My father died when I was 15 years old of emphysema.Until the day he died he continue to smoke.This was in 1980.He used oxygen but not full time ,and he seemed capable of looking after himself with cooking etc.
I used to visit him one a week and he would cook dinner for us,then one night he died in his sleep,he was age 61.
So I have that as my perception of how a person would die from emphysema.
Unfortunately when I was young I was foolish and started smoking myself and I now have copd.
I am 60 years old and at 47 I found I had signs of copd on an xray.
I immediately stopped smoking and thought nothing of it again.
10 years later I started using a trimbow inhaler having seen a pulmonary consultant.
My stage is moderate fev 56.
I had still not deeply looked into what copd was until recently and I now know it is progressive,hopefully slowly.
But I keep imagining myself in the future at stage 4 barely able to move, waiting and hoping to pass away soon.
Maybe I am wrong about that future.
This possible future makes me think I should carry on living the best that I can working etc until my life quality becomes too low and then I would end mylife myself.
I get a small comfort knowing that I could at least end my life should it get that bad.
However even my father did not get to be unable to move by the time he died,so I am not sure why I have this image of being bedridden barely able to breathe.
Sorry to be morbid but I need help with these thoughts.
Thank you Marc.
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Marc1965
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I think anything to do with our health is confusing because our bodies are all different. My dad started smoking when he was a teenager, probably 20 a day, and smoked until his death at 84. When he retired he took up golf and played Monday to Friday, and went to the driving on a Saturday. He died from a heart attack in the pub car park after a good evening with his friends.
Hello Marc . You are not being morbid, more like you are being realistic. Please consider the stark difference between you and your father's circumstances. He continued to smoke, whereas you stopped. Treatment for COPD was not as advanced forty years ago as it is today. There is also more support and information for people suffering from lung disease now. It's a new era compared to your dad's time.
We have zero control over the way we will die. What we can control is what we do with the time we have been given and how to find the best in life under the circumstances. I had end stage lung disease. From my first diagnosis until I received a single lung transplant I waited five years. It was a very precarious time. More than half of the patients waiting for lungs pass away waiting. I still have a diseased left lung that is deteriorating, but my donor lung is doing a good job. One thing that stuck with me waiting for the transplant was, self preservation is the first rule of nature. Live for the present, today is important because tomorrow is out of our hands. We can spend so much time worrying and thinking "what if" we forget we are human beings capable of feeling joy, happiness and most of all hope. Don't waste too much of your life in despair and worry. You deserve better than that. Don't watch the clock and imagine your life slipping away, instead be like the clock and keep ticking.
what an inspiring post caspiana thankyou true words life is so precious …. I look at my little boy ( not so little he’s 14 with autism an severe learning difficulties ) everyday he’s amazing what he does and he inspires me to push forward with everything I got diagnosed with copd emphysema at 41 I had the kick up my bum I needed I haven’t smoked for nearly 4 years now after the shock I lost weight and love spending quality time with family I still get rough days but don’t we all 😊your definitely right be that clock and keep ticking 😊💕xxx
Hello Yvonneh. Good for you! Quitting smoking is the best thing you could have done for yourself and your family. What a marvellous achievement. Sending you and your son all my best wishes. Have a lovely weekend. xx ❤
Have a great weekend too !😊💕 yes I think if we all new what smoking did to us non of us would of smoked in the first place I definitely would of not started we live and learn 😊😊xxx
Luckily fore warned is fore armed. With knowledge, healthy weight, healthy diet, seeing you gp when you suspect an infection, avoiding polluted environments (barbecue season 😷🙊🙈, exercise as much as you can & you can live well beyond your pa's age and without the O2. (Smoking whilst on O2 🤐. A few weeks ago a patient on 24 Hours in A&E was rushed in with bins to her mouth, throat and airways ).
Anyway, medical knowledge, treatments and medications gave come on leaps n bounds since 1980 - that's 45 years! .............Perhaps he had an undiagnosed heart condition too?
Thank you Peege.It was emphysema my father's death certificate.But it is true thankfully about being forewarned I manged to stop smoking when I was 47 years old after an xray.
If that had not happened I may have continued smoking and would be worse of now.
