Carers: Would this annoy anyone else or... - Lung Conditions C...

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Aingeful profile image

Would this annoy anyone else or am I just being a grump? It infuriates me when carers ( some of them young enough to be my grandchildren) think its OK to call me sweetheart! I don't hesitate to put them right! A bit of respect wouldn't go amiss!

55 Replies

No Aingeful, you are not being a grump. It is very disrespectful and patronising to my mind and they should ask how you wish to be addressed. I have daily carers who all call me by name and they would get told if they addressed me as sweetheart too.

Damon1864 profile image

You certainly aren't being a grump Aingeful, I really hate that myself it's so annoying a bit of respect would be nice now and again. Have a lovely afternoon and take care 😊 Bernadette and Jack 🐕 xxxxxx 🌻🌻

I hate it when young men address me as mate. ......grr, if you don't know my name it is sir, and it I was a lady it should be ma'am 👍

I would hate it as much as people calling me love or dear! They should have the curtesy to call me by my surname until invited to call me by my first name. Carers by the very nature are being asked to do different levels of care. By calling the person by their name at the very least demonstrates they know who they have gone to visit!!

They aren't supposed to if they've had training. They're supposed to be taught to enquire on how you prefer to be addressed & respect your wishes otherwise it's too disrespectful. What a b..... cheek!

Oh and another one ....(you got me going now 🤣) waiters / waitresses who address you and your wife as "guys" .......grrrr

I certainly don't think you're being a grump. I find it really patronising (not to mention ageist) to be addressed like this. I went into a fairly expensive shoe shop last week and was addressed as 'darling' by the female sales assistant. I chickened out of challenging her but they did not get any business off me.😘

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 That is strange. Too much informality. This is the thing I did not appreciate in the U.K. 😑 But I love everything else a lot. xx 🇬🇧

My mum finds the informality hard to get used to, especially official letters or emails that begin Hi and address her by her first name.

That is not right at all. I have known my neighbours for years and we still address each other formally because it shows respect as well as affection for each other. It is folly indeed this erosion of courtesy. 😑

I worked 47 years as a CNA in skilled care. I always asked the resident how they would like to be addressed. But I do admit ... if I was caring for a person that was very ill that at times a would say hun or my dear... not out of respect but because I truly cared about this person. Working long term care you learned that some people did not have anyone and we were their family! But I do find it demeaning when you are at your doctors office and someone young calls you dear or honey when they really don't even know you!!!

It doesnt bother me

I hate it too, currently in hospital and being called “my love, dear, dearie, sweetheart “ others too. Doctors and nurses introduce themselves by Christian names, their badges have their Christian names on too but I don’t seem to have one. I wonder who’s name it is written above head of my bed though ? Joy x.

Well this rings a bell . . .My name is ANNE, but because of its spelling some people say Annie 🤨

tomc profile image
tomc in reply to TomTitTot

My wife`s name is Anne (with an e ) And I called her Annie, but, I cant write here what she called me (AND IT WASN`T TOM) 😁

What a lot of grumpy old people! We are in 2022, not the Victorian Age. As long as you get the care you need and they are kind, does it really matter they aren’t calling you Miss/Mr/Mrs Surname. It’s not disrespectful or patronising. There’s far more important things to worry about.

Kate124 profile image
Kate124 in reply to Millyboo710

Well said. Mostly a term of endearment. Nothing better to moan about. Makes me mad. Some of us actually have things to worry about. Like myself being terminally ill. Life's too short to be petty.

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Kate124

Sorry re your diagnosis, I have had other things to worry about too. I lost my eldest daughter to pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago

Kate124 profile image
Kate124 in reply to Aingeful

I'm so sorry to hear that, awful. But that's what I'm saying. Other small things are irrelevant with everything else that's happening xx

Stratos20 profile image
Stratos20 in reply to Aingeful

So sorry to read your sad news.

teddyd profile image
teddyd in reply to Millyboo710

Totally agree.

Bingo88 profile image
Bingo88 in reply to Millyboo710

Absolutely I agree with you. Its an age thing again. I always use love at the end of my posts and comments on here but it doesn't mean anything. We are all going pc potty. No wonder there's so many unhappy people about. Enjoy life have a laugh and speak to a stranger it doesn't cost anything. Hope you all have a good day Brian

Patk1 profile image
Patk1 in reply to Bingo88

Exactly Bingo88

Agreed! You are not being a grump. You have a name, and in fact they should ask you what you would like to be known as .

Perhaps not too clever on their part, but there are worse names.

I was brought up to call everyone mr or Mrs …. but things are a little different now and I unfortunately called a customer’”love” from my Bristol upbringing on the phone a few years back and got the biggest dressing down I’d ever had , believe me I was more than red faced 😊 Perhaps they feel it’s a term of affection to put you at your ease or they see so many people that sadly they don’t remember all the names , if you get the same helpers you could remind them of your christian name or how you would prefer to be addressed .

Have a lovely day 😊

Angelagone profile image
Angelagone in reply to Hazel1010

I think with alot of people, it's an expression of compassion, rather in the way we tend to use endearment when talking to small children.

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Angelagone

I don't particularly want to be talked to like a small child!


Angelagone profile image
Angelagone in reply to Aingeful

Well, me neither. I was just trying to make the point that people mean well.

