Ever wondered what someone thought of your response, and indeed that of others, when they asked for some sort of help? I certainly do. My impression of being on here for a few months is that well over half of questions asked never get a follow up from the originator, whether it be a thankyou on one hand to a what a load of rubbish on the other. As well as finding out what the originator thought which may be of use to others for now and in the future, it's also a simple acknowledgement that someone else has taken the time and trouble to read what was said and then reply to try to be helpful, and whether that's a one liner or a short novel it matters not. A case in point in that 4 days ago someone wrote a lengthy post about a close family relative who had distanced himself from the family following the posters heart event. Nearly 20 people responded. Have we heard back from the original poster. Nope. So it is reasonable to expect that folks should generally follow up after posting a question, or is it just representation of today's age where many seem to take but don't put back when they have got what they want. Or am I just being a bit grumpy? What do others think? And apologies to all on here who do respond as a follow up when they have asked a question. .
A response would be nice!: Ever... - British Heart Fou...
A response would be nice!
If the questioner just "liked" the responses it would show up, and be better than nothing.
I am inclined to agree with you and have thought about this myself. I put it down to modern behaviour. People can similarly ignore a gift and not say thank you. A sad refection of the times I feel.
I actually posted about this nearly a year ago. It can be quite frustrating particularly if you feel a level of concern for that person.
I am the poster to which you refer. I did read and appreciate all of the input from this community to my original post a few days ago. They were wide ranging responses and I liked the ones that I found particularly helpful. I am sorry if you feel that I have been rude or ungrateful because I haven’t provided individual responses or an update as that was not my intention.
I don't know if you are the person that is highlighted but sometimes just posting a one off 'thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply lots for me to think about.'
It just shows that 'you' have read the responses so people feel valued.
👍
Hello Heather 
If you look above your reply the poster has now left the site
I find this even more upsetting than someone not saying Thank you or ticking a reply they joined for the same reason as we all do
I reply if helpful or not if accused I waffle in my replies or not but I do it unconditionally and yes it is nice to be appreciated but if we have replied unconditionally and accept others may not have our opinions or values then nothing lost
I also hate these kinds of posts not only now have we lost a member as obviously it has upset them been called out but they can only ever cause a debate and will not change how people are which we see often resulting in upset and especially with this been about the heart we just do not need upset
My saying is
Be Kind even when others are not been kind back and smother them in kindness instead , who knows they may never have had any or incapable of giving any back
Hope you are keeping well and coping with the heat x
I am quite astonished they have left, it wasn't a big deal and we didn't even know if they were the person being posted about.
TBH I answer where I can (and sometimes where I can't) but unless I get a notification I don't follow the post so don't get that upset if they don't reply but I do see how some people who give lots of thought into a response may feel a little hurt when their response isn't even acknowledged.
I really can't get my head around why that person left though, perhaps the warm weather is making some people a little tetchy but hopefully they'll come back soon.
Hello Heather
This is what they replied it is just above your reply
I am the poster to which you refer. I did read and appreciate all of the input from this community to my original post a few days ago. They were wide ranging responses and I liked the ones that I found particularly helpful. I am sorry if you feel that I have been rude or ungrateful because I haven’t provided individual responses or an update as that was not my intention
I hope they come back to x
Your posts are always helpful, thank you 🤗
I think it’s important to remember we are strangers to each other on here really - text can never convey how someone is feeling and can be misinterpreted - if someone is feeling anxious , stressed , upset we might not necessarily pick up on this so it’s hugely important we are careful with our words. I also don’t feel people should feel obliged to update / thank those who have contributed ,we’re all have lives to live and might just forget after a quick read.
Meant to add , I’m happy to offer my crumbs of advice / support with no expectations
People are different, as I said in an earlier post unless I get a notification I don't chase up a thread. However I also understand why someone can be a tad hurt by no acknowledgment, as I said we are all different.I know that in the main I will always try and respond if I had asked a question, this may be a cyber world but IMHO it isn't a reason not to react as you would in the real World.
As always JMHO, I don't even know if this was aimed at anyone in particular but I can see where the author is coming from.
I am to old and ugly to take offence if someone doesn't respond to a reply I offer, I am not that precious!
You've made me laugh Heather. That sounds like an old saying used frequently in the past here in NI. If, as a child all those many years ago, you went to your older relatives (particularly Grannies & Grandas!) with a trivial or petty complaint the reply would be "you're big enough and ugly enough to sort it out for yourself". It certainly stopped you in your tracks! 😀 They'd a 'saying' for everything and some of them are still hilarious - and still used!😆
I agree with you entirely, we all have our lives to live and shouldn't hang around on sites checking to see if someone has read our response or not or said thankyou. Have a good day.
I can totally see why they might have left. The post was hurtful.What if they had suddenly been bereaved, it wasn't even one week! Im deeply saddenly thst any individual here should be made to feel so bad that they leave. Be kind indeed 😞
I don't know why you are responding to me, all I said was I can see why some people may feel offended I certainly didn't say I was!
