As many of you on here know, i lost my dad last year and was his carer. In a weeks time it will be the first anniversary of his passing and id like some advice please. I know i would rather spend the day grieving alone but everyone wants to come see me and make sure im not alone. What would be better. I haven't had much time to myself to remember him as im now settled in a wonderful loving relationship and am also working in a job i enjoy. Its hard because my partner has arranged a holiday for us starting the day after dads anniversary as my last holiday was in 2007 with my dad to Clacton so we are going there. I just don't know hows best to handle it all. I miss him so much!! Thank you for taking the time to read this and i promise to come back more often xxx
One week to go.....: As many of you on... - Lung Conditions C...
One week to go.....
Hi Laura so very sorry about your very sad loss, my husband died last year, and his anniversary was on August 6 the just gone, my family wanted to make a fuss of it as I did, but as time was getting nearer I really wanted time to reflect and look back in my own way, which I did, you must do what you want to do, the best for you, its so very hard as you know to let go, and you must do things your way, so glad you have a good relationship, and personally I thinks its great your going to Clacton where you were happy with your dad its a lovely way to remember him as you always will. Angse
Hi Laura I know it won't be easy no your dads anniversary but I think he would like you get on and enjoy your life as you are young and plenty to give in life and what better way than to go on holiday were he used to take you when you where younger and he would have been very proud of you so go on and enjoy your holiday.
I lost my Dad many years ago and truly believe that any day can be used to remember and reflect on all the great times and also to let out the sadness.
You will always miss him but less and less with sadness and more with the fond memories.
Hi Laura. I am so sorry for your loss. The first anniversary of my mums death was in June this year and me and 1 sister went out for lunch to chat about her and then lit a candle at a church. That was what we both wanted. The day is yours to spend as you need to. If you want to be alone then that is your perogative don't be forced into spending the day with others if you don't want to. If you can't get out of it why not spend the day before alone with your memories instead? Will be thinking of you. xx
Hi Laura,good to hear from you love.So happy you are getting on with your life,lovely relationship,& enjoying your job,I'm sure Dad is looking down at you smiling & feeling very proud.
You were a good daughter to him,& you deserve to be happy now,as others have said,you do what you want,& remember in your own way.Maybe you should thank the people for caring about you,but let them know you'll be ok on your own, if they're good friends,they should understand.
Enjoy your lovely holiday,you deserve it,& pop in,when you're back! I'm sure there's still a lot that would remember you, xxxxx
Hello Laura
I'm so very sorry for your loss. But I agree with the others I'm positive your dad would want you to have a wonderful life with your new partner, don't shut yourself off makes friends visit relatives and move on. You'll never forget him and the silliest things will remind you. It's the 30th anniversary of my dad's death this year, he was a wonderful man and father and I think about every day. Enjoy yourself, smile laugh and live your life to the full
Kim xxx
Hello Laura, A year has passed so quickly! So glad to hear that you are happy and have a good relationship - I am sure you will have a lovely time in Clacton. It must be very reassuring for you that so many people are thinking about you and wanting to comfort you. You are lucky to be surrounded by so much love. If I were you I would make a plan for the day that can include others but also give you time for your own memories. Have a wonderful holiday. TAD xx
hi Laura
Good to hear from you and that you are happy with both your relationship and your job.
Difficult time for you though and I feel you should grieve the way you feel is right for you. Saying that it is lovely that those close to you care enough to want to come and see you. Would it be poss to arrange to be alone say in the morning and ask people to call in the afternoon - just a thought.
Your partner sounds incredibly caring and sensitive. How lovely of him to arrange a holiday where he knows is very special to you and your dear Dad. The day after my Mum's funeral we took her flowers and visited all the seaside places up the coast where we spent so many happy times together over many years and we placed a few flowers in the sea at each resort. That gave us so much comfort. Perhaps you can do something special for your Dad and for you whilst in Clacton.
The biggest gift you can give you Dad is to enjoy the good things you have in your life and to live life to the full. You were the best daughter and your Dad knew and I am sure loved you so much.
love cx
Hello Laura, how lovely to hear from you. A year already? It's great to hear you have a loving relationship AND a job you love. I'm so pleased for you.
I'm sure your dad wouldn't like you to be too sad or suffering, he'd be pleased you have love in your life.
I hope you will spend the day with people to share the love & warmth. You will have time to be alone.
Enjoy your holiday that your partner had organised, you'll have such a special time even though it might be bittersweet at times.
Good luck Laura, will be thinking of you (you've reminded me of one of our mums favourite places. Kew Gardens. On the 1st anniversary my sisters and I had a lovely day there. We'd been dreading it but it was beautiful. Peeg
Ask yourself what would your dad say would help you most. This is a day you need to care for you so do what is best for you and explain that to others. Maybe you can also arrange something else with others at another special time? Xxx
Laura, everyone grieves their own way and others must respect that. Tell people straight out what you want, if you can, and then if you feel able/can go out, so that anyone who 'just drops by' is out of luck, go to the park or some where else you can reflect, take flowers to the crematorium if it was a cremation or the cemetery if it were a burial. Churches are quiet places for believers and non-believers alike
Hugs and thoughts at a difficult time. xxx
PS Prior to being medically retired I was a funeral director so please feel free to contact me.
Dear Laura,
This is a difficult time. yes you will feel all the emotions creeping back. Let them flow and let them flow away too.
This will be a very special time for you. Your dad will be very proud of his loving daughter.
I'm sure he would encourage your relationship too. Be courageous, but don't repress the tears or even the frustration that may come up. Just be with all this fully, be fully you. And then, leave it go gently.
We are all thinking of you.
Thank you all for your kind words and advice xxx
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