So my daughter is 5 and she's undiagnosed with autism (we've been on the ASD pathway for about 3 years now). I'm really struggling with the repetitiveness of everything - everything has to be repeated to her constantly and it's getting me down. Every bus that goes past our window it's "what bus is it?" even though she knows the answer.
And tonights issue was she said "we're going to get ready for..." and wanted me to say "bed". Today, I've refused to say it as we've been doing it for 6 months now and I'm tired of constantly repeating everything. It's turned into a full on meltdown over it, screaming & shouting & I'm just done with all the repetitiveness 😫
Sorry for the rant, just a tired mama!
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SqueakSqueak
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She actually does it more when we are in the routine, so nothing is strange or unfamiliar when she is repeating which I find quite odd. As I know with autism, repetitiveness comes with unfamiliarity or feelings anxious. The repeating is happening when we are at home when it's supposed to be the safest place.
Repetitiveness doesn't just come from unfamiliarity. She may be feeling anxious *all the time* eg even when cuddled next to you. The anxiety is at least part physiological due to increased amygdala activity which explains why it isn't situation-dependent.
Repetition and routine are comforting, so please provide her with this. Maybe understanding your daughter's inner anxiety and acknowledging that she isn't just being naughty will make this easier for you.
Oh I never think she's being naughty at all! I still do the routine, but sometimes I say to her "I don't want to repeat that" because sometimes I really don't. And it'll be harder when she's older because others won't understand. And she has to understand that there's other people too and they may not want to do what she wants all the time. I hope that makes sense!
Hi there, I agree with Schiddruse, it doesn't mean she'll do it when she's older just because she does it now. Kids, all kids learn by repetition and we may not fully embrace our child's needs because of our own but, she's connecting with you by doing this and for me, that's the important bit. I have had it the other way around where my daughter's repetition is about her special interests and she talks about them constantly for a while.
I am thinking that it's you're bored of having to repeat the same things, is that why sometimes you say you don't want to repeat it? Maybe have a rule that you will only repeat a certain amount of times or get an egg timer and say you will stop repeating when it runs out. She needs your reassurance in an uncertain world and it sounds like you do too. You could see if the autistic society have a group in your area where parents meet/can get advice. Also, is your daughter in school? Is this something she only does at home?
But she's still so very young - young children, whether autistic or not, seek to control their parents. I really wouldn't worry that she'll continue to do this as she grows up.
The need to derive comfort through familiarity and routine will continue however.
our youngest does that, and it can get annoying as hell but as you said its more from burnout and us being tired. Our kid does not understand social cues and when we are angry or tired so when we ‘don’t comply’ with a behaviour then they’ll think ‘well you do this with me normally’ then meltdown ensues. If possible find a strategy to allow yourself to reset every now and then easier said and done I know.
Regarding your daughter look into echolalia and how children with that learn. Our has it and the constant repeating is their way of understanding the word, phrase object. The sounds used in words fascinate them, and with autism once you’re fascinated you want it over and over again. Its also a learning mechanism we’ve found. The traditional way of learning words (broken down into sounds) is less likely to work but them hearing the full sounds or the word and work backwards helps.
But yeah your story is very much a regular occurrence in our household and leads to a lot of drama at times for all of us when it boils over. Absolutely normal and nothing wrong with it, its how we react and pick ourselves up after that is key.
Thank you, this is really helpful and I really appreciate this. Sometimes it is just too much for me as a parent and I just want the repeating to stop so I can have an "normal" relationship with her. If that makes any sense. I've almost mourned the non-autistic child as I just want to be able to pick her up from school and have the normal school chit chat of "what did you do in school today?" I hope that makes sense!
Yeah totally understand, we have never been able to have to that conversation and be able to just ‘check in’. As a parent simple things asking how your day was or even if they are ok is HUGE and allows us to know if something is wrong or great. However there is so much character and character from the ASD perspective and innocence that only they have and its so warming. Their wins and lows are so honest and pure its humbling. We’ve found that being in nature as much as possible or in a free and open space (that also doesn’y give us anxiety) is their best environment. At school they get given structure in the form of now and next. So what they need to do now before they do the next thing which is what they want to do. Also not sure of you child is at school yet but hearing from the school that they are doing well and progressing well (based on their needs) helps us reset our perception of progession and our kids are more honest and comfortable with us so demand more and vent too. Happens with our oldest who is not on the spectrum. So getting a trust but different perspective is really helpful as us as parents, its impossible to look at things in neutrality and so many emotions involved. I reccomend watching love on the spectrum show. Not for the dating but hearing the parents stories. You see them often breakdown because of how hard it was as when their kids were younger and as I’m now an autistic parent for 5 years I understand now why they would feel that way. But shows that progress can be made but just more gradual.
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Aspergers and fibromyalgia
Hello to everyone :)
Discouraged and disenchanted....
Can anyone give me some advice on what to do please?
My story, my sons stories and trying to figure it all out.
