Today, under a similar user name, I received an angry, personal and rather rude response to a post I had made from someone who claimed to be a new member. The justifications for this person's remarks to me were completely without foundation, and when I responded to that effect I was basically told, to use a commonly used phrase, to do one. I had been a member on here for well over a year and responded to many posts in what I hope had been an informative, supportive and useful manner, but have never been malicious in intent. My continuing reason for being here was that I had received information at the outset of joining which was helpful to me and now I was better placed welcomed the opportunity to actively give something back. Anyway when I saw that quite a number of other members had supported this member's outburst post, with one member actually saying the equivalent of 'well said', it made me question whether I wanted to continue on this forum and respond to people's queries, and concluded that I had had enough if that was how people valued my input. So I closed my account, but then considered that a post like this might be a deterrent to others who consider posting similar rude remarks to other members, so I have rejoined but will certainly not actively participate. This forum is sustained by a hardy bunch of of members who give a lot and generally receive little back, and being insulting towards them and challenging their integrity without good reason may lead them to question why they are here, and then, like me, they might decide to go or suspend their involvement which is a huge loss to those who may need their help. So in short, don't bite the hand that feeds you, especially if you have only just joined.
Regrettably decided to leave - British Heart Fou...
Regrettably decided to leave
This has happened to me just the once on this site with a man encouraging other to create a pile on situation towards me ,this continued after me politely asking him to stop & not to engage with me any further .at that time it was always the same members that could start a row in an empty house! Please don't let it put you off ,there are lots of lovely genuine people here willing to offer support & a shoulder xxx
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I have gained, and I hope, shared valuable experiences on this site. It is so upsetting when someone makes a snarky response without knowing the background.
Sometimes you have to let other peoples comments go ...like water off a ducks back.
It's a bit like a kids playground on this forum ... some we get on with all the time, some we get on with sometimes and some we will never get on with !
We still have to interact & there should be respect, but remember we are all so different & sometimes it's easy to respond in haste & hit the post button without truly thinking things through & forgeting that there's a person on the other end receiving the reply.
Words hurt but not for too long as we should be reasonably resilient to them ... never give no-one so much power that words have the ability to.permanently damage like sticks n stones!
Your post relating to travel insurance was helpful & the idea to have relvant information updated and in one place would be good - as a link to it could be added when new queries come in, rather than repeating responses.
I do think that now-a-days people often ask a question rather than go looking / searching for info ... so unfortunately i do think that the question will be asked again & again . Also the search facility is not as user friendly as it could be, as it does tend to throw up very old posts rather than recent ones.
welcome to the internet...is this your first time.
This is a support forum... this comment isn't exactly supportive of a member who tries to help others and has been essentially bullied off.
Having just read through that thread it did go somewhat horribly wrong. I help moderate another health related forum and have done exactly what you did and tried to pull frequently asked questions into a consolidated post and, unfortunately, had one or two adverse reactions to what was a well intentioned post. Made me rethink my position a couple of times over the years. I do find myself visiting, commenting and posting less these days because of the behavior of one or two on here. Shame as I found this forum really helpful and supportive when I first joined after my NSTEMI.
yes Hrty. I too have had some very kind and supportive answers to my posts since NSTEMI
Those lonely out in a limb feelings we all had at first not to mention dreadful symptoms from new meds.
I felt very cushioned having found this site but recently all the arguments and sly comments have made me very wary of contributing and yet the gentle banter and we’ll considered replies have kept me here.
Sad really that these niggley comments have to occur when all most of us are after is to have our fears calmed and someone with a bit more savvy than ourselves willing to answer us.
Sometimes people hit out at us when we’re at our most vulnerable. In my experience these are people who can only function by projecting onto others - it’s a weakness on their part, not on yours. Take care and give yourself a hug from all the kind and helpful people here - of which you are one.
I have never left even though I have had some terrible posts that became personal in nature, I am to bloody minded.
