YULE TIDE HUMOUR: FIRST CHRISTMAS JOKE... - British Heart Fou...

British Heart Foundation

54,323 members33,993 posts

YULE TIDE HUMOUR

19 Replies

FIRST CHRISTMAS JOKE

Three men die on Christmas Eve. To get into Heaven St. Peter says “you must have something on you that represents Christmas”

The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says “Its a candle”. St Peter lets him pass.

The Welshman jingles his keys and says “They’re sleigh bells” and St Peter lets him in.

The Irishman pulls out a G String and a Bra. St Peter says “How on earth can those represent Christmas”? Paddy says “They’re Carols!

19 Replies
Heythrop51 profile image
Heythrop51

The society dedicated to preserving the “much-abused” apostrophe was recently shut down with its chairman conceding defeat. In fact it came to a "full stop"!

Used correctly it becomes "They're Carol's" giving a whole new meaning.

P.S. It did make me smile! :)

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toHeythrop51

Competition time! I have spotted another, can you find it?

Another smiley here! 😁

Sunnie2day profile image
Sunnie2day in reply toMichaelJH

Its?

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toSunnie2day

Correct! 10/10 It is the possessive rather than an abbreviation for "it is".

SpiritoftheFloyd profile image
SpiritoftheFloyd in reply toMichaelJH

All this talk about the apostrophe reminds me of Keith Waterhouse who founded AAAA (Association for the Annihilation of the Aberrant Apostrophe).

I used to love reading his articles/books. An old school journo who was in Fleet St in the old days. Considering the amount he drank I was amazed he lived to 80.

Prada47 profile image
Prada47 in reply toHeythrop51

Agree the G String and Bra do belong to Carol.

If it had said There Carols or Their Carols puts it into a slightly different presentation. !! Complicated this English Language

Heythrop51 profile image
Heythrop51 in reply toPrada47

Drilled into me at Haberdasher's Aske's Boys' School. Got lines once (in fountain pen for getting the apostrophes in the name wrong! :)

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toHeythrop51

St Albans School never had an apostrophe - maybe it should have?

Prada47 profile image
Prada47 in reply toMichaelJH

Just plain old St Christopher's for me

Heythrop51 profile image
Heythrop51 in reply toMichaelJH

Think we played and beat you (the schools) in rugby but so long ago!

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toHeythrop51

I was never very good at rugby and never made a team. Your school rings a bell as does Merchant Taylor and St. George's (Harpenden). I was in the cross country team though!

Heythrop51 profile image
Heythrop51 in reply toMichaelJH

I read St George's had three players in the world cup. Merchant Taylor had a good team as well. What years were you in St Albans School?

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toPrada47

Accompanying music:

youtu.be/drvp_w4J-DQ

Prada47 profile image
Prada47 in reply toMichaelJH

Video won't play will look it up on u Tube

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star in reply toPrada47

😎

in reply toMichaelJH

Ah the Hamlet moment or is it smoke gets in your eyes?

For those of you with questionable eyesight there is no apostrophe in the story - just an exclamation mark Ho Ho Ho

Prada47 profile image
Prada47 in reply to

Yes Jack's old Hat has one in Jack's !! In Joke

in reply toPrada47

I had some terrible news last night, my younger brother was ferreting about under the sink (behind the curtain) and found a pop bottle (with a 6d deposit) with what he thought was fizzy pop inside. Unfortunately for him it was actually a very expensive yacht varnish. After drinking it, he became ill and was rushed to hospital but even with all of the ER efforts, he sadly died. A hospital spokesman later said that it was an unfortunate accident and although he had a terrible end he had a superb finish!

My other younger brother went for a ferret under the sink and found some onions drying there - he ate one and soon became very ill - after being rushed to hospital it was found that he had not eaten an onion but actually a daffodil bulb. A hospital spokesman suggested that although he was very ill he would be out in the Spring

Not what you're looking for?

You may also like...

A Story For Friday

Late one night this guy is speeding down the empty road. A cop sees him go flying past so chases...
MichaelJH profile image
Heart Star

C'mon people Christmas trees and cheer!!

Come on everybody! Lets see those christmas trees, decorations and anything else christmasy to...
DanniC88 profile image

Our best friends

Looking at transporters post and lovely pic of him and his dog followed by some of you others My...
cappachina profile image

A joke as requested

A jewish grandfather takes his grandchildren down to the beach they are playing in the sand when...

I could do with a buddy to keep me on the straight and narrow

Hello, everyone. I'm getting a bit frustrated with myself at the moment. Having lost the best...
laura_dropstitch profile image
Heart Star

Moderation team

See all
HUModerator profile image
HUModeratorAdministrator
Luke_BHF profile image
Luke_BHFPartner
Amy-BHF profile image
Amy-BHFPartner

Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.

Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.