burnout/ headaches how to best support young person as a parent

[Agatha1111]

hi there, my daughter who is on autistic spectrum has those massive headaches, today she couldn’t feel her head or tongue, became non verbal. Only 15, I don’t know if anyone has been in the same situation - please could you let me know how to best support her? Just had her mocks this week, I feel it could be to do with a huge stress and sensory overload.

[NotJim]

Hi Agatha1111,

That sounds intense, I'm sorry to hear you're daughter's having a hard time.

My partner has stress headaches sometimes which can be pretty painful. The lack of feeling in tongue and head sounds like something to raise with your Doctor to get checked. It might also be a symptom that occurs before a migraine called Migraine Aura where some people feel a numbness/tingling in their hand or arm which can spread to the face, lips and tongue. Apparently this can also affect speech.

If she's feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it could be helpful to make sure she has things to look forward to (in home and/or school) that can bring her comfort and let her feel safe. That could be somewhere to calm down or activities that help her feel centred. Would it be helpful if she had somewhere in school to calm down after the exam has taken place? For example, perhaps it could be worth asking the school if they can provide a quiet room for her afterwards for 15-20 mins, with a member of staff to check on her when the time is up.

Having a chat with her to find out what she might find helpful would also be good, so that she feels like she's part of the decisions and has control.

It's really good you're checking out what to do. I've seen parents supporting their children through exams and it can be hard work. The time feels really slow, but also whizzes by very quickly. Lots of encouragement, love and patience are the best things. I would always say the grades are less important than wellbeing, and it's good to keep a perspective on things. In the UK schools will say GCSEs are the most important exams you will ever take, but then as soon as you get to A levels, they will say these are the important exams you will take, and so on. Overall, it's the learning that's the most important bit, the exams are just a summation of that.

I hope this helps a bit, and wish you both all the best

[Agatha1111 in reply to NotJim]

Thank you so much. I appreciate you take time to write this message, it made me feel very supported too. I absolutely agree about the exams, and will take her to a GP tomorrow. Thank you again 😍

[Bee-bop]

Hi Agatha,

My daughter gets the headaches too and really struggled at school.. We had a very reduced timetable and did not sit science. She was extremely overwhelmed and stressed by it all. One time I took her guinea pig to school so she could do her drama exam. I knew if I could calm her system and offer a reward, we'd be ok. We also had a plush toy she could have in her bag to stroke to calm her system.

My big thing to help the headaches is make sure your daughter is drinking enough. When we are using our brain a lot we can dehydrate and I know my daughter wouldn't drink at school. Also, try to stay calm yourself. You know your daughter. Mine goes into flight, flight, freeze in these situations and has run away so, if something like this happens make sure you are reassuring . I would also say let's just see how far we can go so that she didn't feel bad if we didn't manage the exams. It is so much pressure.

Re: going non verbal. Again being calm and reassuring is my go to, it's ok, I can see you're overwhelmed etc lets try to do something to help you feel better. I will sometimes just find a silly video and start playing that. Usually guinea pigs or dogs.

Did you manage to see the Dr, what did they think re not being able to feel her tongue?

[Agatha1111 in reply to Bee-bop]

Thank you for sharing your experience and telling me about your young person. Sounds like you have found the way! Yes, the doc thinks it is just the headaches, we were given headache diary and will revisit.

[Bee-bop in reply to Agatha1111]

No worries, Good luck to you both regarding the exams 👍

[Saju21]

before my daughters add dx she had years of this combined nausea and dizziness. Referred to paediatrician who was so fussmussivecthatvitcwas JUST anxiety teenage girl issues (like these aren’t real). After dx I went in asd awareness training and became aware of vestibular issues. Referred to audiology and after two separate tests dx with vestibular migraines. So she now has migraine meds- preventative and acute.

School stresses her - loves lessons but totally isolated from her peers so school has agreed she only attends for lessons.

She decompresses fully when returns from school generally no homework. It has helped. She use to visit school nurse almost daily now we just collect her or recognise it’s a bad day and she doesn’t go in. We do have CAMHS involvement who wrote to school and said she needed flexible attendance.

Good luck

[Agatha1111]

Hello Saju21, thank you for responding and I am glad to hear that your daughter has finally received a diagnosis and preventative meds.

I will definitely ask about migraine when we are finally with paediatrics.

I also feel strongly that the flexible attendance is a good idea, as my daughters sensory overload is on another level .

Thank you again for sharing

[Saju21 in reply to Agatha1111]

Agatha the thing to emphasise is vestibular difficulties is associated with autism ie it’s the vestibular dysfunction which is the cause of migraines/ dizziness but unfortunately other than exercises you can only treat the symptoms. But she was dismissed as ‘silly anxious stressed teenage girl’ rather than either gp or paedetrician even consider there was a physical cause.