I don't know what has happened to me lately! Lockdown and deteriorating health hasn't done me a lot of good this year! I have gone from a fairly active person with a good social life to someone who seems to live on the couch every day visited by carers and people from the medical profession! Yesterday, a nurse came to give me one of my frequent injections etc and I decided to read up on my complaints. I have Anca Vasculitis which has damaged my lungs and kidneys. After reading the prognosis of people with this I began to think,what's the point of anything ,I'm going to die soon! I am on enough medication and don't want to be taking anti depressants to add to them.Any suggestions to get me out of this dark place?
Depression : I don't know what has... - Lung Conditions C...
Depression
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Aingeful
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So sorry you are feeling this way Aingeful - we are all 'going to die anyway', some sooner others later and I guess as best we can just make the most of time we have left, and do what we are able even with limitations. Decide, that you will do things that will bring you pleasure and perhaps things that will bring joy to others as well.
Perhaps avoid the negative news information and just focus on what you like to enjoy in the world / TV / Music etc. Travel round the world via you tube, visiting countries you have never been before, listening to music you enjoy and music from around the world from different cultures.
Indulge yourself not in things that cause your mood to sink lower, but those things that lift your mood.
List down / remember things you enjoy, things that you can do or achieve now.
Not sure if you are into museums - but here is a link you may wish to investigate:
artsandculture.google.com/p...
Hope you are feeling brighter soon.
Best wishes
BK
xox
Am so sorry to hear this. I suffer with bouts of depression and it can be so demoralizing. During this Covid time more folks are feeling the effects of isolation & lockdown when it all feels pointless. My friend who is a Dr always tells me "Dr??Google did not train for years and is not an expert in all things Respiratory I am, so talk to me" it seems all too easy to go to the worst case scenario when feeling so low. I did the same when when I was in hospital with Renal probs that caused pleural effusions water in my lungs. They were querying all sorts of syndromes one that gives you about 6 months! ☹and I was like oh well what's the point in fighting on. BUT after such kindness from Drs Nurses Friends & family I could not just give up.I understand the stigma of depression even in this day & age but I take antidepressants which DO work & what the Hell just one more tablet to add to a big pile of 'em. Please keep talking to people & get help if you can. You are worth it
Hattie ( Shouty)
Hi Hun, I Know, I was the same not that long ago. Now Trying to find the energy to type. I Know I am at the end Now, and it's just a Matter of time. I have Nurses, carers, Hubby. Doctor. The main & most Painful thing is I do Not have any of my Family with me physically, This is more Torture than anything else. I think My God what bad thing did I do to Deserve this .
You’ve done nothing wrong dear Carolina. It’s this wretched virus keeping everyone apart from each other. It’s always good to hear from you anytime you find the energy. My heart goes out to you and your lovely hubby.
