Alone

[lottiejemma]

Hello all, I have been very stressed out this week, nothing new about That !!!!, but I have to do something to stop this, for the sake of my Illness, I am suffering enough without the Stress I am giving myself !!!! ---- The problem is that I have Known Rejection since Childhood, and now here I am 77 years old, and still suffering rejection from Family --- WHY ?????? , your guess is as good as Mine, My Brother -in - law died last year, and my sister his wife was already in a nursing home, at 70 , she got very overweight, got Cellulitis, then dementia started, Jeanette and I were very close, , but never was I close to my other sister, she Sheena has done well in life, and a close bond with her children and Grandchildren, Lovely, but , to their weddings , My Mother nor I were invited, anytime I had some contact with her, I was always put down, and laughed at-- scorned -- I could not be to her standard , My daughter was to take over P.O.A. for Jeanette, Sheena did not want to help with the clearance of Jeanette's house, so My daughter did everything, and never asked for any help, Probably, that was to Sheena a big mistake !!!, just as the work and everything was done, We got a phone call from my sister's Social worker to let Caroline know that Jeanette did not want Caroline to be P O A, That of course was from Sheena, she probably wanted to control Jeanette's Money, well, C. never got any of the money, it was taken down with all the paperwork to the Council, So now , Thankfully Trusties have charge of J. money Sheena must have been furious, WHY ?? at the funeral, C. and I were completely ignored, none of S. family came for the after service Tea !!!! since then , S. will have nothing ( not that she ever did much ) to do with us, C. does not care, but I get myself into a state thinking WHY WHY WHY , what did we do wrong ???????????? Well, would appreciate if any one has "Family " problems of rejection, and can't seem to "let go " Thanks for listening, Ataxia's !!

[DeniseLB]

I have a family a little bit like that and everything has been put to the test since my mum died recently. There is no real advice to give but I grew up in a very broken apart family and my friends became my family. What you can't control you can do nothing about so you have to look at other ways to cope. It sounds like you have a daughter, are you close? At our worst moments we always feel we are alone. I have just gone through a bout of that myself, but really you just have to open your eyes.

Denise xx

[lottiejemma in reply to DeniseLB]

so right-- on point you are Denise, our friends are our Family, I am blessed to have a lovely daughter, She took me to stay with her three years ago, after her Dad, my husband died, it has worked out wonderfully well, and fortunately for me, as I cannot stay on my own now with this ATAXIA, I cannot balance, and trying to walk HA HA got to laugh. I Also was brought up in a dysfunctional home, I was rejected from the womb, -- but as you say, What we can't control we can do nothing about, Thank you for that, --- How did I manage without Health Unlocked ? GOD Bless you xxx

[DeniseLB in reply to lottiejemma]

I think you just needed to hear from people that you are not on your own, this is a wonderful site and I have vented over it quite a lot in the last two years. I am the peace treaty member of my family as that is what I have been doing for the last week anyway, I will give you an example when I got married, very few people even know I did nowadays, I had two aunts that had not spoken in over 5 years so of course I put them on the same table! If someone doesn't like me then that is their fault if I have never done anything to upset them. I have read through your other comments and they are wonderful, so in my diplomatic way I would say, I couldn't of put it better myself!

Denise xx

[simon111]

Hi Lottiejemma

I'm so sorry that at this stage of your life you are experiencing such rejection

I have not got ataxia..but unfortunately my 15 year old has...I would swap places with him in a heartbeat..he has friedrichs ataxia

I am also experiencing rejection..from my adult sons ,all married with kids..the worse being my 32 year old who has resorted to telling lies about me..and in doing so has influenced my younger sons

It breaks my heart to see my youngest struggle so much ,friedrichs causes scoliosis and cardiomyopathy..which he has. His life expectancy is shortened considerably...I don't need the added heartache I'm receiving from my adult sons

But I have 2 daughter's that are there to help and share the burden

I'm telling you my story so you can see life is hard for so many people unfortunately...you have to be strong and ignore the wrongs that are being done to you...truthfully your sister deep down can't be a very happy person

God bless you

[lottiejemma in reply to simon111]

Thank you so much for sharing , I no longer feel alone after reading your story, My Eldest son died five years ago, he had Alcohol Ataxia, my youngest son, has not spoken to me for years nor his Dad who died Three years ago, he did not come to hid Dad's Funeral, but did to his Brother's , yet ignored My daughter and me, he has stated that he hates us, yet WHY ??? we have no idea, same with my sister. ----- I am so sorry for your heartache , it is very heart-breaking to see our child suffering, you are right, we as Mother's would gladly take their burden of illness . Thank you for understanding me, we share the same pain, as many other's do, -- as for my sister, she is a control person, yet a kind sort of loving to all her side of the family,--- by that --I mean her children and Grandchildren, they all do as she says !!! always has, they all seem to be one big happy family -- all for one , and one for all,-- my other sister nor our mother, nor me or my children have never been included in their party's, weddings, yet she seems to have lots of friends--- who are like themselves . Thank you so much for your Help--- GOD Bless you, and Prayers for our Families, and ourselves for Strength to cope., and keep strong and ignore the wrongs that are done to us HUGS my friend ----