This thread has become so long now (73 replies and counting), and your post is near the top, so people are replying to you instead of reading all the replies. Like me lol.
You always write lovely posts for which I am very grateful. I do hope you are okay 🤗
Thank You
Struggling in this heat as well as trying to get the med combination right so that is not making me feel great
How about you are you ok ? x
Hiya, the heat is okay at the moment. I am struggling a bit with the statin. I tried a new one and it very quickly caused nausea as well as weakness in my limbs. I am going back to Rosuvastatin and will wait to see how my cholesterol results are and discuss with the doctor about my dose to s if I can reduce the dose although I am only on 10mg. I may have to make the best of it. How are you doing with the reduced bisoprolol? Take good care 🤗x
Hello
Me and you and these medications we are peas in a pod
I am sorry the statin experiment for a better word did not work out I think that can sometimes make you feel more dejected but you know you have tried that one now and maybe you might get use to the one you are on or even try another one
Well the Bisoprolol I was only on the low dose 2 days after the Doctor told me to then I was talking to the surgeon and she said she would prefer me on the 2.5 dose so I was back up again !
However still not coping so I have asked my Doctor to email the consultant get her opinion
But this might just be a one of and crazy like me I forgot to take my Lanzopral or how ever it is spelt last night and my breathing has been better today not sure if like I say it is just a coincidence or what so I shall be asking about this one now
Hope you settle on the one you are on eventually as you have been through enough x
You take good care. It’s interesting what you say about the Lanzoprolol, sorry if the spelling is wrong! When I stopped the statin for one day, and I know people may say that it wouldn’t change that quickly, my walking was so much better. Speak soon x
Hi BeKind - once I was discharged from hospital and put on the usual multi-tablet regime I bought one of those wee tablet dosage thingies on Amazon with a little daily compartment for each day of the week (I saw them in the chemist too). I've never had a tablet regime before and just knew I'd manage to forget to take them - my head's like a sieve! I sort them out weekly on a Saturday morning into their little individual compartments for the week ahead and haven't missed one yet (most unlike myself 😜!). Its a great reminder for me to order a new prescription too when I notice I'm running low. I do hope you get sorted with your medication problems. I also had some statin and bisoprolol issues, they've been 'tweaked' now by my GP and so far so good. Carol x
Hello Carol
Snap I have one of those little tablet things of Amazon to only difference I do mine on a Sunday
But like you I would forget without one
I m so pleased they have tweaked your meds and things are better now I just hope they will do mine to
Lovely to hear from you
Have a lovely day x
It's lovely hear from you too BeKind. Hoping to get out to the garden today to do a bit of tidying up. It's been warm here in NI but, thankfully, not that searing heat that the rest of the country seems to be experiencing and it's a bit breezy today too.
I'm back to work on Monday on a phased return four mornings a week. It'll be exactly 5 months to the day since my triple by-pass op. Still having some of the usual twinges (only to be expected) but I feel very lucky to be recovering so well and I'll put that down to the brilliant friendly Surgeon and cardiac team who looked after me so very expertly and kindly!
Hope you have a great day as well - Carol x
It has been really hot here and they have said Sun , Mon and Tues is going to be even hotter and a weather warning so not looking forward to that
Well done going back to work on a phased return you must feel proud how well you have done , let us know how it goes
Enjoy your day in the garden x
Good morning Judi,
You might discuss with your GP taking the Rosuvastatin on alternate days. That was my original prescription set by the pathologist at the local hospital (there's a paper relating to a study somewhere on the internet). Initially I could only tolerate 5mg on alternate days and it took two weeks for the side effects to go away at that dose, but I decided to stick with it and got onto 10mg. When my cholesterol was heading up, I contacted my GP and suggested I take it every day which was readily agreed. I had no issues effectively doubling the dose.
Hope you get sorted soon.
Gerald
Hello GWP1952, that is so helpful, thank you so much. I did wander if I might be able to take the statin tablets every other day but I honestly didn’t think I would be allowed. I take 10mg and dependant on my cholesterol results next month I might try 5mg. My legs can be very weak and painful which just means I end up taking more painkillers which defeats the object. My cholesterol last time was 2.6. Thank you again for your kindness in thinking of me and replying. Take care Judi
Hi Judi, here's the findings of a study that was carried out - dx.doi.org/10.18203/2319-20... I think there is the full report somewhere on the internet.
Thanks so much 👏🤗
Sounds sensible advice
Just passing on what I experienced. 😀
Have you modified your diet? I am sure you must have done. Sugar is particularly bad for everyone. Cannot comment on your meds cos don’t take those.
Thank you GrannyE for replying. I am type 1 diabetic so I have to be careful. I do try and eat a reduced fat and low sugar diet I am not perfect but hopefully it all helps! Thank you for replying. Take care, Judi
Sorry to hear you are type 1 diabetic. I expect you know that if you put something in your mouth and chew and chew and the enzymes there turn it liquid your body treats it exactly the same way as sugar.Good luck
Thank you GrannyE I was aware of that but I will try not to chew so much in future! Take care Judi
It is hot isn’t it and it will get much worse. Good luck with coping.
