I am really struggling at the moment. Winter always depresses me anyway! I can feel my health worsening and nothing seems to help. I can no longer drive(after over 50 years of driving) and my world seems to be shrinking.This has been brought on by my occasional lapses of memory which my family think could be fatal if it happened whilst I was driving. My eldest daughter died three months ago( pancreatic cancer) which has also devastated me. Absolutely no way do I want to take medication for this as this would just add to my problems. I just want some advice on how I can get my head back together!
Depression: I am really struggling at... - Lung Conditions C...
Depression
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Aingeful
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My heart goes out to you Aingeful as you clearly need support. Losing your beautiful daughter was devastating and feeling your health is worsening too has impacted you further. Please speak to your GP if possible and tell him how you feel.
Sending love and hugs, Carole xxxπππ€
My thoughts are with you. I don't have a solution but think the GP advice is good advice. x
Oh Aingeful, my heart goes out to you. Iβm not surprised youβre feeling so low, considering what youβve been through. You must be reeling, just from grief over your daughter, let alone anything else. Could your gp arrange bereavement counselling, it might help if you could talk about it all with someone. 3 months is such a short time to process grief, and the loss of your car means youβre stuck indoors with your sadness. Just know, weβre thinking of you β€οΈ
Dear Aingeful, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I'm thinking that it's not surprising with the losses you've suffered recently. The loss of your daughter is particularly poignant, an indescribable loss of a child is awful at any age. 3 months is too short a time to recover from the grief. Then all compounded by the loss of the independence & life choices of driving and your former, fuller life.
Do you have the E-Consult system at your surgery? You could fill one in via the surgery's website and see what happens. It's then you can reiterate that you don't want to go down the medication route (although I remember a lovely gp explaining to me once that a plaster cast doesn't cure a fracture but holds your body together whilst healing takes place and to think of antidepressants in that way). There are talking therapies you could accept which would get you through to spring. I'm sure there must be grief forum in HealthUnlocked. Grief is about loss, not necessarily bereavement.
My very very best wishes to you, I'm very happy to chat on private message if it would help even a little. Peege ΓΓΓΓ
oh peege β¦. I love that quote you made β¦ it makes such sense , I will hang on to that .. thank you , Iβve got bronc, been through the milk the last few months, CT showed up lung nodule , after being referred to the Marsden , after more pet scans, biopsies given the all clear , thank god β¦. But this has left me severe anxietyβ¦ omg never did I expect to get anxiety , I was on another planetβ¦ but my GP has been amazing , and with meds , had to change a few to get right ones, Iβm doing better. But once again thank you because that has actually made me smile π have a great day and keep dishing out that fab info .
Xβ€οΈ
I'm so pleased that you're feeling better NannyB and have had the all clear. Bravo, you're proof that a chat and support from a sympathetic GP can really help. ΓΓ
I cannot help as i am in similiar position . i havent lost any relatives let alone a daughter and cannot imagine how you are coping . i see my food shopper once a week and have a cleaner fortnightly but no relatives nearby, and my social life was based in town 23 miles away, where i worked, and have lost local friends since covid closed down everyones social life. life started again after covid isolation and lasted a few weeks before i ended up in hospital with emergency op and sent home with no aftercare . there is no one to do this aftercare anymore . kitchen light needed changing and whe neighbours are all working andd too busy to chat I contacted a company supposed to help i was quoted special price to replace it of Β£34. that is a lot cheaper than a local firm and i supplied the new bulb ! we can only wait for it to stop raining and spring to come . think of this the days are getting longer and the spring is coming . it will be brighter then and spirits might lift, try contacting your local charities and see if they can help there are people you can talk to on silver line and ageUK help where they can help in other ways . snow angels is a local charity in NW. I have a snow angel called andrew who shops for me and he has discovered that he enjoys helping people and spends all his time ( retired ) helping with his wife at the local food hub/ bank. . T here are "chatty cafes" , cafes where people can walk in and can meet othters I havent tried that yet myself but hoping to be able to drive again. Will try to remember the charity that runs those cafe meetings . the cafes called "chatty cafes" and have a table on certain days reserved for those who just want to meet other people in like situations---- and just chat .
Jaybird I live in Scotland and our local council have a free care and repair service for people over 60 with chronic illness or disability. They will fix curtain rail, assemble flat pack items etc. Perhaps something similar is available in your area. Contact your local authority if interested in finding out if they do. Best wishes to you. Roll on summer to cheer us all up.
yes you woud expect it but told 34 pounds to change light bulb and i didnt enquire any further.
