bad nights bad days,bad life.

[Dogloverxthree]

I never realised just how bad I could feel! Physical pains not changed much never good but***. My mental health is terrible depressed, anxious, frightened, desperate and no one to turn to. Can’t bear the thought of more pills and ones that Doctor says the first month you can feel worse than you do now !!!! Not possible !! How do we get through it, this group is all I can turn to as I know so many having issues, but some have spouses and children to support them I have not. Sorry for awful post but after sitting alone all night it feels like I have company to vent to

[RaquelSpain]

I feel very alone too. I am 54 widowed, no kids and am full time carer for my mother. I guess all I do is plod along. If I were you I would go talk to my GP as to me you sound depressed. Really tell him how you feel, physically and mentally. I live in Spain and our health service is brilliant, I see someone every 2 weeks at the moment to check my bloods and how I am.

[Dogloverxthree in reply to RaquelSpain]

thank you for your reply, I know I have severe depression have seen GP but am to scared to take anti depressants, I just hate being in empty house on my own, I have a lot of discomfort from my bypass surgery (2013) so it’s not going to get better as they said it would!!! so I can’t go out for a nice walk and exercise as suggested by some of our fitter members. I am mobile and I have a car to get out but you have to come back 😥 and I need company which I know is a weakness

[RaquelSpain in reply to Dogloverxthree]

It is not a weakness to need company. Don't be scared of anti-depressants. They are not what they used to be and short term can really help. I needed them after my husband died suddenly. Can you ask to be refered to a therapist? Are there any local groups you may like to join to get out of the house? Painting, WI, coffee mornings etc. I am not religious but I used to go to my local church and their events, in the UK, and soon got chatting to people. It can make a difference just to see someone every week.

[Dogloverxthree in reply to RaquelSpain]

I’m waiting to go to talking change it’s a long wait. I do go out during the day but can’t bear coming home again, I was full time carer for my mother many years then my husband, now nothing just empty have to look for a house mate got empty rooms!!!

[RaquelSpain in reply to Dogloverxthree]

A housemate may be a good idea. If I had not come to Spain Mum would have moved home into a place in the village to have more people around. We are out in the country and she has never learned to drive so it was difficult after my Dad died.

[Dogloverxthree in reply to RaquelSpain]

you sound very strong and independent to live in the country and not your own country and with an elderly parent to care for, who do you turn to

[RaquelSpain in reply to Dogloverxthree]

I have nobody at all to turn to. I have to be strong to care for Mum and my own health. It is tough but that is the way my life has been for the last 4 years. 24/7 Mum, she can only be left short time so I have very little freedom or social life.

[jeanjeannie50]

I live on my own too and I absolutely love it. It's peaceful and I do what I want, when I want. I have friends and family nearby though.

Contact Age Concern and ask if they can arrange for someone to visit you one day a week. My older sister had this and the lady that came was fantastic, drove her to all of her appointments, took her out on day trips, joined some clubs, had lunches out. We all live hundreds of miles away and are in the process of finding a house for her near us.

Failing that could you be a person who visits other people on behalf of Age Concern?

We also have a Befriending group in our small town which I was a founder member of many years ago. Perhaps yours has one too. A few days ago I was walking past a large charity shop and one side of it was full of people playing chess. I couldn't help but think what a lovely idea that was.

Your local National Trust is possibly looking for more volunteers to monitor rooms, you can sit down while doing that if you want. You get a few perks too, discount in the shops, tea rooms and holiday accommodation, also free entry to any other NT properties. Most volunteers are between 65-90 if you are able then you're needed. The visitors will brighten your days and make you laugh.

Do you feel well enough to go out for a little walk? If you do smile and say good morning to everyone you meet, perhaps comment on the weather too. You will be surprised how many people you will get to know.

By the way there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling how you are right now, it's natural but you will come through it.

Here you are now with this lovely group of people here, who understand just what you're going through.

Sending you a big hug.

