Will I ever learn

[Twobells]

I have never been one for sitting around, but I am finding life physically tough. Today I've been so busy, eventually sat down, but I'm physically done in. I wouldn't mind it so much if I had done something useful, but it's been one of those days 'busy doing nothing'. I am so shattered then I get tearful, feel I am not coping. When I get like this my scar and chest area feel hot and sore. Not sure why, after 8 months I thought it would not be a problem. However, it's driving me potty. I am struggling to get the old me back.

[skid112 Heart Star]

Hi Twobells, it's tough, you think you're fixed and still get tired. It's a long road back 8 months on still you need time to sit and relax and rest. You are doing just fine really you are. I am a year in, yes I exercise, i walk a lot and go to the gym, 8.30 I'm other asleep on the sofa or heading to bed. If i get exhausted my scar itches and burns too, I have odd lumps around it which I know are the endings and they hurt, feels like tearing the skin.

I suffer from depression, quite hard to admit that bit, used to be the odd mood, the old black dog, now it's more or less permanent. Days are marked from 1 to 10 with 10 being the best and I struggle to average 2 with good days being grandchildren getting about a 7. I would recommend you go and see your GP, get a referral for some counselling as well, it's a huge shock to the system and post op stress doesn't help your physical well being.

Take care

Mark

[KazSumm in reply to skid112]

Hi Mark, I know from reading your posts and the excellent advise you give that you are really clued up on heart problems, and it’s sad that your Black Dog is stopping you from full recovery, just like my Black cloud is hindering mine. Im hoping this therapy will work if not or if I feel I’d need extra help I’m going to ask my doctor for Sertraline my friends husband suffered really bad depression after his heart surgery for nearly a year, after taking Sertraline he started to feel much better within weeks and now he’s back to his old self. Apparently they are non addictive. I’m definitely going to try them if the other doesn’t work.

Hang on in there you sound like a great chap, love reading your posts. Kaz❤️💕❣️

[Twobells in reply to KazSumm]

I take this, but found it can make you a bit like a zombie soI only take half of a 50mg tablet. It has taken the edge of feeling like 'the black dog', like you and Mark.

[KazSumm in reply to Twobells]

Thanks that’s useful information, I guess like all meds’ it affects different people in different ways. My friends husband had no problems with them and it’s changed his life from feeling miserable to feeling enjoyment again,if I do try them I will only take a low dosage and see how I feel. I have always avoided any medication but since my op if it helps I’ll try it loltak care Kaz❤️💕❣️

[Twobells in reply to KazSumm]

I've only been taken since post op, seems to help.

[skid112 Heart Star in reply to Twobells]

Been offered it so far refused, aversion to medication due to the many I take now, but if the CBT doesn't work I will revisit, thank you both

[Twobells in reply to skid112]

I'm not Keen on taking drugs, but under the circumstances and the short term I agreed to them. I don't sleep to well, funny I thought about putting my sofa in my bedroom I seem to relax on that. As soon as I try go to bed I can't settle and pacing up and down. At least you know there options if CBT doesn't help

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star in reply to Twobells]

Hi, all. I take Sertraline. Like you, Mark, I declined the offer of it for a long time because I didn't want to add any more drugs to my existing cocktail. When I did finally decide to give it a go, it made such a MASSIVE difference to my mood and to my ability to put into practice all the CBT-type advice my psychologist had given me. I got a lot of hot flushes and night sweats at first (as well as just a few days of upset stomach) but now any side effects are negligible. It all comes down to personal choice, I guess, but I do wish I had given it a go sooner. I would like to stop taking it at some point, but am a bit scared to do so, I don't want to go back to feeling like I used to. That's the only real downside of it for me, feeling maybe a bit too reliant on it? (But then I am reliant on all my heart meds too and I don't feel the need to try to stop taking them.)

