Understanding

[Sorcha1973]

When I had my heart attack i was with my sister and her 2 kids this was 8.10 am. But I had the same extent of pain at home that morning at 7am. I was just home with my husband. He wasn’t wake yet. So I sat for 30 mins on the spare bed thinking I was suffering heart burn. But at the back of my mind I knew this was a different pain but not killer pain. But i know now woman don’t feel/ complain of the pain as much as men. This was the first day off local lockdown with covid 18th March. So was told no one could travel or come with me. I coped because I had to. I had great support. But now I feel like my husband hasn’t a clue of how sick I was or how serious it all could have been. Men sometimes need to see it to believe it 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m only 46 so all of this scares me. I think I’m not be taken seriously. He was perfect when I got home. But I believe he thinks I’m perfect now. I can see how he thinks this. He didn’t see it. I was calm didn’t fuss I was in charge. I needed him with me I believe for him to see the mental scar the whole thing has left on me. 🤷🏼‍♀️💓😥

[Edwen_]

It sounds like your husband needs help in understanding the process of rehabilitation after a heart attack. It is a very frightening experience. I had my heart attack over 2 years ago and I know how deeply this can affect your physical and emotional well-being. You could gather the information together from the British Heart Foundation, sit your husband down, tell him that he must listen and help him to understand.

[Ageingfast]

You still have some months of recovery to deal with.

You really need to steer your attitude towards achieving recovery and away from your bias against men.

[jmpond90gmailcom]

Hi Sorcha, sorry to hear this. My HA was 3months ago and I'm 42. I have just had an ICD fitted. I hear what your saying about partners not understanding, I think its very hard to convey just how serious it is. Maybe let him listen to telephone appointments you may have and invite him to ask questions, write stuff down and try and work through that together, set him a profile up on here. There are lots of partners on here that are trying to get help. He could just read some posts. Happy to answer any questions he may have. I think it's also frustrating as sometimes you want them to be as involved as you are however they wont be as it's your body not theirs. It's very tough on relationships I have noticed. You must also remember to be kind, to him and yourself. It maybe his way of dealing with it,rightly or wrongly. Hope this helps a bit

Jim♥️x

[Sorcha1973 in reply to jmpond90gmailcom]

Thank you Jim.

[ellj]

I completely understand what you are feeling because I am in the same situation.

Although a lot older than you I feel that my situation is very close.

I am so sorry you are not being given the support from your husband and he is not perhaps taking your situation as seriously as he should.

This can be puzzling and hurtful.

Makes you feel you do not matter that much.

Perhaps we are just too strong and if we made a fuss and cried a few years maybe husband's might see we are not fine, however it could be just that it is his way of coping because he is afraid for you but can't put it into words.

Take your recovery one day at a time

Best wishes

Ellie

[Sorcha1973]

Yes I was brought up to strong independent and capable woman. Which is great but obviously has a down side also. My granny alway said I could pilot a plane. She said this when I was 4. Lol. He doesn’t like speaking about difficult stuff. So I think your 💯 % on the Money. Feeling much better today. Xx 💋

[080311]

Hello, when any of us as a heart issue it’s very scary for our nearest and dearest! I am a lot older than you, and had to have open heart surgery, my youngest son who was turned 40, just couldn’t handle it. He lives 500 miles away from me so couldn’t visit regularly. I was in hospital for 7 weeks before my surgery and I seemed to spend every day on the phone with him that I wasn’t going to die I was going to fight with everything I had to stay here. Husband who was there day in and day out going through everything with me coped much better though he did tell me later he would have a cry when he went to his bed! My eldest son lives in Australia and did fly over he wanted to talk to my cardiologist face to face! He was only here for a few days but he again coped better than his brother.

What I am saying I think is everyone is different, from what I read in your post maybe your husband is scared if he pushes it to the back of his mind then it didn’t happen and life will just go on. Sitting down with him and explaining how very scary it is, until you have a heart issue it’s difficult to comprehend. Not only as your heart taken a hit but your brain is trying to make sense of what as happened to you.

I wish you a great recovery things do get better, I am here 4 years on and still going strong 😉

Pauline

[Sorcha1973 in reply to 080311]

Thank you Pauline. Xx

[Lonmayloon]

Hi Sorcha, I recognise elements of what you’re saying. I think maybe partners don’t want to dwell on what might have happened and close off these thoughts after the event. A useful way of broaching the subject is not to hold back with your feelings and worries if you’re discussing it with a third person present. That way you’re telling a friend but letting your partner know as well.

All the best.