I Do Wonder What She Calls Him...

I've been wondering what Kate calls Prince Charles...Dad? Your Royal Highness? Charlie?

To have to stand grinning like a loon, while clutching a baby only a few hours after giving birth...waving like a proper eejit at people with no sense...no thanks.

I suppose she can't whinge and say her tummy hurts and her breasts are hard as rocks and if anyone hugs her close she's going to squeal...or leak gallons of milk all down her front. Wonder if someone at the Palace has thought to buy her a rubber ring to sit on for a few days and several packs of extra large and very thick sanitary towels...

A midwife might visit perhaps...all brisk and efficient...'Now, how's Mother today? And baby? Let's see you feeding her then I'll take a quick look below your waist...make sure everything is as it should be...'

Oh, the pure horrors of your personal bits not being your own...expected to drop your knickers for all and sundry when you thought exposing your nether regions while giving birth was quite horrendous enough...

And you know...it must be pretty awful to have a troop of highly qualified Nannies on hand...can you imagine not holding baby Charlotte 'properly'...forgetting her head will wobble about and having some person in a starched uniform snatch her away and glower at you...'I'll take baby now Madam' when all you really wanted to do was look at her and play with her fingers...

And can you imagine the visitors...The Old befuddled Duke who probably breathes Whiskey breath in the child's face and can't remember who you are, never mind why he's there in the first place...air-kissing Queenie and wondering what's in the carefully wrapped package she hands you...you have to open it of course and pray you'll respond with glee at the sight of yet another weird gift your mother-in-law was originally given by the Head of State of some obscure African country she visited twenty years ago...Gosh...that's beautiful Queenie...isn't it William' He'll look slightly vacant and agree with you...

A dainty tea will be brought in, when what you'd really rather do is go and have a hot bath and slop about in your dressing gown...

Woe betide you if you still have a baby belly when you open a new council building in a month's time...never mind that your bra is stuffed with extra absorbent nursing pads and you still haven't discarded the big comfy knickers in favour of a barely there thong...

And imagine the horrendous embarrassment when the six week check comes around...not a friendly family GP telling you it's fine to have sex again while you make horrible faces and say it's the last thing on your mind actually...Kate will have a couple of blokes with hundreds of letters after their names who are dressed in frightfully expensive Saville Row suits and latex gloves...they'll probably tell Queenie before they tell you, that sex is back on the menu...

I'd love to know what she calls Prince Charles though...

[Nanaeal]

Oh you are so witty & insightful. Its a shame we can't send her a copy that's probably just how she feels.

[knitter in reply to Nanaeal]

Hi Naneal, I was thinking the same.

[Nanaeal in reply to knitter]

Hi knitter hey I've just had a thought.Shall we get together a knit a bright pink outfit. Seriously I love to knit & it's been my salvation since I became I'll. Its something I can do even on a bad day. Mia is 7 & loves me to knit for her. Nice to meet a fellow knitter. Best wishes Nan

[knitter in reply to Nanaeal]

I have no one to knit for now, so I make hats, mittens and blanket squares for charity....but at the moment it's crocheted knee rugs that go to Albania.

As you say it is something you can do even on a bad day.

I saw that baby Charlotte was wearing a knitted bonnet too.

[knitter]

For Vashti this time....I enjoyed reading your post, and I have just watched Christine Bleakley exploring the Burren, the Keshcorran cave and the Aran Islands. I bet there will be even more visitors to Ireland this year.

[jabber]

Lovely Vashti - and how it takes me back. I'd almost forgotten the need for extra large sanitary towels, and now I'm trying not to remember all the other indignities that you describe so well. As for it's fine to have sex again... I thought Raquel in Only Fools and Horses got that right - something along the lines of 'don't you ever come near me again Trotter!'

[Nikkers]

Shudder! Thank goodness those days are over. The indignity of it all.......but wouldn't have minded a Nanny at times! lol.

[Azure_Sky]

I reckon she calls Charles Papa, after she's curtseyed. The Queen, I don't know if Kate would be allowed to call her Granny, so probably ma'am after the curtsey. She has to curtsey to the York princesses when Wills isn't around.

Poor girl will get backache from all that curtseying. Never mind leaking pants and bosom. Tena Lady pants would be her best friend at the moment. Marvelous invention if you are likely to leak when you cough.

The six month check must be SO embarrassing for Kate. Being poked and prodded with a bright light shining on the lady garden. Wouldn't you think childbirth would be easier these days? Not so, if you watch One Born Every Minute!

[Hidden]

Once again, your writing is SO good - I'm sure many of us can identify with the indignities!! Jan xx

[bikergrove]

So true and funny too,you should have been an author,you would have written some wonderful books

[katieoxo60]

If you find out Vashti, let me know cause like you I am curious too. Would not want her life for a fortune, no privacy. But you summed it up well . Have to have the British stiff upper lip for them kind of jobs.

[Jolyn]

Lol...I'm glad those days are over for me...lol. We all coped with it though didn't we. xxx

[Hidden]

I've been trying so hard to suppress my indifference to this baby but you have made me laugh.

[Polly4acre]

i could not believe how insensitive the Grandparents of the new royal baby were. Not enough that the poor girl had been expected to have her hair done, make up etc, just a few hours after she had given birth just to look good for the cameras, but to all descend on her as soon as she got home was a bit much.

All that new mother needed was a tidy dress and hair and to go home for a good long sleep. I am not over keen on the Royal Family anyway, but that was really naff!

You could be right, Vashti, personal privacy will not be an option from now on.

[sassy59]

Good point vashti - I do wish I could have looked a bit like Kate when I had given birth though instead of the truly dishevelled mess I actually did look. I think doing a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson couldn't have made me look any worse. All that panting and pushing doesn't do much for a girls looks.

I love the names though and glad Diana got a look in. I must admit to not envying Kate really but I do hope she manages to get lots of cuddles with Charlotte and George too of course, such a lovely little chap.

Take care xxxx

[hufferpuffer]

Lololol!😀😀😀 Vashti! I reckon Kate calls Charles ......chaz and William Willigogs 😀 amongst other things! When they first got married and lived here, us locals totally respected their privacy and............oops.............

Kate was often spotted buying their tea in the local Waitrose with just one bodyguard hovering near by 😀Is the little baby to be Charlotte then?perhaps they will call her Lottie for short 😀 huffxx

[jan-ran]

Thank you for a table shaking laugh! Lovely sense of humour. JanR