early life crisis, depression or stress!

This is a slightly grim and down beat post - I apologise in advance but i think a lot of us might be feeling the same way. Im currently reading through the leaflets to my meds to see if there is a link to meds and my grey cloud feeling.

I cant help but feel like I want everything to change. No more asthma controlling me no more 30day gap blips to my asthma, No more damn medication routine, no more a&e trips or journeys to walk in clinics. I hate going to the gp's and knowing im going to get yet more bad news and an all new medication which could be the wonder drug but isnt! (it never is with me!) the only thing to stop the deterioration is aminophylline.

I noticed that no matter what I do to keep myself happy im just downbeat all the time. I just dont want to do anything but sleep and sit still (the side effects of aminophylline are getting me but the benefits are out weighing the negatives!). When i last saw my gp i mentioned that i kind of want to run away from my body and go on a long holiday not think about brittle asthma and then come back and start this medication fixing process. He said its just my body being exhausted and its going to be a good feeling when im feeling better with the right set of meds.

That helped me snap out of it - but in sheer comedic style my life evolves around asthma. I went to a hairdresser i asked about the ingredients in the shampoo as i needed to buy a sensitive shampoo, i have ezcema everywhere but guess what she has brittle asthma too! so i got my shampoo thinking that was coincidence went to a totally different hairdresser near home a few days later. And guess what her daughter has brittle asthma - oddly talking to her helped me realise how common asthma is and she helped me out loads at the time.

But now im still really down about everything im on this damn medication routine and dependent on spriva and aminophylline (plus seretide and the ventolin have stayed put) I think the worst thing is that i cant eat as the aminophylline is ruining my apetite and the combination of medicines are giving me heart palpitations. Im so sick of being stuck now in this pattern and i cant see a way of making this suffering end. Ive turned 29 recently and feel like i lost two years of my life to this damn asthma controlling me. Am i going through an early life crisis, cause im thinking to switch jobs and maybe even emigrate! I just feel like things need to drastically change, its been enlightening for me how my friends have not even been there once when i needed them and thats been the most surprising thing ever.

sorry im moaning and this might not benefit anyone (but me!) but has anyone else felt this way, what have you done to snap out of it?

11 Replies

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  • Hi,

    So sorry you're feeling down. I have definitely been there, more especially when there are long periods of poor asthma control and it limits what you can do and seems to dictate your life choices for you. The way I have dealt with it in the past is to make really miniscule changes to my lifestyle or what I plan for that day. Something which means I have to push myself out of the ""routine"" of being ill. Not too much because then it backfires and makes me worse!

    When things are going well asthma fades to the back of my mind and sometimes I think maybe....just maybe...it's gone....then wham....down I go again. Having a chronic condition can be depressing - especially if you don't have people around you to talk to. This forum is great and the friends I have found on here have been invaluable in helping me to accept that asthma is here to stay.....and that ignoring signs/symptoms is actually a really bad idea!

    Have you discussed with your GP how you are feeling? Maybe asking for a referral to an asthma specialist at your local hospital would help? Depression hand in hand with asthma is well recognised and, as I say, part of living with a chronic condition. Please do ask for help - don't suffer in silence!

    Take care

    Feejay

  • hi feejay,

    I have an appointment with a chest physian early november and i cant wait, im trying to move it forward but cant get an appointment.

    Im currently ordering an airfree air purifer so im working out the trigger elimination process now but im feeling more desperate than anything now to get my asthma controlled its been a long struggle to get the refferal and i think thats what has added to this crisis.

    take care

    c

  • Hi confused. I also feel down with having asthma.Just when had one or two good days and felling happy the monster asthma gets me again. Took me ages get use to having asthma and needing all my medication and didnt know any one with asthma until joined AUK then made friends and support. Talking to your Gp or Asthma nurse would be good and monitor your mood swings as meds can cause it also.Hope you mood lifts and better days.Love Glynis xxx

  • hi

    thanks glynis, im just feel like im trapped and the suffering will never end (which it wont i know) but can a persons lifestyle lead them to this? I kind of feel as though ive firstly drastically aged with this whole asthma episode and secondly how do people who have not discovered this forum cope?

    i guess im going to start looking for a retreat place to go to for some detoxing that i can go to on a frequent basis when it all gets on top of me.

  • aww pet i think it sadly seems very common to feel like this with bad asthma. i struggle with depression also, my physical health being a huge part of it. its difficult to work through but at 29 you are so young to put up with feeling this low so you need to find something fun to do that wont make you worse and help lift your mood slightly. dont know what but there has to be something im sure. chin up xxxx

  • hi confused

    You are correct! You are not alone in feeling like this! I am feeling much the same and the side affects of aminophyillne are nasty. I have just well a week ago had my dose increased. Last week was such a LONG week. My days are all so LONG! I just wanted to tell you i know how you are feeling! it is not pleasant at all. I would love to return to how i used to be 6 years ago. My life feels at a stand still.

