Needs assessment

[Heartinthehills]

Didn't think I needed one of these but being honest in completing this found that like 75% of respondents I am missing contact with family and friends. Most of my usual social activities have gravitated to 'Zoom meetings' which don't lend themselves to spontaneous camaraderie. Being a people person and retired from a work environment I am missing people. Family bubbles need to traverse 1-3 counties and another country. Doesn't really work with current restrictions. Happy to share the misery and any innovative solutions with the community.

[gilreid1]

? Not sure what your point is on BHF forum

[Love101cats]

I've just bought a mobility scooter so on bright days I hope to literally zoom about locally and wave and maybe say hello from a distance and at least post my own letters. Ive been home alone for 6 months. I couldnt stand another 6 months.

[GracieOS]

I know what you mean. My friends and family aren't nearby but we've always visited or had visitors. My mum and dad are now in thier late 80s and dad isn't particularly well. I'm planning a visit with my children next week in case we get caught in another lockdown. My husband has gone today to visit his 94 year old mother who lives in an area of south Wales that goes into lockdown at 6pm tonight. I'm dreading a winter lockdown! During the last lockdown I wasn't able to access rheumatology services and became very unwell. I'm really fearful of that happening again.

[Kristin1812 Heart Star]

It’s a difficult time isn’t it, especially if you can’t use your usual contacts. I have found a couple of people locally that I knew just a little, and we are becoming friends. They live so much closer than my family, who are young, socialise and travel around on public transport and to and fro to work (front line NHS). Three have had the virus and my husband and I are wary of them being in such contact around London.

So my new friends are a local support and we now pop round a fair bit, and chat each day by phone or message, but we are all very disciplined.....outdoors, masked and distanced. Cold weather is now a bit of a tester, We share local nature interests, recipes, books and more recently occasionally walks.

I’m afraid this is not v original as an idea, but it keeps us all in touch with the outside world.

[benjijen]

At least we can still have zoom chats and private video chats (not all of us of course). Just imagine how awful it would be without that.

[Qualipop]

I totally get it. I've seen my son just once since last Christmas and am now not well enough to travel to see him and he doesn't drive and doesn't dare use the trains. He had covid in March. Apart from just about managing one trip to the local shop every other week I'm housebound and haven't seen a single person since March. I have a husband but he spends his time either in another room or in his shed; never ever holds a conversation but spends every evening on the phone to friends. Because I've been unable to visit them for several years, any friends I have have drifted away and I haven't been able to meet any neighbours since we moved here. Now undergoing tests for possible cancer and heart playing up again I feel I've just had enough. I see my cleaner for one hour a week.

[Heartinthehills in reply to Qualipop]

Hi Qualipop. Your situation sounds familiar. My wife and I can’t seem to talk about some issues important to us at the moment. Not being able to have much of a normal life together - meeting friends and family, holiday, etc. - doesn’t help. We have just sold our house and need to find one in a hopeful move 40 miles away near to our daughter but can’t agree on where and what to buy and both worried in our own way about finding a new life not dependent on our daughters family. Just going out for a walk, exercise and fresh air helps me think things through. Talking to someone neutral, not our children, also helps. My brother and sister, both with their own issues and living 250 miles away lend me an ear now and again and I listen to their issues. A simple solution for me is to watch some comedy on TV (iplayer) so I can have a good laugh. I also once indulged in a bit of therapy when made redundant 20 years ago and found some coping solutions. I found this link on the BHF website which you may want to look at. nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-ma... Just doing something for yourself should hopefully help lift your spirits. Best wishes in finding something to keep you going.

[Qualipop in reply to Heartinthehills]

Thanks. I had seen that. I've had CBT before but it didn't help much- depends who you get. My worries and anxiety have built up because of this. I know husband is struggling too. He has OCD; HAS to do certain things on certain days at specific times, meet certain people at specific times eat at exactly the same time each day. He's broken lockdown numerous times to visit friends because he just HAS TO. If he really can't spends hours and hours on the phone; doesn't want to know about my health problems because he can't cope with illness; doesn'tget the mask thing at all- he's still wearing the same disposable one he had in March. It makes life very very difficulty. I have no family at all except my son so I don't want to offload on him. I'd love a face to face talk to my GP but that's not going to happen.

[080311 in reply to Qualipop]

Oh Qualipop

So sorry to read your post you sound so despondent I know what you mean about not seeing family haven’t seen the son who lives in the UK this year. The other one is in Australia it’s 2 years since I have seen him I speak with them most days either by FaceTime or by message. And it’s been a God send but not quite the same as face to face.

Being my husbands carer I am the one who as to do all the thinking and oh boy that sometimes gets me down. Trying to think ahead and make sure I keep us both as safe as I can. The boys come up with all sorts of advice but it’s so complicated! I think they forget that I have a heart condition so need help sometimes.

You mentioned tests you will be in my prayers for really good news when you get the results.

My mother use to say to me head up straighten your shoulders and face the world have always tried to follow her advice but sometimes just would like to bow my head and say oh I am tired😩

Make sure you take good care

Pauline

[Qualipop in reply to 080311]

Many thanks for that. It is so difficult. IT makes me so ANGRY seeing so many old people locked up in care homes like prisoners. I'm afraid the risk of seeing family really is worth it but the Government seems insistent on bringing in more and more restrictions on eh elderly rather than tackling the real cause- the young drunks who just don't care. I'm sure before long there will be a huge revolt and people will simply refuse to comply. If everyone would take normal precautions we could live a normal life with the risk. Let us control our own lives with common sense. This just can't go on indefinitely.

[gladliz]

Zoom has been a godsend at this time. Only wish I could have bought shares.😊

My partner is more of a people person than I am and he is doing Yoga classes, meditation, and discussion groups. I am in the book club and we both go to the virtual 'Pub' on Friday night's and the 'Coffee morning' on Wednesdays all provided by British Naturism which we belong too.

We are also fortunate that we can visit our caravan and hold socially distanced bonfires of an evening and have a large enough garden for fresh air and exercise.

We have met a lot of new people through Zoom, ones under normal circumstances we would never have crossed paths with and I hope this continues in LAL.

[Maisie2014]

Hello Heartinthehills. I found it very frustrating sitting in the apartment waiting for my husband to have his walk and I was sick of just walking round the block. I never saw anyone. Now I have a mobility scooter I go out for a long walk with him and I’m amazed how many people are on the track and just how many like to stop to talk. I would recommend you find your nearest cycle/walking track. You will be getting the exercise you need along with the chats you are missing. I don’t use the scooter all the time; just for going uphill, but I’m getting more exercise now and more fresh air.

[Love101cats]

What a nice encouraging post! I'm going through the worst time ever having lost my husband in December and coping with heart failurec2/3 and now kidney failure stage 4. I thought when I ordered my scooter people would think im insane but I have a car I can't drive because of the pain in my feet and hands. So your positive remarks have made me feel im on the right lines. I can't wait for my scooter to arrive.