Depressed and sad

[KingkittyS]

I just need to rant a bit. for the past couple days it’s been hard to cope with going back home where life isn’t the same in a different country. I am not treated with love and respect by most people. And life is hard even in my own parish. I am rejected by my fellow peers and unwanted, while others were more empowering get all the attention all the time. When I came back, I expected my family to treat me with respect and hopefully love me, but guess what I was dead wrong. I try my best to do things to cope with going home like organizing my room, cleaning out my closet, doing chores, doing my piano and listening to YouTube videos. But none have proved successful. I made a list of the things. I’m excited to come back to America. My work, my dad and my friends. But guess what I had work today and it was absolutely horrible. My main advisor was not there and her assistant was there, but she was very strict and mean in the way she talk to me and even her grandson that she brought. I put my foot down and said I do not like the way you’re speaking to me and I am an adult, so please speak to me with respect. . She understood that and we left it at that. I did an amazing job organizing in alphabetical order the books. She needed me for things so if she disrespected me. I would have to say you fight for your own. And you are on your own. Please do not disturb me. I deeply enjoy organizing in my job, but today proved to be extremely difficult. I came back from work and listening to music, but going back home was not a pretty picture. I had to begin piano lessons, and I started with saying that I don’t need to talk about my medicine with my piano teacher because it is strictly business and she has neither a family member or a friend. She understood and we left it at that. I had to tell her that I just came back from vacation and that I have not practice a lot. I tried my best, but I made several mistakes and to my surprise my sister and her boyfriend came and watched me and walked through the door. I was so embarrassed and it was just humiliating. They saw me when I was not even performing well and I just froze. I told my teacher I cannot do it anymore. She said we can resume the next four minutes next time. I left with a bad feeling. I tried my best to do things I love watch funny vines on YouTube and read a book. But I couldn’t help but here my sister and her boyfriend laugh and I’m assuming that they’re talking about me and making fun of me. I snapped and I said I can’t even get peace of my own house. I storm upstairs, and I organize my and try my best to call my anger down. I came down for dinner, and everything was going to swell until my family just kept on, bugging me and pushing my buttons. And I snapped I had a meltdown. I had to tell him how I feel. I did not come all this way from Mexico to be treated badly but my own family members who are super religious. And they’re not even following their own teachings that are taught in the Bible. I said all I asked for is mutual respect and hopefully love. I cried hard. This is what I’ve been feeling today. Can I give me some helpful advice or strategies to deal with this because it’s really hard feel like hell in my own house.

[Bee-bop]

Hi KingkittyS,It can be hard to be around family sometimes and when feeling overwhelmed, hard to express your feelings and thoughts. In my daughter's case, she can build up resentment towards her siblings or feel mocked but, she can talk with me and/or her therapist which helps. I can then also relay back to the others any issues in a way that is useful. She has also expressed that she felt her siblings weren't understanding. When this is discussed, things can get better. Sometimes having 'a rant' can be helpful as it gets things out. I wonder if you are more tired today after feeling overwhelmed from the piano lesson interruption as well as going back to work? It can feel very draining sometimes. It can also take time to readjust to getting back into a routine and environment. It sounds like you are doing things to help like your closet and bedroom, piano, you tube etc and it may just take time to get back to feeling ok at home again. Do you feel like you can tell one of your parents how it is feeling for you?