One post (a long while back) was particularly hurtful as it was clearly a personal attack but several people had 'liked' the post - I found that very very hurtful.
I won't let people like the person who posted drive me away as I have been through my own heart problems, I take numerous kinds of medication which are heart related and have suffered side effects, all of which means (IMHO) I have something useful to say and I am more than happy to support new and old members who are going through the same thing.
I often find that those who are first to attack others on a personal level don't tend to give advice when they can and rarely support others.
I do believe in effect and intent, what you intended with your post was taken in a different way by another member and it was a shame that it couldn't be spoken about in a calm manner to establish what you intended by your post
I am glad you re-joined, as hard as it is this is one post, think about the bigger picture. All of us have a story to tell and if you believe (as I do) that you have something to offer then that really is all that matters.
Leave that post behind, tomorrow is another day.
I’m sorry to hear of your experience and I empathise with your frustrations too.
I just wanted to say, I’ve always found your contributions to be helpful and well intended.
I’m glad you decided to rejoin but I also respect your decision to contribute from a distance, I’m sure you’re not alone in that.
Best wishes
Soap 🧼
glad you have rejoined. In the words of the old song people should ‘live and let live’. Above all kindness is king. The advice to let these things be like water off a duck’s back is good. Just ignore the comments that you find hurtful We used to say that if one resorted to being rude one had lost the argument. We can all agree to disagree and still remain friendly. Problem here is that when the heart goes haywire it makes the body and mind anxious and one is more vulnerable.
All I'd say is as in all walks of life don't let others dictate your actions.If you enjoy posting on here don't let a faceless person take that pleasure away from you, you're better than that.
Best wishes
John
So sorry, I have always found your posts well written, and with valuable and helpful advice gained from your own knowledge and experiences. Glad to hear that you are remaining a member please do not allow negative feedback to curtail your well considered responses.
So sorry to hear this You did not mention if you reported the post I do not understand people being like this on this forum
Good morning, you have heard of the saying you always get one don’t let that one make you feel you have to go since I joined this site in 2021 when I had my HA I can tell you everyone on here have been so helpful and gracious. Don’t let that one turn you away you will always have that one whether you are in a job etc there is always someone who wants to put people down. Anyway I wish you well think about it hopefully you will come back to a group who care.
Well whatever happened, you rejoined and we lost another new member, so its all a bit sad really, yet again.
I think there's trolls everywhere. They are just cowards hiding behind their screens and probably don't have heart disease.
So sorry to hear that. This is certainly not the place for people like that. I only joined a couple of days ago and I have already found much of the help and advice invaluable. Take care
I didn't see it as I tend to only read stuff that applies to my circumstances, but it's quite possible to disagree with someone politely and without malice.
I'n sorry you've had such a rotten experience. I hope you feel able to post with your usual useful information in the future.
I would say that it say more about the other user than you. I have found the posts helpful on this forum and it has got me through some difficult times. My suggestion is that if you get an abusive text, don’t respond and leave them to it. If necessary report them. Glad you’ve decided to stay
Thanks for explaining something about the original post. I didn’t see it.
Very sorry to hear that there has been an upset. It is unfortunate that a written message can be construed differently to how one intended and it sounds as if in this case offence was taken where none was remotely intended . And then it appears to have escalated.
Your original purpose was helpful and well thought but for whatever reason it was taken as a personal sleight. Undoubtedly people are more vulnerable in this sort of forum and maybe worry/tension/illness makes people more likely to verbally lash out. It only happened to me once quite mildly but it was enough that I didn’t want to get too involved again.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been bullied but why delete your account and rejoin with a different name? Do you feel that this person was personally targeting you also in other posts?
If that happened to me either I’d decide to leave but not rejoin as potentially I could be again victim of the same or another bully or ignore the comment and just report it (there is a report option under any comment).
Good luck anyway with your new account, I hope your questions and contributions this time will be appreciated and answered to.
