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British Heart Foundation
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Feeling sad

Im feeling sad , useless and most of all I feel everything has been taken away from me. I was always on the go with work , my home life and looking after my grandchildren. Now I do very little housework, no looking after the grandchildren and no going to work. Yes I’m so lucky to be here I know but I just want my old life back😢😢

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Oh Lynn I so understand and I hope there is some comfort in knowing that I think (hope) we are only just at the start of the journey that will see us much back to our old selves.

I avoided the heart attack but was confirmed today that the LAD was 99% blocked so I guess similar situation I had one stent but pressure wire test on two other ‘fuzzy’ areas.

Like you I have had episodes of chest pain recently and ended up at hospital on Tuesday - ECG and tests were all OK. All those things that you feel are lost are still there just waiting for you to pick up when you are properly well, you’re still healing and it’s OK to be sad.

We are frustrated with ourselves - do you attend rehab sessions? I have accessed counselling through that - 1st session today which I did find quite traumatic but hopefully it will turn into being cathartic.

Take care - hugs

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Thanks susieAG, it’s such a massive life changer. I’m normally a get up and go person, these days I got to think about what I can do. My partner is great but he sometimes makes decisions for me which is now getting on my nerves. He means well I know. I try to explain to him how I feel and he keeps saying I need to find a hobby. I would but I just don’t know what as I get frustrated and bored quickly. Yes I went to a rehab assessment and to be honest I refused counselling as I was in a better place. Maybe I will contact them and ask for counselling. I also feel a fake as to look at me you would never know anything was wrong with me. Family and friends see me and say you look great, you must be feeling better ( which I don’t). Susie I hope you feel better in time. Long road ahead off us. Thanks for your reply x

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Ditto.... I feel to be in a strange limbo land where I don’t quite fit. I worked full time - I have no hobbies or networks to easily plug into. I’m anxious in company but realise I need to make the effort. My husband is great but I know exactly what you mean.

Have you read this blog

myheartsisters.org/

I found it resonated but we’re all different - we’re not alone or even that different - there’s some comfort in that xx

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Thanks sudieAG, Iv just spoken to my other half and explained how I’m feeling, I think he actually listened to me this time. I will take a look at that blog later. Thanks again x

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I said no to go counselling at first but just realised I need it. I’m so emotional keep crying. Always been independent and still being but I live alone and at night times I get so low I drive myself up the wall. Laying in bed think omg what’s that pain what’s that then convince myself I’m having another heart attack. I’m 59 had my heart attack 28 th sept having 3 cardiac arrest on the way to hospital. Artery blocked 99% had stent fitted. Started to feel better now blood pressure has shot back up and again they can’t get it down like when I had heart attack so convinced I’m going to have another. Thinking I should go into warden controlled place. I don’t know feeling very low. I shall try counselling

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so understand what you are going through Kevin. I too live alone and was suffering from depression before the HA on 9th October, but things are even worse at moment. Feel as though I have been sent home just to get rid of me, had angio but unable to fit stents, told i needed surgery then surgeon wants cardio mri doing first. Sent home 23 oct told total rest no walking, no lifting, no nothing to await MRI to date heard nothing. Never offered any counselling, its now Friday 10:15am and seen nor spoken to anyone since 10:00am Monday. Close to throwing in the towel.

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Hi Steve, become the squeaky wheel, myther, heart units are very much in demand, and you can very easily become someone who doesn't myther. My advice, and my 90 year old heart problems mum, can stand testament to this, if you can at all, manage the finance for a private appointment with your consultant, it does wonders, shouldn't be necessary but a sad fact today.

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Oh Steve it is a struggle we face we’re all in this together. Feel free to talk with me anytime as I know what your going through. If it’s gets so bad call 111 I phoned them the other night and they were brilliant put my mind at rest. It’s so hard when there’s no one at home to talk with your mind does over time. My name is kim and a good listener x

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Steve I’m so so sorry that you are in the position you are in. It’s hard enough to get your head around having a heart attack let alone everything else you are going through. Please don’t throw the towel in. We are all here for you. We can all get through this together. This group is amazing and has helped me so much. You take care and remember we are here x

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Iv made the first steps to getting counselling . Thanks kevinpeter

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Lynn the other thought about counselling is if it’s not right or needed you and they will know, ask about and see - there’s nothing lost. I just see it as a place to offload some of the angst and upset and hopefully find techniques to cope going forward x

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I'm same just had to finish work I've got heart failure cardiomyopathy a f on loads of medication dont know wot benefits il b able to claim it's a nightmare 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

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Aw wodney1966, I’m so sorry to hear about your job. Hope you get your benefits sorted. I hope you feel better soon.

