Hi everyone , just letting you all know that my husband , Geoff , passed away on the 9th of April . The past six months have been tough but in the end he passed so peacefully , sleeping and breathing well ; he had fought hard and always positively for 18 years and I was told that he was just absolutely exhausted . Geoff was 75 and we had 53 years together , some good some bad , but all of them strengthened the bond between us and I’m just so grateful to have spent my life with him . Some of you know that I’ve always promoted positivity and still do , I intend to make the best of the time I have left along with my wonderful family, friends and dogs until I can be with Geoff again 😊 Please stay strong and positive everyone and enjoy the small things even if you can’t do the big Love to everyone Val xxxxx❤️💙 💕
”Till we meet again “ : Hi everyone... - Lung Conditions C...
”Till we meet again “
So sorry, Val, a quiet passing is what we all hope for, R I P Geoff. 😘
It was lovely Don , after all the fighting for breath for so many years , he slipped into sleep at teatime on Saturday having enjoyed a good breakfast and lunch . Throughput the night I said all I wanted to say to him and he squeezed my hand in response and a few hours later he seemed to go into a deeper sleep and passed away - no strong meds , nothing , as if in those final hours he was able to breathe free again 🙏😊 You take care of yourself and carry on writing !!! The week before Geoff died he bought a banjo and an instruction book 😂 xxx
loss is terrible, but as someone with lung disease, that peaceful end to suffering is something we all wish for ourselves, that we won't get it is a great fear that hangs over so many of us. Bless you and your family
It is indeed a massive fear for the sufferer and all those close to them , I think I was more afraid than Geoff ! I cared for Geoff at home and we were assured that if he had, pain, extreme breathlessness( that surprised me because he’s had extreme breathlessness with the inevitable panic attacks for the past 3 years ?) etc etc etc there were intravenous medications that would be administered by the district nurses that would keep him comfortable and pain free ( presumably the same is given in hospital) but in the event he needed nothing at all - just fell into a deep sleep ( we were assured he was still conscious ) breathing comfortably until the end - I’m still amazed . I won’t tell you not to worry , that’s not possible, but just be assured ,as I was by one of the nurses , that the end doesn’t have to be traumatic, if the right care plan is in place , it certainly wasn’t for us and presumably many others . I’ll be keeping you and all my friends here in my prayers - I’m not conventionally religious but I do feel I’ve been given strength throughout the past few years and Geoff and I have definitely been watched over and cared for this week by a power beyond our understanding 🙏 xx
sending you big hugs xxxx
Thank you 😊 x
I guess Geoff knew there were more strings in the next life and just wanted a slight advantage. Thanks for sharing that Val. It's lovely. ❤️ David.
So sorry to hear the sad news my heart goes out to you and your family
That was such a lovely post Val, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband but what an incredible bonus to have had 53 years together, that you'll make the very best of your future and that you have a lovely family - and dogs! Thinking of you with love ××× P
Thank you Peege , I honestly just feel so grateful , we were blessed to have had so long xxx
Bless you dear Val, so sorry for your sad loss. I’m in awe of your courage and positivity and will treasure everyday with Pete and our wonderful family.
Thinking of you and please do stay in touch if you can.
Hugs from Carole xxx🤗❤️🙏🏻🌹
I’ve had a lot of time to think about the future carole and was determined not to waste the time I have left being miserable but you always wonder when the time comes if you’ll feel the same and thankfully I do 🙏. Of course I’ve wept every day at some point , that’s only natural , but not for long and the outpouring of love and messages I’ve had from family and friends really has been amazing and such a comfort . I will definitely stay in touch , I’m going over to Lanzarote to stay with my brother for a week in a couple of months ( I need to renew my passport 🙄) but In the words of Arnold ( can’t spell his last name 😂) “ I’ll be back “ xxx
I can understand that Val. I have lots of thoughts too but try not to dwell too much on anything. Just making the best of each day especially after covid reared its ugly head.