It could be that they had problems getting onto the site or they were feeling so bad that they could not use their computer or they were so depressed that although responses were read they were too miserable to respond. It does not necessarily mean that the response did not matter to them. We have problems getting onto the web sometimes with our internet service provider. Spent hours with Apple yesterday trying to get the Error 400 sorted and even the supervisor could not do it and is thinking what to do next!
Hello
There could be allsorts of reasons I agree
But what I think people need to do is practice acceptance
Accept we are not all the same
Appreciation as well that we have this Community that BHF have kindly put a Community on here where we can try and support each other for free !
It makes me wonder when people complain over something that is free and they can choose if to reply or not to reply but things are not to their liking what they must be like when they pay for something and they do not like it 
Starting a post like this even though saying looking for opinions was always going to get attention but by doing so a member has gone and yes members do come and go but this was a new member who asked a question thought it was fine to like the ones they found helpful and if that is what they thought was ok then that is fine and they were content to still be on here till they saw themselves called out and replied it was them and they were sorry before they left and I think that is a worse thing to do to make someone feel that way than not to answer everyone or like everyone's reply
I just hope the poster will come back and even more I hope they are ok they were struggling enough how they were feeling
Of course it is nice to be thanked but as others have said if that is what we are looking for then maybe we are on the wrong platform as not everyone's the same
You made me smile having difficulties with your internet and error code coming up 400
I am with sky and all of a sudden without warning they decide to do maintenance and you just have no internet till they have finished can be quite a nuisance if you are in the middle of your online shopping
I better stop now as the poster has already complained elsewhere on other posts that when you reply some waffle to much which I am that one or at least one of them 
Also I think they have had enough attention now with all this which was obvious to anyone intelligent enough to know it would be the case just sad it came at someone else's expense by them leaving
I hope you are keeping well and coping with the heat , cooler today but they say come Sunday for a few days it will be really hot
You stay safe and well x
You have no idea how much time I have spent looking for your reply here. Was notified on my email but with my 400 code coming up on my link it was difficult to get here. Could get onto site OK. Anyway note to all. If I don’t ‘like’ or reply it probably does not mean that I am not grateful but I could not spend the time getting back - at least until Apple sort my problem out.I am v fortunate in that about 2 weeks ago I had aircon installed in the bedroom and it has been a life saver. I can therefore face what’s coming with confidence that my heart won’t go mad because of the heat - unless we have an electricity outage.
I am very happy with a bit of waffle because it can be a comfort and makes this site less clinical and more embracing.
O bless you
Dont worry about replying I will not be offended at all just hope they sort that internet out for you soon and quite envious of you aircon lucky you x
I thought your post was worthy of a few comments.
First what you say about people practising acceptance applies to everyone. So that's me, you and everyone else. I accept the way you operate on this site. Just like you should accept a post like mine and other things I post. We are, as you say, all different.
And I repeat no-one was called out in the original post. The person who quit had been on here for some time and had made other posts, I took the trouble to find that out. And whilst it is sad that they chose to leave, there will be others who come and go, perhaps me included. Forums like this thrive on a regular influx of new blood, so the loss of one member not really a big deal in the overall scheme of things, given the members past and present top 36,000, although I accept that on a personal level it might have been a difficult decision for the person in question to have made, and that is regrettable.
Next I certainly appreciate this site. I would like to think I have put more into it than I have got out, and will continue to do so. But I certainly don't expect thanks to everything . So if your reference to complaining was about me grumbling about this site and how posts operate you are far off the mark.
And as for your veiled comment about me being attention seeking I think that beggars belief, given some of the posts I read on here.
Have a lovely day
I wish you everything your heart desires and more
Do take Care
🤗🤗🥰🥰
And the same to you too. 😘
I totally agree with your comments. No one knows what another is going through and we should never ever judge. It is very sad indeed that the person has left the site I just hope they find the right support, we all need that
Hello
I do to and even more I hope they come back
Hope you are keeping well x
Hi, been up and down, still got problems with medication, statins damaging liver etc…. Lots of anxiety re personal issues given amatriptaline by Gp!!!!!! A no no when had heart attack, …. By hook or by crook I will live long, life to all xxx
Hello
Well I can relate , struggling with my meds and also on one I have read is not good for people with asthma which I have !
It does leave you feeling anxious
I hope you get yours sorted and good on you been positive that you will live a long life you made me smile x
Can I apologise on behalf of humankind that you have received this response and been made to feel bad. No one should be so judgemental, know one knows what each individual is going through at the time of writing. There is no rule to say you MUST LIKE each response for example.
I hope you are ok and your relative is doing better but you have done nothing wrong 😞
So pleased you appreciated the responses. We are glad to have you on the site whether you respond or not. Don’t worry about it
Dear LowerField,
I can understand your concerns and fully agree with you on many of your points.
I think as the time gos on I tend to reply as best { sometimes rambling } that I can.
I only follow up on the very vulnerable posts { Keep an eye on them } unless they engage me in conversation the others tend to be answers to questions and the post runs its course.