Sorry to hear this. There seem to be some people on several of the forums - eg the Lung one, who seem to enjoy causing problems. One person got told off because a complaint had been put in re his very funny and not offensive jokes!
Im so sorry you've had this experience this, but you are not alone. Many before you will have been the same.After being a member on here for some time, one does, unfortunately get to know who the antagonistic, argumentative individuals are, who think they own the site!
I had to take a step back, and didn't use the site now, as it was stressing me far too much. These said people draw you in, as they make you have to defend yourself.
P.S ( I have only seen your post as it was sent through on an email notification )
I’m afraid there are those who hide behind a profile who are just plain nasty characters and it’s about time there was a facility to block them.
I remember this phrase given to me by a friend
‘You can’t argue with Stupid’!
Yes, people need to remember that most people using this forum are already feeling alot of pressure and it is meant to be a supportive environment and not a place to make people feel worse. Let's try and be kind and help each other 😃
I assume that you wrote something that challenged their opinion which is therefore a FACT and consequently left them with no option but to attack. Glad you’ve decided not to be brow beaten and have returned to this forum.
I didn't see it like that at all, it appeared to me that they took Lowerfield's post about holiday insurance to be aimed at them as they had recently asked about it.
I think it was just miscommunication but I agree they responded very harshly.
I think I would have just said 'Is this aimed at me', just to clarify matters.
There was a lot in Lowerfield's post that was excellent information and it was just meant to be informative, sadly it was taken as accusatory.
Sometimes the written word can be open to misinterpretation
Hi Lower field _ no_ moreI had a similar experience last week from someone. It was absolutely awful. No need at all and for what reason??? O feel these people should be given some kind if warning but it never seems to happen. Luckily I was supported by a very kind "regular" member. Please stay!! We are not all like this!! Thank goodness.
didn’t see the post you are talking about but I’m glad to see you back .
Your post has made me realise that I am not the only one! For I have gone through exactly the same, with exactly the same feelings where I left and then rejoined when my medical issues took a turn for the worse. I continue to wonder at the cruelty of others, the need for it and the way these people usually hunt in small packs of power. Be wary when dealing with the internet and remember not all people are like you and me and the majority of folk here. Keep smiling and get to know your friends and support each other when needed. Keep your pecker up
Did you report the post to the moderators?
Someone posted a incredibly insensitive & callous comment to me just recently, the member obviously didn't give any thought to my vulnerability despite knowing my husband was seriously ill, yet that one comment impacted me massively!!
Unfortunately we don't always think about how much something we've written can impact another, especially when the other member is quite possibly feeling very vulnerable. Your post was put up in good faith, why not reach out to the member concerned, by private message & explain on a one to one basis.
I’m sorry to hear this Lowerfield_no_more. I didn’t see the post and have tried searching for it with no luck. It’s such a shame when people reply to others with acrimony. We’re all heart patients, and I know I need the support of people like you. Take care of yourself and I hope you feel you can stick around.
l don’t normally comment on stuff like this because I think it’s silly you’re letting someone upset you that you don’t know, you should just let it go ,let them be idiots if they want to but don’t take anything they say seriously.
Sorry I haven’t even read what upset you but don’t let them bully you just ignore them
stay with us, there re always smallminded ass.les in this world, do not give in to them, this group is of great use to many of us, idiots can get.....