Lots of love and hugs dear friend. Carole xxx
Oh caro. Nothing you've done it's just life and this lousy virus, you're family will be with you on face time, I know they will be feeling so sad at not being here, mine are the same. Stay safe and strong bjane🌻
I am so very sad to read your post Carolina. Please do not give up, have you spoken to Amy about how you feel. Sending you lots of love and hugs and hope you feel a little better soon. Carole 😘😘
Dear Carolina it is so hard not being able to be with our family. At least with technology we can feel a little bit closer. I just want to send you a great big sheepy hug with me in the middle sending you lots of love 🐑🐑🐑🐏🐑🐑💞
Only now seeing this Carolina as I was replying to Aingefull on the passing of her daughter. I don't go on the site much thesedays so have missed a lot of posts. I am saddened to read this as I always see you in the Cabaret outfit with the fishnet tights and those beautiful long legs. I have noticed a decline in my mobility over the past 12months with the Lockdown. I hope you go on for a long time as you are my inspiration. It must be so hard with all your family in Torreveija, this virus has a lot to answer for. Taking our freedom away. Please keep safe my beautiful friend. Sending Welsh cwtches. xxSheila 💃👠🙏💕😘
I will reply soon. Xxx
No problem Carolina. Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. I feel you are one of my best friends and yet we have never met. Lots of love xxSheila 💕
Hello Sheila, Thank You for your lovely Words. I too, feel the same. These days I am far advanced with my Deterioration. I am Being cared for by my Colin , Palliative & Community Nurses, My GP comes to see me every week now. Unfortunately I feel very Weak. cwtches to you Sheila. Take Care now dear Friend. Much Love. XXX
I have also deteriorated these past 12 months through lack of excercise..I was put on oxygen for 16hrs in December when my oxygen dropped to 72. I have improved a little since then and had an appointment with the oxygen nurse at the hospital last week. Dont need the oxygen for 16hrs now but still have it at home for emergencies. I also have cylinders if needed for walking outside. I try to manage without the oxygen but unfortunately need it to bath ,climb the stairs etc. I am so sorry to hear of your deterioration Carolina and I pray you will gain some strength again. Sending you healing and Welsh cwtches my beautiful friend. Hope your family are all well in Torreveija and they will be able to visit soon. xxSheila 💕💃🤣😘
Hello Aingeful. I hear you, and I am sorry that you are feeling down. As said in other messages, stay away from negative influences such as the News media and anything that surrounds you as much as you can. I don’t know if you are into meditation of some sort, but when I feel low which is a lot more since lockdown started and my diagnosis, I find solace in listening to the likes of Ekhart Tolle. Brings me back in the present moment and calms me down. I don’t know about antidepressants, I haven’t used them but perhaps I am debating if I should try and see if it helps. I hear many who are currently on some sort of antidepressants and and doing much better than without.
Sending you a big hug. 🤗☀️🌈
Yes I was once very anti taking anti-depressents but gave in and have found that they have helped me, I am not on a very strong dose but am now grateful for them. I take lots of other medication and just took the view of Oh well what is just one more tablet.
Thank you Snackjack, like you for a long time I refused to consider antidepressants but I am now. Have been doing all I can to find other ways to soothe the low mood with yoga, meditation, healthy food etc, does help to an extend. Somehow my brain doesn’t seem to produce enough serotonin. It’s exhausting. I wish I had a family I could rely on at times but I am on my own dealing with this lockdown parlava and my diagnose of late. I feel numb most of the time. Joining this community has been best thing and helps me a lot and don’t feel completely isolated and forgotten.
I too live alone with only myself to rely on, with no family around me and like you I have found this community has been a tremendous help to feel less isolated especially during these times we are all in at the current time, I just wish I had found it before Covid-19 happened. I was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in Dec 2016, I have had heart disease since 1988 plus other conditions diagnosed since the Lung diagnosis in Dec 16 at which point I did not mentally cope with it very well at all. I did seek help about a month after the diagnosis and someone came once a week to talk to me and gradually persuaded me to to join a group which was the start of me coming back out into the world, all was going fine but then had to shield because of Covid 19 and could no longer meet up with the group of friends, yes we speak on the phone but it is not the same as being together chatting, sharing our problems and having a laugh like we used to do. Just a suggestion but are there any groups in your area that you could perhaps investigate and see if you could perhaps join in?