Like you I am surprised in this age of social media etc that even a simple emoji is not used to acknowledge your input.
But and it is a big but, I have just liked answers to my post without answering the the person personally.
The ones that make me think are the ones that just disappear and the dreaded “ hidden” appears, I always wonder what happened in their story and if there was more that I could have done.
I will never know the answer to that question.
Many people come and go very quickly on the forum, and unfortuntely it's simply the nature of the beast, that a good percentage will not provide feedback or thanks. You either live with it or ask why your here in the first place, if it's platitudes people are looking for, this is the wrong place to be. Of course It can be very frustrating at times, of that there is no doubt especially when you've taken the time to respond with sometimes personal feelings and the like. I've done that myself, and acctually I took a view on my previous account, to delete such posts, when there was no acknowledgement or whatever. This time around, I'll probably be a lot more careful in how I respond.
I have to say though, whilst I agree with you, I think you were wrong, for highlighting one particular post, you could have made your point without that. At the end of the day, we don't know other people's circumstances for the best part, and it's not unreasonable to think, that poster didn't have time.
I look forward to your "Thanks" for my response.
Heed
I think it depends on the person posting. As a twitter user, I've noticed some of my close friends ask something and will just leave the question out there, others will just 'like' replies others feel obliged to reply to all replies, others will send a general, 'thanks all for your replies...'
I don't think there's anything disingenuous in those that don't write anything, it is after all anonymous, and social media etiquette is very subjective. I guess some feel by posting something and then getting replies, they are sharing a problem. I've certainly found some questions match questions I would ask and reading the responses is very useful.
Personally I feel obliged to at least like or reply, but for some people with a hectic family, still working, looking after someone, it's a time thing too.
So, in response to a few of the points made.
It's never my intention when I post on here to offend anyone, and am certainly mindful of some poster's possible mental health situation and indeed have avoided replying on occasion because of that. I am sure everyone tries to abide by the same principle. However although I do that, I certainly don't believe we should stifle reasonable civilised discussion on here about things because someone somewhere might be offended, as some people suggest.
Next it, is sad when someone leaves, and this also applies to the member who apparently quit at the beginning of this thread. But then as someone has said, people come and go all the time.
And, to be clear, I don't post on here looking for thanks. And I certainly don't get 'upset' when there is no response to something I have posted, just curious about feedback, which was the point of my original post, especially when someone has invested a lot of time and effort compiling a question to the forum, and then they subsequently say nowt.
I did like the explanation provided by Billywhiz about why some do and some don't respond, with shades in between. I don't 'do' Twitter and have only been on one other forum like this about something completely unrelated to heart health, but did find on there that people were far more responsive with follow up and feedback compared to here.
Anyway, finally a big thankyou to Hidden for his comments, although I suspect there was an element of tongue in cheekiness about asking😉
I'm a recent newbie to the forum and always reply with a thank you. If members have taken the time to read and reply to my queries, it is common courtesy to just say thank you.I am a member of a WW2 forum and the problem is even worse there. Some new members just come along to pick our brains, then disappear never to be seen again once they have got the information. Some people have no manners, but I like to help, just like the lovely members on here.
Lily
🙂
I wrote a post asking for an opinion / advice and NOT ONE person replied to me ! 🤣🤣
Glad you’re still here , and ok ?
Hi ! Are you the nurse I used to chat to?
No !!
Okay sorry! I was on this site a few years ago and then couldn’t get back on to it . I used to chat to a nurse in the US and thought your name sounded familiar! X
Thanks ! Saw my doc today , She thought it better to sort out main issues regarding my unstable angina and diabetes first and then later concentrate on my feet !
Hi Dessert,
I remember reading your post and thinking that I had absolutely no experience of your problem, so there was nothing useful I could contribute. Presumably the same applied to everyone else that read it.
I hope your foot swelling has reduced.
Gerald
Hi Gerald Thanks for replying !
My foot problem has become worse . I have it in both feet now but more prominent in right foot . My calves also become ‘tight’! I’ve been waiting 4 weeks for a doctor’s appointment !
Thanks again !
Oh dear, I hope you get seen soon. Water retention, which it presumably is, isn't good. Take it easy until then.
Thanks! Yes, I think you’re right about the water retention . My neighbour who’s a nurse is of the same opinion as you .
Hi, your post has disappeared. Does that mean it has been officially removed and if so did you get any sort of notification or reason, or did you remove it?
I notice many first time posters get removed and I think the rules should be made clear as to exactly what is not mentionable and why otherwise it is very discouraging for new people.
Hi Jeremiah My post hasn’t disappeared. I just saw it and it’s still there!
You are indeed absolutely right-it’s there and I have read it now but when I tried to see it before I couldn’t see it. One of life’s mysteries!
Yes ! True!
I am deeply saddened that you have made the person who posted genuinely and at a time of need feel so bad, just because of your curiousity. Yes its nice to know, but we do not know individual circumstances. There are no rules telling ppl they must respond.To judge in the way you have is unfair and upsetting and ask you ask I would say yes you arebeing grumpy. And rude and judgemental particularly towards younger people 'todays age'
I hope no one desperately in need of help and advice leaves because of this.
