Goodbye and a big thank you - British Heart Fou...

British Heart Foundation

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Goodbye and a big thank you

Janma123 profile image
94 Replies

I am going to step back now and concentrate on me for a while. I joined in 2018 following my beloved hubby’s CABGX4 and following stroke. The forum has been a great support and source of information over the last 4+ years, and helped through the last 12 months following another HA, diagnosis of HF (no panic as I knew what it meant and made sure he never heard the ‘F’ word) and a second stroke this spring/summer.

His determination to get back to work in 2018 and to walk again following this years stroke was inspiring.

Sadly he passed away very, very suddenly last Monday and we have a huge hole in our hearts and our lives. He was sitting on the side of the bed one second and fell off with a huge crash the next - he had gone before he fell.

The other amazing person that I have cared for for the last 5 years, my 98 year old dad, also passed away this month, peacefully in his sleep. He has gifted his body to Dundee University for training purposes so for up to 3 years he will be helping to train our future doctors etc.

I wish all of you well whatever stage of your journey you have reached and thank you again for ‘ being here’.

Jane x

94 Replies
Hylda2 profile image

so very sad for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers


Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Hylda2

Thank you x

jeanjeannie50 profile image

So sorry to hear your sad news Janma and can understand your need for time for yourself.

If you ever feel like coming back to this forum, please do, as you can probably advise and support others with all that you have learnt re the heart and it's working.

Sending you a big caring hug.


Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to jeanjeannie50

Thank you x

Bishop1 profile image
Bishop1 in reply to Janma123

So sorry for your losses. Please take care and lots of love and prayers for you x x

Blackcatsooty profile image

my prayers are for your family.


Thatwasunexpected profile image

So sorry to hear that, Janma. Go with peace, but remember you're always welcome if you feel the need.

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Thatwasunexpected

Thank you. Your journey has been inspiring too. x

Lezzers profile image

I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am to hear your very sad news . Be kind to yourself & give yourself all the time you need to grieve and heal, the group will always be here if you need us. Much love to you xx

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Lezzers

Thank you. x

Pjaze profile image

That's very sad and my thoughts are with you . 🙏

Chappychap profile image

Condolences on your sad loss, I hope the wonders of medical science did indeed grant you some precious extra time together.

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Chappychap

The wonders of medical science gave us many years together that we would maybe not have had without. In 2007 when Bob had his first HA, Aberdeen was one of the few hospitals able to do stents, he went down to the Cath Lab looking very grey with a heart that kept slowing right down and picking up again, he returned shortly afterwards with a normal “farmer”’ complexion.

Eleven years on, having worked hard and not really been particularly kind to himself, his heart was struggling and a trip to hospital for a blood test “just a precaution “, resulting in a month in hospital and a CABGx4. We had 4 more great years and he was able to work until this time last year.

He was able to see our “next but one generation “ grow from 1 to 9 and loved seeing his children and grandchildren. We celebrated 50 years together in the summer- we must have known we wouldn’t reach our Golden Wedding.

Medical science gave us a lot more than we could ever have hoped for.


080311 profile image

I am so sorry to read your news this morning, as you know I lost my husband at the end of May so I can understand and feel just what you are going through. I am still working my way through my grief. Today is my birthday and the first without him, for you and I we will have lots of firsts!

All I can say is a day at a time, you get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.

Please come back to the forum if you feel like a blather!

Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

With love Pauline xx

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to 080311

Thank you Pauline, and best wishes for your birthday today. I thought of you when it happened as it was so similar to your experience.

I am grateful that Bob went so quickly and take huge comfort from knowing he didn’t suffer or linger as he would have hated that. He found it difficult being as dependent as he was following his last stroke.

Take care and I will dip back in occasionally.

Jane xx

Sunnie2day profile image

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. Take your time returning to 'normal daily things', be good to yourself (and no need to feel guilty for doing so after the super care you gave you dad and husband). Your contributions here will be missed and we hope you'll dip in at least now and then to say 'Hiya'!