Jean xxx

[Dogloverxthree in reply to jeanjeannie50]

thank you Jean, I need neighbours like you, I don’t out on my own I’ve become phobic, I will go out with a friend but not on my own. It would be lovely to have a friend to shop with, theatre, etc but people I have met are friendly in the group but they have their own established friends they go out with,

[Hidden]

Hello

I know how you are feeling I felt like this before my heart attacks and Bypass surgery and since even though I thought not possible I am 100 times worse

Every day I live in fear every tablet I hate taking as I know I get side effects and can be like taking the best of a bad bunch that give me less side effects I shudder when the Doctor mentions yet another med and think please no and unless you suffer severely like this no one knows just how bad it feels and how bad each day is that you struggle to get through

I am not sure if you have had any Counselling but this could be something and talking therapy that would help

Even if you have had some before ask again to go on the waiting list which I know can be quite long but again helps to know you are trying to do something about how you feel and that eventually that help will be there

Keep pushing your Doctor no matter how you feel not listened to keep going till you are

You are not alone and can come and talk with us to x

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Hidden]

I am on the list for therapy it’s been weeks!!! I get through the days but not the nights, and I go to my bedroom in the evening very early as I can’t bear being in the lounge alone especially as she’s taken my dogs and I just look round the empty room and cry it’s pathetic

[Hidden in reply to Dogloverxthree]

Hello

Depending what area you are in regretfully there is such a demand for therapy it can be a long wait the last time I waited over a year before I got to the top of the list

You are not pathetic at all we all have times when we struggle and need support

Not sure if you would but I have many times phoned the Samaritans they may not have the answers but they are there to listen and just talking to someone can make such a difference especially when you can hear another voice

If you feel low try it you can stop the call whenever you want and you never have to phone again if you find it is not for you x

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Hidden]

yes I have .I felt so bad I was going to walk out of the house in the early hours, don’t know how I stopped myself. Trouble is I’m to tearful to talk, can’t believe I’ve come to this,I used to be the rock, I think heart surgery and meds have a lot to answer for.x

[Hidden in reply to Dogloverxthree]

Hello

I am so pleased you did not walk out and pleased you have phoned the Samaritans even if you do cry they are used to it as we mostly phone them when we are upset and struggling

I agree for some heart ops and meds can have a terrible effect on how it leaves them feeling

Take one day at a time and any little positives in the day start writing them down as when we feel like this we can only think of all the negatives and we can miss there has been a moment or something nice happened in the day x

[Emerald1953 in reply to Dogloverxthree]

hello,

So sorry that your feeling so down right now.

Do you still have appointments with your cardiologist? Do you tell him how you feel?

I’ve become phobic of going out on my own, since experiencing ectopic beats, even tho I’m told they are benign.

Have you heard of Silverline? It’s free, 0800 470 80 90

You can call them 24/7 for a chat about anything, they can also arrange for you to have a weekly phone call from them, all safe and confidential, I used to volunteer with them, and please keep posting on here, it’s a good support system. Hope you feel better soon. Joy x

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Emerald1953]

Hello Emerald thank you for your post, I’ve only just seen it I seem to miss so much not very good with technology ! Yes I have phoned silver line and Samaritans, I’m seeing a councillor once a week but nothing is helping. I’m not frightened of sudden death so that’s not my phobia, it’s just being me and alone that I can’t cope with. I do go out, I drive to a couple groups I can’t walk to a bus stop alone and get bus I have to drive as long as it’s local !! it’s only July and all I can think about is Xmas and how I’m going to cope with that !!!! I can afford to go away but have no one to go with I know solo holidays are out there but I just can’t do it, I am so embarrassed by my stupidity and only talk about it on here because nobody knows me and there are people far worse off that cope and lead a normal life and are grateful for every day extra they get not dread it.

[pasigal]

Do not worry about reaching out here. I am much younger than you with a family, but I often have the same feelings in the middle of the night. They are natural. I had severe anxiety, maybe even PTSD after several heart attacks at a relatively young age. I did talk therapy; it helped somewhat, but I did go to A&E 4 times with extreme anxiety attacks that felt like I was having another HA. I still expect sometimes to drop dead without warning.

So just know that you are not alone, even though it may seem that way sometimes. I would seriously suggest finding a therapist, even just over video (as I did).

[Dogloverxthree in reply to pasigal]

it’s trying to exist and live that is my problem

[Bruno89 in reply to pasigal]

I'm the same as you with the anxiety attacks. Think I've been to A&E four times now over them to be told each time my ECG is normal as is my BP & blood oxygen levels. I've now gone private to see a specialist for them to help me further & I'm also seeing a hypnotherapist as well

[Czech_Mate]

HiAs you see, there are people here who care.

