Nursing home visiting

[Jansy16]

My husband is in a Nursing home, I have COPD & shielding being 77 yrs old. I have been given permission to see him in his room because he's quite poorly which I have been doing. I'm afraid because of having my illness of catching the covid virus, or should I wait until we both have the Vaccine when it will be safer to do so. I feel as I'll be neglecting him by staying away. I'm hurting because I feel he should be home, but not being well myself would find it impossible to look after him. It's an awful heartbreaking situation to be in. Our children have said I mustn't leave the house as it's not safe. I know you can't help but it helps to unburden myself to someone on here.

[sassy59]

Hello Jansy, I’m pleased you unburdened yourself and decided to post. This pandemic has caused such heartache, guilt, and grief. There seems to be no end in sight apart from the vaccine. Then we still need to take care.

Your children are right of course but I do wonder if there’s anyway you can visit as your husband is so poorly. Full PPE, face covering if possible and gloves in a ventilated space.

It is really heartbreaking but you do have to take care of yourself too. Thinking of you. Xxx😘

[Damon1864 Volunteer]

Hello Janet it's so hard to make decisions like that, but you must think about your safety and your husband's and others in there nursing home. I'm sure your husband will understand , hope this helps please get the vaccine. Have a good day and take care 😊 Bernadette and Jack 🐕 xxxxxx

[Annie31]

I think we will all be listening and feeling for you in the heartbreaking situation you have found yourself in and this is certainly the place in which to voice your fears and receive comfort and support.

Although as you imply there is little we can do to help, I think if it was me I would try to carefully consider all factors and decide what I could best live with. You are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Wishing you all the best in the future to you and your husband.

[Suzie42]

As you say it's not safe to be venturing out at all at the moment. Your husband should be receiving the vaccine very soon now and you won't be far behind. I would wait if I were you and only go if nursing say your husband has deteriorated further. I know you just want peace if mind. It's so very hard for you. Do the best thing for you! Take loads of care and stay safe 💕

[HungryHufflepuff]

It’s an impossible decision. For now do you have something like zoom or FaceTime so you can see each other without being physically in the same room? If not, can this be set up for you? Sending lots of good wishes to you and your husband.

[Jansy16 in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Thank you for replying. We are able to Skype with the staffs help. Just praying we can have the Vaccine soon.

[skischool in reply to Jansy16]

I think HH's suggestion is a very good one and your reply gladdens me that you have this set up.Just a little more time,possibly only weeks away and you can both have that vaccine that will make things so much safer for you and your soul mate.Best wishes Ski's and Scruff's x

🙃😻

[Hacienda]

I Feel for you & your Hubby, you both will not be used to being Apart, Yes as Carole Says the Vaccine is a Great Thing, but we all need to Keep safety measures in place. I think your Seeing each other on Skype is a Great thing,

These Virtual Meetings for me keep me sane as my Family, Grandchildren, great Granddaughters all live Abroad, not seen them since way back Last Year. Technology is a wonderful thing.

The nursing Staff are being very careful & Helpful for you Both. Keep coming on here to receive Support & Comfort Jan. Much Love. Carolina. XXX

[Jansy16]

Bless you all for your kind words, so very grateful.

[Blackbird8]

Hi lovley if you have been visiting him already in his room then you know the routine and how being safe is best . I'm sure you have been protecting yourself and seeing your hubby has been a joy to you both .

Only you can decide how you feel about things and if you have been visiting already why cant you continue in a safe way as before ..take care and look after yourself whatever decision you make 💙

[peege]

I feel for you. Your husband could soon be having his vaccination if he's in a nursing home , hang on if you can. All so very 😥

[Jansy16 in reply to peege]

Thank you Peege

[Kristicats]

It is heartbreaking for many people that are shielding but it is important to follow the shielding instructions. It really isn’t safe out there now. Can you get the nursing home to set up a video link for you both? Cx

[Maricopa]

I think it’s not safe and while it’s a terrible position to be in you should stay home. Just my opinion.

[Oshgosh]

That’s really hard for you.If you wear full PPE would that make you feel better ?