I’m so pleased you’ve had lots of love and support from those around you and from this forum too. It must bring such comfort.🙏🏻
Enjoy Lanzarote and being with your brother. 🤞🏼for the passport renewal. You take care and let us know how you are keeping. Xxx❤️😘
Beautiful post Val. I feel for you but thankful that Geoff's passing was peaceful. Take care of yourself and stay in touch. xx
Thank you , I’ll be checking in to see how everyone’s doing 👍😊xx
Oh goodness. I'm so sorry to read this news Val. You took good care of your husband all these years. Now it's your time to enjoy your life although it must be difficult adjusting to this change and you must miss him terribly. Thank you for all the support you have given us on this forum. We all appreciate it. Much love to you. xx 🌼🌿
Thank you Cas , I hope I’ve given some support but I know I’ve had so much more from the forum . I’ve loved your stories , Dons poems , BB’s photos , Sassy’s kind words to everyone and so so much more , so many friends made . We’ve all been here because of adversity but what a lovely place we’ve made 😊😊❤️ Xxx
So sad to hear your news. It's comforting to think you had all that time together ❤️. Take care of yourself and thank you for being part of what has made this site so supportive for so many of us xxxx
Oh Val. So sorry to hear this, although it is good that Geoff's last hours were so peaceful. Condolences to you and your family. xxx
Thank you Alberta , and thanks for all your support in the past xxx
You have supported me, Val, and many others. Bless you. It's nice to know you've got a break in Lanzarote lined up. xxxx
Oh my sweet dear friend I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news ...I'm on the end on an email if you need anything just shout... its lovley to know his last hours were peaceful xx
Here for you anytime love to you
Aww Angie that’s so kind , I’ll be sure to contact you if the going gets too tough 😊 and I will be checking in to see your gorgeous photos . I find a lot of peace and comfort in animals and nature xxxx
So sorry for your loss. Heis now in a better place waiting for you to join him in a renewed health.
Love to you and all your family... Tom.
Thank you tomc , I hope you’re right, I’m in the happy position of hoping to get a few years of enjoyment now but if that’s not the plan I really shan’t mind because I’ll be with my Geoff again . Win - win 😊 xx
so sorry to hear your bad news . i hope you can continue to b e so positive . it is not easy when everyone goes ,and you are on your own . you had a lovely long life together and lot of memories' keep in touch
Thank you Jaybird , yes I have thought things will get tougher when everyone carries on with their own lives 😒 but then I thought it’s up to me to create a new life for me - as you might guess I can talk to anyone, and talk the hind legs off a donkey so that’s one less problem 😂 I just need to force myself to get out of the house , I can see myself on a solo holiday but I realise seeing it and doing it are two entirely different things and I have got very comfy in my own house since lockdown . Time will tell 🤷🏻♀️ Xxx
it becomes a security to stay in the house . when my husband died i went out more and mad e a new life, but it is never the same. No-one to go home and talk about the day. well i did tell him all about it but there was no answers.
I am very lucky that i got birthday and christmas cards with a poem inside written about the events in our lives over the previous 6 months of each year and i saved them. Now I have put these in a large photo display book and go to read that to enjoy again something of our life together .. he didnt know that i was saving them so they were written for his pleasure in expressing himself ,and mine in reading them.
As the years go by i have become less active and only see people if i go out . it is too easy to do that and covid isolation wiped all my interests out and most have not started again so have to find new interests , new groups, so I talk on computor all the time and that is much too easy .
do have a lovely time in lanzarote
It’s so lovely that you have those poems 😊 tbh I can’t even really remember what our life together was like before Geoffs illness became all consuming and I’m sure when I do that will bring heartache as well as pleasure . ( even Lanzarote will be challenging) I know I’ll have to make a big effort to get back out into society I know I’ve become way too comfortable in my own home but to be honest I think that’s more down to Covid than caring for Geoff . I’m sure many people , healthy or not feel the same . I hope eventually you’ll resume your previous interests or find new things to motivate you but if you’re happy to be at home that’s fine too 😊 just do whatever makes you happy xxx
Very sad news . Stay strong and positive ❤️
Dear Val, I'm sorry to hear of your great loss! That's an amazing amount of time you spent together ❤️ So many memories! It sounds like a very peaceful time despite the sadness. Sending a big hug, Dee x
so sorry xx
so sorry to hear that but good he went peacefully take care of yourself xxx
So very sorry for your loss, you will be in my prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sincere condolences
so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you & your family at this sad time … R.I.P Geoff 🙏
So sorry to hear of your loss sending thought and hugs your way xx
I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you. Your post sharing the experience of your husband's passing is, very reassuring for those who could be anxious of the unknown. RIP Geoff 🙏 ❤. Take care of yourself. June xx
I’m so sorry for your loss. I admire your positive attitude immensely though and hope that stands you in good stead for the future.
