I need help

[Rachael-m2f-Autisic]

I am at the end of my rope and must ask for help.

I am 38 and have been losing everything over the last few years.

I have nothing left.

I am trying to be a writer, but that is taking a while.

I been told by friends I am Autistic... So I took a few of those on line tests.

I didn't think so because, well I just me. But I yet to find a test I don't sore autistic on.

Here is the problem. I am beyond poor. I haven't had a job in 8 years. I left my last one because I was going to be a stay at home parent. (Long story short, my daughter isn't with me and I can't even get the things I need to fight and get her back).

Now I have been living as a woman more or less since then, but have been trying to find a job and i can't and nothing is working... I been told to go get diagnosed maybe I can get some help but I don't have any money, I can't understand the healthcare.gov

In short I am terrified. I don't like asking for help, because I often do not even understand what they are asking for when I do. It is causing what is left of my chosen family no end of frustration.

I just need help.

Any one know where I can go and get diagnosed or what ever?

I'm even willing to cut my hair and be good again. It's not like I am passable anyway.

But I am tired of my family suffering because I am a freak that has to do thing my own dam way.

[Deepraj_Das]

Hi,

You will get no solution whether you cut your hair or not.

You dint say what kind of symptoms you are going through, but I can say one thing. You need help and you may go through aidforautism.com/about_us.html and you may contact them, whether you are already diagnosed with autism or not.

Thanks,

[friendlylion]

Writing.... No 'day' job... Don't understand their questions.....

Sounds familiar.

My own experience is that a person-centred counsellor (who really is capable of conveying empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence) may help you to accept yourself for who you are, hear your frustrations of how the neuro-typical world Is very stressful for you and help you work out what your options are and support you in making your choices.

I think a person-centred counsellor would also be helpful re the situation with your daughter and what I am I think reading as difficulties re how you feel most comfortable in presenting yourself re appearance and nominal gender - whether you might be autistic or not (but as far as I am concerned everyone is on the spectrum somehow, it's just some are so closed to the idea they like to project onto others).

You say you have friends. That's a bonus as many autistic people can struggle to have relationships with people that really do support them and allow them to be themselves. Maybe the more articulate and empathic of them might accompany you to see your doctor to ask to be assessed and ensure you are not fobbed off. Depending on where you live there will be different ways forward (e.g. Where I live there was NO adult diagnosis possible on NHS til recently.) Most private assessments cost a few hundred pounds but all those I have spoken to about it say they really would advise being referred by Dr and basically suggested that as far as 'the powers that be' are concerned, getting a diagnosis from a private source is essentially buying one and you might not really be autistic, just considered to have paid someone enought to say you are! If you look into Simply Health, they will pay something towards private assesments but the consultant needs to belong to something like the general medical council.

I trust you know the NHS is in crisis and you've probably got a healthy scepticism of GPs anyway. So it won't be easy and may take a while. The bonus is it shouldn't cost you a penny except transport to get there and you should be able to reclaim that.

If you do get a diagnosis and the support of a friendly doctor, you could then apply for e.g. Disabled Living Allowance although I think it's changing to PIP (and I can't remember right now what that stands for). the more 'evidence' support you have in the forms of letters etc. from people who say you need help managing your life, the better the chance of DWP accepting your need for help. This might require you to 'swallow your pride' and to be honest, I don't agree with everything that has been written about me as examples of how my day to day life is, but my bad days are very very difficult indeed. In my experience it is 'normal' to be refused at the first attempt and have to try again. They don't like giving people money however much they may deserve it as a result of being disabled by a neurotypical shortsighted society.

The website 'benefits and work' with pictures of guide dogs can help a lot. (Staffed by people who used to work in benefits system and a barrister they know what they are talking about).

Ok I haven't had breakfast yet but saw a plea for help so have tried to give some ideas. Apologies if I havent quite grasped anything.

Citizens advice bureau

LGBTQ groups helplines etc

National Autistic Society

Should all be useful leads re free people to listen to you

Keep in touch

( I just got my hair cut shortest for 30 years. People say it suits me. But I wouldn't do it just to please anyone else. From a 'mercenary' point of view, it may help your 'case' to look 'not normal'. But please, try to accept positive feelings towards yourself - and know that however hard it feels sometimes, there are others out there that love you and others going through similar stuff.)