Was that your local authority service jaybird? Ours is free for over 60 with chronic illness or disability.
Oh JaybIrd Β£34 to replace a bulb. There is a service called care and repair with your local council who would be able to help or even a local charity maybe, check your local services. Winter doesnt help when we are stuck indoors and being unwell doesnt encourage us to do more. Sending my best wishes and support to you x
I cannot imagine how you must be feeling Aingeful and my heart bleeds for you. You clearly need help but alas in this climate I don't know what's out there now. Bereavement counselling would be one thing. There are some mild antidepressants out there that may help temporarily to get you through the next few months. The grief must be make your whole body hurt. Please get some help. Peege made very good comments. Take care you lovely lady xx
Aingeful, I feel so much for you. I am in similar isolated circumstances and feel anxious and lonely sometimes. It must be worse for you losing your beautiful adult child. I just think I would lose the will to live if my son was taken.
Everyone needs therapy at some point in their lives. Have you heard of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? You can refer yourself to IAPT and bypass your GP. I include information link here:
nhs.uk/mental-health/talkin...
It's not going to help much to know you are not alone with these terrible feelings. I encourage you to look online, pick up the phone and reach out. People do care.
Best wishes JJβ€οΈ
I hope that you find some help Aingeful. I personally wouldn't dismiss medication out of hand as it can be very useful at times but what you want is the most important thing and counselling may be more helpful to you. Wishing you well and a smoother road ahead xx
Hi Aingeful, I really feel for you, I to lost a relative suddenly recently, itβs a real struggle some days made worse by this horrible wet dark weather and poor health. I canβt tell you what to do to help you but I can tell you what I do and hope it helps. I have found a wonderful church I started going to and met some lovely people and the vicar has been amazingly supportive. They do a coffee morning and they even do breakfast every so often, I donβt know if thatβs your thing but itβs really helped me, Iβd even say its better then any counselling I been to. I try to get out everyday weather permitting usually find someone willing to chat. I also try to avoid watching or listening to the news, I only turn tv on when something I want to watch to avoid sitting just staring at the tv for my mind to wonder of. I feel any spare time with a good book even at bedtime so I fall asleep reading rather then take more pills, I have them but avoid taking them.
Oh and I find lighting a candle for a loved one helps too. Also all the advice from the others on here is really good too.
Best wishes
Sending best wishes to you. Hope you can access some help and support. You have had such a difficult time recently. All the very best.
Dear Aingeful, I know this is easier said than done but my advice is to set up some sort of structured routine in your life which includes getting up by a set time most days, making yourself feel presentable and include an exercise regime at least four times a week, try and do some word puzzles or Scrabble to βexerciseβ your mind and get some blood tests done by your gp to make sure all ok. Honestly I have never admitted this to anyone but I was so depressed by my illness at one time I even investigated the Dignitas routeβ¦I canβt believe I was THAT low. Iβve turned my life around and now wake up happy and thankful to be alive and I have done it by sheer determination not to let my illness beat me. Sorry to hear about the death of your daughterβ¦ I always think it takes six months to make some recovery from the death of a loved one (not saying one gets over it but that it is possible to start functioning somewhat normally after six months), so bear that in mind with regard to your current state of mind and be kind to yourself. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. Jan.
Fabulous reply JulyAugust.A routine is so very important although it can be like walking through quicksand trying to muster the energy to get motivated to do it.Aingeful I hope that you feel able to reach out and find the help that you need +let us know how you get on and remember you are never alone.
Morning Sheila, it must be our namesake as I have been struggling lately. I was always out and about on my shopping trips but the dreadfull weather has put a stop to this. I have been housebound for the past 6 weeks as it has rained every single day and so cold. This has resulted in me getting very breathless with the lack of excercise.
I am now trying to get my mobility back with my oxygen and walking around my house to excercise instead of either staying in bed or sitting for hours watching TV.
I am back having anxiety/panic attacks and not wanting to leave the house so I sympathise with you
My heart goes out to you over the loss of your daughter .