Best wishes xx
I am in several groups, reading,art and music but they arent happening during lockdown . I'm in touch online with the organisers but its nor the same is it? You havent had it easy have you!? So many health problems! Yes,this group is a great help,I'm glad I found it too.x
I am so glad that you reached out for help after your diagnosis, little by little you managed to bring meaning back into your life again. I did find a couple of support groups nearby that offer various activities and meet once a week in the afternoon. I still work and unable to participate. I feel the same nothing like a get together amongst piers. I will keep searching and hopefully when lockdown is over i will find a group. At the moment all I have is this community, 🙏 Take care 🤗☀️
I really hope that when this current situation is over you can find something, in the meantime you have all of us on this site so we can all support each other. Probably not your thing but I play Solitaire card games and Sudoku on my PC most days to pass some of the time away. Take care and keep checking in on this site. xx
I'm addicted to Solitaire!😀
Hi aingeful. I’m a bit the same as you reduced to sitting most of the day , Carers 4 times a day and memories of wilder active times. I find conversation difficult because I run out of breath, but the days I talk to people - visitors, FaceTime etc, I’m more cheerful. Then I overdo it and get exhausted. I don’t want to take antidepressants either. I find everything I take has side effects so very wary of new drugs. I’m going to die soon. I find I have comfort places in my brain where I drift into all sorts of memories. I enjoy short blasts of that. Funny things, early life, special friends etc. Then my room looks over the garden where I am watching the progression of snowdrops and crocuses. I plan to resume painting a bit but can’t find the time because everything takes 6 times as long.. I have good days and bad days. On bad days there are times when I would take a suicide pill if available. On good days I enjoy things And would like longer here. Have you access to a hospice?. A. Dr from woodlands , aintree gave me a video appointment and talked with me for over an hour, very useful and helpful.. I hope to die at home but they are available . If depressed , rather than drugs, there are trained people to talk to.ask about that.
Good luck try to concentrate on positives.
Xxxxxx jo
HI, while not having as many problems as you, I can empathise with how you feel. Over the last year my health has deteriorated considerably, life has become meaningless in so many ways and I often feel as if I am just waiting to die. Usual past times have become monotonous, while suitable alternatives do not interest me. I am not depressed nor do I dwell on it, just facing the reality of things. I just focus on getting through the day as best I can. Here to chat if you need too though I may not cheer you up! Sending you love and a hug xx
Did you smoke before.Why do you think you will die soon. Can you walk.I think that is better to drink herbal teas.
Hi, you seem to be looking for many answers with your posts and I am sure that you mean well, but it isn't always appropriate to ask such personal questions. People offer information if they wish to about themselves but, in the main, we don't ask as it can be seen as intrusive.
Dear Aingeful, I think lockdown has affected so many in different ways. Fear, anxiety, worry, hopelessness and depression. You can only try and banish negative thoughts by thinking about things that make you happy and lift your spirits.
I love music and reading which help me. Look out of the window and see the sunshine (sometimes) and the birds. Spring isn’t far away so there will be colour in the garden.
Don’t read any prognosis because everyone is different, you are you and are surrounded by love from a caring family. Who knows how long you have left? Try not to focus on that but live for today. Life is strange for us all but we have each other and that’s brilliant. You’re a valued member here and don’t you forget that.
Love and hugs, Carole xx💜💖💜
I don't think anybody is going to come out of this pandemic unscathed, but there is a big difference between 'thoroughly pissed-off 'and 'depressed' and I think what you have is the former rather than the latter. Most of us here have felt down about one thing or another during our time here, usually associated with our ailments, but rarely down as far as this. However, we have always come back up which is why this forum has developed into such a success. So it's just a case of hanging on until the tide turns and that is best done by directing our minds in agreeable directions. I'm talking to myself here as much as to anybody!
skischool in reply to
Didn't someone once say that the first sign of madness was talking to oneself?i asked myself quietly whilst pretending to be talking to a cat. 🙃😹
in reply to skischool
I noticed the first signs many years ago. Any idea what the subsequent one's are? 🤔
skischool in reply to
Answering back i believe?🙃
in reply to skischool
That's worrying, I thought cats always did that! 🤔😺
skischool in reply to
I imagine that in your household like mine your mistress is now taking a well earned rest after all that discussion and will only awaken when the next treat is on offer.😺
in reply to skischool
That she be. Mind you I don't agree with all this talk about being a slave. In my case I provide board and lodgings in exchange for company and I think I get good value for my money. 🤗
I've had conversations with myself all my life. I once read that it stops you going mad. I prefer that otherwise by now I am surely insane. Answers on a postcard only please 😁.