If people want to change the rules of the sight and make it a condition of posting then people will know but to 'call someone out I feel is inappropriate and could be very upsetting & detrimental to an individuals mental health.
We should ALL be kinder and think 'what if' as you never know.
I think this and your earlier posts above merit an answer.
First, if the person whose example I used anonymously without reference to all the details had not identified herself, I doubt whether most would have known who she was, and there would have been little fuss about it. To be quite clear there was no 'calling out'. However what I said was true, but without any malice, and was certainly not rude. And that goes for my comment about younger people as a whole, based on my observation comparing them to the generations that have have gone before them. How can that be rude? That said it might not apply to some young people, but most of the younger generation would not be offended by that comment, they appear to be built of sterner stuff . Anyway you may disagree with that, and that's fine by me, you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am, but I don't see any need to rebuke you for it. Why should I?
As for recognising someone's mental health state I posted about that as a follow up above, repeated here "It's never my intention when I post on here to offend anyone, and am certainly mindful of some poster's possible mental health situation and indeed have avoided replying on occasion because of that". You may have missed that.
Next my post wasn't about wanting to change the rules of engagement on here, it was to find out people's views on follow up. Perhaps if you reread what I said in the original post that will become clear. Anyway my original post has served its purpose well since there is a range of views expressed by members with the numbers increasing as I write.
Finally I think most of the posters on here are 'kind'. 'Kindness' comes in many forms. It doesn't necessarily have to come with overt compassion, a style that many on here seem to favour. But the simple action of reading a post where someone has asked for help and then replying with advice is, in my opinion, an act of kindness. But you may disagree with that.
I had read everything. My conclusion remains the same, I am saddened by a post that makes another leave the forum.
Plenty of old people can teach the young a thing or two about rudeness, believe me!
I do try to follow up posts especially if that person is anxious but I am also respectful of people's privacy and sometimes getting the balance right between concern and "stalking" can be difficult. I have been very lucky when I have offered my advice that people have either verbally responded or they have "liked" my response.
If it’s something I think I might have some particular knowledge of that may help I will give a reply, doesn’t worry me if I get a reply or not. I always try to be kind, we are all a bit wobbly on here by the very nature of the problems we have been through and what we face in the future. Big hugs to anyone that needs one today😸
A good point. You're absolutely right. Not unreasonable to expect a response, even if it's just a 'Like' or a general 'Thank you to all who replied' message. It's not unique to this site. I've stopped responding to queries and requests for advice or recommendations on our local community Facebook group because you rarely get any acknowledgement for the effort you put into replying
Perhaps sometimes people write something and then forget about it. I'm not saying that's right but it could be that. Life gets in the way and once something is written who knows what happens next in their lives. Sometimes I check on this site if something catches my eye and I can go weeks before looking again. My mum used to say if you're waiting for a thank you for everything you do for people you could wait a long while. Don't do it if you want thanks. No response is needed it's only my opinion. Have a great day everyone.
For myself, I always answer responses. I often find that continued dialogue makes for interesting diversions.
I must admit it is nice to read the replys as is does give some feeling of not being alone. I have only just joined., so still feeling my way around but all posts are read and there is alot of useful knowledge out there from people's experience which all help in the process of understanding your own health issues. I will try to bare in mind to reply or press the like button.
Hello & Welcome
Hope you are keeping as well as you can be x
Yes keeping as well as I can be. It's just the mental side. It up a down from minute to minute . But you have keep going. But it's hard . But atleast it's nice to read other peoples experience sometimes puts mine into perspective. Cheers
Hello
I totally understand that is what I am still struggling with to the mental side to all this
I think that is what can get forgotten heart conditions affect you physically but for some mentally can be just as bad
Good for you though keeping going x
It is not easy. Feeling of shock. Anxiety, worry, anger. Being pissed off. Fed up. Why me? To try and get it out of your head is very hard. I don't know the answer. You try to put one step in front of the other but it is like wearing shoes of lead. Not easy. But as I say iam on a journey and atleast I have people at hospital doing things to help . I have put my faith in others which is new to me as I have never been under the hospital since being born.
Hello
It can feel like been on a Merry go round and you just do not know how to make it stop
I envy people that can just accept what has happened to them and get on with it but we are all different and some really struggle me to
I am so pleased that you have such good support at the Hospital and you are putting your trust in them as that is a step in the right direction and I hope finding this Community is helping you to as knowing you are not alone I find can be a huge help x
Difficult to accept that this is where you are and you have to go on from here in the best way possible.
Don’t forget I think that with A/Fib your body knows it has a problem and it can affect one mentally a bit.
Yes I agree. But how do you move forward? You try to forget it. You try and make a bucket list. But I carnt go around a local zoo without the big black dog appearing in my mind. You have good days and bad. You cry and it makes things a bit better for a few hours. And you then come back to square 1. It's not easy. I would not wish these feeling on anyone.