Rise above one stupid thoughtless person. Please we need you.xx
I am sorry this has happened to you. I did not read your post, nor did I see the rude comments posted, but, the one thing I've learned over the years, in my personal life and especially on social media, is, don't let a few rude or ignorant opinions get to you. They are a minority, and usually, they are the same people who are always looking to banter or to challenge everyone or anything. They are not worth a bruised ego. If I were you, I'd continue posting your views and advice for those people who appreciate and value what you have to say and offer to this group. Your followers are the only ones that matter. Ignoring negative comments from these people, will send them an unspoken message from you, that says, their rude remarks are not worth a response from you. And goodness me, NEVER quit anything you love because of a few people who do not know how to give an opinion in a mature, kind manner.. Could you imagine if everyone quit whatever good they are doing in this world because of a little backlash from a minority of people. Backlash is a part of life, and you can choose to react to it or ignore it. I always choose to ignore. I hope I made sense.
personally the tone of that person’s post to you and their whole rationale makes me think it’s the same saddo who comes on with a new name/ sense of officiousness and outrage - every month or so. Meanwhile they write their articulate message and feigned hurt. I m sure they report everyone and anything.
Chin up !
I thought it was a genuine post.
Im so sorry to read this, no one should be being rude to anyone else. You definitely do not deserve this.
Admin should be jumping on these things & the person writing it should be made to leave in my opinion ☹️
Maybe Peacelily2023 has not been banned but has completely deleted his/her profile/posts & comments, which is probably more likely. It's not the first time someone has left the group, for whatever reason, & removed all traces of themself. I can immediately think of at least one member who did this, and given time I'm sure I'll recall a few more names. Ps: my comment is not a judgement against against anyone, including Peacelily2023, I'm just replying to your comment that you could be wrong.
lol - they ll be back soon with a new name and another message to stir folks up.
I hope they do come back as there is a lot people can get from this site.
I am really disappointed with some of these posts, yes that poster overreacted and maybe responded with some venom. If I am honest I did wonder if the original post was made to try and end all the posts asking for information about travel insurance for us hearties. Luckily I hadn't asked a question about it so knew it wasn't a dig at me but I can see why the person responded the way they did, they had no idea that this was a question asked several times a month.
I am off to Alaska in a couple of weeks and belong to an Alaskan FB page and at least once a day someone asks what the weather will be like when they go, or what clothes to pack. I have learned to scroll on by now although I will admit in the early days I would point out they will find loads of info by using the search function.
I think the new poster wasn't hiding behind any façade or fake name and I think it is unfair to suggest they did.
I don't think it was anyone's place to take sides in this as I have found the remarks cruel and bullying.
I won't say anymore on this subject as I don't think this thread has a place on here surely we are better than scaring off someone who felt they were standing up for themselves even if they were mistaken. This is becoming more and more like a lynch mob!
you make a valid point. We re all here for a reason - and most of us are not in a good place physically so I do stay out most of the time.
Thankyou to all of you who commented with support for my original post. I hope everyone understood my message that inappropriate rude responses are not necessary and certainly not welcome on a forum with a special interest in life threatening conditions and by association the potential for worry and upset for those involved. But to those who believe that is still acceptable for those who have deep anxieties about their condition to post insulting and rude responses, irrespective of how they feel, I disagree. It is still unacceptable, especially since the recipient of such a post might be in worse mental state than the originator. If you are strong enough to put together a nasty post you are strong enough to be challenged about it and face any consequences. Finally to one poster who talked about winners, no one is a winner when a derogatory post appears on here, and the aftermath that then ensues. The simple fact is we are are all losers, that's the person who feels it appropriate to deliver such a post, the potentially offended target, and should a frequent contributor decide they have had enough the community in general. And to be quite clear I don't feel as if I have won anything as a result of recent events, I just feel very disappointed in how it has turned out.
I post so infrequently but I have had help on occasions and ignored on others.
If folks are being replied to in anything other than a kind or helpful manner then it’s down to moderation or lack of.
I’ve been and remain on quite a few forums that are carefully monitored…but reading some responses it’s becoming more like MumsNet…oh and that’s not for the faint hearted…no pun intended.
Such a shame as it should be a wonderful resource.
But I suspect it’s moderated by volunteers and you can’t expect them to watch what’s said 24/7.
Sometimes if you want to use this kind of thing you need to develop a very thick skin and basically ignore the TWATS.
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