I do hope that we have convinced the dear Aingeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel and after having a good chat with herself she will come to the same conclusion.🙃😻
That is a really nice thought. I hope so too, though I doubt that my response helped much in that respect. There is always the chance that tomorrow will be a better day.
Nice to hear from you Mick, been wondering if you were stuck in the cat flap.. stay safe. Jane
jmsutt73 in reply to
Great advice....Yes, I'm "pissed off," Don! Among those 3 friends I am missing due to Covid is the charming fella and lifelong friend who took me to our Senior High School prom. Though the Parkinson's he'd had these past many years was difficult and undoubtedly hastened his demise, he still loved watching Wildcats basketball with his grandsons. So, hell yes, I'm pissed off! And I'm so glad that you 'opened the door so that I could express it! J
Thanks all for your kind replies. You are probably right Don, thoroughly p****d off describes my feelings well! You also never fail to make me smile. J You have all given me some very useful strategies that will help lots. I don’t think any of us deserve this Carolina! However, I do admit that my smoking was a bad choice and if I could go back in time I would have avoided it like the plague! When I was young everybody smoked! It was the thing to do, even doctors smoked whilst seeing patients!
I too miss my family and friends badly. I live alone and not being able to hug my little grand children, not being able to see my terminally ill daughter who lives two hours away, not having seen my close friends for a year is totally unbearable! This is all so abnormal!?
I too love music and reading, I also paint in watercolours. The motivation to do any of these things is missing at the moment! My consultant warned me not to go on the Internet! I wish that I had heeded his advice! Re meditation I’ve not got on well with it in the past My mind wanders too much! I have been to TaiChi classes but obviously everything like that isn’t happening at the moment.
Thanks again and don’t be too hard on Sandrute! I may be barking up the wrong tree but I get the feeling that English isn’t her first Language? I have a German friend and her replies can sound abrupt at times!
I really feel for you Aingeful, this way of life isn't easy at all. I'm so sorry about your daughter, that's difficult to cope with at the best of times and the inability to comfort her must be so hard to bear. There IS light at the end of this very long tunnel we WILL be able to hold and comfort our loved ones, just have to hang on in there as best we can. I live alone too (though not with anything like the issues you have), nearest family two hours away, son & family near Marseille and my bubble 180 miles away. It's hard. There are quite a few gentle exercise videos on youtube, many done from sitting or standing with support of chair back or kitchen worktop. Is there an online Thi chi class perhaps? I do 2 Pilates classes a week and it helps so much, I feel so much better afterwards with a bit of serotonin action Ifting my spirits. (Mind you I'm missing it at the mo after falling flat on my face on Thursday).
Bless you for mentioning our new member, we sometimes forget our embers come from other cultures and have another first language. You're very kind.
Sending love over the airways. P xxx
If we could post photos in a reply I would send you a big kiss from one of my sheep. You'll just have to imagine a big slobbery sheepy kiss 😁This surreal situation has gone on for almost a year now. At first it was hard but we could endure it. But it's gone on and on, and after a while it wears you down. But we are all here to lift you up, or at least try to, so please don't despair 🕊️
Hi Aingeful,I too have a life limiting condition (IPF) and felt like giving up .
What keeps me going is the love of my family and the words of my Father..
“If you worry you die, if you don’t worry you die so WHY worry.”
Also, having recently discovered Talk radio and various Podcasts i get to escape from the day to day worry of my health.
Stay strong!!
Xx
Thanks once again for your lovely replies. I would love a big sheep kiss!😀 Mr B,I too have IPF caused initially by the Anca Vasculitis. I need to accept the situation as it is and come to terms with it. I listen to Talk Radio and also love the 10pm phone ins on radio Manchester, Lancashire and Merseyside.Sunday to Thursday its Allan Beswick,Saturday its Connor Phillip's.I much prefer to listen to talks rather than music .Peege,hope you're better after your fall! I've had a visit from my daughter this afternoon (number 2, I have 4!! ) She has cheered me up and said that if the weather is better next week she will take me to a garden centre to buy some nice plants. I don't know if any of you watched Captain Tom on TV but his favourite saying was " tomorrow will be a better day")!.
