I just cannot give into you!

Dear Behcet's,

I am so overwhelmed with exhaustion right now :( I feel like I have hit a complete road block-- a thick, super heavy brick wall to be exact-- and it feels as though this brick wall is closing in on me very, very quickly.

I know that this overwhelming sense of exhaustion is YOU trying to take over my poor, weak body-- I know that you are trying to yet again beat me down.

I am trying my best to not let you win, but right now, at this very moment, it feels as though just giving in and letting you win is my best and easiest option...

....but....there is something inside me, something that is deep inside my body and soul (I am not yet sure exactly what this something is-- but it is definitely something that so much stronger and tougher than you are-- it is certainly something that is much more stronger, courageous, and patient than I ever could be...) that will just never, ever give into your undeserved cruelty and punishment.

At these moments when I feel completely beaten down and diminished to nothing, and feel that there is just absolutely nothing left in me to give-- this something that exists in me always manages to kick in at just the right times and helps pull me through.

So.... for now, at this moment in time, I can gladly say to you, Behcet's, that you have lost yet another battle-- and somehow, someway, even in my weakened state of being, I have stilll managed to beat you down!

I can say that I now feel somewhat more empowered by my latest victory. I have pulled through another Behcet's attack, and even though I am still with very little energy and cannot feel it as of yet, I know that I am now stronger than I was just moments earlier-- even if its just a little bit!

Unfortunately, I know that this is not the last time that I will be fighting you-- because you will always be there, hiding out, just waiting to attack my body once again.

It is safe to say that this extra bit of strength that I gain from each battle with you is well deserved because your greatest strength is to try to deplete me of nearly everything I have (and, sadly I can also say that you can give yourself a tiny pat on your back because you have taken away a lot of what I've worked so hard to gain)....but ....something that you continuously forget is that my greatest strength is to NEVER give into you...

See you again soon Behcet's Disease,

Jenna

9 Replies

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  • Well done...keep fighting. Are you on fb? I don't remember having met you in the active group there. Xx

  • We cannot give in. We have to keep fighting! Feel completely the same as you.

    Big hugs

    Xx

  • I think you have tapped into something we all feel and go through here.

    Keep going, one day at a time, and enjoy every good moment you have.

    x x

  • Jenna well done...and yes folks sometimes youve got to just keep putting one foot in front of the other....ew are lucky to have each other...how lonely would this have been pre-internet????? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...:-)

  • Well done. We have to keep fighting back. We can do it. You are not alone x

  • be strong....stay strong!

  • Yes yes yes!

    This is the way to be!

    Be angry, absolutely livid with the disease. It is not OUR fault we have it, so we must just let it know that it takes more than it's cruel self to get us down.

    We must all fight on.

  • So agree let the fight continue ((hugs)) :)

  • Thanks everyone for the positive feedback :)

    This was something that I had written a while back in my journal when I was feeling completely beaten down by everything. I find that writing really helps me get through the tough emotional days, and allows me to get out my true feelings about this darn disease. It seemed a bit odd at first to write a "letter" to my disease, but it felt really good afterwards to have directed my feelings straight at the source.

    We must keep fighting through the bad days and remember to emrace the good moments (no matter how short-lived they may be)-- together, we can all inspire each other to continue fighting this terrible disease and give it a good kick where it deserves! And if anyone ever finds a way to completely beat down and stomp on Behcet's Disease (for good), please share your secret :)

    p.s.-- Zebra-- No I am not on facebook.. I was at one point but then became too sick to keep up with it, but I have heard there is a lot of good support being offered there, so maybe I will re-join at some point.

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