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Sunnie2day

I will do Sunnie2day. I have a lot of coffee meet-ups to have as well - including one in your direction!

Jane x

Sunnie2day profile image
Sunnie2day in reply to Janma123

Be sure to pack your: wellies, mac, brolly - we've been getting quite a lot of wet (and coldish) in my wee corner of the country, and some roads have been flooded to the point of causing lasting damage so you'll want to choose your route before leaving the house to come this way for a coffee:)

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Sunnie2day

I know, it’s been somewhat wet here too … and windy! I’m glad we live above flood zones!

Gumbie_Cat profile image

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses.

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Gumbie_Cat

Thank you x

BeKind28 profile image

Hello :-)

I am so sorry to hear of your very sad loss

I cannot add anymore than what others have said except I wish you all the strength and support to help you get through this very sad time

Take Care :-) x

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to BeKind28

Thank you and best wishes to you too. Jane x

BeKind28 profile image
BeKind28 in reply to Janma123

:-) x

UnderMilkWood profile image

I’m sending my deepest condolences on your loss.

You have been through so much and it’s good that you are now looking after yourself too. Keep strong.

Best wishes


Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to UnderMilkWood

Thank you Maisie x

Chinkoflight profile image

Tenacity and support are words that symbolise the support and encouragement I have received through these and the Couch to 5k pages of Health Unlocked following a stroke. It sounds to me they are apt, and I hope you can also capture the tenacity and strength to help you through this time of loss. Thank you for finding the words to close this chapter and sharing them with me, a complete stranger.

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Chinkoflight

Thank you Chinkoflight. The Couchto5k is probably just what I need to get me going again!


ParrotLover22 profile image

Hello Janma. I feel very sad after reading that Post. My Heart goes out to you! Sounds as though you have had a very tough time :(. A bit of time to grieve for your losses and to look after yourself is the best thing you can do. Take Care X

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to ParrotLover22

Thank you, it has been tough at times but both Dad and Bob were very inspiring and determined which helped.

needlewoman22 profile image

My condolences in your loss, and however hard that was for you, your husband was lucky to go like he did-far better than gradually getting worse before your eyes. My 84 yr old sister visited from the States last autumn with her family -she should never have come really as she had been in hospital in Memphis only a month before for an ablation which did not work. She was discharged with oxygen on a temp basis, decided that was the way to and flew here in sept. She was fine for a few days then started becoming vague and unable to concentrate and drifting off. After 5 days we called 999 as she was so poorly and the paramedics finally persuaded her to go to hospital, where she died five days later. She had her wish to come ‘home’ one last time and was repatriated back to the States. My reason for saying all this, is that a sudden death is far better for all concerned than hanging on can ever be. It might sound hard but that’s what I believe.

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to needlewoman22

I agree with you wholeheartedly and it is because I know that he didn’t linger and wasn’t suffering that I am feeling ok. I still have our dog for company too!

Blue1958 profile image

Dear Janma123

I have followed your beloved husbands journey through your eyes, your love and your devotion.

I am so pleased that this forum was able to help you with that journey and my sincere condolences at its outcome.

What a magnificent hard fought for journey it has been and now indeed it is your time.

Time to fit yourself into this incredible life without your husband and your dear Dad.

Their memories and love will guide you through this bad part then onto the joy you will have with the rest of your family and friends.

My thoughts are with you,

Thank you for sharing your questions, fears and love.

But most of all thank you for giving us an inside to how the both of you were affected by this illness.

Take care, my prayers are with you

Janma123 profile image
Janma123 in reply to Blue1958

Thank you Blue 1958. It has been a journey but a very inspiring one and I take a lot of comfort in that although it was a shock to us when Bob went so suddenly, for him it was instant.

I will come back it the future to see how everyone is doing.

Jane x

Heather1957 profile image

Jane I am so sorry for your loss of both your dad and beloved husband.

There is no doubt the suddenness of husband's death has made the loss even harder to deal with.

He sounded as if he was a very determined man which must have made you all proud.

