Think I have genital herpes male.. Help and advice would be good from the community :(

[Jonniex]

I knew my girlfriend had this and knew about the possible risks... But it's happened I think... I'm 42..male and very very concerned now that my sex life is effectively over should I break up with this partner

[Thunderstorm123]

If you think you got it from her and you both have it why would you want to break up with her? Get yourself a test to confirm if you do/don't have HSV.

[Hmm-]

She told u she has it. That must have been hard enough u was aware of the risk just get some anti virals have a sea salt bath twice a week and man up

[gnaturally]

Hi Jonniex. I just wanted to say that it isn't a life sentence. She told you..... did she cry? Was she mortified? Was it the worst thing in the world for her to have to tell you about? What did you do and say? Did you hug her, tell her it didn't change how you felt about her? Tell her she is more than a virus to you? Did you accept her? Did it mean her sex life was over? I got married, had children, divorced and now have a wonderful boyfriend. I told these men in my life about my herpes. They accepted the risk and me. You accepted her. At the end of the day it is not a the be all and end all. If your relationship came to an end there is no reason why another loving partner wont accept you as you have her and I have been.

It has taken me many years to not feel I am dirty. I wasn't given the choice to try and avoid it but I give my boyfriend this choice. All I can do is empower him to make the decisions. The daft thing is that genital herpes is (in my opinion) sooooooo less worse than cold sores on the lips. That is like walking around with a neon sign over your head saying 'HERPES LIVES HERE'! People are cautious of kissing you even on the cheek or making sure they don't share a glass or straw. My limited research has mentioned the the cold sore type can cause inflammation of part of the brain etc. Genital herpes can be hidden from public view and kept private until a time you are comfortable to share this information. Research the statistic...... more people have the virus than you think. I take comfort from all of the above. I hope your relationship lasts and, I am sure you are aware, your girlfriend probably doesn't need anymore guilt stacked on her shoulders. I do hope you are taking some responsibility for contracting it also. I wish you both lots of luck and you find comfort in each other.

[Dancingdrummer in reply to gnaturally]

Gnaturally I just want to say thankyou ..i am 48 .I was diagnosed 8 months ago...wasnt told by the guy i had started seeing that he had it for 30 years. I always get a health check if I start a new relationship which came back clear.I had several horrendous outbreaks and eventually had blood test to see if I had the antibodies ..which I didnt. This meant I had caught it within 3 months and as had not been with anyone for couple of years,it was obvious it was him . His response.....didnt believe me ,wanted to speak to the doctor I saw and then denied it was him ...this was a guy who persued me for ages told me he cared about me so the emotions I went through were anger ..hurt...shock etc ....and it effected me terribly physically and mentally.

I have now moved away and with family, still have my odd off day but getting there.

I have met an amaazing man out of the blue who knocked down my barriers as a friend at first but know is moving to the next level and it is at the point where needed to tell him before went any further. Yes I cried,yes I felt humiliated,yes it was probably the worst feeling to tell him .He held me and said will work through it, but now wants time to get his head around it which I understand totally.

So feel kind of back to square one . Its another person that knows and I feel the anger coming for the person who gave it to me . Things happen for a reason I know but this is the 1 thing I cannot compartmentalise or rationalise as to why . The worse thing is that I am an extremely strong person and hate that this is making me feel so angry etc.

It is lovely to hear that you have met wonderful men who have accepted this .

Sorry for the long reply and rambling,I am just struggling at the moment and although my mum knows and a few very close friends, they dont understand fully how it feels.I am on tablets 3 times a day and am trying to notice a pattern for the shedding .

Joniex

Your partner was brave to have told you in the first place,it not the easiest thing to tell someone you care for with the stigma attached to it . You may have already had the virus but never knew it,you knew the risks . Take her in your arms tell her you love her and get on and enjoy life and sex with her life too dam short .

[gnaturally in reply to Dancingdrummer]

Dancingdrummer..... Our lives around the herpes seem very similar. Wishing you love and someone that accepts you totally. All those feelings you have? I have / had. I read a beautiful piece on another site. When I find it I will post it here x

[Jonniex in reply to gnaturally]

Thanks for that really really nice reply. I appreciate it.