[Rachael-m2f-Autisic]

Alright, now that I am not currently cry...

I need to find someplace in the Atlanta GA area where I can get a diagnoses.

I have no money for this, and since I have no job I can't get help from Healthcare.gov to get insurance so I am uninsured. I have no money and can not get any help to get a diagnoses which I need to get help. Got to love a Catch 22.

As for symptoms... Honestly I don't really notice many.

The ones I do are as follows.

Starring off into forever, no blinking for 15 mins or more sometimes. I am aware of what is happening around me, I can see. It just my body will not respond. This happens when I think. I mean like if something happens and, it like a logic loop thing where I am just thinking of that one thing and, honestly I use it to figure out parterres and what is going on with things.

People annoy me because very few of them are honest. I can see what they really want what motivates them, what they are afraid of, what they are hiding. But everyone wants to put on a mask and pretend they are someone they are not. Spencer says that though i seem to be incapable of picking up social ques I seem to excel at looking for those little bits of info said or the way people stand that indicate pain... which I have to fix. Don't worry, I long ago learned that people don't like when you talk about their pain. I mostly don't mention it these days unless I A) know a person well and B) they ask. Some times people ask sometimes they don't.

They get onto me for never shutting up, which I find funny consider I feel like I never talk.

When I do talk the simplest sentience I say everyone either takes the wrong way or misunderstands. I don't get it, I say what I mean. A friend of my that studies medieval literature and English/Irish folk lore says I talk like a Sidhe. Yes I know what it is, I like mythology... a lot.

I used to be able to tell time down to the minute by the television based on that the commercial rotation was as a kid. Since I stopped watching tv i thought that would go away... it not as accurate now but it didn't.

When I fritz out if a person I trust guilds me by the hand I will follow... if people i don't like come near me... I want to kick them, I haven't yet.

The only thing that I have seemed to ever be able to with out question was taking care of my little girl. It never mattered how out of it I was, what was frizzed or anything, dippers changed, feed, played with, anything.

I can't tell if I am bragging or whining. I don't know.

Basically, I just need either to find a free clinic or money. I would prefer the free clinic.

And apparently to talk.

I want to delete all of this. Like I said, I can't tell if I am bragging or whining and I don't like to do either.

However people come to me for advice all the time because of the way I see the world. One of the things I tell them is to be honest with themselves and to ask for help. So... here I am. Trying.

[friendlylion]

Hi Rachael just seen your latest...

Sorry you've been crying.... But also its not 'bad' to cry and working as a bereavement counsellor very often I feel I am not doing a very good job if clients don't cry...... You are in touch with your feelings - something a lot of people seem to believe those on the autistic spectrum are not capable of.

In the first instance, I don't know very much about how America 'works'. A lot doesn't work here (UK) either though as far as the state is concerned. (I would venture that is very often because it is run by people whose minds work in very different ways to ours).

So no idea what kind of free clinics there are.

In UK you can often get free counselling through GP ( general practitioner - I.e family doctor) although it is often very short term, and as such, some people feel it can do more harm than good because clients might have 'unpacked' more stuff than the therapist has the time/resources to 'repack'. Of course here we do not have to pay for state healthcare (although things are starting to change). But very often people 'go private' because they feel they get a better service (I.e as with organic food compared with 'supermarket own brand' etc. you get what you pay for) from people who have more interest and understanding.

But there may be projects near you....you have to keep your ears and eyes open ..... but sometimes there are very intersting coincidences and synchronicities You may become aware of.

As for symptoms, we all have coping mechanisms and best reasons for doing anything....

But it does sound you have frustration and anger..... As well as skills..... A caring side that people look to for advice. This is very common in my experience.

I'd simply ask that you try to accept yourself

Breathe

See if you can trust a friend to listen compassionately and help you find any suitable professional help

Meanwhile there are the various pages of this forum -

'Dyslexia unlocked' and the aspergers page are full of contacts / advice

[Rachael-m2f-Autisic in reply to friendlylion]

Thank you.

[Rachael-m2f-Autisic]

SO doing the local health department thing. Won't help with the autism diagnoses or denial but supposedly will with the depression.

[Rachael-m2f-Autisic]

SO doing the local health department thing. Won't help with the autism diagnoses or denial but supposedly will with the depression.

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