There were two moments last Monday, worth re-telling, where I saw and spoke with two elderly male patients. They were in adjoining beds , in the same bay, but the experiences were quite different.
First was John in bed 14. He lay very still and rather forlorn. I introduced myself and began to initiate a conversation. But it was hard work. John was mumbling a bit and I couldn’t really hear the few words he said. I wasn’t even sure he could hear me. I tried again but there was no real communion between us. (None that I perceived anyway.) So I moved to bed 15.
As I approached the bed, so the patient (Charlie) looked at me intently and said, “You don’t recognise me, do you?” I was thinking whether I had seen him the week before or even earlier, but I had no recollection of him. I said “I’m sorry Charlie, but I think I’ve forgotten how we met. Please tell me.”
Charlie replied, “We played football together in the same team!” I said, “Can you remember what position I played” and he came straight back at me, “Centre half”. Well I had never played centre half in my life, but I asked him whether I was good in the air. “Oh yes” he said, “You were good.” He told me the name of our team and that we played in Gospel Oak, north London and that there was one match where we had lost 8 -2.
I asked if Charlie liked music. Were there any songs or singers that he liked. Charlie said he loved Doris Day as he could hear her every word. So, I looked up my Doris Day on my Spotify App and played “Que Sera, Sera” on my Bluetooth speaker. Charlie was loving it, singing along with lines he could remember. I also played “Dream a Little Dream with Me” also by Doris Day.
Charlie asked about the welfare of the other three patients on the bay. Although the curtain was drawn between him and John in bed 14, so he would nonetheless call across and ask him if he was OK. He really was a lovely chap.
There was a girl shadowing me last Monday. Ordinarily she would have been on the Maternity Ward but was summoned to go round with me. Whilst I was talking to Charlie in bed 15, I noticed she had gone to speak with John in bed 14. What surprised me was that she stayed chatting for five to ten minutes. I was very impressed with her perseverance. After we had finished the rounds, I complimented her on staying with it and getting a conversation with him. She answered me saying she hadn’t understood anything John had said!
I guess she had matched his gestures and said yes or no and kind of played it by ear. One thing; she never gave up on the guy like I had. Lesson learnt. Sometimes you just need to stay with a patient, watching over them. To show you care.
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Greenthorn
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Another great story of your hospital visits which I really admire still. I don’t think you gave up on John at all. Some patients may not want anyone to stop by or they are just lost in their own thoughts. Even the young lady didn’t understand what John had said. Charlie kept an eye on him though so that was ok. You do care David and are doing a great job. 👍❤️
Its so inspirational reading your stories and I guess just being there and holding someone's hand is all they need sometimes. Hope you have a relaxing day. Brian
Thanks Brian. Yes holding someone's hand can be the best part. Last week, my colleague brushed a lady's teeth at her request (the nurse had declined) and combed the lady's hair. She was so very grateful as if she had been given the world!
Fluctuations of Covid means we have to follow certain protocols. Touching is discouraged as part of risk management but my colleague and i wash hands scrupulously between patients and often in front of doctors. There are some times when we act instinctively.
Actually no. I respect their right. It doesn't affect me personally. It allows me to move on to the next patient. (We do have to make decisions on who to miss out on as there is no time to see everyone on the wards.) Obviously we dont wake people that are sleeping but it is interesting how we make decisions based on assumptions that may well be wrong!
I'm glad you said that While I was in hospital recently a lovely volunteer asked me if I was up for a chat. I told him that I was really sorry but I felt ghastly and just wanted to sleep. He seemed fine about it, but I did feel a bit rude especially as he (and you) had given up his free time for someone so ungrateful!! The work you do as a volunteer is amazing! Thank you xx
If a patient asks for a song to be played I usually check on the other patients before pressing the GO button. And i tell anyone else (nurses and doctors) that i require only two hand signals if the sound is too much. If they cross hands it means STOP and if tbey lower hands it means LOWER VOLUME! I don't need lecturing! I am, after all, a legitimate "Ward Musician" but stopped playing keyboards when Covid hit.