Crying is supposed to get rid of all sorts of negative chemicals which is why after a good cry one feels a bit better. Did you know that just by smiling even, if you don’t feel like it, the mere fact of turning the corners of your mouth up makes you feel better cos of the positive endorphins it generates? I have been told that putting a pencil across your mouth which does it helps to turn your mood around. There I bet the mere thought of that made you smile!
Certainly reading about other people’s problems puts things into perspective and makes me feel quite fortunate really that I am not much worse than I am
I hope that I have always liked or responded but when you are ill or dealing with someone who may also be very ill and needing medical help it is sometimes the last thing on your mind to respond. I received some really good advice when I was pretty desperate back last year and followed some of it I hoped I thanked people for the advice as well and followed up, so thank you now if I did not. However if you are dealing with emergency situations or bereavement it might not be easy to follow up.
Quite right. Glad you are better than you were. As you say it is not always easy to follow up
Oh . Don’t agree with you . By definition lots of “ medical” forums are populated by people looking for reassurance. You never know what’s happening in their lives . Why should the person giving advice seek anything in return?
"My impression of being on here for a few months is that well over half of questions asked never get a follow up from the originator, whether it be a thankyou on one hand to a what a load of rubbish on the other."
Well, it probably would not be polite to say "what a load of rubbish" since the person responding has almost certainly tried their best to respond in a manner which is helpful. The problem with thanking everyone individually would be that if everyone did that it would clog the threads up with literally dozens of largely redundant posts. It's probably reasonable to say something like "thanks to everyone who has responded" in a single post.
I agree…..I have posted as I’m feeling in the need of advice, support and an ear to listen to……and I’m always keen to read any responses that have been left.
Such is my gratitude that my fellow cardiac buddies haven’t just read and walked on, but have stopped and taken the time to listen and respond, I try to respond individually to each responder, or like the response and add an update where possible.
Thank you all for showing support to me when I’ve needed it and I’ll continue to offer the same to others as and when I can 🥰
Well, I know what you mean but I also think you’re being a bit grumpy. The way posts display on here isn’t always easy to navigate and sometimes people asking for help are genuinely stressed and looking for reassurance, which they will then act upon and do that rather than respond to the post sent to them.I know when I asked for help finding a private cardiologist a few weeks ago I had such useful replies that I went straight to the web to investigate and probably forget to pen my thank-you note. If so, I apologise. I remember thanking some but the thread was not straightforward so I possibly missed others.
It’s nice to get a response but I’m not going to fret if I don’t.
Good morning LowerField. I think it's a mixture of some answering and some don't. I think the main point is for some people to just put down there worries or concerns on here to get it off there chest. And they probably feel better for it. Hope you enjoy your day. Brian
I can understand where you are coming from but maybe circumstances have changed for the worse and that person has other pressing things to deal with, . Just a thought really.
I believe it is an excellent example of "The State of the Nation" where basics are not taught in the home, school, or even at FE or University. Noticed how many times you open the door for a female and get no response - I have now taken to saying "Thank you" once they have passed, to which they look at me with that sort of dead eye look or it could be they do not see me and are looking right through me. Perhaps I am invisible, you never know since I never get an acknowledgment of posts replied to - not true just added to make one smile - that is if I can be seen? All very similar to birthdays and Christmas presents - again, in my case not true.
A good point about holding the door open for someone. Probably about 60 years ago I remember a man kindly holding a heavy door open for me and for some reason I failed to say thank you. He said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you".
Going on from that I suppose one may think the person was seeking a 'thank you' as a good deed for the day. Even though I never want a 'thank you' I do feel slightly warmed inside if a person says 'thank you' on giving way to them. Much like indicating or flashing a headlight on a car.
It all helps the world go around in a more friendly atmosphere.
Oh dear. I'm going to be controversial now. I believe in equality of the sexes. It's wonderful to see highly intelligent young women in responsible roles such as managing huge engineering projects and fulfilling their intellectual potential. BUT, in making this progress, I fear that the female sex has also lost much of something that was also valuable, and you put your finger on it here by reference to chivalry. An old fashioned idea held by men in times gone by that women were precious and to be protected and assisited by them in daily life. I appreciate that this was not universally practised by all men, and there was abuse as there still is, but largely ladies were held in higher esteem than they are today. This is really off-topic isn't it?
I can see what you mean, Kelling. I think manners are lacking in some younger members of society, they simply weren’t taught at school or at home.
I also think that, again, sadly more the younger generation, are very insular. They can’t understand or are wary of strangers doing something for or saying something to them.
I’m sure, like me, you regularly see them walking along the street with head angled to ‘phone, earphones in, desperate to avoid any eye contact or interaction with others…! It speaks volumes, sadly.
