Made to feel guilty and sorry for having a cardiac arrest

[Dan33ynwa]

Hi guys and girls

Has anybody else been made to feel guilty and basically apologise for having a cardiac arrest because its made others feel rubbish

[Hidden]

Dear Dan33ynwa

Your post is one of the saddest post that I have read on here and it took me a moment to understand why you posted it and how I could answer it.

Some of your other posts have told us how hard this journey has been for you and forget that its the same for everyone, its you that we are concentrating on.

You have to be careful how you interpret how other responds to your needs and emotions for I cannot understand why people around you would deliberately give you these feelings.

You know that you have nothing to apologise for and certainly nothing to feel guilty about.

When something major and shocking happens to us it can make us look at things differently than before.

I doubt very much that anyone has changed around you, maybe your seeing them clearer now and only you can decide what you can do about that.

Some full back into the norm of their old safety net, some climb mountains and sing of dolphins.

We are all changed and this includes you.

Please contact your Dr/Heart team and explain to them how you feel, if its any of them making you feel this way, then push harder, its important that you get through this stage to be able to get on with your life, whatever the level of your health is.

Take care

[Juksey]

Sorry to hear this,

unfortunately some people will also be feeling guilty and sorry for themselves not Seeing a problem earlier, some will feel bad for encouraging you for bad habits that they think may have caused the event.

They will have trouble dealing with their own guilt and that may be reflecting onto you.

you may feel guilty that is happened. but you cant move on without forgiving yourself.

you now need to look after #1 yourself.

[redimps]

Hi Dan33ynwa

So sorry to read your post and the fact you have been made to feel this way. I didn't have a cardiac arrest but had a massive STEMI heart attack at work and was made to feel very much the same. In fact I lost my job over it. I was told that my team felt uncomfortable about working with me again and concerned about being managed by someone who this had happened to, that things would have to change and that I would have to return to work to a very uncomfortable meeting with my team. When I insisted I wanted to return, I then started to receive lists of concerns my colleagues had about me ( no concerns had ever been mentioned before) This was all obviously their issues about working with me after what had happened and their fear. Like you I felt guilty and felt as though I had to apologise firstly for what had happened at work and for my health issues. I couldn't return to this sort of stress and attitude from people and lost the job I loved but I have realised that actually perhaps I didn't really know these people at all and certainly don't need to be surrounded by this. WE don't have to apologise for anything and although it has been hard I am slowly realising that when one door closes, another will open. Good luck and never feel you have to apologise or feel guilty

[pasigal]

Well, "others" have clearly never gone through what you and many of us have! But what I will say is -- I used to think that people who smoked, overate, did drugs etc were just "asking for it." Then I had stents, a cardiac arrest and a separate HA, all after being healthy, nonsmoker, nondrinker etc. It's mostly genetics.

I am a MUCH more empathic person now. Even if smoking, for example, etc contributed to heart problems, no one starts smoking with the intent of self-harm. We are complex, our bodies are complex, and the best we can do is support each other as much as possible.

[Dan33ynwa in reply to pasigal]

The hardest thing I find is that I blame myself and feel guilty for what others witnessed and had to go through I'm already struggling to come to terms with that it's just what is thrown at me that I had no control over aswell like I don't feel guilty enough for what I put people through I'd like to say I'm pretty much over the whole cardiac arrest thing to an extent its the anxiety of the icd whether or not its working etc etc and why I keep getting these spikes in bpm not sure if I'm under the weather a bit or whether something is going wrong etc I have a fitbit heart rate watch but it makes me so anxious and although I know that I should probably let it go and get rid its also like a safety blanket if that makes sense I'm just in a big black hole atm and can't seem to break free I also had a crt-d fitted recently and I'm so desperate for it to make a difference to my heart I'm literally 34 years old and I have 2 children who I don't want to leave too early I'm just in a state of panic and very very scared

[Hidden in reply to Dan33ynwa]

Dear Dan33ynwa

Thank you for a little more invite to those feelings that you first posted about.

Your biggest safety blanket {as you like to call it } is your new all singing and all dancing CRT-D { Cardiac Resynchronisation Therapy with Defibrillator } that you have just had fitted and not anything that we can buy across the counter.

Slowly and surly you will begin to accept this amazing thing in your chest and exactly what it will be doing for you for years and years {battery change} and years to come.

I am about to join you in this club and what a club it is, the lives it has saved is almost countless around the world.

I really think that its time to contact your Pacemaker dept, they will gladly tell you about why you deserved to have this fitted to get on with your life and be with your loving young family.

Its time to be open and honest with everyone {children as well if they are at an age to understand} just how you feel about your situation including the CRT-D in your chest and what they and we can do to help you.

In a few weeks time I will be asking the same questions and telling of my feelings and if I have half the support that I had with the bypass then I will be a great full person.

Forget that your young to have such heart problems, forget what the far future holds for you and live for this day and grab hold of your loved ones.

Your family miss you, your children miss you and your friends and us miss you.

You are loved and are very needed

[jowalk6]

Hi Dan, so sorry you are feeling so low. I had a SCA at home. My children were 17, 15 and 8 months at the time. My middle son gave me CPR until the rapid responder got there. That was nearly 8 years ago. I still feel guilt over what they had to see and go through. It does change you, it's a massive thing to go through. The fear of things happening can be overwhelming but give yourself time hun. It will get easier but keep talking don't keep it inside. I turned 50 yesterday and I am forever grateful to my children, paramedics and doctors and nurses who let that happen. You will get there hun just be kind to yourself x

[Knit4fun]

I have a friend that makes me feel like I got sick just to inconvenience her as I can’t do all the things that I used to. Our friendship is hanging by a thread now.

[gladliz in reply to Knit4fun]

Not much of a friend then. After all it should be you the person she was 'friend's with not where you were able to go or do. Obviously certain adjustments may need to be made, grand prix driving and all night raves may not be advisable, but you are still you.😊

[Helly75]

My situation isn't the same as yours but I can empathise about being made to feel guilty by others & guilt I myself feel . I've found out the hard way the absolutely disgusting way people I've known a lifetime have treated me & the kindness,acceptance ,understanding & support of people I've never met who have lived experience on this site & others. If this is coming from the people closest to you my only advice would be to sit down with them & have an open & honest conversation, if you feel you can't do that maybe write it all down ,sending hugs to you xxx