage her and keep her uplifted as when we first had an appointment with cardiology they said, you must come in with a positive mind. It will help you recover, so we are trying to keep her positive.
I’m sure you are right to promote a positive attitude and try to keep her spirits up. I think my problem was that we had been told it would completely sort the problem out almost instantly and then it didn’t, so it was hard for family to accept that. I also think they were trying to stop me getting depressed about it, with it being so sudden. It certainly sounds like you are doing your best to support your parent and I hope things improve soon.
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