Many memories of happy times despite the struggles for you and Geoff. He's only a thought away and will walk by your side always.What a wonderful, intimate and peaceful death, as you say there is a force beyond, Geoff has gone before but will be happy 😊 that you live your life and he watches and waits for you.
Thinking of you at this sad time.
God bless. Sending a circle of love and peace for you and your family. Dawn. xxxx ❤
Thank you so much for those lovely words, they are very comforting xx
So sorry for your loss. Big hugs. Xx
My Condolences Val on the passing of Your Beloved Husband. May he RIP after the long battle he fought. You were a wonderful carer for him so be proud of yourself.
Geoff would want you to be happy so enjoy with your family and friends.
Lots of love xxSheila 💕⚘😢👍
Thank you Sheila 😊 xxx
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I am so sorry.
May I add to the comments, and say that your Geoff had a good passing at home without too much pain. My thoughts are with you.
My husband Geoff died peacefully at home, with lot of support from local district nurses, for his prostate cancer. Gone but not forgotten. Jean x
I am sad to hear of Geoff's passing but so pleased that the end was peaceful. Your positivity will help carry you through the emotional ups and downs you'll experience and your memories are there to enjoy whenever you want them. Of course, you'll miss him, but as someone else said, the time ahead is for you.
I hope your time in Lanzarote will be one of peace and relaxation - or dancing in the moonlight if that's what you feel you need to do. I don't say that flippantly. I mean do whatever works for you and don't feel tied to conventional expectations of grief.
We all get through these times our own way and there's nothing wrong with a good laugh or a good cry. Do what you need to do to come back feeling the best you can.
My best wishes to you.
Thank you Moy , wise words as always . I will indeed be doing all of the above ! I have felt the odd twinge of guilt - should I really feel this positivity 🤔 but as you said that is just because of the conventional expectations of grief . I have shed tears every day and I’ve laughed uncontrollably along with family ..,do you remember when dad did this ?😂 So many laughs along the way that I’m so grateful for . Geoff once said “ when I go you can have a few good years “ and that’s the plan , but he’s not gone , he’ll be with me wherever I go , whatever I do 😊 xxx
so sorry for the loss of your dear husband, sending you a big warm hug 🤗 🥰
I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and be with your family as much as you can.
Sending a big heartfelt hug 🥰
I am so sorry for your loss. So glad to hear he passed so peacefully. They do say most people have a good day before they leave and I have witnessed this personally. Family and friends and of course dogs can be a great comfort at times like this. Best wishes to you xx
oh jeez,,so very sorry to hear this. I am also a Val and a painter’s (artist) wife, watching him struggling,..my heart absolutely goes out to you. That strong beautiful bond will sustain you. You know he will want you to be ok. He will always be close by. Please stay with us on this site!
