Since moving a strange old man has moved into my flat. I have no idea who he is, where he came from, or how he got in. I certainly did not invite him. All I know is that one day he wasn't there, and the next day he was.
He is a clever old man and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of him. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there he is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my handsome face and muscular body. This is very rude! I have tried swearing at him, but he just swears back.
The least he could do is offer to pay part of the bills, but no. Every once in a while, I find a £5 note stuck in a jacket pocket or some loose change under a cushion, but it is not nearly enough. And I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think he is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw £50 and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old man is pilfering from me. You'd think he would spend some of that money to buy moisturiser and skin conditioner. And money isn't the only thing I think he is stealing.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like berries, chips, and occasional squares of dark chocolate. He must be greedt, but he'd better watch because he is really packing on the pounds. I suspect he realizes this, and to make himself feel better, he is tampering with my scales to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old man, he is quite childish. He likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobe when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And he messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.
He has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. He gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And he has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. He has done other things-like make the stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and taps harder to turn. He even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Lately, he has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. He has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, he stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. He looks totally ridiculous in some of those clothes, plus, he keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
Just when I thought he couldn't get any meaner, he proved me wrong. He came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driving license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, he jumped in front of me
He also has a partner that my sister has seem and plays the same tricks. I hope they never finds out where you live!
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Friday update 