You’re not being morbid Marc, it’s understandable to feel as you do. You’re not your father though, you’re you. So much has changed since you were 15 and you can and will do better. Xxx
Thank you sassy.I am struggling mentally a bit at the moment.
There are good points,I am intending to marry my Partner Annie,I have a house paid for and lodgers.I may sell my house and move in with Annie.I also have part time Hgv work,and savings so I can afford to see a consultant.
All my other health is good apart from the moderate copd.
I have been posting both positive and some negative thoughts to try and work through it all.
Hoping you get to do some lovely things this year and congrats on your forthcoming marriage. Lots happening for you. Wishing you all the very best. Xxx
Hello Marc, Congratulations,👍on stopping smoking all those years ago, you are certainly on the right path, you have lots to look forward to Marc, try to think of all the good times ahead for you, there are many people much worse off than you are Marc, things are so very different now than what it was in your fathers time, often things turn out so much better than what we think they will,medication has improved dramatically since your dad's time,
so just be Positive & clear your mind of all Negative thoughts,there are lots of people diagnosed with COPD & they just carry on regardless & one of my friends husband was diagnosed 18 years ago with COPD & like yourself he stopped smoking keeps a healthy weight & he now has a very fulfilling, happy & enjoyable life, he is 63 years old & has never looked back, so my advice to you Marc is, try not to worry as worry does not solve our problem it just creates more problems and that can have a serious effect on our health, just keep your chin up Marc, you are definitely doing all the right things..I wish you good health & much happiness for the future Marc, just look forward to your nice holiday's & also to your forthcoming wedding to Annie, & I'm sure all will 👍 work out well for you...Take care, with much love 💘 to you & Annie,& may God bless you both always..xx Primrose 123..( Maria)xx
Thank you very much Maria.All these positive posts are very helpful to me.I was feeling low this morning but I am feeling much more positive this evening.
You will be fine 👍 Marc, don't allow yourself to have Negative thoughts . There are lots of people with COPD and are doing well, & have had it for many many years.. Maria..xx
"Don't watch the clock, but be like the clock - keep ticking." You've had a great reply from our Caspiana, one of the most respected writers on this forum. I'll add my pennyworth - don't be the passenger in the car; be the driver!
Yesterday I helped sow seeds in our community veg and garden plot on the estate where I live. It did me good to feed back into nature and chat with comrades of like mind. I said on your last post that I'd send a photo. Best wishes for your Italian holidays.
My dad was a very heavy smoker from his teens until he gave up in his 50’s. Diagnosed with work related asbestos in his 70’s but I’m sure he would have been dead by then if he’d continued to smoke.
Dad lived a very active life until his mid 80’s, he gradually became less active, he would get short of breath but but he slowed down mainly because of other unrelated serious illnesses. He didn’t become very frail until around 90 and died recently at 95.
You sound like like you’ve got this under control and are determined to live your best life which could well be a long and satisfying one, enjoy it!
Hi Marc1965, as a child you had to passive smoke because of what dad did. Then you smoked yourself. So let’s not look back as what’s done is done. Make the very best of what you have.
Your medication, make sure you use it correctly & all the time. Those images you get - use those to push on with exercise & plenty of physio to get you & lungs as strong as possible so it cope better (even when you aren’t well. Drop some weight if you need to. Boost your immune system to fight off infection - use foods & supplements, take care in crowded places - even put a mask on. Enjoy every day, do something for you or for someone else tho make you feel good. Put those visions in a box - they aren’t you. They were you looking at your dad, you can look away as he isn’t there now. Each time it appears as a thought - immediately look away to a happy memory (maybe when you were small, did he make time for you, what did you do together that made you laugh etc
We are all a day closer to our end, 😱 but until is comes (which may not be for years) don’t just sit waiting for it to catch up with you. Today is the day to start making different memories to look in on. Hope this goes someways to help you
Hi, in my late twenties I attempted suicide and was referred to the maudsley had two years of therapy use to go twice a week and still working but never found out why I did it. Diagnosed clinical depression. But after so much talking my attitude and thoughts changed. And I was healthy. In my fifties the dark thoughts crept back I had talking therapy (6 sessions) which I found helpful but the therapist thought my case complex and referred me to private therapy. I found it was good to talk and as they are strangers it’s easier to off load . It’s something I would recommend, I found after a session I felt lighter if that makes sense. My dad use to tell us he would die when he was sixty but he was wrong by 19 years old, but he was a talker and I was the opposite it wasn’t until I was diagnosed that I found out he also suffered from depression and was on the happy pills. My mum (88) recently broke her arm and the first thing she said was it’s taken 88 years to get a broken bone and we laugh as she has half a lung and is more active than I could ever be ( I use to be active) . I am always amazed she takes one pill a day whereas I take 30 . As people have said everyone is different, seek the help you want/need. Have a rant on here what ever works for you. I now find where I was quick to anger when younger now I don’t worry about anything and people find it strange but I no longer fear death ( at the moment). Like my dad said it’s never as bad as YOU think, and if you think about it you see he’s right. Some people just live in their heads and not in the world and end up with all sorts of problems (real and imagined). If you find you can’t talk to family or friends try talking therapy. Good luck .you will always be supported on here. Kevin
My mother dies at 60 and smoked until the day I died 3 - I have emphysema. severe - I stopped smoking 29 years ago, I probably would not have been here had I not stopped.