    At a dead end like there is no way out. But i guess we have to keep going somehow. I have been awake since 4am again! although it is better than last week at least i getting some sleep. You really have to take life half a day at a time! I am trying to get back to some normality. Even if it limited.

    Feel free to pm any time i totally understand you!

    PLumie

  • Hi plumie,

    that's just it. You hit the nail on the head! My aminophylline was increased too and I'm feeling exhausted and the thing is the increase helps me in a massive way!

    I just feel like for the sake of improving my asthma I have stripped everything away from my life to get better and now that there is nothing left I'm still suffering! I need to make some big lifestyle changes and take over my life but I'm just too tired to leave the house! That really helps to know its not just me!

  • Hi confused,

    you're not alone. It's awful feeling like this and not seeing a way out doesn't help!

    I've had a really bad year and I wish I could just wipe it out and forget about it!

    When I get a good day(like yesterday) I do everything I can to enjoy it. I went to church in the morning and had a nice chat to loads of people afterwards, did the gardening, went for a walk at my beloved beach and went to pick some brambles:-)

    I took my little godson to the playground and had a go on the swing and slide myself lol.

    Just anything to cheer myself up;-) it did help. Today is not such a good day again but at least I'm off so I can take things easy.

    I have been very moody recently, even at work, and even little things are just winding me up which is usually not me.

    I'm looking for another job at the moment as I don't cope well in my present one.

    Sometimes it's good to make a change or two to gives us something new to focus on.

    This forum and the many helpful people here helped me through the last bad year and also my friends at church. It might be an idea for you to join your local church? There's always people there who care.

    I hope you're feeling better soon.

    Love Lydia x

  • hi lydia,

    trust me ive tried so many things and im so fed up - im runing out of energy and will my aminophylline wonder drug is so helping to keep working and say focused for the next appointment, but im really fed up with struggling to breathe at times that im thinking maybe i should ask a nebuliser and buy a mini one to keep im fed up with the aches and pains and i just want my life back.

    Im so tired and exhausted all the time - im just sick of asthma completly to the point that when i went to the hairdressers and her daughter has brittle asthma and she was telling me about her struggle that i almost wanted to sprint out of the chair (with the uneven hair cut!) - this might sound dumb but it want to run away from my own body right now!

    its so annoying that i've just about tried all the meds i can think of and no nothing has changed, maybe im stuck like this in a flare up pattern forever and thats it i need to get used to it. now i have this thought maybe seretide is not working but im out of options now! should i just get used to being this bad and just ask for a nebuliser?

  • Hi confused,

    believe me, I really know how you feel!! I had a little break down 2weeks ago when I was in so much pain that every single breath was ""killing""me.

    I didn't want to breathe at all, I laid awake at night thinking ""I don't want to wake up tomorrow"".

    It was really bad. As a carer (I go to peoples houses) I am struggeling to even walk from my car to someones house, when I got to their front door I coughed and gasped for air and couldn't breathe for a couple if mins, I had to wait till I got my breath back so I could talk again!

    I still get that now and it's really doing my head in.

    My friends and colleagues are getting used to it now-I don't!

    I hate it, it limits me at work, at home just everywhere and it's so embarrassing.

    It happens in supermarkets, in the car, at church etc.

    I started cancelling nights out with friends as I knew I couldn't manage so it also started spoiling my social life.

    I've just turned 31 last week and I had a waste of 1 whole year with this silly asthma, 5 chest infections and pneumonia once plus hayfever...

    What's picking me up at the moment is my church group. They know how I feel and how I am and I have a good laugh with them.

    They're always there for me and my faith in god also makes me a stronger person.

    I keep telling myself that I will get better and that there's people worse off than me.

    Then my gp keeps telling me I was"" too young to be that bad, what a shame"" well, that doesn't help me!

    Try to find a hobby that you like, take every day as it is and most of all, try to love yourself! Listen to your body and keep telling yourself that you will get a control over your asthma.

    It's hard to do that when you're down but you will get more positive.

    So this is a bit long, just like you to know you're not alone.

    Lots of love

    Lydia xx

  • Hi lydia,

    I think a few of the things which shocked me is when I realised that the friends I had supported all this time were not there for me!

    I just feel like the asthma has changed everything for me I just feel like its totally tore me down and

    I never expected that I would literally be left alone to deal with this! Only now that I stumbled accross one good gp has things changed and

    I'm finally getting that next stage check up! I just feel like my crazy asthma has tore me down and

    now I just need to build myself back up. Thanks for your advice.

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