Take care

[Cheriebobo]

Hi. Jansy. My hubby who is o nly 67 hasbeen in care with dementia for 2 yrs now. I hadnotseen him since 3 March lastyear because i had visited and then been told that he had covid. I panicked as i have bronchiectasis and asthma. I was tolhe woudnt lazt the night... Thankfully he pulled through was negative from covid. But week before xmas i was told I could visit im afraid i had to refuse as my health too bad. But staff nurse was great she said she would bringhim to main door in wheelchair. I stood outside 3 mts apart andi just cried constantly forthe15 min visit. But it was worth it.. He was cheery looked well and remembered who i was. Only thing he asked for was a CUDDLE which set me crying again i left him laughing he was so happy to see me. I sat in car and criedfor ages. I was so lucky to seehim 1st time in 10 mths... And now were back in lockdown. Ihope your carers are as good as my hubbys. But onlyyou knowhow you can deal with visiting.. Its so difficult.. Were afraid of giving virus andso afraid of getting it because we still have to look after ourselves. take care we all have loads of worries atthis time. love Margarita and the woofs. xc

[Jansy16 in reply to Cheriebobo]

Dear lady, it looks like we are going through the same thing.. It hurts me not being able to look after him at home because of my COPD, I can barely look after myself these days due to being so breathless. My husband has had 2 strokes & is having mini strokes quite regularly, he needs 24hr care and now has no mobility. He's 82 & I'm 77. His memory is pretty good which in a way is so hard for him to realise I can't look after him. Thank you for replying, it helps knowing others are in similar situations as well.xx

[Tempo57]

Did I hear correctly?

Because I am horrified this morning after hearing the head of the NHS talking about using nursing and care homes for hospitalized patients, because the hospitals are running out of beds due to Covid. If I heard correctly then this is madness!

They risk bringing the virus to the elderly yet again. The same mistake they made last Spring when they sent elderly people back to their nursing/care homes after a stint in hospital. Don’t they learn anything from past mistakes?

The Government has spent millions of our money on the Nightingale Hospitals yet only two are operable, Manchester and Exeter. They say it’s because they are understaffed. Perhaps so, but they’ve had all summer to solve this staffing problem, particularly since winter has always followed summer! If they can’t staff them why did they build them for this special purpose?

But surely no one would dream of letting hospitalized patients move into nursing homes with a chance of infecting the elderly, particularly after the elderly residents have had to isolate from their loved ones so long, just as Jansy16 has had to do.

Please tell me I heard wrong...

T57

[Jansy16 in reply to Tempo57]

Thank you for making this statement Tempo, it does happen I'm sure, but thankfully the Nursing home my husband is in haven't had any Covid. The owner is very strict with rules that all the staff must abide to.

[Tempo57 in reply to Jansy16]

Jansy, That is good news to my ears!

Stay safe x

T57

[peege in reply to Tempo57]

I totally agree Tempo, you didn't hear wrong and it beggars belief. Have they learnt nothing. Grrrrr

[Tempo57 in reply to peege]

Thank you Peege for confirming.

[peege in reply to Tempo57]

Hi. I just edited out my last sentence, it was a tad insensitive 🙃 xx

[Annie31 in reply to Tempo57]

No you didn't hear wrong! My husband said he heard that today as well! I just don't know anymore, it just makes you want to weep! Relatives can't go in and see nearest and dearest but the NHS can risk introducing the virus quite knowingly into these homes! Shocking!

Talking of the Nightingale hospitals, I can remember someone in the government or Health people saying last year to not to worry about staffing for them because there were nearly 3,000 medics they could call upon from the Services and these hospitals would be up and running! Yet more misinformation or is it downright lies just to get over a difficult question.

[Tempo57 in reply to Annie31]

Right on Annie! I’m getting sick of their lies too. I also heard last springtime that they had so many thousand ex/retired nurses and doctors ready for manning the Nightingales. Where are they now?

The people will only take so much of this and then they’ll revolt. Perhaps not the likes of our kind of people, but when the word gets out we’ve been sold a packet porkies then ‘there’ll be trouble up at mill’ as they say in Yorkshire! If only they’d be frank with us from the start and if they don’t know, then they should say so!

I still can’t get over them discharging people from the hospitals into nursing/care homes. It seems criminal to me.

T57

[Hidden in reply to Tempo57]

Highly speculative. the Hospital would not discharge someone into a nursing with covid 19. Often people who have been in hospital who are too unwell to go home because they live alone are placed in a nursing home until they are well enough to go home. Thus freeing up hospital beds.

For clarity perhaps link to the news item for the concerns this may have for Jansy and others.

[Tempo57 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bkin,

I heard it on Radio 4 news this morning, so no link to forward. Jansy is already aware of this from her previous reply to me. Reading the replies on here apparently others have confirmed it too.

The patients leaving hospital for care homes perhaps don’t have Covid themselves (that’s not what was implied), it’s the fact that they have left an environment (hospital) where Covid patients reside. This happened last Spring and one care home lost nearly all their residents to Covid, many others went out of business since the death of their residents meant a loss of income. Then they would not let people visit their relatives. But now ex hospital patients can be given a room! It doesn’t make sense when we have Nightingale Hospitals set up to go with taxpayers money. They should be staffed and used as required.