I had a lot more flair ups when I smoked and for a few years after, now my flare ups are not as often but my breathing is worse,. My family both sides bar my father were short lived - 50s 60s - despite COPD and otherailments I bucked that treand. I am still here well past 70.
Two friends died of smoking, they never stopped but both in their 70 PLUS.
To answer you are where you are and still working - keeeping as active as you can even with COPD is almost as important as stopping smokong - I am not very active not just COPD but severe pain and need morphine due to spine problems, I have cancerbut with few symptoms - I still look ahead and am still here and have some quality of life.
Try not to dwell on COPD Mark and planning now for what might on might not be down the road,
Caspiana nailed it when she said "We have zero control over the way we will die. What we can control is what we do with the time we have been given and how to find the best in life under the circumstances."
You're not morbid at all I understand the thoughts my dad had emphisima sorry if spelt that wrong he fought for every breath couldn't speak drink eat it was awful he died 3 days after he turned 64 I myself smoked from age of 20 I've tried counties times to give up but I haven't I have copd I'm 64 in August I think will I make it or am I I going to manage to live longer I think all sorts the same as yourself even brings tears and upset to myself on regular basis but I can't help it I'm just putting it down to I get days I feel sorry for myself most off time I won't go anywere because I'm frightened in case I'm breathless and I don't want anyone to see I wish I didn't feel like this and just accept and plod on but I'm having a difficult time I have had copd for 8 years so I understand I think most peaple on forum might have felt like you're self but they have accepted it and made the best off it I say well done and I'm pleased for them
Hi Germantara I can relate so well with how youre feeling. I ended up in ICU a couple of years ago as came down with one of the viruses going round. Ive had Emphysema for 10 years and now considered severe. I was doing quite well when I came out not smoking. Then I got a cancer diagnosis . They wont operate (its colorectal) as they said I wouldnt survive the op because of my lungs. I have refused chemo and radiation as I know what thats done to people in the same position. So what did I do? You guessed it I started smoking again. I only have 5 or 6 a day but I absolutly hate myself for doing it. now I cant stop it again. Same as you I wont hardly go anywhere as I dont want to be seen being breathless etc. Especially couldnt handle being judged for having a few cigarettes. Iwill be 73 in September. So as you said just have to do the best we can. All the best to you and also as you said the many people on here who are doing very well. All the best to you too Marc1965 sounds like youre doing very well.
your so lucky it was caught on xray a cat scan is used now to diagnose emphysema that's how mine was diagnosed. I have the same mobile thoughts as you and can't stop worrying not even my son knows he'd laugh it off anyway
Hi Marc1965, my father and 2 brothers passed away having Emphysema they all actually died of heart attack. I am stage 4 on oxygen 16 hours a day, but I do light exercises every day, my husband does or helps with cooking, cleaning etc. Life is what you make it, never give up, there is always someone to listen and help, what happens to one person doesn't necessarily happen to everyone, things are changing, medication is improving, so come on early stages, look to a bright future not a dismal one ok. Take care and exercise, stay healthy.
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31 with hyperinflted lungs
newly diagnosed and confused 
Is it more in the DNA than we think?
Newly diagnosed with COPD and emphysema