You deal with your grief however you need and I hope you can feel some kind of peace in the future.

I hope at some time you feel able to pop into this community as you have a lot of experience to share with other spouses in the same situation as well as getting any support you need.

Take care of yourself Jane time to recharge your own batteries.

Yumz199725 profile image

Ahhh I just read your post I'm so sorry for your loss 💔😢.

annpavitt250448 profile image

So sorry for your losses.

Heyjude31 profile image

Our thoughts are with you. Take good care, Judi

Janma123 profile image

Jakey, who has been with us since 25th August 2007 from a tiny pup and was Bobs constant companion. We got him 2 weeks after Bob’s first heart attack.

Hazel1010 profile image

Good morning, I am so sorry to hear of your losses so close together.

I wish you all the best in the future and hope that you continue to be strong for yourself x

Kwagmire profile image

godbless you all my love kwagmire xx

Fifimyangel profile image

God bless x

Seal59 profile image

I can’t add anything that has not already been said, but condolences to you and your family.

Livelovelife56 profile image

So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. Bye

Jackabee profile image

thinking of you at this very sad time

fairyfeathers profile image

So sorry for the loss of your dear husband and Father. Take care of yourself and little Jakey x

Skertchly profile image

you deserve a rest and maybe a holiday. God bless

SLK-14 profile image

So very sorry to hear about your loss. Sending you and your family my deepest condolences. Take care and stay safe 🙏🌈

pjw17 profile image

Hello ,Awful news for you , I sincerely hope you find happiness, god bless .

Nodders62 profile image

So very sorry Jane, your husband sounds like a great man

nursenancy53 profile image

Such a double blow. Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you 💔

Wooodsie profile image

Dear Janma123, I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband was obviously a great man. And to lose your dad too in the same period must be very hard for you. Best wishes, Steve x

GWP1952 profile image

I was really sad when I read your news this morning Jane. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all the family at this time. May all the happy memories you have help you through the coming months and years.


Shellac profile image

Thinking of you big hugs ❤❤❤❤

Tilly62 profile image

aww so sorry for the loss of your husband and dad ❤️ good luck and take care x

Bargod1958 profile image

Condolences to you and take care.

Mac-beats profile image

Sincerest condolences to you and your family and very best wishes for the future.

Ps Loved the pic of ‘Jakey’!

Heartfairy profile image

Hello Janma123 I am so sorry that you have lost both your husband and dad in such a short spell. It’s simply a dreadful and sad time for you but I echo everyone’s kind words to you, thoughts and prayers and wish you well for your future along with lots of happiness once again. Treasure your time with the rest of your family, good friends and of course your little dog. Talk about how you feel to those close to you and never stop talking about those you’ve lost. They may have left this world but they will never leave your heart. Stay strong, sending love to you ❤️🧚🏼‍♀️

Lynn1966 profile image

I’m so sorry to read this 😢 sending you and your family my deepest condolences xx

Nannysue1 profile image

Oh Jane, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a lot you have had to contend with. Yes time for YOU now. Make sure you look after yourself, I hope that you have some support to help you through the months ahead. X

Quiltingqueen profile image

So sorry for your loss xx

Larneybuds profile image

Oh my goodness. So much for you to take in losing 2 precious people so close together. I really hope the love and support of friends and family see you through this extremely sad and difficult time. Special thoughts for you from me xxxxx

Sprit profile image

Jane you are amazingly strong. My deepest sympathies for both your losses. I too lost my husband this February suddenly from a brain haemorrhage. Still struggling with the grief.

Look after yourself. God bless

Sunnysummerdays profile image

So sorry for your loss, your in my thoughts and prayers 🙏

Emeralds55 profile image

Thinking of you, so sorry for your losses x x x

ETHEL103 profile image

Very best wishes .

Alison_L profile image

So sorry for your losses, Jane. Give yourself some me time now, but please pop in to see us here occasionally xx

gorillaqueen profile image

So very sad to hear your news. Sending sincere condolences 🙏❤️🤗 take care of yourself Xx.