[tedjohnson]

There are two sayings which come to mind 1 Where there's a will there are relations. And 2 we choose our friends but we don't choose our relations I feel so very sad for you and hope that you have some good friends. Just try and ignore your nasty relations and don't give them a chance of upsetting you (don't answer the phone) it's not easy but try to meet other people.Are your neighbors friendly? Have you got a good church leader. Try your very best to make new friends. Do you have a local Ataxia group that you can join or e mail

I really hope you will feel better soon

Kind regards. Ted

[lottiejemma in reply to tedjohnson]

Hi tedjohnson, Thank you for your Sharing of encouragement, I so wish there was an Ataxia group , but no chance, not living in Hillside Montrose, even if it is Bonnie Scotland !!!, but one thing I am very Blessed with is great neighbours, we live in a row of 8 cottages, and we all get on so well, we are in the country, but not far from town, I do not get to "Church ", but I listen to sermons and hymns on the net, I am going to try and ignore my relations that hurt and abuse me also old friends who are Toxic , you are right my friend, I will NOT let them upset me, concentrate and appreciate those who do care and LET GO of those who do not care, and we know the ones who don't care , their fruits , attitudes towards us show that , we have enough pain with our illness to cope with , so THANK GOD, we have Health Unlocked !!!

[ddmagee1]

I am so very sorry to hear this lottiejemma! You have my understanding and support! I come from a very dysfunctional family, where we have had similar problems! Nothing feels worse than being neglected, alone, put down, cast out! Believe me, I know! I had childhood non paralytic polio, and had to wear leg braces for a while! I was treated like a dummy by some members of the family and other people as well. I walked funny ( awkwardly), and was made fun of as a child. It wasn't until I was a young adult, that I was diagnosed with Cerebellar Ataxia. I was having problems with gait, sensation, and, ended up in hospital for a couple weeks, while the Neurologists and Neurosurgeons were trying to figure out what was wrong with me. For a couple years, the doctors thought I had possible Multiple Sclerosis. This was before the days of MRI's and PET scans. Then, in hospital, x Ray's showed what they thought might be a tumor, on the Cerebellum, where the nerve roots enter the brain. That was scary!! They did invasive brain scanning, then, where they ran a tube up in the arteries, to see what was going on. They found an enlarged artery, that was attached to the brain stem ( it doesn't normally belong there), right at the Cerebellum Pontine angle, where the main nerve roots enter the brain. The artery was pressing in on these nerves, causing my Cerebellar Ataxia problem. It is inoperable. I am on medicine to keep my blood pressure down. I don't have the best balance, am uncoordinated, and have never been able to walk a straight line, skate, or ride a bike very well. Sorry for the rant. Just wanted you to know the background. I left home, after high school, because of the way I was treated. I put myself through college, and became a successful supervisor/manager in one of the top manufacturing companies of the USA. I am retired now, and in my 70's, and can't be bothered by those who still try to put me down, and treat me poorly. I use a cane, and have also been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I have minimal contact with family members and others,who show lack of respect and wish to mistreat me. I try to be around people who accept me for the way I am. Life is too short, to have to put up with being mistreated and feeling alone, so I hope you can be around more people who accept you for who you are. It isn't our fault that we have Ataxia, and it's other people's problems, if they want to put us down, and reject us! God Bless You!! Take care!!

[lottiejemma in reply to ddmagee1]

Oh my Dear Friend ddmagee1, Thank you so much for your encouraging post, oh reading that I am not " ALONE" you and other's have come through and going through the same as ME !!! I thought --- There must be something WRONG WITH ME ,---- but I see from posts like yours my friend, that it is not us, it is the Family and other's that do not have respect, and love to mistreat us, like I grew up being laughed at , and called DIZZY, stupid, Dunce, So, I kept crawling knelling begging trying even to buy their Love -- would never have enough money for that-- what shall I do now ??? ---- do as advised, have strength, respect myself, let them GO, yes , --- I have enough with my Illness, so get on -- enjoy life, we have friends who listen , care and share on this great site Health Unlocked- GOD Bless you , your friend in the Battle, Jemma

[ddmagee1 in reply to lottiejemma]

Thank you, Lottie Jemma! It's not you at all!! The people that belittle you don't understand. They have no idea what it's like, to live with a body that doesn't want to work for you. It has nothing to do with us not being intelligent. Actually, when I had to take an intelligence test for vocational rehabilitation, many years ago, I came out at the near genius level. I said goodbye to my family, in my senior year of high school, and put myself through six years of college. I did get scholarships, which helped. I found out, it's a waste of time, to try and buy the family's love, the ones that made fun of me, so I'm much happier now, and I genuinely hope you find the happiness, where people accept you as you are. Some church groups and support groups, also, are helpful that way. Keep us informed on how you are coming along!