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Ty been to citizen advice they said they will make sure I get wot I'm entitled to 😁😁😁

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Join the website Benefits and work. They have guides to talk you right through a very difficult process. You have to pay a little but believe me it's worth it

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Hope you fare better than me with benefits Wodney. I am on long term sick from work receiving SSP so qualify for no benefits of anykind. The government says that as a single man of 57 years I need 72.00 pw to live, my SSP is 83.00 pw, hence no benefit. That's great my rent is 100.00 pw. Then they say avoid stress.

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Snap I’m on ssp and it’s shocking , this is the first time I’ve been sick in 9 years off working in the company 😬 it makes you want to get back to work before you are fit to .

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Hi steve_the_tyke

The rate for anyone on ssp is £92 pw and I'm certain you are entitled to help with your rent/council tax. Have you looked into applying for Universal credit?? Do try to see if you qualify

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Sorry typing error meant to put 93.00 SSP. Have tried to claim everything. Even after being told that i'm not entitled I have put in a claim. As for Universal Credit been told i should get about 7.00

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Ok well it seems that you've tried all avenues I'm not too sure what else is out there to claim.good luck in moving forward I hope you get the help you need

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Yea that's wot I'm prob going t be on new style employment support

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Me again, Steve if your SSP is your only income, then you should receive Housing/Council Tax Benefit, you are allowed £6,000 in savings, but then it decreases bit by bit. Avoid UC, you will only get the same as SSP, and can be a nightmare.

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It's not uncommon. I only have Angina and that alone has knocked me off my feet. Like you I'm sad to. I think with me it's that I feel I've lost my independence and my husband has to supply for us both now. I've work all my life so this is so hard BUT I'm not giving up I'm hoping that if I work at things and my cardiologist will get me well enough I can get a little part time job some time. I know it's hard but try to think positively. XX

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Hi lynn. I totally get where youre coming from. I am similar age. Am working 2 half days from full time before heart attack

The one thing I have found is daily exercise. Which I write up on a big piece of paper in kitchen so I can see that I am doing something

This doesn't have to be a marathon. Gentle yoga. Taichi Line dancing. Singing. Being in group has helped me. Also accepting that I am sad. Frustrated anxious. A friend practices sophology which isn't about sofas it's s breathing practice and she said to recognise your emotion. Don't judge it or yourself. Breathe it in - deep slow breath into belly then gently and slowly blow out. Repeat and it does seem to calm

Susie is spot on. We are all on a journey and things are improving slowly. It's trying to live with the limitations isn't it

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Hi Lynn. I felt very much like you for a long time after my heart failure diagnosis, but now I'm a very happy person who is enjoying life. Don't get me wrong, I still have occasional down periods, but I wanted to let you know that it does get easier. I noticed a few comments mentioned counselling. I spoke to a psychologist within my heart failure clinic and found it hugely helpful. Well done for talking to your other half about what you need from him. I had a similar conversation with my husband and he changed the way he responded to me as a result, just a small change but it made a massive difference to me. Lots of love and good luck x

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Lynn1966 I know exactly what you mean. You are not alone, although it isn’t much consolation . I feel exactly the same. It’s so hard to get used to. I’m not looking forward to having my device fitted because that will mean a bit more indendence taken away. Still we must adapt to our new normal. Onwards and upwards. Good luck xx

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My husband found his ICD gave him greater confidence and independence. It also made me feel much better about travelling and him going to places by himself.

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Hey just take each day as it comes, I also. Feel i have had my life taken away after dvla revoked my class 1 licence. If I knew in August before I had pacemaker/defibrillator fitted i wouldn't of had it. I'm been medical retired from my job.

I feel better and fitted than I did 12 months ago , I wake and think what can I do day, lucky for me. I have 5 boarder collies . Who need me .

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So much good advice from this lovely forum. I found it helps a lot to get feelings etc down in writing (this is the place to do that). Just go from day to day and jot down the good things/improvement (even just silly things). Best wishes for a brilliant future. It will happen xxxx

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This forum is brilliant,it's helped me so much.

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Me too. You'll be back enjoying life soon. Look on the positive side of everything.

Take care xxxxx

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I am 6 weeks post heart attack and was fit, ate healthiIy, never smoked, moderate drinker so I feel it's totally unfair and I too dread that I'll never get my independence or fitness back. Our generation has got used to juggling lots of things and being busy. I also live alone and can empathise with kevinpeter:-in the middle of the night I can imagine that even a twinge in my ankle is a heart attack. My anxiety levels are sky-high.