Tempo

It makes me angry and so sad for all those concerned.

[Hidden in reply to Tempo57]

Its sad for any who have lost family in nursing homes because of covid but that is not what this post is about.

[Annie31 in reply to Tempo57]

Retired/ex medics - if I remember correctly this was yet another gov brainwave! These people were approached but many, many declined because of age, stamina required, health issues and quite rightly pointed out that they would have to have refresher courses, learning how all the new technology works and the fact that they couldn't be relied on to be able to do the long shifts required. It's also been universally acknowledged how much expertise is required to do ITU duties, it's not something to be learned overnight. A lot however did say they would be willing to help in other fields, so they may have disappeared into the black hole of the NHS. Another snippet of news, here today gone tomorrow at the time, leaving us to wonder!

[rachelmi]

I’m sorry but this is the case. My 87 years old dad with dementia has been COVID positive since 31/12/2020 and he has been discharged from hospital ( where he contracted COVID ) to a private nursing home to isolate until he is moved elsewhere to another nursing home. He was asymptotic but needs 14 days isolation. The local nhs hospital have taken over a ward / floor at the home.

[peege in reply to rachelmi]

Appalling, I'm so sorry. P

[Tempo57 in reply to rachelmi]

Dear rachelmi,

So sorry to hear this, as well as you confirming that it is actually happening. Having contracted Covid whilst in hospital, particularly at his age, is what concerns me. We know they are not safe places, particularly for the elderly.

My thoughts are with you and your father at this time and I pray that it all turns out well for him.

Best wishes for a positive outcome.

Tempo x

[rachelmi in reply to Tempo57]

Thank you for your good wishes. I’ve just phoned and he is still asymptotic with no breathing problems today. This is Day 8 after positive test. Sadly he ended up in hospital after another fall at home in middle of December, despite paying £4000 a month out of his income for carers to come to his home. 5 carers a day. Plus my mum is no longer able to care properly for him as she’s 85 and has also now dementia. If he slides out of his chair the carers have placed him in, then the only option is to ring paramedics as the carers aren’t allowed to physically lift him Inn any way. He’s very light weight wise.

I live 200 miles away so I try to organise everything by telephone for them both but extremely difficult.

It’s hard as all of the transferred patients have no personal belongings at all, just nhs gown. He will be missing his slippers!

Dreadful situation for many people I’m not claiming uniqueness. X

[rachelmi]

Thank you. I’m hoping the whole area is well isolated as I hate the thought of cross infection from COVID positive to other areas. I’m hoping the whole placed has been taken over but fear it’s only an area being used as a ward.

[Walkwalkwalk]

Oh you are in a dilemma and must be so painful for you. Perhaps you can increase your zoom contact to a specific time each day so that you and your husband have regular catch up time and feel confident that you will see each other. Your husbands home owner sounds like the kind of person who would be up for a regular arrangement.

It’s often the not knowing whether another contact will be possible that causes us such emotional trauma. I know it always seems like others think there is an easy solution and can be frustrating. That’s not what I mean.

Lots of good wishes for life getting better for you both in 2021 and the vaccine making access easier for you.

Take care of you too for that time when life may be easier.

[Patk1]

Im glad youve been able to share,here.you must go with what YOU feel u shld.pls try not to feel guilty hes in a home,which is the best place for him, considering yr own health. Do wear a mask,and carry antibacterial gel with u,to use frequently,if u visit.if hes poorly, im sure u will feel relieved to see and support him.are yr family visiting him too? Theres no right or wrong here.you go with how u feel.who knows what tomoro holds.thinking of u xx

[Hidden]

Hope things work out well for all concerned Jansy. Take good care.

[Alberta56]

As everyone agrees there is no right or wrong here. I'm slightly inclined to say stay away until you've both been vaccinated. You have my sympathy. Take lots of care. xxx

[Tempo57]

Oh dear rachelmi, your account is heartbreaking. Your situation means that you are living on the edge continually. I have been though this myself with my father between the age of 94 to 97 and I too lived a long way away, so I can relate to your daily worries. You are your parents brick.

Your father’s carers surely aren’t doing their job correctly if they are allowed to place him in his chair but they can’t lift him back in it if he slips out. Whatever next!

On a positive note......if your father can remain asymptotic, as he has until now, then you will know that he should have acquired antibodies for his future protection.

Is there anyone you know locally who could collect his slippers and PJ’s from home....his carers perhaps...and drop his personal items off at the nursing home? Poor gent, he’ll need them.

I’m thinking of you.

Love and prayers xx

Tempo