Ghost-233 profile image

Condolences to you and your family. You do need to concentrate on yourself now. Just do what you want to do and whatever gets you through.

6 years since my beloved husband died the same way as yours he sat on the bed fell back and was gone. So it is a big shock no matter how Ill he had been. My dad died 45 years ago and I still think of him every day. Like your dad I have left my body to St Andrews medical school in the hope that my conditions will provide some help with research.

Take time to process your grief. Play all the songs and music you both enjoyed and visit the places you loved. I wish you all the best and peace.

Mtk1 profile image

so very sorry for your losses Jane, sending hugs Dave x

Daveo1956 profile image

That's so sad, my thoughts are with you X

nilmonisikdar40 profile image

Such a great feeling on your part and making the forum a place of support and information. /

Lizbeth61 profile image

Dear Jane. Just to say heartfelt condolences in the loss of your dear husband and dad. I am so glad you celebrated 50 years together. Look after yourself x

Silvertail profile image

Dear Jane, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and father. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Sandy xx

Speedbuggy profile image

So sad to hear of both your losses in such a short time. I am sending you a big hug and I wish you well x

Afibflipper profile image

You all sound and amazing family and towers of strength to each other. What your dad has done for others is amazing and so are his 98 years. Your husband clearly a fighter may he and your dad be at peace

Now you, I’m glad you say it’s focus on you now and wish you love and luck for the future x

Blearyeyed profile image

My condolences, such a hard time.Don't forget every one is still here for you , even if you just want a chat or a friendly word , no matter when you need it. Everyone will still be hear for you.

Take care

Digger0 profile image

So sorry to hear of your losses. I'm glad the forum helped you get through the bad times previously. You could stay and lurk in the background - you may be able to still help others xx

Qualipop profile image

You certainly do need to look after yourself now. I'm so sorry to hear your news

Crochetwoman profile image

just simply sending you hugs 😘. We’re always here.

Petercat1 profile image

What an awful time you've been having lately. It's right now to just focus on yourself.Take care and best wishes,


Oaks6 profile image

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses 😢You’re in my thoughts and prayers 🙏

RailRover profile image

How awful for you. This has clearly been an emotional 4 year struggle for you. None of us ever know the minute and, of course, that's just as well. At least his final struggle against all of his trials is now run, and he is at peace. Hopefully you too can find some relief and release from the burdens you have carried when the grief starts to abate a little and you remember the good times that went before. Good luck and good health. I hope that you will rediscover some leisure time in your life.

Jojobeanz profile image

So sorry for your loss Janma123❤

SJ1000 profile image

Much love and so sorry for your loss ❤️

Puffin1963 profile image

huge losses for you - sending you my love for the next chapter in your life xx

babssugar profile image


C66t profile image

Im so so sorry to hear your sad news. My heartfelt sympathy to you. Please be assured of love and support from all here. Be gentle with yourself and take all the time you need. May your beloved hubby and dad rest peacefully. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.💕🙏🙏🙏

MustyK profile image

So sorry for you and your family. I have lost loved ones but they always "live" in my memories ... sometimes quite vividly. So they often pop in in my head, sometimes everyday. Hope that that this thought might help you. Do take care

Glynnw profile image

so sorry x

Cruiser25 profile image

Everyone has said it far more eloquently than I, just to say, we'll be here if and when you need us x

empathetichubby profile image

Wishing you well on your onward journey. They will live on in your heart. Make them proud.

Killerblue profile image

so sad to read this and my heart goes out to you ❤️ please do make sure to spend lots of times focusing on you and your needs now and enjoy every moment ❤️

Fullofheart profile image

So sorry to hear your news and that sounds very understandable to take time out. Hope you get that space for yourself. Sounds like you've had quite the time of it, culminating in such a sad shock. One step at a time now.Your post is inspiring despite the obvious sadness. It's good to hear someone making a positive decision for themselves. 🌸🌸🌸

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