I think your being a tadge grumpy, I unfortunately can't do very much, and reply, but others can be busy with all that life brings,
I totally agree LowerField. It’s common courtesy, although that is sometimes lacking in today’s society…
As other commenters have stated, a ‘like’ would be something but I’ve noticed that on here & on many other sites, people don’t seem to understand whether they’re:
1. ‘Liking’ the content of the post (which could be sad/negative & possibly not warranting being liked) or,
2. The fact that the poster has taken the trouble to write the post & inform.
I tend to agree with bekind that it's more important that we are there for each other than worry about who replies or doesn't (Sorry that's paraphrasing bekind who had more to say than that).I don't think it's about "these days" / or is age or stage related. I imagine there are many more, nuanced reasons why some reply and some don't. Recognising that often people aren't well when they post, as just one scenario.
Personally, though it's nice, I don't expect anything back when I respond.
Along with physical health problems come mental health difficulties for many.
Whether a person thanks another outwardly for offering advice or not shouldn’t be debated in my opinion as there could be a whole host of reasons why they felt unable to reply or why they didn’t.
If anybody is doing something or doing anything in life looking for thanks you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. This also goes for feeling disgruntled if you don’t receive acknowledgment.
I often forget to respond or don’t log in or check my e-mails for days and some may even find the site confusing.
When people on the streets reach out we (I) don’t give to them then demand thanks and if they don’t we wouldn’t moan and dwell on it afterwards.
People should understand how selfless service works and the meaning of unconditional.
It means we ‘give’ without afterthought or expectation because we want to unconditionally help people. When you expect thanks you make it about you and not the person in need.
Accept that it is perfectly acceptable for people to ask for and accept help and not have to speak or type thanks, many feel the gratitude instead…..it’s what we feel that matters.
So feel good that you may have helped someone regardless…… you’re in control of that, nobody else……
Saying Thankyou is a gesture, some say it and don’t genuinely mean it, not saying it but instead feeling gratitude is the best and most powerful……offer help without expectation and life will become richer with less disappointment for you……
100% agree, kindness & acceptance ❤️
Sorry if I didn't respond , first time on the site. All answers were helpful, thank you.
I think it is the least people can do is just write a " Thank you for all your comments "
Hello, I do agree with you Lowerfield. As I have a few health problems this is one of three forums I use. I haven't posted myself on here but have sent words of encouragement twice to be ignored. The first in which I was ignored, all the other posts had received a response or like. It was quite a touching post for me to read and one which took quite a lot of effort to reply. I felt real empathy when I responded ...I hoped to be giving words of comfort as I too had been heartbroken over the death of my dog, no response from the author despite all other comments having one. Again the 2nd time I was hoping to give advice from my perspective with PIP, I was critisied by one person and not even replied to, or acknowledged by the author of the post. I have to say out of the three forums I am a member of, this appears the least supportive...thats not to say there aren't any supportive people on here, I'm sure there are...but I really felt quite isolated and just wish people would understand a simple acknowledgement of your attempt to advise or help is a display of care and empathy! Instead I was left feeling a 'rudeness' from these people and this forum could do to take a leaf out of the other forums books! I make no apologies for the straight way I have explained this...its truth. I wish all of you a good day!
Maybe a Thank You button, as well as a Like Button, is in order so that as people read a post they can thank the responder but might not like what they say. Unfortunately, text is flat and a large part of communication is tone and/or body/facial mannerisms which icons do not adequately cover.
Yes ...thank you button would be a great idea! That would cover a response, agreed or not. I would even like an 'I'm not sure I agree but thank you for responding'. If I'm driving under a 'one car bridge' even a gesture to the other driver as thanks for waiting is important to me...I just like manners 😊
Perhaps consider that depending on the user’s savvy with technology of this site it could be that he/she didn’t know how to reply. In addition, if that person was being abandoned by friends/family after their heart event there is a very good chance that person is depressed. Lastly, there is a real possibility that the poster got ill again. So I understand your concern, but in the spirit of being kind and understanding let’s all remember that we do not know what someone might be going through. This is said in the spirit of keeping this forum as nurturing as it’s been even though I have not checked in in months. Stay safe. Namaste.
Absolutely spot on. We just don’t know how hard life is for some…and rge changes they go through day to day, whilst I can understand finding it upsetting a little if responders don’t get any acknowledgment. This happens to me a lot, for various reasons ie I know I’m sometimes left of field, full of advice (sometimes unusual) and on/off on the site due to recurrent ill health and (I realise) low mood due to the isolation health can bring into our lives, especially those living alone and single. I see both sides, but have learnt to be equanimous as much as I possibly can… whilst, like all of us, being no saint. It’s just difficult, life, eh? What will be will be and I still love this site for being there for me/us. All the best. D
Hello
I only had my Bypass surgery 11 months ago
I have had scans and xrays since and they are very pleased how it has all gone and looking so hopefully at the moment the heart is ok
I just feel the med combination I am taking is not quite right at this point and hoping they will adjust them and things will improve
It is nice to meet you and I hope you are keeping well x
No you’re not being grumpy , unfortunately I think some people just don’t think like others . Not being overtly rude but just perhaps a little thoughtless . I suppose we never really know what others are going through but I’m just very grateful to have a community like this to lean on 😊x
👍
As a sporadic visitor, I don't always know who has acknowledged replies. I did read the post you are talking about though. I'd always assume they were busy dealing with the issue they posted about, and although an acknowledgement or a peply would sometimes be nice, I wouldn't expect one under those circumstances. I'm sorry that they have left the group, but I do not believe it reflects poorly on them or is a representation of today's age at all.