Oh I think you may have misunderstood me! I meant that I was glad you didn’t get upset if someone said that they didn’t want your songs or chatting! I wouldn’t dream of lecturing you xx
Laurie, i didn't read that in any way as a lecture. I'm sure i understood you... that u were glad i don't get offended. I'd much rather a patient say it as it is, rather than put up a fake front of well being! You are fine.
Good lesson learnt , in past times I used to do that for my freind as people did not talk to her thought she did not understand them. Till one day I said to a Jean would you like the doctor to talk to you YES she said and he understood loud & clear. She was of course a wheel chair user with a family who thought she did not understand either she had a rare genetic illness and prefered me as her advocate as I understood the illness .
T’hanks Greenhorn. I hear your praise for your coleague and its lovely. She will have benefitted from the Times with you also so I do Hope that you take that on board. The role that you play is clearly one that has so much individuality that you have developed over the years. I do enjoy your posts which illustrate the joy that you share with your clients.Many thanks ,
I have admiration for your hospital visits, don’t think I could manage. My older daughter has advanced MS, is 56 next month, and has just told me that has new GP who she is meeting tomorrow, wants to discuss end of life care.
Oh Jean, I have just read this and don't know what to say. It's shocking for your daughter and shocking for you to hear her tell you this. Hopefully this last stage is 10 or more years away and this meeting is just a gentle chat about such a time ahead. But you say your daughter has advanced MS. Will you be with her at the doctors? "I can't bear to imagine you waiting at home whilst the doctor is presenting the care plan. I pray you have the strength to see your daughter through.❤️
Hello Jean. I have just seen your pòsting as I was piciking up a response from Greenthorn.That must have ben a very dificult call that you took from your daughter.
I am glad that the meeting is soon and I do hope that your daughter has someone to accompany her.
I have recent ly had a similar conversation with my consultant thatI had to initiate. He clearly found it difficult, so lets hope that the GP is tryinging to bé helpful before the end of life care is imminent. The aim should simple, be that your daughter is being informed of what faciliti es are available and that by her being able to express her thoughts now, can avoid the highly emotionalchallenge that comes at true end of life. That always sounds simpler than it usually feels.
Oh I do feel for you both, so my very best wishes. Keep in touch.
Thanks David. My daughter lives 70 miles away, moved there as where husband had his business, but he walked out 6+ years ago saying he couldn’t live with disabled person. She has nice bedroom and bathroom specially built at back of house, overlooking garden, spends whole life in wheelchair that I’ve bought her, NHS wheelchair she was given useless, couldn’t even reach tap for water. This sums up NHS approach, privatised medical equipment, and this is result. I’ve done all I can for her, hope next few years not too difficult. She’s very good at looking on line and identifying items that could be useful, hope this approach continues. Jean x
On behalf of everyone, thank you G for being a truly great volunteer. Love your stories. And please let your shadow girl know how much she is appreciated too. Diane 😊
Your shadow lady should go far, as to those who are that quiet, it is so difficult to know whether they just need their teeth finding and putting in, or maybe a hearing aid, or they want you to go away. I used to hate it when I had to intrude, regardless of what they wanted but then i was paid to irritate.
That’s a good reminder, Greenthorn: when someone has dementia or is confused in any way, take the cue to respond to them Where They Are. If they reach out at all it is a golden moment to do so readily & wholeheartedly. ❣️
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While I was in hospital recently a lovely volunteer asked me if I was up for a chat. I told him that I was really sorry but I felt ghastly and just wanted to sleep. He seemed fine about it, but I did feel a bit rude especially as he (and you) had given up his free time for someone so ungrateful!! The work you do as a volunteer is amazing! Thank you xx
update: tomorrow I’m at the hospital for suspected head & neck cancer
My dad graduated from ICU today! Severe Pneumonia 
Welsh hospitals a disgrace
Made it home ok thanks all. Another day another saga. 
