Redundant!

I was in love for the first time in my life and they bailled when I got ill. Always there for them, but, never there for me!

[Paul-baskerville]

Hi curry man .I totally understand you .

I am in a very simular situation.

I had my heart attack in January 2020 , but Sadly still not fixed , so I get anxious , depressed .

My wife has always been a tough cookie , but when I feel I need support now , she is not really there for me .

She thinks it's all in my head .just put a plaster on it and you will be ok .

I have supported her for 20 years , but now I have lost my job , I think I am on my own .

Kind regards Paul the spanner man .

[Janma123 in reply to Paul-baskerville]

Hi Paul, speaking as the wife of a hearty, your wife is probably struggling as much as you are, but showing it in a different way. I certainly found things very difficult when my hubby had his first heart attack and again when he had his bypass and stroke. My strong person and my rock had in a moment become vulnerable and dependent and our future plans and dreams were completely on hold. Hearts and heads recover with time and a new life evolves.

You have both had a difficult year with a life changing event happening ‘out of the blue’, besides Covid lockdowns and jobs being list. Talk about how you feel but try asking how she feels and make a looking forward plan,

All the best Jane

[Paul-baskerville in reply to Janma123]

Hi janma123 .I have tried to talk to her , and I do understand it's equally difficult for her , especially in these strange times .

She equally has lost her own income , as she runs her own wedding avent business.

I honestly don't know how to approach her , I just get a very negative brush off , so I am sick of being pushed away , as it makes me feel even worse than I did before .

I do feel very alone .

[EmmyLaury12 in reply to Paul-baskerville]

Hi Paul

Relationships are very complex .

I’m sorry you feel alone I suppose I do in a way so can relate to you .

My partner so wound up in his own health issues does not understand my needs ??

Learnt to just soldier on really .My daughters are great I get more support from them now .

🤞your wife will come round and you can work something out together x

[IrisCarter in reply to Paul-baskerville]

I am sorry that you feel alone. This path is hard.

[EmmyLaury12]

Sorry to hear curry man ,

🤞you can talk to her and sort it out x

[Qualipop]

Very sad but some people just can't cope with illness. MY husband didn't even go to hospital with me when I had my heart attack 2 yrs ago; he went back to bed. Afterwards he did all the practical things around the house to help but moral support- not a chance. He's been like that since I became disabled 20 yrs ago in constant pain. Because he couldn't see it, it didn't exist. It's not hat he doesn't care. It's that he just runs away from illness. Last week he had stomach ache; nothing serious just normal belly ache. The look in his eyes was of sheer terror. I blame it on the fact that he was alone with his dad as a teenager when his dad suddenly died. He's never got over it.

[Sunnie2day]

This may not be any comfort the now - but if the person bailed at the news of your heart problems, they were not the person for you no matter how deeply you felt about one another. Better to find out now than later down the road when/if your health goes really pear-shaped and the person you should have been able to count on completely cut and runs.

Sometimes 'Mr/MsRight' is only right when the sun shines, when the rainy season starts they aren't quite so right.

Loving someone with long-term health problems is a huge commitment not everyone is able to make - good on the other person recognising that in themself, and sparing you both the agony of dragging out the inevitable.

Your hurt will ease off over time if you see it that way, that you've both done yourselves a favour by not letting it go on if one of you was unable for whatever reason to make a full-on commitment to the relationship.

[MikeBB]

I'm not sure if this adds anything, but I will 100% echo Sunnie2days's comment.