[Twobells in reply to laura_dropstitch]

The benefits outweighed the side affects, but without it I think I would be in an even darker place. It just stops me overthinking everything so I intend to continue on it at least until I have had counselling. I'm on a cocktail of meds so one more isn't going to hurt, but it has made a big difference.

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star in reply to Twobells]

Yeah, I think that's pretty much my feeling about it.

[Twobells in reply to laura_dropstitch]

Thanks Laura

[Kristin1812 Heart Star in reply to skid112]

Hi. I did it the other way round. Sertraline helped me feel well enough to get some therapy! Bit I do hope your CBT helps you.

[Twobells in reply to Kristin1812]

Thank you I'm still waiting for an appointment

[KazSumm]

Hi Twobells, I’m 15 wks post op after AVR, everything seems to have mended, sometimes my scar gives me a prickly feeling, and if I turn quickly it feels weird, but it has healed beautifully. I started back to work last week, and thank god I only work part time because I feel shattered when I get home, and I really have to push myself to do the day to day housework things. My main problem is depression, I just feel comfortably numb, I can’t muster up any feeling of joy or excitement, I feel I’ve lost myself, I’m not me anymore, but I’m hoping I’m out there somewhere lol. Cardio Rehab think I have post traumatic stress and gave me details on a NHS service called Step2wellbeing, I have an hour telephone consultation on the 23rd Nov, then will have weekly sessions somewhere local to me. You can refer yourself on line, or get your doctor to do it. Maybe this could be of help to you, it’s worth giving it ago. Depression seems to be one of the biggest side effect of heart surgery and most heart problems. I am hopeful that I can shake of this dark cloud that hangs over me, it’s also comforting to know that it’s not just you, I’ve spoken to many who have all experienced depression after, some shake it off after a few months, others still experiencing it one year on. You are not alone, and at least we know what’s caused it, even if we don’t know why. Stay strong Kaz 💕❤️❣️

[Bionic_swimmer]

Hi twobells

I haven't had what you've gone through so I can only say what I have been told by others who have (& My general experience)....

Believe it or not 8 months in you are still healing...physically and emotionally. You've been through a huge trauma and shock (any op is esp big ones). While surgeons etc may be excellent at fixing us, the after is in many ways harder....

You also need to be patient and kind to yourself for longer. There is no exact science or timescales (or rulebook) as to how each person recovers from surgery and add in the vast amount of drugs too, that takes it out of our bodies and minds.

The suggestion of counselling is excellent (if steps2wellbeing is in your area it's excellent but if not don't worry - see your GP and if you feel up to it ask for a referral to someone but if you can at least talk to them.) Also...the awesome BHF line is there and so if you need or want to chat they are there too as well as us!

You are tougher than you realise twobells 😊 but be kind and patient with yourself too. You are doing great x

[Sina-6491]

Hiya Twobells,

I second everything our friends on here day.

The 2nd Step mentioned above.

I asked my Gp if I could do some councelling business as I felt I could cope with the heart stuff. However, it was the other stuff in my life that was getting me down.

People close to me having problems and issues that I couldn't solve. I just wasn't dealing with the worry of it all.

When you feel you are taking one step forward but two steps back all the time. (Yes it really gets you down)

The problem was, by doing all this worrying about stuff I couldn't actually do anything about. I think I was causing myself anxiety.

And you know what anxiety does, it causes symptoms very similar to cardiac symptoms.

Now as I said, I have no issues with the heart stuff as I know I am being looked after by my surgery, the cardiac team at the Bristol BRI, the BHF staff on this forum and you guys. So if I am concerned then I will just ask.

No you see, all this family business was worrying the life out of me. Each family member concerned had problems that really at the end of the day, they could sort themselves.

Me being me, I tired to take it all on my shoulders, but wasn't getting anywhere of course.

I was getting my AF, breathing was hard, headaches', palpatations, dizziness, insomnia, sharp chest pains, low mood etc. All the usual stuff that us guys exspireance on here from time to time Evan after we have had our pops etc.

