This is a slightly grim and down beat post - I apologise in advance but i think a lot of us might be feeling the same way. Im currently reading through the leaflets to my meds to see if there is a link to meds and my grey cloud feeling.
I cant help but feel like I want everything to change. No more asthma controlling me no more 30day gap blips to my asthma, No more damn medication routine, no more a&e trips or journeys to walk in clinics. I hate going to the gp's and knowing im going to get yet more bad news and an all new medication which could be the wonder drug but isnt! (it never is with me!) the only thing to stop the deterioration is aminophylline.
I noticed that no matter what I do to keep myself happy im just downbeat all the time. I just dont want to do anything but sleep and sit still (the side effects of aminophylline are getting me but the benefits are out weighing the negatives!). When i last saw my gp i mentioned that i kind of want to run away from my body and go on a long holiday not think about brittle asthma and then come back and start this medication fixing process. He said its just my body being exhausted and its going to be a good feeling when im feeling better with the right set of meds.
That helped me snap out of it - but in sheer comedic style my life evolves around asthma. I went to a hairdresser i asked about the ingredients in the shampoo as i needed to buy a sensitive shampoo, i have ezcema everywhere but guess what she has brittle asthma too! so i got my shampoo thinking that was coincidence went to a totally different hairdresser near home a few days later. And guess what her daughter has brittle asthma - oddly talking to her helped me realise how common asthma is and she helped me out loads at the time.
But now im still really down about everything im on this damn medication routine and dependent on spriva and aminophylline (plus seretide and the ventolin have stayed put) I think the worst thing is that i cant eat as the aminophylline is ruining my apetite and the combination of medicines are giving me heart palpitations. Im so sick of being stuck now in this pattern and i cant see a way of making this suffering end. Ive turned 29 recently and feel like i lost two years of my life to this damn asthma controlling me. Am i going through an early life crisis, cause im thinking to switch jobs and maybe even emigrate! I just feel like things need to drastically change, its been enlightening for me how my friends have not even been there once when i needed them and thats been the most surprising thing ever.
sorry im moaning and this might not benefit anyone (but me!) but has anyone else felt this way, what have you done to snap out of it?