i think im being a bit panicky and silly. i have been having a lot of trouble with my asthma lately (as ive mentioned in other posts) and when i was home from uni for christmas a new consultant saw me and wants to keep me being treated under him while im back at uni, this is fine by me as i have heard bad stories about my old one, and whilst his reg is lovely, he can be a bit patronising, and disorgansed. I have just got back to uni and two of the tests he ordered have come through. the one for general pulmonary function testing and the mannitol challenge the next day. firstly i am terrified of the mannitol challenge, i know in my head that they arent gonna give me something thats gonna kill me but i feel scared that they are TRYING to induce an asthma attack, even in a medical setting doctors seem to find it hard to get me back under control when im bad and the idea really freaks me out. i also do NOT like the idea of stopping my seretide, i can tell when i've missed a dose and i really struggle, but i'm also scared that if i dont stop the medication then my lungs will be less responsive and so i'll get a negative test result and what if they use that to stop the meds that whilst they havent stopped severe and scary attacks, they have JUST started making my everyday life possible. and what if i am undiagnosed (i dont know what the proper word is) with asthma, then what do i do when i have attacks? would they still give me nebs? magnesium? hydrocortisone? because surely these are asthma treatments, and thats what works, but they might not give me them, and my o2 sats are always fine, its my co2 thats a problem, and they might not know that as they dont always do ABGs surely? i am really good at spirometry, i personally think i do it without really relying too much on my lungs due to years of flute playing (i did a flute exam during an attack and was still getting notes out - i couldnt talk in sentences but could just about play - i really dont know how!) and because this consultant was reluctant to say anything at all about the problems ive been having before he'd seen all the test results i'm scared he is going to be relying on these really heavily, especially as he's unlikely to ever see me when im having an attack as i'll still be at uni, so won't be in his hospital!
sure i'm just being a bit mad, but needed to have a worry somewhere or i wont be able to stop thinking about it!!!