Look After Yourself

[MichaelJH]

Take care of yourself first or you will have nothing to give others. Self care is not selfishness. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.

[080311]

Evening Michael,

Wise words, as you know I am the carer for my husband. Some days I am so consumed with him I forget me!

Pauline

[Sunnie2day]

Too right! I was my father's primary carer the last three years of his life, one year in and someone at the clinic took me aside and told me to get my brother and a paid person on board or I'd be in the bed next to my dad on his next admission. That was 1984 and it's a lesson I've never forgot.

I was grumpy from exhaustion and actually missing important clues things were worsening for my dad until that nurse had a word. Once respite arrangements were in place I was a much better carer for my dad.

[LBCdance]

Very sound advice. I've always said you can't "love your neighbour" if you don't learn to love, in the sense of valuing yourself and your needs, first. Pauline, don't forget yourself!

[Love101cats]

I've done the long term care bit but now on my own and ill. But your words apply even more now, because if I dont take care of myself who picks up the pieces? What do I want people to s ay about me when I'm gone? She looked after herself well! Would be nice!

[Janma123]

That is so true Michael. I am running completely on empty!Just deleted a great long reply!

Caring for hubby, dad, running the family business as hubby won’t retire although he can’t really do it any more

Run out of steam!

[Sunnie2day in reply to Janma123]

Do you have family near-by, children or your siblings? Can you afford a reliable paid carer to come in and give you some respite at least once or twice a week?

When I finally asked my brother to share the caring, it made a huge difference for me. He said he didn't realise he was needed until I spoke up. My children were very young at the time but if it were happening to my family now I wouldn't hesitate to put my children to helping with the business and caring responsibilities.

The last year of Dad's life he needed someone with him 24/7 so my brother and I found a qualified nurse (Dad had CHF and COPD so needed specialised nursing care) who came in for eight hours every day/night so he could work day or night shifts. We couldn't have kept Dad home that last year without that wonderful nurse. We took it in turns making sure no-one was overwhelmed and all three of us had 'shifts' scheduled according to our needs (shopping, banking, school runs, etc). My Dad, brother, and I shared the cost of the nurse so it worked out to be doable cost wise.

(((HUGS))) I hope you find a way to get some respite.

[Janma123 in reply to Sunnie2day]

Thank you Sunnie, I do have children nearby but they all have their own situations to deal with at present. My sons wife ( now ex!) did do dad’s housework once a week but then stopped last March as she was also a Carer for a vulnerable person. Both of my daughters have enough on their plates with full-time jobs and homeschooling children.

My brother lives near Newcastle, so hasn’t been able to come up since September.

Neither hubby’s nor dad’s needs are huge in themselves but just time consuming. Dad will be ok when he can get out and about again. Hubby - well just soldier on!

When we are allowed out again I’m coming down to meet you for a coffee somewhere!

Jane

[Sunnie2day in reply to Janma123]

I look forward to a coffee (and cake - must have cake!) meet-up, lots of lovely Scottish tearooms between thee and me

[Prada47]

Slightly off topic, but it brought to mind something my friends wife said " One thing I am sure of is I am not going to my grave wanting something " in a material sense I hasten to add.

Vaccinated hands face Space to Stay Safe

[Hidden]

Great Post Michael and SO true. I had to learn the hard way though. Looked after my Sister who was extremely ill for 4 years, she's passed now. It certainly took it's toll I can tell you. Take Care 💘💘