I think this is the point some people are missing , it’s not a case of being addressed by a title or a surname it’s about being viewed and spoken to as an adult not a child regardless of age or health , but I do agree that people using the endearments do mean well . I worked in a care home for many years and endearments weren’t allowed it was always first names unless the resident stipulated otherwise ie title & surname , which no one ever did 😊

Names are so important, you should be called what ever you wish to be. I fond it hard when they use terms of endearment my partner would use. I am not the nameless faceless medical persons darling love or sweetheart. Often wonder what they call their partner that is special to them if they are calling everyone it is not special to their love. Had a doctor after an asthma attack last week in A&E come and say hello pigeon had not heard that one before. Best wishes Lara 🕊️

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Angel-Girl

I wouldn't mind " hello pigeon" it shows a sense of humour and compassion.

I dont like people using endearments, but if the carers are doing a good job I would overlook it. I dont see it as disrespectful just a figure of speech that some people use. I am sure I have various habits that get on peoples nerves ( infact sometimes they get on my nerves🤣)

I dislike my name so much I'm quite happy to be addressed as "oi you"! However, in my area (though sadly dying out nowadays) the term ol' butt, short for old butty, suits both sexes and all ages, and most situations. I agree sweetheart is rather demeaning, and should only be used for poorly pets and children.

Here in the states it would be a term of endearment. Many times said for lack of actually knowing how to address one. There is a mass shortage of caregivers. It is not a high paying nor glamorous job. It attracts one’s who do not have the higher education or skills to be hired elsewhere. Many are non English speaking refugees. A lot of differing cultures. Nervous and simply do not have a clue how to speak to everyone without offending them. We must be very grateful to have caregivers at all. I doubt many thought growing up gee, I hope to get up close and personal wiping the bum of an elderly sick person. I say this as I took care of my Mom. Bedridden, incontinent. Huge hemorrhoids that needed lidocaine gel and prescription meds lathered on several times a day. I loved my Mom yet found this task less then desirable. I gloved up multiple times a day wiping a poopy bum. Changing wet beds. Doing bed baths. Using a dremel to grind off thick toenails. Lotioning feet that were frightful. This is tough stuff.

T_Lady profile image
T_Lady in reply to Maricopa

I quite agree I used to work in the care industry hard work many people could not do it. I have a lot of young carers, I just think of them as being in the same frame of mind as my own grand daughters then I understand them better so things they dont know or understand I help to explain the tasks and the way to do them, its helps both parties. Joan


Angelagone profile image
Angelagone in reply to Maricopa

I hadn't read your post and said the same thing about terms of endearment and I've worked as a carer so agree with what you said.

I think its best to be called your name and with prior permission your first name, I do get upset when people call you anything else, why it upsets us is because our name is a very sacred and very personal to us, it actually states who we are. Thats us so thats why it would offend me even when people make errors and pronounce our names wrong it offends, for anybody who has looked into numerology will understand why our names are so personal, same as our birthdays are, nothing to with being grumpy ect. Joan (just me being me) x


People on the phone, who I've never met, nor am I likely too, calling me by my first name is one of my minor grumps.

T_Lady profile image
T_Lady in reply to Angelagone

yes agree I do not like that either its very familar may be I am a snob lol Joan


Maricopa profile image
Maricopa in reply to Angelagone

I think it would be very helpful to all parties to explain these things on day one.

I agree with you , I’d do a James Bond …,, The name is ………😂

love it lol Joan

I think this is so hard. Years ago I would have taken offence, but have had a change of heart. Any healrh professional or carer should ask you how you would like to be addressed. I always go for my first name., but if there is a slip up, i take no notice, if they are doing a good job does it really matter. Im sure if they knew you were upset by what they call you they would be devastated.

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Suzie42

I usually say "call me Sheila ".

Suzie42 profile image
Suzie42 in reply to Aingeful

I used said that to my gp and then i asked can i call you....... their first name. Cheeky me. We laughed.

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Suzie42

Ooh,I can only address mine as "doctor " !

Suzie42 profile image
Suzie42 in reply to Aingeful

Mine at that time was called James, he has now left. He once looked up travel insurers for me when i was having trouble finding cover. He emailed me a few to choose from. The younger drs are more approachable 😊

Maricopa profile image
Maricopa in reply to Suzie42

With news articles of abuse in nursing homes here in the states I’m happy I’m still self sufficient. Due to Covid there have been so many deaths, people with bad bed sores. Waiting hours to be changed or showered. Most do not have family that are going to sacrifice their life to care for their old parents. The ability to get decent care at all is soon going to be very challenging.

Definitely Grump !!

Why does it matter what age they are ? So if a young doctor calls to see you you’d turn around and say I don’t want you I want the old doctor. Doctors are doctors as carers are carers regardless of age , they are all here to help . Just be polite ( it honestly doesn’t cost anything) I’m sure they’ll be happy to call you by what ever name you wish to be called ❤️

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Rich1957

It's not the age of the carers I object to, as long as they are respectful and can do the job. It's when I'm being disrespected by someone young enough to be my grandchild that I get very annoyed!

Rich1957 profile image
Rich1957 in reply to Aingeful

Then surely being nice and asking in the right way is the way to go , being friendly is going to work a lot better. Fortunately times have changed and so have peoples ways of greeting people , the days of feeling like lower class ( if that’s what anyone wants to call it ) have well gone . Do you really think these carers are doing it on purpose to wind you up , I hope and doubt it

I have to agree. I have been in hospital more times than I care for in the past year ( and mostly on the same ward). I have to say I get the impression that the staff just can't be bothered to learn the patients names. There are no names above the beds anymore to help. Everyone was either 'sweetheart' or 'darling' and said as if they were talking to a child. very patronising.

You are quite right. You are the carers' client, and deserve to be addressed as you choose. It's laziness on their part not to remember your preferred form of address.

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