I hope you feel better soon but I think you should seek Counselling for your bereavement. Sending hugs xxSheila πβ
So sorry to hear this Sheila. I hope the weather improves soon so you can get back to your exercise routine. Make up for lost time and buy lots of goodies. Panic attacks sound dreadful. Would it help to have someone with you when you are at last able to get out? I'm sure your strong fighting spirit will eventually see you through. Lots of East Anglian hugs -the equivalent of Welsh cwytches (almost certainly spelt wrong- sorry.) xxxx Chris
I am fortunate as always have someone around me. My husband is fantastic and also my daughter and Granddaughter live with us. They do talk me through an attack but its still so scary
Thank you for you lovely reply take care xxSheila sending cwtches back .πβ
Sorry to hear u r struggling Sheila.would it help to restart yr mood/gratitude board?include images of spring flowers,birds etc we can look forward to rather thn the dark wet winter perhaps link up with hubby or daughter + walk around yr house outside + look at plants changing,birds whistling.its easier to start linked up with loved one.also perhaps just begin to think about yr upcycling.sending u lotsaluv xx
I still have my vision board. Worried as hubby going in hospital for procedure under general anaesthetic on Friday. Hopefully when he is back home safe with me on Saturday I will improve and not be so anxious. Thanks for your reply
Take care xxSheila πβ
After some research, ie. looking on the internet , I see I almost spelt cwtches right, no mean feat for one whose English spelling was always shaky. This was a drawback when I was an English teacher, but the kids found it funny.xxxx
Welsh is not an easy language to master especially pronounciation and spelling. Caspiana once said what a lovely word Cariad was and how do you pronounce it. It means My love or Sweetheart . I dont speak Welsh fluently ,my husband does as it was his first language. I can write and pronounce no problem. Very confusing as everything backwards lol. Cwtches to you again xxSheila πβ
Thinking of you dear Sheila and hoping things improve for you very soon. Sending love, hugs and positive thoughts your way.
Take care,
Love, Carole xxxπ€π₯°ππΉ
Thank you Carole . I am dressing at the moment this has taken me over an hour already. I'm determined to move around more today to get my strength back. Easier said than done though as its really hard work Love to you and Pete xxSheila πβ
Oh Sheila, you have summed up my situation perfectly. Left to ourselves we can easily dwell on the negative side of things. I miss the ability to just DO something on a whim.
I have always been so Positive and advised others to be the same. Unfortunately I am now looking at everything with a negative attitude. Feeling sorry for myself and thinking the worse. I know I am causing the Panic attacks as I constantly dwell on my condition thinking I cant do something instead of the Positivity I used to have.
I am really trying and got dressed, put the make up on etc and will try and walk around the house as much as possible and not sit all day in a chair.
I look outside and feel I am unable to walk to my car on the driveway as it is a slight gradient from house to garage. It's all in the mind I know, but so scary.
I have support as my Respiratory team and COPD team are constantly phoning me and will come to my house if I need them.
I have to go to the dentist as have a filling out so that's another issue as getting there is scary so havent phoned for appointment yet.
I hope you will feel more Positive soon and we both come out the other side of this episode.
Take care sending cwtches from Wales xxSheila πβ
If you cannot drive, are you living in the correct place for you.
When my mum was 70 she moved much closer to me, 200 metres away, so it was easy for me to see her. With the same move she moved close to the centre of a sociable village and joined the church. She spent a lot of her seventies looking after people in their eighties.
That move really helped her.
Other relatives have moved to sheltered housing, to give themselves more social interaction, and also to break from the past.
Personally when I get to seventy I am definitely moving to the centre of the local town, good cafes, leisure centre, lively church.
So sorry for your loss . I'm sure some of how you feel will be grief which can be exhausting. Maybe seek out some counselling? There are charities that offer it for nothing or very little money. That might just get you over this downer.
Our world's do shrink. I was thinking about what I do in the winter when I can't go out. I invite folk in for coffee, play online scrabble on an app called wordfeud, (you can write chat to people you play with) organise photos , sew , read and there are some online groups . It's not easy I know. Hope you find your way through this .
Sending you lots of love xβ€οΈ
good morning to you sorry to hear about your health & family has your doctor set up any coffe morning with people out of the surgery thats what my gp done every first monday i call the bingo no money involed we have a raffle some time we have a guset speaker its only 1030/ till 12 it helps ghoust rider
That does not sound like a good start to the year. I don`t know your personal situation but wondered whether you have a cat or preferably a dog that would get you out of the house? My wife stopped driving a few years ago due to eye problems but insists on walking our teo dachshunnds at least 3x per day to get her lungs working. Wealso try and play table tennis every day, even if we wear top coats. I also participate in the walking to ensure that I do some exercise as well. Try to stay away from medication, companionship is better for you. Best of luck, Chris.
