Hi everyone, best wishes and kind thought's to you all.. I've had good news that my son is coming home on leave and should be home by tea time today. I'm excited but very apprehensive in the same token. He's not aware of my recent diagnosis, I've kept it from him for months (emphysema - and possible Lung cancer) my first appointment with a respiratory consultant isn't until May. So I'm no nearer to my diagnosis until then. I'm finding it hard as a Mum, to have to tell him anything regarding this, as he knows I've always been strong. I don't want to spoil his 2 week leave altogether. But I know I'm going to struggle with daily duties and my symptoms, chronic fatigue, coughing up mucus etc, etc. You know the script...and I won't be able to hide any of this, he will know instantly something is wrong. Anyway, my theory is..maybe I should just play it by ear - onwards and upwards I guess..I just wanted to bounce of anyone's kind advice if possible 😀
Thanks for reading my post..pic is my son 💞
Lynne x 🌹
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Spiritual1
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17 Replies
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Hi I think you should tell your son, but do it in as lighthearted a way as possible and let him know you are coping with it. He would want to know otherwise he would resent you for it. Don't deprive him of the chance to help and be there for you - after all he is your son. You would want to know in his position wouldn't you? x
Many thanks coughalot..I appreciate your honesty and it makes perfect sense what you say. Deep down ⬇ know, in heart of hearts what I should do..I just don't want him worrying. But as you say, I will do it in a lighthearted way, as I'm not a doom and gloom person anyway.
I think you should tell him about your emphysema, but perhaps explain that you are coping. As you haven't as yet had a diagnosis of lung cancer, and hopefully you won't, there may be no reason to worry him about that at the moment.
Lovely picture of your son...you must be very proud of him.
You should tell him about the emphysema - that's a definite diagnosis and if he sees you struggling without knowing why, he'll worry. Also, tell him you have an appointment for more tests in May. Personally, I don't think I'd mention cancer at this stage - tests for cancer are as much about ruling out the possibility of it, as they are about diagnosing it. You have a very handsome son btw - bet you're really proud of him.
He would be so hurt that you never confided in him.
I know it's hard as a parent to admit to our children that we're not infallible after all, but your son is an adult now & he can cope.
It will be so much harder for him if you were to become unwell suddenly & he had absolutely no idea you had a chronic condition.
Please consider telling him, he will want to know.
You will not be spoiling his leave at all by being honest with him.
He will see you're coping with your condition & will support you in your decisions in the future.
Have a fantastic time with your handsome boy! Don't let this worry spoil his visit.
Tell him & both get on with enjoying the next 2 weeks
Let us know how you get on 💐
Hi - what an impossible situation. But acutally I agree with coughalot2 that you should tell him. It will really hurt him if you didn't trust him and tell him. Have a lovely two weeks and try to enjoy it. Good luck xxx
Please tell him and by doing so he will appreciate your honesty and allowing him to help you cope with you diagnosis, put yourself in his shoes you would feel really hurt, that your not trusted, he is your lovely son so please allow him to be the young man you have brought him up to be, this is one of those times in our lives we need to share with our children and in doing so we are showing love respect and trust. Memories are for the making xxx
Hi Lynne, I absolutely agree with all the replies, and though it's difficult think you'll be very relieved when you have told him. If you leave him guessing his imagination will run riot.
When I told my sons - separately - I took it very gently, step at a time, and answered their questions as they asked them. I was surprised at how much they'd guessed, but they still don't know it all because they don't need to yet.
You are coping with this, and he will too because you'll be there to support him. Lovely photo of him. Enjoy your time together!
Sue x
PS respiratory consultants do do tests to exclude lung cancer but I think if they suspect it may be a diagnosis gov. guidelines say they have to act much more quickly.
Whoa there Lynne! Should have warning of such handsomeness as don't see that too often.
Tell him what is going on with your health and when your appointment is. He would probably want to know how his mum is.
I wish you well and enjoy the time together. Lots of love. Xxx
Put yourself in his shoes Lynne. Of course he will want to know. Jessy and the others are so right. Tell your handsome son and have a great fortnight with him.
I find it very worrying that you are expected to wait until May to see of you have lung cancer. To me that is unacceptable.
Would it be a good idea to see your GP, to ask what the hold up is? Time is surely of the essence where cancer is concerned.
Of course you must tell your son about the COPD and that you are to have tests in May.
Hi spiritual-1 I have a feeling that as you have emphysema your son will know, or will have noticed that you had been dealing with symptoms for some time. You can concentrate on telling him that you are having treatment which is helping you live with it and 'by the way, this is what I have.' At least this starts the conversation on a positive note. My kids are so used to me living with non cf bronchiectasis all of their lives that they don't fret, even when I nearly dropped off the tree last year.
As far as the cancer goes I agree with the others. Better not to worry him when you haven't had the tests and get down to the docs demanding to have them asap.
Have a great time with that gorgeous boy of yours.
Hi Lynne. .. I have chosen not to tell my older children 19 year old daughter and 21 year old son...the are both in university and it's a very important time in thier life...and i just don't won't them goggling up asthma /copd..
Because it doesn't matter how much I play it down.. I know that they will...and I don't want them to read or see all the the rubbish that's there...I will tell them at some point..but I feel there's absolutely no reason that they need to know now....I dont think for one minute that they will be upset cos I didn't tell them when I was diagnosed. ..they will understand why..because they know me.
I know that it's not what the others are saying..but that's what I believe to be the best for them...and if its the best for them. .then its also the best for me to.
I was diagnosed 14 November 2014...
Andy xx.
Hi Lynne I would tell yours son everything. What if something was to happen. And your son only found out then what was wrong with you. Your son would wonder why you never told him. I was diagnosed in 2006 so my children have grown up knowing about my conditions. We don't keep secrets in our family. We tell everything take care x
I had a similar situation with my son. He had just gotten out of the military and did not know that I had been diagnosed with bronchiectasis etc. I would tell him but you know your son best.
Hi Spiritual I can only add that if you say your DR in November and they are only going to see you again in May I doubt very much if they really think you have cancer. Do you have any idea what made your Dr say that? I have had many friends that have had suspected lung cancer ( either as primaries or secondary's) and ALWAYS as soon as a suspicious lump was found they had their consultant appointment within a month at least
Have you had a chest X-ray or some other reason your doctor mentioned cancer? I certainly would not worry your son about the cancer doubt until you had more information. Hopefully that suggestion will prove to be false
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