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Why can't I climax?

Hi all. I'm new here, and hope I can get some advice.

I'm a 38 year old man, married with 2 kids. Been with my wife for nearly 20 years now.

I've never had a huge sex drive, but it's never been a major issue as my wife has understood and has been good at initiating things. There's never been any issues until the last couple of years, when suddenly I'm finding that I just can't climax during sex. Everything goes fine, my wife will reach climax and then suddenly it's like I lose all sensation and nothing happens. This has got worse as I now worry about it and so over-think it and probably cause the problem. But why is this happening? It's causing my wife to think there's something wrong with her, and it's putting me off having sex altogether. I can climax when I masturbate, but obviously that doesn't help matters in the bedroom. I'm guessing this is a psychological thing, but how can I sort it out?

Thanks in advance.

4 Replies

Hey dougied85,

sorry to hear of your difficulties, it is a great possibility that when the bedtime comes you have a lot on your mind, try relaxing more prior to the deed and don't go straight to the bedroom, try and show a little more romancing before going upstairs, but make sure you are both relaxed within the environment, the other option also is maybe going to see your gp, ask for a prostate check, only to make sure there is nothing going adrift downstairs, hope this helps mate, and good luck..


This is quite common, so don't worry too much. Sometimes the expectation and wory to perform can make matters worse. Speak with your GP, he or she will be able to help or point you to the right people.


I'd suggest you try targeting the problem directly...

Your wife seems to be very understanding. Excellent! Show her your post - this one! - so she knows you've got worries in addition to hers - this should help her allay her fears that it's about her.

With her understanding, a simple technique may fix your problem: from now on agree with her that you are *not going* to climax. This breaks the vicious circle of expectation and failure. Pressure off, you don't need to climax/cum during sex... try it... see what happens...(!).


sometimes the masturbation (depending how long before sex and how often) can be part of the problem, i don't know the full story but you may be masturbating more?? Sometimes sex with the same partner for a number of years can be kinda boring. There are lots of ways you can spice up your sex lives (sex toys, fantasies etc...) Just talk to your wife about it, let her know what turns you on the most and hopefully things will start to happen again


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