I just want to take a moment to say thank you for all the support and likes on my recent post about my experience. It truly means a lot to me!
I wanted to reach out for some advice because this is something I’ve always struggled with—confidence and social interaction, and eye contact, in particular, is really difficult for me, I always find myself looking at the floor instead of at the person I’m speaking to, I’ve always been shy and never felt comfortable in crowds, I enjoy my own space, but I also know that speaking up and being more confident would help me in many ways,
If you’ve ever dealt with social awkwardness, low confidence, or shyness, how did you overcome it? What helped you speak up more and feel more comfortable in social situations? I’d love to hear any tips or experiences you’re willing to share thank you. 🙏 ❤️
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XoWolfXo
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My first thought is: not to try and tackle lots of new things all at once. Pick something in particular, work on that until you are more comfortable about it, then build upon that layer as you start to tackle the next idea.
Also, you don't need to extra stress yourself out by practising new strategies with new people - first of all practice a new approach to socialising with someone you already know. When it feels part of how you are happy socially with old friends - then build upon that confidence - by trying the same technique the next time you encounter a potential new friend.
When it comes to building self-confidence about having a go at speaking up: it can be helpful to remind yourself: that you own the script (by that I mean; the other people don't know what you plan to say). After all, you are not trying to give a performance like a well-rehearsed actor (it is not an audition on a talent show - where a panel of judges are then going to score what you said). OK, let us imagine what you hoped to say didn't turn out "perfect". You might notice that, but the other people might not realise that - move on to the next thing you would like to say (and if you find you need a break - time to process - see if you can ask a question where the other people are encouraged to do the talking for a bit - that can give you more thinking time).
One thing to consider: materials produced by non-autistic people about learning social skills techniques may not always best suit Autistic people. It can sometimes be easier to learn from other Neurodivergent people. That way, you might be less likely to read / hear about a socialising technique and then think "but ...there is a barrier for me personally with that idea".
You might find this video does a better job of explaining this consideration:
Maybe pick a topic / strategy, research it, practice with people you know, get comfortable with it, then mentally consider it as in your invisible "socialising toolbox", then try your new skill on somebody new to you.
If you feel it could have gone better with the new person - hey, there is no need to draw attention to it by apologising - everyone can make a bit of a mistake (it is allowed, you are not a Robot!). Keep having another go - and see if you can become more adept with that socialising technique another time when it feels less "new" another time around.
One way to potentially take some pressure off yourself; is to choose a venue or activity which lends itself to shared conversation of common interest - about what is going on (rather than feeling you have to talk about yourself with new people).
Finally, it can be helpful to pace yourself. Just because a social event is advertised as a certain length - there is no law to say you have to battle through to the end just because other people seem to be doing so. You could try building up your "social battery" stamina by going to something, staying until you are beginning to feel less energy about it all - and then leave before you become exhausted.
It is probably a good guess that many of us here are a "work in progress" when it comes to dealing social anxiety, or continuing to learn strategies to make the socialising process more comfortably for ourselves and successful in their outcomes.
There is a whole World out there of possibilities and people (waiting to meet you and your enthusiasm ...on your terms, when you feel ready).
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