Hi guys! sorry i've not been replying to messages, thanks for all your kind well wishes I managed to escape friday, bt of a stressful day as i waited so long for pharmacy that they had to come round and do my obs again and my HR was 130 and o2 was 94% so despite having said i could go they suddenly got all weird and started ringing docs and things. So after being told i could go at 11am, i left at 4pm! (managed to lie really really still and get my HR down to 115)
they made me talk to the mental health team while i was in - the woman was really lovely and said she couldnt see anything wrong with me and said that i was handling things better than she thought she would and that i could stop my antideppresants if i wanted (yay!) and wrote a long letter saying that if i WAS having anxiety attacks then i was an incredibly unusual case as i was so chilled about the whole thing! made me feel much better, and my docs clearly took it onboard as was made clear in my discharge summary!
I always find it really stressful leaving hospital. I have lots of severe attacks that i CAN manage on my own with a few hours of struggling and lots of inhalers and usually staying awake most/all of the night. in hosptial i can have a neb when i feel an attack starting and it goes away. i feel so much better, have so much more energy, im in less pain and can move around more. as much as i hate being in hospital i generally feel much better. I also dont have the stress of trying to remember to take all my meds at certain times. i dont have to worry that im going to end up in hosp - coz im already there. i dont have to deal with mean paramedics or A&E staff and i can ask someone to check im ok if i feel like im struggling (and i HATE having to make the decisions about how well i actully am!) its so tough - i dont want to be in hospital and i want to leave as soon as possible but its just so overwhelming for the first few days afterwards (especially if its been a longer admssion)
its also really tough atm coz i had a real nightmare with uni this time. i was discharged for A&E before i was ready (I still could barely talk in sylabuls) but the doc didnt want to give me any steroids and had basically said to take my inhaler and wait 45mins to see if i improved. I wasnt going to last 45mins on two puffs of salbutamol, which i told him, and basically said id rather be discharged than do that (i know - not the most sensible thing to have said but i was tired and scared) and he discharged me. The nurse only just let me leave. anyway, i had been given strict instructions to come back if i needed to,and to ring 999 earlier than i normally would (bit tough as i was already in a state where officially i should be ringing 999!). anyway, i got back, waited an hour and was really really struggling, and it was 3am and i had been struggling beyond where i could talk for 5hrs at this point and i could barely keep awake. so i went and asked a flatmate to ring 999. at our uni, if you ring 999 you have to do it through the internal phones, which puts you through to security who are able to direct the ambulance to where it needs to go, if you ring from a mobile then the ambulance is unable to find you. basically securtiy said that because i had only just got back from hospital i surely couldnt need another ambulance. 20mins later they sent somone up to my room, who said that as i did seem to be really struggling then they would get me a taxi. so i had waited 30mins after i needed an ambulance (and like many on here i wait as long as possible before ringing 999, so when i need one i REALLY need one) and then got into a taxi. by the time i got to A&E i could barely walk in. I got in loads of trouble for self-presenting but at that point couldnt explain what had happened. fortunately it meant i got a lot of treamtent fast as i really was in need of it by that point! my resp nurse rang to complain and i got this email today ""I understand that you have had a number of emergency hospital admissions lately. I wonder if it would help for us to meet up and together draw up a safety action plan, so that we can clarify how best to support you in future."" ugh...dont wanna go - i suspect they are going to be rude and unhelpful. not waht i need right now.
i also have to catch up on a weeks worth of work, (and a weeks worth of sleep) and i know that if i start to fall behind in my work uni will come down on me like a ton of bricks trying to get me to drop out, most of the staff are really supportive (like i have said on here i have been getting full marks in exams and stuff) and yet staff in my college have been trying to persuade me to drop out. I understand the option, but its not something i want to do, or something that i feel i NEED to do. arrrgggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
sorry for the long rant, i just need a place to vent all the stuff thats going on. you wouldnt have thought getting out of hospital would be as annoying as going in. cant wait for the easter holidays!!!