Laughter is the Best Medicine

[MichaelJH]

It's been a week of ups and downs from a "Yeah" to wanting to give a couple of people a smack! Anyway it's time to wind down for the weekend with a few jokes to lighten the mood. Please feel free to add some of your own.

What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand!

Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake!

My partner purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge!

Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen!

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough!

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

Thank you Michael.

I take my hat off to you for keeping us smiling despite all you have been through recently 😂

[lettingoffsteam]

Thanks for the laugh Michael..my husband especially liked the lettuce joke.🤣

[Smileyian]

I liked the lettuce one. A salad will never taste the same again 😂

[Sanpedro2019]

Great

[080311]

Michael you never fail to make me laugh, always cheer me up. Thank you. Some great jokes.Love the comment about giving someone a smack, feel like that on occasions!

Take good care

Pauline

[Maisie2014]

Thanks Michael. I needed that this morning.

[DD13]

Well Michael. That made me laugh. Hope you are doing ok.

[Janma123]

😂

[Platypus6]

Thank you Michael great jokes to cheer us up 😂

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

Any new jokes? I need a good chuckle as I had some bad phantom pains in the early hours! ☹️

[Handel]

😂😂😂! Once again, the inspirational MichaelJH gets us all laughing!! Hope you're doing OK. xxx

[Handel]

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”

Well - I tried!!! xxx

[Cockneyblue]

You are so right Michael, laughter is one thing we all miss. Thank you for cheering me up. 👍👍 x

[jowalk6]

Brilliant!Some really corny ones for you.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

Told you they were corny.

[Pinky1985]

They are fantastic you have a great sense of humour laughter is all that gets me through any of this so thank you I’ll take a prescription haha xx

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

A man goes into a pub. He orders 7 pints of beer, he drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint and gets up to leave. The barman says why are you not drinking the other three pints.? He says, doctors orders, what do you mean by that asks the barman.? I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.

[Schora1]

You are inspirational Michael and a real ray of sunshine in such miserable times. Thank you. Just what we all need 😊

[Magicfairy]

Hi Michael, well done for giving the urge to smack certain people a swerve😂, that sentence made me laugh, although it shouldn’t as you’ve obviously been a bit fed up (🤬) 😞, loving all the jokes, they are keeping me sane 🙂x

[RufusScamp]

I like the lettuce joke.

We used to sing a hymn about salad at school.

"Lettuce with a gladsome mind,

Praise the Lord Cos he is kind..."

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

Sadly some people are just so incompetent you wonder if they have an ounce (or should I say 25gms) of common sense. Since Christmas the phantom pain has racked up. Trying to walk with a prothesis (very slow progress) when you get cramp in the calf and have a painful heel in the leg that is not there is bizarre and frustrating!

[HHH2017 in reply to MichaelJH]

So sorry to hear this but sadly it is what too many of us experience in our hosp treatments.

I cannot even begin to understand or appreciate your phantom pain - I just hope knowing you keep us all laughing and entertained in some way helps & gives you strength. You are quite amazing 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

[Gladwyn]

Thanks Michael. Laughed out loud at two weeks behind the fridge lol. Your an amazing guy. Best always x 🦋

[Sunnie2day in reply to Gladwyn]

That's the one I enjoyed most as well

[Meatless]

Another night of no sleep spent staring at the ceiling however it’s 3.55am and these jokes have cheered me up and my forum friends posts have kept me company through the long night! Cheers Michael, sorry you are suffering at the moment but you are an inspiration to the rest of us....behind the fridge...so funny that one😂🥰

[AliceAnnie]

Thank you, Michael. They gave me a laugh! I hope you don't mind but I passed a few onto some French friends - be interesting to see whether our toilet paper humour is understood! The dart one is hilarious. 😂

[MichaelJH Heart Star in reply to AliceAnnie]

It's international. Here's one from an Austrian friend (they have a meter of snow!).

[Ianc2]

The consultant stood at the end of the bed . He looked a bit young but his finger nails were clean. " O.K. Michael " He said, "this what is going to happen"... and he went off into a very detailed account of the operation, finishing up by say " don't worry, it will all go well and there won't be any mistakes".

I said "Err , there is only one problem - my name is not Michael"?

"Ah, yes" he said, "That's my name"..

[HHH2017 in reply to Ianc2]

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏽‍♀️

I kinda experienced this during my angiogram young junior doc came in carry notes & flipping through them, looked at me and exclaimed to everyone present but i thought it was a male patient next!!!

I tried & failed to get off the table but demanded he leave & that they check my notes, procedure etc all twice before continuing!!!! Not funny at the time but now....😱🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😉

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

I encountered this with distancing in Q2, 2020:

Cartoon

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

I need a new windscreen scraper recommendations please? Until now iv'e been using an old discount card I found in my wallet but I can only get 20% off! 😕😕😕