It's been a week of ups and downs from a "Yeah" to wanting to give a couple of people a smack! Anyway it's time to wind down for the weekend with a few jokes to lighten the mood. Please feel free to add some of your own.
What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand!
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake!
My partner purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge!
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen!
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough!
Written by
MichaelJH
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Michael you never fail to make me laugh, always cheer me up. Thank you. Some great jokes.Love the comment about giving someone a smack, feel like that on occasions!
A man goes into a pub. He orders 7 pints of beer, he drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint and gets up to leave. The barman says why are you not drinking the other three pints.? He says, doctors orders, what do you mean by that asks the barman.? I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.
Hi Michael, well done for giving the urge to smack certain people a swerve😂, that sentence made me laugh, although it shouldn’t as you’ve obviously been a bit fed up (🤬) 😞, loving all the jokes, they are keeping me sane 🙂x
Sadly some people are just so incompetent you wonder if they have an ounce (or should I say 25gms) of common sense. Since Christmas the phantom pain has racked up. Trying to walk with a prothesis (very slow progress) when you get cramp in the calf and have a painful heel in the leg that is not there is bizarre and frustrating!
So sorry to hear this but sadly it is what too many of us experience in our hosp treatments.
I cannot even begin to understand or appreciate your phantom pain - I just hope knowing you keep us all laughing and entertained in some way helps & gives you strength. You are quite amazing 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Another night of no sleep spent staring at the ceiling however it’s 3.55am and these jokes have cheered me up and my forum friends posts have kept me company through the long night! Cheers Michael, sorry you are suffering at the moment but you are an inspiration to the rest of us....behind the fridge...so funny that one😂🥰
Thank you, Michael. They gave me a laugh! I hope you don't mind but I passed a few onto some French friends - be interesting to see whether our toilet paper humour is understood! The dart one is hilarious. 😂
The consultant stood at the end of the bed . He looked a bit young but his finger nails were clean. " O.K. Michael " He said, "this what is going to happen"... and he went off into a very detailed account of the operation, finishing up by say " don't worry, it will all go well and there won't be any mistakes".
I said "Err , there is only one problem - my name is not Michael"?
I kinda experienced this during my angiogram young junior doc came in carry notes & flipping through them, looked at me and exclaimed to everyone present but i thought it was a male patient next!!!
I tried & failed to get off the table but demanded he leave & that they check my notes, procedure etc all twice before continuing!!!! Not funny at the time but now....😱🤦🏽♀️🤷🏻♀️😉
I need a new windscreen scraper recommendations please? Until now iv'e been using an old discount card I found in my wallet but I can only get 20% off! 😕😕😕
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