What is gamification?
Hi. I’m fairly new to this site and have very much appreciated all the support I’ve received. I would have been mortified if one of my posts had been used as an example of poor behaviour and I would have probably left too. When I’m feeling anxious and distressed I actually appreciate a little bit of “overt compassion”. I have been shown this by people on this forum although I have also read things that have been said to others which make me feel uncomfortable. While I appreciate that it wasn’t your intention to cause distress to anyone I do think that we all have to be very careful about how it can be misinterpreted online without the benefit of seeing the posters expression or hearing their tone of voice etc. I’m afraid that this is one of the pitfalls of social media.
I have to say I am guilty of this mainly because my anxiety very rarely leaves me and then I want to reach out, but I'm so mind blown by it and then replies, I get so exhausted again I just cant even come on line. Having good day today and this pinged up, and I agree with you, manners and kindness are so very important, but some of are drowning and maybe it's good to know that we invest in each other. I will try my best to give, up to now reaching out has been hard enough. You have given me a kick in part of me that would never have been unkind deliberately. I hope you are well, and to anyone who I've left feeling sad, I'm sorry and love your generosity of heart. Best wishes.....beth
Some people are takers, they just users of others. But maybe, sometimesfor whatever reason, they might not be able to respond. So, the best thing might be to observe the original poster, and see if they are still posting, or not.
For example, after my pacemaker I had some unexpected complications, which meant that for several weeks I was not able to type. I am just trying to be charitable here, benefit of doubt?
You asked … I answered ..you are being a bit grumpy… everyone is on their own journey you have no idea what that person is going through…
Thank You x
Some people, myself included, are rubbish at social media style postings. I find I can find how to post something then cannot find replies, threads etc.
Hi lowerField welcome to the 21st century good manners and simple common sense fly out the window in pursuit of selfishness.I agree with your sentiments but the lack of response is reflected in the published version of our society.
I do love a good sounding off about the ills of this world
I’m just a grumpy old man 😀🤔
I get that too.
I've never even thought about it until now. If I see a query that I think can benefit from my input about my experiences I will chime in, but then I forget about it. If I am notified that someone has responded, I may come back and have a look, but it doesn't make my day or ruin it if they don't. OK, I suppose it is polite to acknowledge, but there are bigger issues in the world and indeed on this website. Life's too short.
You are in the main correct. Life is indeed too short to worry or get upset if a response to something you may have posted doesn't appear. However it's more complex than that. What I said in my original post was feedback was useful since 'As well as finding out what the originator thought... (it)... may be of use to others for now and in the future.....' as in both people who have replied to the original question and others just looking in.
HiI do agree, and try to comment either individually or collectively, as appropriate, simply to acknowledge the other person's time and input.😃
I agree with you, but maybe that sometimes when people are struggling its hard for them to keep the communication going? Even so a polite acknowledgement makes all the difference. We are all 'on' here for the same reasons overall so mutual support and acknowledgement is a must imho.
4 days isn't long to wait for a reply and I think they said they had liked the useful replies?, you have no idea what is going on in peoples lives.
People are commenting on them leaving after the criticism, they may have been humiliated and will come back under a different name, having learned some people are more impatient than others, and honestly guys, just because you don't think it was that bad, the things people have said, well that doesn't mean they aren't mortified, don't judge everyone based on your own standards, we have no idea what is going on in peoples lives or their heads.
Like someone said, be kind, if you can't answer a post without expecting gratitude, then don't answer the post! 🤐
How coincidental to come across this thread as I was checking to see if the thread I had offered some support on had any replies.
I do wonder if the person who has asked the question did read my response and if it helped.
I don't get my knickers in a knot if they don't respond though as I believe people have a lot going in their lives.
I hope my reply has at least been read and maybe they have taken something from the reply.
It would be nice to know they have read it, on things like Facebook you can see who has liked your post, it would be nice if you could see who liked the post on here too.
I am sure there will be some who disagree but we are all entitled to an opinion.
I had the literary equivalent of an ear bashing when I posted this months ago, when many people thought I was suggesting that anyone who replies to a post asking for help should be thanked. That was never my intention. It was just a comment (perhaps clumsily phrased) to say that it would be useful to find out what an originator thought of the replies that people had provided to their post, which might be of help to others, and thankfully some did understand what I had said and some agreed with it. However nothing has changed really in the intervening months, which is not really unexpected, in that people still come along ask a question and leave after they have got what they want without giving any feedback, which is really a bit of a shame. And to those who have a different point of view on this and care to respond, please be respectful of my point of view as I will be of yours.
I have over the years on the forum got used to the different ways people respond or not. Feedback would be nice but I don't mind if people don't respond.
All my comments are freely given without obligation, no thanks required.
I am curious though about how the person is getting on.
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