Thank you , you are so right in all you’ve said and yes I will stay on the site , it’s been one of the tools in my armoury that’s kept me sane and given me friends who really understand, I won’t be walking away entirely 😊 xx
I know what you mean, this Site has given me such help in looking after my Will. It’s so hard at times. Married 41 years, no family but so much love. Very lucky to have that. My heart completely goes out to you. Nothing can break that bond. He will only be a heartbeat away, I’m so sure of that xx
So sorry for your loss. Big big hug to you and your family
I am so sorry for your loss ❤️
My condolences at this sad time. You are a positive person which should help in the weeks to come. Look after yourself xx
So sad to hear your news Val, but for Geoff to have such a quiet passing must be a great comfort to you. I am sure he would be happy that you are so positive and that you have such love and support around you
All the best Val, enjoy your trip (first of a few?!), my thoughts are with you ,
Thank you 😊 xx
Dear Val, my heart goes out to you, losing the one so special to you for so many years. My sympathy to you and your family at this sad time. May your happy memories together console you until you meet Geoff again xx
I am truly so sorry to hear of the sad loss of Geoff, and send you my deepest sympathy. But how blessed you both were that he went in such a peaceful way. Your positivity had such a great impact on him. Moy B and others here have given such good thoughts and advice. I wish you many happy memories of your time together with Geoff, and am so glad you have the support of a good family. xx
Thank you so much , we were both very positive throughout the past 18 years and I truly believe that’s what got us through and what will get me through this next stage until we’re together again 😊 xx
My thoughts are with you. x
So very sorry to hear of Geoff’s passing and in a way it’s nice he went so peacefully, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Xxx
Sincere condolences . Thank God he has now found peace and the suffering has ended. Look after yourself . X
Dear Val, I'm so sorry to hear of Geoff's passing but glad to know how peaceful his end was. Here for you if needed. With love, Carole xx
Thank you Carole , it was indeed so peaceful, he was just exhausted with the fight and it was as if he just made the decision to sleep . I hope you’re as well as possible and looking forward to the warmer weather ? Xxx
So sorry to hear your sad news. I’m so pleased to see you are so positive about the future and you have great friends and family. 🤗
So sorry for your loss. You take care x🌹
I am so sorry to hear of Geoff's passing. Such a relief that this was peaceful for you all. I am sure with your positivity that when the time feels right you will be able to follow new adventures and you will have some fun. Geoff will want you to do so I am sure. Thank you for all your help and glad to hear you will keep us posted. Enjoy Lanzarote and spending time with your brother xx
Thank you jet jet , that’s the plan ! I’m actually not that adventurous, I can’t even do a short train journey alone , I wouldn’t even know how to book a ticket 😂 but this is the challenge isn’t it ? I know forging a new life as an individual rather than a couple won’t be easy , far from it, but I’ll certainly give it my best shot xx
So sorry to hear this, sincere condolences to you & all your family , 💐💕💐 xx
Sad news. RIP Geoff.
Hi Valerie I’m sorry to hear of Geoff’s passing. My condolences to you and the family😢
Good morning Val. I am so sorry to hear of your Loss. My thoughts are with you and your family and hope you can come to terms with your grief and enjoy the rest of your life with friends and family and I hope you will keep in touch with us all as well. Take care. Brian xx
Thank you Brian , I’m certainly going to try to get on with living a good life , and I hope you’re still enjoying life in your new place and have made some new friends 😊 I will definitely be checking in here at times too Lots of love xx
So pleased to hear you will keep in touch. I have recently lost a really good friend from Canterbury. We used to text for 2 to 3 hours every night and he has sadly passed away and his wife is in the same situation as you. And struggling at present on her own. Hope you keep active and your mind occupied. Evenings are the worst for over thinking. Take care xx. Brian
Oh Brian you will miss that friend so much having had so much contact , I hope you will find something to fill the void 🙏 When I worked in the care home some residents would say “ there’s nothing nice about getting old “ and I would think that was very pessimistic but I must admit losing people we care about sadly becomes more frequent Don’t worry , i will fight like a tiger to stay active and occupied , I used to enjoy drawing and painting and I’m looking forward to getting back into that and starting to walk again - I’m going to sign up for a charity walk in September so I need to get into training for that - it’s only eight miles but it’s been a while since I’ve walked further than my own kitchen 😂 xx
So pleased to hear you are looking forward and keeping positive. I think it is difficult getting older because it brings it home to you going to more funerals sometimes. But we have to push it out of our minds and keep enjoying life. There's plenty of people go on coach holidays on there own now. And the company I use. Usually put single people together in the dining room and they end up going out together for the day and becoming friends for future. Brian
That’s good to know , which company is that Brian ?