Aw that's absolutely fantastic. Something to look forward and just what you need. No hope of seeing my lot as they're too far away.....actually I might be having two little granddaughters to stay next week while my daughter works 🤞🤞.I feel as though I've been hit by a bus I hit the ground so fast. Think I've bruised bones rather than broken. Dog just pranced in my path. Face a bit of a mess but I've had a nice two days in bed reading.
Glad you're a wee bit on the up. Hugs P
Dear Aingeful...This has been a sad year for the world, so many have lost loved ones to this hateful virus. Though there are three friend less in our circle than a year ago due to Covid, I still feel such gratitude that I've lost not family members. Bkin's advice to write down things that we previously enjoyed is a great idea. My thoughts are with you and all of our friends here. God Bless...J
I’m struggling to add anything useful to what has already been said. I don’t have such severe health issues but I’ve had some very dark days. I haven’t seen my grandchildren (or children) for over a year now. I deal with it by ignoring it....I just don’t think about it until I’m sent a wee video, with the best intentions, and it reduces me to tears when I see what I’ve missed.
The only advice I can give is to try to take pleasure in the smallest of things and concentrate on it for a few moments, a bright yellow daffodil, a blue tit in the garden, a child laughing in the street, a dog playing in the snow, a mouthful of chocolate, a glass of whatever you fancy. It’s transitory but it keeps the dark at bay.
Thanks so much all for your helpful comments. I've just realised that Line of Duty is on at nine o clock (I'd forgotten!) A glass of something I fancy sounds good too!😀I need to realise that there are people a lot worse off than me out there!
Aingeful, enjoy that glass of something you fancy! Mine's a Baileys, please!! Ah, just realised you wrote that yesterday evening. Well, I hope today is an ok day for you. The sun's just come out here and I hope it has where you are.
I can't remember if you have a garden and, if so, whether you can get out into it at all. If it's too cold to do that at the moment, I hope you have sight of it through a window. I always find it lifts my spirits when I see the birds and, now that we are into February, the bulbs are starting to pop up and the new buds are starting to show on the shrubs. We have one shrub that has lots of red berries on (I can't remember the name) and that always gives me pleasure when I see it.
If you can't get outside, I wonder if someone could bring a pot of bulbs in for you to nurture. I have an Amarylis that I was given at Christmas and it's lovely. When it started off it was growing about an inch a day! I also have a hyacinth in a jar that I was given before Christmas. I've just taken it out of the cupboard and it's almost ready to flower. I must be honest, I find the smell of them overpowering, but it's still lovely to watch grow, even if I do have to put it a bit further away once it flowers properly.
I don't know if you're getting your shopping online, but a couple of weeks ago I treated us to a bunch of tulips from Sainsbury's. When they arrived they looked pitiful, but I put them in a vase anyway and they went from strength to strength to give us a beautiful display. They were quite cheap so didn't break the bank and we got a lot of pleasure from them.
If you can stretch to it, I'd also recommend Flying Flowers for a really nice flower arrangement that comes by post. I've used them a lot this year for sending birthday flowers and also had some sent to me. They lasted a couple of weeks. Maybe you could give yourself a special treat sometime.
It's horrible when you feel low (I know only too well) but there are so many things around us that can brighten our days and if you can pick even just one thing every day that makes you feel glad, it can help to lift your mood.
Your post leads me to think you're already going up that path, so long may it continue. Have another glass of something you fancy tonight and I'll be alongside you in spirit ( or may be 'with spirit'! Haha!)
xx Moy
Thanks Moy,I did enjoy my shot of Glenfiddick! I shouldn't get down and I shouldn't moan,I realise I'm luckier than some.Two of my daughters have brought me flowers this week.i have a garden but it's at the back. From my couch at the front I just see the street. Its freezing here today and very windy. I'm not even going out to the bins!!
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