Little to add after all these lovely replies, except to give you a big virtual ((((hug)))). Keep taking things one step at a time, one day at a time xx
So sorry to know you're feeling so down. Not surprising really. I hope lengthening daylight will help a bit. I feel you need to get out of the house to do something- anything- where you meet other people, even if you don't interact with them much at first. I chose Pilates last year for that reason, but bingo, U3A, knit and natter, anything would do. I know it takes effort to organise anything, even getting a taxi, but please try. I hope all the love for you that this forum has shown will help. Chris xxxx
Thank you all so much for your kind replies,I really appreciate them. Its not that I dont have good friends and family to talk to,I do. Its just that I dont want our times together to be taken up with my trials and tribulations!Re church,yes I am a Christian and in the past I have been very involved in many activities.However,I am no longer able to do this or sit through services.I watch tv,read,phone friends and when in the mood draw and paint. I realise that in a lot of ways I am very lucky. Re pets, I just couldnt cope. I am nervous of dogs due to being attacked as a child. Birds would irritate my lungs etc etc. So would cats.No thanks! Its helped to have a whinge to people who understand where I'm coming from,thanks.x
Donβt forget, if you donβt want to bother friends and family, thereβs always someone here π
The reason the forum exists. Come to have a grumble or get things off your chest anytime. So many understand as you have seen. π€ xx
Have you looked if your local church do an online service? Since Covid my church do online service and have carried on doing it which is very good for people who are unwell or the weather is to wet or icy to get out. If your church donβt do it there are plenty of services on you tube. I know not the same as being in church but is good if canβt get to a service. Think they call it modern church, lol. Just a thought!
Best wishes
I wish there was something I could say to help but I pray that this too will pass for you xx
Hi Aingeful, I just want to say good morning to you. I'm not sure what I'm going to say ex except I just want to begin a conversation. The cold and the winter can be no friend to us when we are putting on the years. It must be so hard to lose your daughter. I'd try to fill your thoughts with memories of happy times with your daughter, throughout all of her life. You must have shared so much together.I don't think your daughter is so far away from you right now. I wish you good news and a brighter horizon gor Springtime. β€οΈ
Hi Aingeful. So sorry to hear of your terrible loss and ongoing situation. Do you have a local day hospice? If so, I am sure they will offer you a) bereavement counselling b) company and support...and c) pick you up and take you home. I get wonderful support when I need it for my severe COPD; the best for me has been the counselling. All the very best to you xxx
So sad for you. The pain must be indescribable losing your beloved daughter. As much as you want to resist medication it may help in the short term. You have to reach a certain level before you can access counselling. I like CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy) when you are ready & if it is appropriate, setting very simple short term goals & building on them. Dr may think differently.Wish I had a magic solution to help you:really hope you start to feel a bit better soon.
Love Lindaπ
Dear Aingeful,
I so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Have you tried the charity Compassionate Friends? It is run by bereaved parents and is very supportive. They have a forum and Facebook page as well. TCF.org.uk
Helpline 03451232304 10-4pm, 7-10pm every day. In some areas there are support groups.
Be gentle with yourself. A gentle hug. πxx
Thinking of you, winter is so isolating and on top of that you have had a lot to deal with.I wish you better times in 2023
My dear Aingeful. My heart goes out to you. You have endured so much in the past few months, its no wonder you feel so ill at ease. Its easy at times like this for depression to creep into our lives, especially in the winter months.
The fact that you have reached out to us, is a brave and worthwhile thing to do. Reaching out and acknowledging your need for help is by far the biggest step in recovery. And recovery is possible, whether you attend support groups, speak to a GP, or perhaps get advice from a grief counselling specialist. Perhaps a combination of all three.
As far as your memory is concerned, when you are overwhelmed, that part of our brain takes a battering, so perhaps think of it as a symptom of your situation. Not a final diagnosis.
Taking medication is not such a bad thing, and like you I was loathe to go down the medication route. But, equally, I viewed it like, well I need inhalers and medicines for my lungs, why not my psyche.