Sorry to read about your sad news. At least he had a peaceful end after all that fighting. Thinking of you and your family.
So Sorry to hear of your recent loss Val, as your post says try to stay positive. I am sure you will cope with the future but it is hard at first after a long marriage. My thoughts go out to you and your family at this sad time. ☕🌺
Thank you Katie and thank you for your support in the past 😊 xxx
Dear Val yesterday 16th april (2004) I saw my late husband jim for the last time in the chapel of rest . so your post my darling is bringing it all back . Please try to be strong jim and his lung trouble me and my COPD oh my god but somehow we tend to cope . Your Geoff has gone from this earth but not from your heart God Bless Sandra xxxxx 💝🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌺🌺🌺🌻
Dear Sandra , as you said , somehow we cope . I feel I’ve somehow been blessed with a strength I never knew I had . I never imagined I could care for Geoff at home but I did, I never imagined I’d feel at peace when he passed but i do . The fact that he was breathing well even before he passed proves to me that his suffering was finally over . I shall miss him for the rest of my life but I wouldn’t bring him back to suffer another day , so the hope is that this is a temporary separation until my time comes . 🙏. I hope you’re managing to find some pleasure in life , I understand that it must be so much harder when you are struggling with poor health yourself . Thank you for your kind words Much love to you Val xxxx
Dear Val- What a lovely post and a true message of hope for people suffering pulmonary illnesses. I have always enjoyed reading posts by you and Geoff. Please keep well and continue the healing process. My thoughts are with you and I hope you will continue to check in with old friends here. Much love sent to you and family by JJ_7 xxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you JJ , I hope our experience has been a comfort to others . At some point every human will die , it’s the circle of life , but I’ve always believed it’s possible to have a good death and my belief has been confirmed 😊🙏 xxx
My condolences to you and your family Val. I am so sorry for your loss but feel happy that Geoff had a peaceful passing. When my Mum passed I went to my daughters in Tenerife and found it gave me time to heal properly as I am sure will be the case for you at your brothers. Please keep in touch and we are here for you if you need us x
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Val. A peaceful end with your love and support. May you be comforted by those dearest to you. 💕x
I’m so sorry for your loss. Xx
Hi angel my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time having lost my husband on the 13th April last year I know the loss can sometime times be overwhelming. Stay strong angel all my love and best wishes Lyn x
Sorry to hear your loss. 😢 Its tragic but I know that he is already in the loving arms of God. 🙂 Stay strong and with your loved ones that are still there for you. 🙂
Deepest sympathies. How sad!
Hearing your husband had such a peaceful passing has given me hope I might be able to achieve this too when the time comes. I lost my sister last year to pulmonary fibrosis and because of Covid wasn’t allowed to visit her in hospital during her final days. My brother in law was only allowed two 15 minute visits and she died alone. Like your nurse, my consultant reassures me it doesn’t have to be as awful as I imagined and I am now registered with our local hospice for when I need more support. Your story is very uplifting, so thank you so much for sharing at this difficult time.
I’m so pleased that you’ve taken something positive from my post 😊 it’s terrifying to imagine the worst but it really doesn’t have to be that way . I’ve had fantastic support from district nurses , palliative care team and the Gp . I had all the necessary meds here to keep Geoff comfortable right to the end but they weren’t even needed 😊 I hope you enjoy many more years of life , don’t waste them worrying unnecessarily. Covid was horrendous, I’m so sorry you and your family had to endure that ordeal xx
My thoughts are with you. ⚘️ I was privileged to be with my beloved father as he slipped away at home and it was very peaceful. All of his family were there including his newest great grandson. Thankyou for your positivity. ❤️
what a blessing to have died so peacefully🤗, as your hubbie said , now it’s time to enjoy your time . You will always remember him and wish he was with you, laugh cry and keep him in your heart 💜
Sending strength and peace to you,Ive followed your posts on our lovely site,I hope Geoff sends that little Robin to keep you company. X Rose x.