Just a thought, you use the handle "doglover". Do you have a dog, or can you arrange to spend time with a dog? I have a Cocker spaniel and take part in canis therapy. I don't know if we'll ever pass the exam as it is based outside and as basically a hunting dog she doesn't respond that well. However inside she's friendly, obedient and calm, so we go with others who are fully qualified. Perhaps we'll never get the full qualifications ourselves, but she knows how to communicate with people in ways that we don't.

Hope you find the folk here helpful, I certainly do.

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Czech_Mate]

I did have 3 but one died and my daughter took the other 2 when she ran off and I can’t get them back she was my carer so my life is unbearable now I’m completely alone and we will never reconcile due to a man 😥

[Czech_Mate in reply to Dogloverxthree]

Really sorry to hear that you were let down so badly. Reminds me of the lines from the song "I was born under a wandering star" that can choke me: "Mud can make you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry; snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry".But there are people out there who care and share. It's just sometimes difficult to find them.

[Rosie1066]

I know exactly how you feel. I saw my husband in hospital for almost all of last year and, sadly he died at Christmas - I spent most of last year visiting at the hospital with my husband, totally ignoring my and own health problems, prior to that I had been my husband’s career for the last five years after he suffered a triple AAA and during emergency surgery he had a blood clot which went straight to his brain, which lead to a Stroke. On top of all that I have my AF problems and an HVR and I also get so very depressed too. My GP has been wonderful throughout and I see him every couple of weeks or so. But its only my house and garden and my GP that keep me sane. Always something to do in the garden this time of the year. My problem is that I feel terribly guilty in respect of my husband who should never have died - unfortunately he kept getting infected with hospital acquired pneumonia which eventually killed him. I do have two daughters but they do not live close. I’m told it gets better but it takes a long time. I try to work through my grief and look to the future but sometimes it’s very hard to see a future.

[Anon2023]

hi. I really felt for you reading your post. I have ptsd as a result of my health problems. Please don’t be afraid of antidepressants, I take them and I’ve seen them work wonders for other people. Antidepressants won’t, however, provide practical solutions to your situation but they might make you feel well enough to start working on it. Reading your bio I noticed that you are over the age of 55, in that case why don’t you consider ringing The Silverline free on 08004708090. They are open 24/7 and offer friendship and someone to talk to. We will support you online but perhaps the Silverline might be an idea if you want to talk to someone in the early hours when you can’t sleep. I wish you well. Xx

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Anon2023]

thank you, I have rung them at 2 am in the early hours, when I have considered just getting up and just going out the front door!!

[Anon2023 in reply to Dogloverxthree]

I hope that you found them helpful. Xxx

[Heyjude31]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t really add anything to what other hearties have already said,. Please reach out to us, any time we are always here for each other. Please take care. Big hugs to you ❤️

[tonysmithpi]

Dogloverxthree

Its apparent you still experience PTSD following your procedure. That is NOT uncommon in any way shape or form. Help is available believe me. I live alone rurally and sometimes thoughts wander but they are bound to. Bypass is major surgery lets not kid ourselves but consider it an addition to your lifespan and grab it for what it is. Get help for the PTSD and things will get better.

[Dogloverxthree in reply to tonysmithpi]

I was unaware I had anything wrong with my heart, played tennis, walk leader, ballroom dancer and ran a house. only sign was if I walked up steep hill a bit puffed !!! Then I’m told my arteries are blocked and can’t be stented that was 10 years ago and never been right since. November cardiac arrest and pacemaker, now serious mental health, and I will never cope being alone hate it, and I envy all the people on here who cope so well.

[Emerald1953 in reply to Dogloverxthree]

hello me again,

Would you consider moving to warden assisted accommodation? Or similar, my mother lived in that type of accommodation, she had her own lovely flat, could keep to herself or join in with a few activities they’d have, or just go down to the communal lounge and chat with the others there, just a thought. So sorry to hear you’ve not got yiur dogs anymore, I’d be lost without my two cats 🐈🐈. Take care . Joy x

[Dogloverxthree in reply to Emerald1953]

I can’t bear the thought of moving again and couldn’t cope, I’ve only been here 2 years and it was supposed to be my last move, and if it was sold my half would not be enough to buy a decent apartment and pay the high annual maintenance charges so have to try and sit it out