I hope you find help and comfort from all these posts, and if you want to private message me, happy to listen
So sorry to read this Aingeful, sometimes just someone listening helps. It was almost a year before I could talk about my granddaughters death. I didnt want meds either but they certainly helped my daughter. I too havent driven in almost 20 years and its like losing a leg and closes doors to getting around. I think we all have ways of coping and you have been given some good advice and hope you find something that works for you, time as they say is a great healer , but its good to be busy. Roll on spring when we can be outside, doing the garden, talking to people, it all helps with how we feel. Sending healing vibes your way x
Two things you wrote struck me the first that you donβt wish to take tablets for depression and the second that you just want advice on getting your head back together . Those two statements suggest to me that you know you are a strong person and the key to improving your mood is within you . Youβve been given a lot of excellent advice and you must take from it whatever you feel will help - consult your Gp , get some counselling , whatever you think will get you through these dark days but also remember that small changes can have massive affects . Iβve no experience of losing a child , Iβve never been able to drive (although I know how difficult it was to adjust when my husband had to give up ) and I donβt have major health issues but I do have my own problems and I do have to fight hard against dark moods every winter , pampering myself, getting more fresh air , a bit of gentle exercise every day , eating healthy with a view to dropping a few pounds putting on a bit of make up and a determination to get back to the real me always gets me through . Your daughter wouldnβt want you to be miserable , when you think of her think what she would want you to do and remember that spring will be here very soon . Please update us with your progress. Sending you love and healing thoughts ππ€ xx
Dear Aingeful, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. Grief isn't something we heal from quickly, addded to your feelings over your own life you will be feeling a type of loss there too. In the past I have found Cruse Bereavement Counselling to be very useful. They provide someone to be there just for you. Not being family it can be easier to talk to a caring, trained stranger than your family. I spoke to them over the phone.
There are other types of counselling available both face to face, and online e.g. via Zoom or similar.
Be gentle with yourself and remind youself that considering all you are going through you are doing okay. It can be helpful to set yourself small manageable goals each day. Encourage yourself with even one small thing achieved!
Keeping a journal just for yourself can be helpful Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way and then maybe taking time to think about what you can find that is good at the end of the day. A sunny day, a bird calling, a meal prepared or simply that you got through the day.
Antidepressants can be helpful for a short period to help you get through, but I can understand your preference for not taking them. Accepting your feelings, but remember that they do not define us. Within you is a deep inner core of strength and love/ I pray that you may find it and that it will enable you to go through this time and come out the other side stronger.
Very sorry to hear about your daughter. Please go and see your GP who Iβm sure will help. Have you thought about speaking to a Counselor? Please stay strong ππ
Hi.. You say "winter always depresses you" That could be an illness in it own right. it's called "Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern."
Making depression worse is having to stop driving and the tragic loss of your daughter, Your really have been up against it.
I think you need to see your GP, whether the depression is "Sad Syndrome or general depression" it needs treating.
If your GP offers you medication, I really would consider taking it - depression as the name suggests, make you miserable and can't enjoy life.
I hope you see you GP Aingeful and can be sorted. Best of luck..
I suffer a chronic lung condition. I have been unwell since the beginning of December. After a lot of thought I have purchased a Sad Lamp which should arrive this week. I really need to buck myself up. I do have to take loads of meds so I am really hoping that this lamp will be the answer to my prayers.
I think a sad lamp is a good idea, worth a try. Helps reduce melatonin a sleep hormone. Also promotes the production of serotonin which can help your mood. serotonin are what doctors mainly prescribe. I also am on heaps of medication. from asthma, heart to morphine, we do get sick of them. my mood gets low and I sleep with an ordinary lamp on, I get of late but having a lamp helps my mood even though not a sad lamp. Good luck hope your improve soon.
Wow! You have had a massive loss!!
Please maybe consider Bereavement Counselling if you dont want to go down the medication route? A professional listening to you is very therapeutic.
To have a daughter die is devastating and you need time to process this.
My younger sister died in the first lockdown snd then my daughters partner took his own life at just 38 yrs old. I could not of got through this without counselling to be honest.
In the meantime, look after yourself, eat and sleep well. Take time to pamper yourself, get into nature and fresh air as often as you can.
Memory is affected by death of a loved one-this will improve further along. In time perhaps consider a hobby like crafting which helps distract from overwhelming feelings.
I am so sorry for all you are going through, dont be shy to reach out and dont bottle things up. Its ok to share and be real.
God bless you,
Janzo xx πππ½
So sorry for your losses,how tragic! I do have hobbies but cant get motivated to follow them at the moment. Thank you so much for your concern.x
Dear Aingeful I can only imagine how you are feeling. Does your GP surgery offer counselling ? I find it helps to talk to those not in the family and also have a good cry. I went to counselling a long time ago and my first session was spent crying and letting go of my feelings Iβd been holding inside.
I know my dad became depressed when he had to stop driving Sending you gentle hugs π€π€π€
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