all getting terribly stressful

Hi guys! sorry i've not been replying to messages, thanks for all your kind well wishes I managed to escape friday, bt of a stressful day as i waited so long for pharmacy that they had to come round and do my obs again and my HR was 130 and o2 was 94% so despite having said i could go they suddenly got all weird and started ringing docs and things. So after being told i could go at 11am, i left at 4pm! (managed to lie really really still and get my HR down to 115)

they made me talk to the mental health team while i was in - the woman was really lovely and said she couldnt see anything wrong with me and said that i was handling things better than she thought she would and that i could stop my antideppresants if i wanted (yay!) and wrote a long letter saying that if i WAS having anxiety attacks then i was an incredibly unusual case as i was so chilled about the whole thing! made me feel much better, and my docs clearly took it onboard as was made clear in my discharge summary!

I always find it really stressful leaving hospital. I have lots of severe attacks that i CAN manage on my own with a few hours of struggling and lots of inhalers and usually staying awake most/all of the night. in hosptial i can have a neb when i feel an attack starting and it goes away. i feel so much better, have so much more energy, im in less pain and can move around more. as much as i hate being in hospital i generally feel much better. I also dont have the stress of trying to remember to take all my meds at certain times. i dont have to worry that im going to end up in hosp - coz im already there. i dont have to deal with mean paramedics or A&E staff and i can ask someone to check im ok if i feel like im struggling (and i HATE having to make the decisions about how well i actully am!) its so tough - i dont want to be in hospital and i want to leave as soon as possible but its just so overwhelming for the first few days afterwards (especially if its been a longer admssion)

its also really tough atm coz i had a real nightmare with uni this time. i was discharged for A&E before i was ready (I still could barely talk in sylabuls) but the doc didnt want to give me any steroids and had basically said to take my inhaler and wait 45mins to see if i improved. I wasnt going to last 45mins on two puffs of salbutamol, which i told him, and basically said id rather be discharged than do that (i know - not the most sensible thing to have said but i was tired and scared) and he discharged me. The nurse only just let me leave. anyway, i had been given strict instructions to come back if i needed to,and to ring 999 earlier than i normally would (bit tough as i was already in a state where officially i should be ringing 999!). anyway, i got back, waited an hour and was really really struggling, and it was 3am and i had been struggling beyond where i could talk for 5hrs at this point and i could barely keep awake. so i went and asked a flatmate to ring 999. at our uni, if you ring 999 you have to do it through the internal phones, which puts you through to security who are able to direct the ambulance to where it needs to go, if you ring from a mobile then the ambulance is unable to find you. basically securtiy said that because i had only just got back from hospital i surely couldnt need another ambulance. 20mins later they sent somone up to my room, who said that as i did seem to be really struggling then they would get me a taxi. so i had waited 30mins after i needed an ambulance (and like many on here i wait as long as possible before ringing 999, so when i need one i REALLY need one) and then got into a taxi. by the time i got to A&E i could barely walk in. I got in loads of trouble for self-presenting but at that point couldnt explain what had happened. fortunately it meant i got a lot of treamtent fast as i really was in need of it by that point! my resp nurse rang to complain and i got this email today ""I understand that you have had a number of emergency hospital admissions lately. I wonder if it would help for us to meet up and together draw up a safety action plan, so that we can clarify how best to support you in future."" ugh...dont wanna go - i suspect they are going to be rude and unhelpful. not waht i need right now.

i also have to catch up on a weeks worth of work, (and a weeks worth of sleep) and i know that if i start to fall behind in my work uni will come down on me like a ton of bricks trying to get me to drop out, most of the staff are really supportive (like i have said on here i have been getting full marks in exams and stuff) and yet staff in my college have been trying to persuade me to drop out. I understand the option, but its not something i want to do, or something that i feel i NEED to do. arrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

sorry for the long rant, i just need a place to vent all the stuff thats going on. you wouldnt have thought getting out of hospital would be as annoying as going in. cant wait for the easter holidays!!!

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Really sorry to hear about the rough time you are having.

Hoping your return home from the hospital goes smoothly.

As for school, with such good marks even under stress, I think the choice has to be yours. Don't let anyone pressure you one way or the other. Is there an option for taking an ""incomplete"" in some of your courses? In special circumstancess (with professor permission of course), at my university, students could hand in papers after end of term. Once the work was completed, the grade would change from incomplete to a normal grade.

If that is an option, it might be a way to take some pressure off of yourself while you focus on your health. Even if studying is ""brain work"", I do know from experience, it is sometimes hard to concentrate when breathing is taking so much effort and/or hurts.

(((Hugs)))

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Hi Soph,

Sorry to hear it's still not going well. Though v glad to hear that you have had some good input from the mental health people and don't need to be on antidepressants! Was that all because of the asthma? I guess it's good that they were willing to help you (although I didn't think I was having anxiety issues and know now it wasn't that, I got rather annoyed when the drs who were telling me I did wouldn't even do anything about that if they thought it was bad enough to be having such an effect on me), but still, unnecessary medication... Since you don't seem to have problems with that side of things though it's v good that you now have it on record that you're 'not just panicking' when you have problems.

Re uni: I am actually pretty shocked at the way your uni reacted. I really think that is dangerous and inappropriate for them to refuse to call you an ambulance, especially once they had seen you were struggling - surely they should have called an ambulance THEN? I get that they need the ambo to be able to find you, but it's not appropriate for them to be deciding whether you need one if you have called for one - how exactly are they qualified to decide?! Is there someone you can take this up with?

I also don't think it's really appropriate for your uni to be putting pressure on you the way they are, as that can't be helping things. Like you say, you are still getting good grades - in fact exceptionally good grades in circumstances where it would be perfectly forgivable not to do that well - so you are clearly not that affected academically, though I do agree with what Beth says:

Even if studying is ""brain work"", I do know from experience, it is sometimes hard to concentrate when breathing is taking so much effort and/or hurts.

after my own milder experience this last week: it really does take up energy and can delay things getting better, so that's something you'll need to bear in mind, what effect this is having on YOU, rather than your work. Clearly, your tutors are happy from an academic POV, but I think it's only fair to you to have something in place and not feel like you are being threatened like this if you are actually too ill to be working. I would have thought there is someone at the student union who should be dealing with this sort of thing - would think they have someone who is in charge of student health and welfare. Or could you ask one of your tutors, since they're behind you? We used to have a 'personal tutor' who you could ask about this sort of thing, so it might be worth, if you have one, talking to this person and explaining your problems. I think given how you've been doing they'll want to make sure they don't lose you easily - tutors generally want to keep hold of students who do really well!

I hope this all makes sense. I was lucky enough not to have to deal with this sort of thing when I was an undergrad, but from friends etc I do know that there should be resources to help you and that they do have some obligations towards you beyond 'if you can't take it, drop out'. Perhaps you could ask the student health/welfare person if they could come with you to that meeting re emergency admissions? I would think that would be in the student officer's remit to make sure that sort of thing is done properly.

Hugs and hope this helps. Last thing you need while not feeling great is uni getting on your case, but it is like a treadmill at times...

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Soph really annoyed for you that things are being so tough still. Havent got anything useful to add really except that I totally understand what youre going through and agree with Beth and Philomela.

Huge hugs for things to go well.

Rose xx

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Hugs from me too.

I think you've been given some really useful info so haven't anything else to add but just wanted to know you are not alone and vent away if it helps get it off your chest!! (sorry couldn't resist that one!!)x