Believe it or not in the two days before Geoff died a Robin flew onto my gate every time I opened the back door , if I sat outside it would fly onto the table beside me . After his death I was alone , having a little weep , looked up and through the window saw him sitting on my shed staring directly at me ! I’ve never really been into that sort of thing but I must admit it brought me a lot of comfort and it does make you think 🤔. Thank you for Rose , for thinking of me xx
sorry for your loss sending love to you and your family xx 😘
So very sorry for your loss. May your good memories give you strength and peace.
Very moving post. I wish you and yours well x
Thinking of you and your family and holding you all in my thoughts both now and in the future.
Thank you Cloudancer , and thank you for your support in the past 😊 xx
So sorry to hear your sad news my prayers are with you and your family. You must have amazing memories of all your time together, celebrate his life . He will be with you forever. I am so glad you have family, friends and your dog around you. Take care xxx
Thank you Winnie , I know I have so much to be grateful for 🙏xx
So very sorry 🐞
So sad to hear about anyone dying, love and sincere condolences to you and you Family.
I'm so sad to read this but pleased his passing was peaceful.sending u+ yr family my condolences 💕x
R.I,P Geoff and condolences to you and your family Val. Take care 🤗🤗
I am so sorry to hear of your loss but thank you for such a positive and joyful post at this difficult time.
So sorry to read your sad news, sending you and your family my deepest condolences. My husband passed peacefully too 3 years and 4 months ago....5 weeks short of our 50th Wedding Anniversary. As you say we need to rebuild our lives, what is left of it. I try to keep myself busy with yoga and pilates and I have joined a walking group and made some lovely new friends. Our husbands wouldn't want us to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves. You take care and try and keep your chin up although some days it is very hard.
Thank you for your reply , it’s reassuring to know that people around my age are able to start again 😊I know it will be hard and it won’t ever be the same without Geoff but I’m certainly going to try xx
Sorry to hear this, but a peaceful passing is always a blessing. xx
My condolences on the loss of your husband. I found your post really moving and have been really comforted by hearing that it is possible to have a good peaceful death with lung disease. My very best wishes to you and thank you.
You are more than welcome ABBA2 I never imagined in my wildest dreams that the end would be as it was and reading the replies it seems many people are living in fear unnecessarily as we did . Geoff didn’t need medication in the end and passed so peacefully but my understanding is that the meds we had on hand would have made his passing comfortable should they have been necessary. If I’ve taken some of that fear away from others I’m more than happy and Geoff would be too 😊 xx
You’re such a kind soul, Val, to reassure us all in this way. I’m so relieved for you that your darling Geoff had such a good death. He’ll leave a massive hole in your life but I really do hope you make good on your plans to make the best of your life. I’m sure your family & friends will help. You’ve cared wonderfully for Geoff for so many years - now he’d want you to get as much enjoyment from life as you can. Btw although I don’t post much lately I always read your posts as they often cheer me up! You have a great attitude to adversity 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you eleanordigby 😃 I can’t put into words how good it feels to know I’ve helped someone a little or put a smile on someone’s face . What I love about this forum is that we all know the issues everyone is dealing with ,physical suffering , mental suffering , fear of pain, fear of death, old age , exhaustion . The sick and the carers alike struggling to get through each day and yet we manage to forge on and make this forum a cheerful, supportive space . We come here in desperation ( I did) , despair or fear and get unlimited support and advice that in a short time makes the burden a bit lighter and the fear a bit less all consuming. We don’t often talk about dying and I agree it’s not something we should be dwelling on too much but I thought ,in view of our experience ,it was important to tell everyone that the end ( which let’s face it we’ll all experience) doesn’t have to be scary , traumatic or painful even for people who’ve struggled to breathe for many, many years . I had thought that I wouldn’t really have a place on the forum anymore but after all the lovely replies I’m reluctant to leave my friends so I will continue to post and let you all know about “life after Geoff”. It has already started - my grandson took me to the cinema , which was quite an experience for someone who remembers the “flea pits 😂” I’ll elaborate on that in a few days . You take care of yourself. Love Val xxx
so sorry…. Hope you keep in touch
Sorry to hear your sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family 🌹