However, I have found that reading the posts on this forum has helped enormously. There is always someone who is a bit further on than you who has a positive story and people are really generous in sharing their stories. Do accept counselling and try the other suggestions. I intend to try anything offered or suggested.

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Hi, I was 40 when I had my major heart surgery and nearly lost my being here. It took me a good 18 months of getting back n my feet and back to work. It is a long and lonely stuggle, my family were fab but no one knows how exactly you feel. It's my 10 year anniversary at xmas and I am as normal as I am going to get I'll never be able to work full time again but my health is pretty good now.

I have to listen to my body and know when I've over done it and take time out.

I get frustrated at not being able to do things that people my age can do and it does get you down.

I posted on here a while back as I joined a fitness group and over done it and people's kind words made me feel so much better.

You need to take time and take it at your pace and in time I am sure you will get part of your old life back. Be patient and just take care of no1 first....you will get there xx

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Hi Lynn , having just read your previous posts, you are still very early days X

Sounds like you have taken a huge step forward by talking to your husband, and getting him to listen X

Best advice I can give is to talk X if you can't talk about how you feel, write it down, I have always found that by giving my feeling a voice, it helps me to make sense of how I'm feeling X

I didn't have a heart attack, I had elective surgery, and afterwards I felt I needed a reason to get up every day, work and family wasn't enough ( they didn't need me)

I made the decision to get a dog ( we had always had dogs prior to this, but our last one had died about 3 years previous), he was the best thing I've ever done X X

Due to getting him, I found a new hobby that I love (hence my forum name), and we now have 3 dogs X

Never give up! Things may seem black, but the good days will come back X you have a new life to build, that you can pack with new experiences X

Look forwards, not back X.

Best wishes X

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I am not surprised you are feeling sad Lynn. It is not good when the life you had has been radically changed and you now have limitations on what you are capable of doing. I think the person who said you should find a hobby is quite right. Learn something new. About 30 years ago I was physically unable to do much so I taught myself how to make cake decorations like sugar flowers etc. That required hours of sitting down quietly. I made multi tiered birthday and anniversary cakes and my piece de resistance was our daughter’s wedding cake. I did very large puzzles.

Other things one can do such as sewing, knitting, learning a language, crosswords, sudoku, anything which gets the brain working and interested. Moping is not good.

I always say we are where we are and how do we get on from here in the best way possible?

Good luck

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Hi Lynne

Why are not doing the things you did before, no reason not to

Take care

C

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Hi charlesL , I'm not allowed to lift push stretch etc. When I did try I ended back in hospital and got a good lecture. I'm feeling a little better today, trying not to over think things.

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Hi everyone,thank you all for your lovely words and support. When I went doctors yesterday my BP was low. I had to go again today and it was again low. I have to take a lower dose of my bisoprolol. I am actually in a better place today. Nigles are less I'm drinking loads more water as advised. One off the best benefits I had today was actually getting up earlier to an alarm clock. Which I haven't done in the last 7 wks. Knowing I had to get up and ready to be at the doctors for 8.30 made me feel normal again. Thanks again x

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Just me again, have you read the leaflet for Bisoprolol, not surprising you haven't been feeling to good, I have agreed to a very low dose, even that makes me feel numb. Glad you are feeling better, just shows what a pill can do.

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Lynn, I don't know if you have had a heart attack, surgery, or have been diagnosed with a heart condition, either way, it just shows how someones life can change so very quickly. I had aortic valve replacement surgery, 2 years ago, told I would feel like a new person, well I don't, constantly shattered, depression and along with other medical conditions, life is pretty poor. I think a lot does depend on age, or what other medical conditions you have faced or are living with. My advice, if your hospital has a support group, mine didn't, that didn't surprise me, but many good hospitals do. On line support is great but there is nothing like meeting people with similar problems as yourself and I am sure are armed with a wealth of knowledge. Please check with your hospital, such support is a lifeline. All the best for the future.

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Hi De-lorean2, yes I had a heart attack 7wks ago. I had stents fitted. Iv contacted the counselling team and they will be getting back to me x

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Hi Lynn you are not alone, it is a shock to the system but we still have a life we just need to adjust it. I think talking is good and letting people know how you feeling. I feel lost and vulnerable but I won't be defined by the HA even though it's turned my world upside down e.g. Id recently split from my husband and can't work which means i have no income I can't afford to worry but what its etc Its happened I've acknowledged it but still need to try and live my life. I wish you all the best with your recovery.

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The obvious answer is to get your grandchildren to look after you.

I do not know about your grandkids, but yes - I have given responsibility to three-year-olds!

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One off my 6 yr old grandson has been given the job to walk with me and talk to me at the same time.. ideal for him as he never stops yapping x

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