is there anyone who cares for one of ... - Lung Conditions C...
is there anyone who cares for one of their parents
Both my parents have passed away but I have two children who care. Cant comment any further - I need more details.
My mum has severe emphysema. Although she gets brilliant healthcare, nothing has actually been talked about, ie what will happen, and I am watching her progressively get worse. I find it very hard to talk to her about things and im finding it really difficult to watch this happening and not be able to do anything or talk about things properly. I am very sorry to hear about your parents.
i used to care for my parents, my mother was blind. i got carers allowance and they got AA which they gave to me, as soon as they passed away and i was free I got poorly.
Lib x
Hi Lib, thank you for replying to me. so sorry you lost both your parents and also sorry you are now poorly.
Hi alrighttreacle
I am so sorry your Mum is so poorly. My sister and I looked after my Mum for a long time , which was a privilege and I can empathise with your pain. Your Mum is very lucky to have such a caring daughter and she sounds like a very special lady indeed. Maybe she doesn't want to discuss her health issues as she may feel it would upset you more, or, it could be she just doesn't want to know.
Really difficult for you. Stay strong and if you need support we are all here for you.
Love C xxx
Thank you so much for your kind reply. You are so right, my mum is prob worried about upsetting me and me upsetting her. But when she says things like i think ive had it, i try to reassure her that we will get help and we do but its ongoing and very difficult to deal with, I know she has had enough of this and i am finding it very hard to cope with and what to say. Your mum is very lucky to have had you and your sis and you to have had the time you had with your mum. I feel like i should know more about what is going to happen but its hard to tell. Others would say make the most of the time we have, which is very difficult when she cant do anything and is in too much pain/discomfort to want to. Thanks so much. xxx
Does your Mum have a specialist respiratory nurse or consultant you can talk to about your concerns re your Mum's prognosis and care? There is someone on site who has had a positive experience with a community matron and hopefully they will post and chat with you. You can also talk through your concerns with the lovely nurses here at BLF 03000030555.
Thank you for your kind words by the way.
Love to you and your Mum
C xxx
Hi thanks for reply. She does have a community matron, who is lovely, but i dont talk in front of my mum and if i talked to her without my mum, i am frightened that she would bring it up in front of my mum, which my mum doesnt like. I found out she could have a community matron through a lovely nurse at BLF, they have been extremely helpful.
You can chat to people on here who are at various stages with emphysema. You can also call the BLF helpline on 03000 030 555 where you can talk to a specialist nurse, benefits advisor or others. Good luck.
Hi Auntymary, thank you for your reply. yes I think i need to speak to someone. I dont know what to think or feel and my mum must be so frightened etc but not wanting to talk. Its heartbreaking. Thank you for kindness.xxx
Now I understand fully and sympathise. My mother was terminally ill and was sent home without any home care at all. We had a difficult journey gettiing her on a long journey to my home where \I tried to care for her at home. She was admitted to the local hospital where I worked. It was the hardest time of my life, nursing 24 patients knowing that my mother was one of them. You are in my thoughts
so sorry, must have been so hard for you. I have no idea how long my mum has, but watching the decline is so hard to deal with. Thanks so much. Such kindness. xx
Hi alrighttreacle, I cared for my mum who had emphysema and osteoporosis and who passed away 18 years ago and I still miss her so much every day. During the last few months of her life when she became really bad, she was in a nursing home though. I now find myself in her position, with end stage emphysema and osteoporosis! (although the osteoporosis doesn't bother me so far despite being moderate/severe and I am having treatment which seems to be working). So I can see the situation from both sides, as a daughter and as a mother. Mum and I had no problem talking about her health issues and things that needed to be said were said, and I am so glad. Having said that, she was a nurse so knew the ultimate outcome. So I now find it difficult having a son who doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know if it's a female/male thing, if you know what I mean! I wish he would talk about things with me. Having had a mum with the same conditions, I know what is coming, I wish I didn't. The pair of you do need to talk, apart from anything else there are a lot of things that need to be said before it's too late, how much you love her for a start. There is nothing you can do for her health, but there is a lot you can do for her psyche and to make sure she doesn't feel that she is a burden and that she still is the person she always has been. I don't think you need to talk about "what will happen" as the truth is that it will be very distressing for you both. Just take each day as it comes, make her feel loved and wanted. I know how your mum feels about having had enough of it, I feel like that frequently. You feel of .no use to anyone, least of all yourself. You feel bereaved for your former self. All I would wish is that I be treated with love and care and not made to feel a nuisance. And don't be afraid to ask questions of the Community Matron, you could always quietly ask her if you could speak to her on the telephone about your mum as you are seeing her to the door, or get her telephone number from the folder your mum will have at home and give her a ring. Also, this forum is invaluable for any questions, concerns and worries you may have, someone will always give you the support you need. Best wishes, Libby x
HI Libby, Thank you so much for your reply, it has been so helpful. I must admit it made me cry when i read it, as it made so much sense. I really needed to hear from someone like you that has experienced it from both sides. I am really sorry to hear that you are now unwell and send you my best wishes. You are right, i know my mum feels a burden and knows her body is packing up and you have given me strength to reassure her that she is loved and although i do tell her she is not a burden, i need to make her know this, that i love her and would do anything for her, and try to make her feel loved as she was, as she is dealing with so many thoughts and fears but tries not to show it. People on this forum have been so helpful to me, it is really hard to deal with on both sides and great to hear from people who have experienced this, although i wish that nobody had to go through this, but i am guessing thats the way it is. Thank you so much for your help, it has made the world of difference. xxxx
I care for my mum who is 83, she suffers with cellulitis, phlebitis and osteoporosis among other things. She is afraid to go any where with out me, I am her only help. I have severe copd, osteoporosis and depression among other things, I am 61. I find life hard at times but my mum and I often find the funnier side of life and have a laugh together, I know I am not going to have her for ever. xx
Yes, I did care for my late father, and my wife, & I cared at home for my late mother-in-law (her mother) until she was 90. There are many things to consider for care of the elderly: please contact your Health & Social Departments and inquire about all information available. Tell them what you want to achieve. ASK! There are even programmes so that your mom can stay at her home (or yours) with professional health nurses, rehabilitation nurses, cleaners, meal providers, etc. all visiting regularly! Find out everything! But one thing is clear: you are NOT alone in this task and MANY people can help! Do not give up. Explain all to your mom. Discuss it! TALK to your mom......every day........Let her talk about her life (and you record it!)......We all must respect elderly people more & value their experiences..CARE.
Yes I helped care for my mother for several years. She is now in a home. It can be very difficult and distressing to watch a loved one fade before your eyes.You also feel you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Expect to always feel guilty - thats normal.
Call on all the help you can from social services etc.
A very important step to take if you haven't already is to get Power of Attorney. It saves endless problems in the future such as her finances and her care.
Hope this helps.
Bev x
Bev is so right about Power of Attorney as it is good to have. We have lasting Power of Attorney for my mother in law as she has dementia. She lives in a warden assisted flat but is getting steadily worse. My mum and dad have both gone many years ago but I do really sympathise with you. Try and get all the help you can including carers allowance or Attendance allowance. I am Pete's carer/wife as he has sarcoidosis, osteoporosis and copd. Take care. xxxxx
Hi, My daughter is 15 and she was statemented with special educational needs when she was 5/6 years old and she helps me to shower and dress and with the cooking and preparations plus with he laundry also. I don't like the idea of my daughter helping to care for me as I should be able to do it on my own. It gets me down that I have to rely on the help of my daughter but I also try to see it in a positive way as well in that, at least I know when I am dead that she will be able to take care of herself properly.