I felt I needed to learn how not to worry about stuff I simply couldn't sort.

I didn't want what I thought was anxiety to confuse me any further with what could be very real Symptoms of heart issues. So that is why I asked my Gp. Then at silly o clock the next night, I found this wonderful forum with all you lovely people. You guys have helped me so, so much this last few months.

Anyway, very long storey short.

Did telephone consultation, that went well

Refured to a group session of about six weeks. They would have been starting me off a couple of weeks late as I wanted to get started as soon as.

I couldn't find it the first time round, therefore missed yet another week.

Finally went to my first session and although I feel it was great for the other people participating. However, this group sharing thing really wasn't what I was looking for at that moment in time.

Everything they were suggesting was stuff I was already aware of. The overall advice was stuff I do myself anyway.

So I asked to try something else. Another telephone consultation later, then they organised one to one sessions for six weeks.

I was very aprehensive at the start as I had never really opened up to anyone else before. I am usually the one people come to with their worries. So very strange unformilya teritory to the likes of me.

But thinking about it, this forum was my first step to going to the (2nd Step councelling) so thanks guys.

First week, Mmm m.....really wasn't sure what I thought of the whole thing?

I felt as nice as he seemed, he was wayyy too young to have learnt or exspireanced anywhere near enough in live to be able to advise someone like me.

Ha what could he possibly say that could make me feel strong again, ha!

Well, I thought, Jo! What is wrong with you? You advise your friends on here all the time to go and get some councelling as it is good to talk and get it all out. A problem airred is a problem shared as the say.

So I told myself off, then went back the next week, then the next, then the next.

Well last week was my last session and yes, as much as I can still feel stressed and frustrated at the same sort of things as before.

I really do feel that that young man has managed to make me see I am strong and I have got the ability to step back, take a deep breath, then revaluate the situation with a much more realistic view towards the situation. Therefore managing to stay calm while deciding what the next step is.

Also by talking to him has made me realise it really is ok to let the people you love know that you can't always solve their issues. Sometimes they have to work it out for themselves. And do you know what, doesn't matter how much they ask for your advice, they'l still do it all their own way in the end. Ha, which means you did all unessasery worrying for nothing.

So I guess what I am say to you all, is give it ago☺ whatever your personal issues are it really does work Evan though I believed it wouldn't for me.

I am signed off now, however I can stillvcall apon them for more support in the future if I feel I need it.

Most of my cardiac symptoms symptoms seemed to have calmed down for the most part.

So here's to happy days and a happy brighter future to me and everyone.

Twobells! you will get you back, you've just got to know and believe you are still in there somewhere. (Then get yourself out GIRL!) 😁 make us all 😛

Hugs 'n' love ❤ to you all my friends,

Jo xx

Ps, that is if you managed to read it all, lol! hahaaa..

[Ethel13]

Hi Twobells,

I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low and really do hope that you feel more like your old self soon.

As usual heart chums have come up trumps with some very useful advice, hopefully it will be of help to you.

Lots of love and hugs,

Dory xxx❤️💕❣️

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star]

It's so hard to improve your mood when you're tired. It sucks, but sometimes we need to stop and put our feet up. I could barely function yesterday, was absolutely exhausted and very tearful at points - definite party aftermath! I admitted defeat and went to bed at 8pm (along with my six-year-old!) and feel much better for it today - mentally as well as physically. I need the occasional mega sleep (or day of telly/reading) now and again to be able to manage busy days in between, have trained myself not to feel guilty about it Hope you find something nice to do from the sofa today and feel better for it tomorrow. Lots of love x

[Twobells]

Thank you all for the lovely replies and support. As selfish as it sounds on Monday someone I know was moaning about how hard their life is. All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability. I am waiting to see a counsellor I have been on the list for a while, but I will look up this steps to well being. Sometimes though I think I push myself too hard. Deep down though I can't believe what happened to me. But at least I can talk to all of you on this site and have a grumble. Such good network of friends x