Thanks guys. Itchy (That's Itchy wanting a cigarette). Scratchy (That's Scratchy having one). Simpsons. Hurrah! Not me! Thanks you lot

Non smoking in Tunbridge Wells was just the ticket. What a good way to move in to packing up again. That sounds like the title to a book (not a very interesting one, I admit), but nevertheless.

However, just got home from a great night out, so slightly tipsy; so, forgive typing mistakes and general maudlin. Tomorrow, Birthday celebrations (supper/birthday cake here for my nephew, Ben and congrats. for my sister's PhD and her daugher's Masters). So, loads of food and alcohol and a year ago it would have been fantastic but, now, I'm thinking, oh no, they're all going to be going outside to have a smoke and I'd like to join them. If I could do a crying emoticon on here I would.

Self indulgence. Will manage.

Blimey, this is becoming like a diary! Stop here.

Will admit to using NRT (sucking a NRT gum as I write this). However, doing well despite lots of wine consumed tonight. Itching but not giving in (well, can't actually, no cigarettes available). However, delighted with myself. Thanks, to a large part, to all of you.

Christmas will be testing. My beautiful, lovely and fantastically clever but anorexic, very angsty and heavily smoking 20 year old daughter, will be home to stay for a few days. There will be the true test for me. Those of you who've seen my previous postings will know the many issues involved, not least my 16 year old who is deliberately overeating in response to her sister's anorexia.

Do you see a pattern there with smoking...! Anorexia/Obsesity/Smoking... Interesting. Well, there's a PhD thesis waiting to be written.Must be tipsy. Blimey, couldn't possibly post that on my facebook page, but there it is. Feel safe with you lot. Wouldn't dare put that on fb .

Back to the point. Thanks, you all. And, I do mean that. Over the past few days I've been glancing back over all your responses to my previous comment and your responses have so strengthened me. You're an amazing bunch and have been (and continue to be so helpful).

I hope to be in a position, very soon, to start giving advice to other newcomers (as I am). I don't feel qualified enough, right now, and would hate to give the wrong advice. Need a few more weeks of coming to terms with this smoking rubbish.

Cheers, guys and I shall probably hugely regret posting this when the cold (as it is at the moment) light of day greets me.

Lots of love to all of you from a very tipsy and non smoking, How bloody self indulgent am I being.

Smartt.

[Poppymichael7]

Good on you mate, keep it up. That's the way to do it. Good luck xx

[Hidden in reply to Poppymichael7]

Thanks! I intend to. Still chewing the gum. Thinking of puffing (sorry, 'vaping', I gather...) the e cig; but, not yet... Who ever you are, Poppymichael7, I hope things are going well and thanks. Smartt.

[Mavary]

Hi Smartt. Congrats on not giving in. It's very hard in the beginning but after a few weeks it gets a bit easier. I haven't smoked for I think it is 36 years now but I still like the smell of a newly lit up cigarette. I did try one a few years ago and it was disgusting. You will be like that soon. Keep up the good work.

[Hidden in reply to Mavary]

Looking forward to that day! Too early for me at this point in time. But... hard bloody work. Not looking forward to Christmas... expect plenty of postings! Don't quite know why I've added an exclamation mark; suspect it's going to be hard work! (another exclamation mark!)!!!! Smartt.

[Mavary in reply to Hidden]

Now you've got this far don't give in. One cigarette and it will be really hard all over again. You are getting there and doing well. You can do it. You tell yourself that! By Christmas it's another few weeks and hopefully you will be even stronger in resolution. Yes it's hard but so easy to slip. Keep up the good work. Let us know if you are struggling and we will all be behind you. Take care.

[Hidden in reply to Mavary]

Mavary, still here. Must be tipsy still; actually, I think I'm energised by the responses. Seems it's so much a problem for so many people. 12.20!

I so hope you're right. I suppose it's not as straight forward for me as it is for the others on this site with my daughter's anorexia and her sister's response to it. Troubles me greatly and (it's really not an excuse) but it has been hard.

But, yes, I think you're absolutely right and I shall definitely be posting here if things get too hard. I suppose I feel I'm struggling with a multitude of things; I wish it was just smoking which, God knows, is hard enough.

Thanks, Mavary.

p.s. This is all a bit self indulgent on my part. You don't say where you are in all of this. I assume you have issues and I hope you've resolved them or are coming to terms with them.

Smartt.

[Mavary in reply to Hidden]

Hi. Smartt. Yes! i do have lots of issues. MyHusband has got Idiopathic pulmonary Fibrosis and has been told he has about a year. My son has Polycystic kidney. I lost my Mother Father and a beloved Uncle and had two major operations all in the last seven years. I have to deal with things or fall apart. Anyway back to you. As I said before you are doing well keep it up. You really can do it. It's important to do it. It will make you better which in turn will help your children. Anyway you will show your smoking daughter that she can do it. Don't you think she will feel bad if you can do it and she hadn't. My husband was on forty to sixty a day and I nagged him to give it up. I had an awful job and boy! Did I feel guilty.

[Hidden in reply to Mavary]

Wow; sounds like a horrendous few years. Well done you, I say, getting through all of that. BTW, I wouldn't feel at all guilty about nagging your husband to pack up smoking - just think how you'd be feeling had you not nagged him! Sounds to me like he's lucky he's got you.

[nannyb]

Evening Smartt. Loved reading your post. I still have not got there. Glad you have had a good night, and cheers to you.

Nannyb xxx

[Hidden]

...and, nannyb, we'll get there together because I haven't either and I intend to and, who knows, perhaps we'll do it together. Sucking away at nicotine gum. Certainly intend to go further than Tunbridge Wells!. It's only been a few days. Thanks so much for your message. Please, nannyb, keep in touch. Itchy is kicking in. This is the point at which I should go to bed; shall try not to have a puff/vape (isn't that such a travesty?!) on the e cig I have in my bag.

Smartt.

p.s. I love the name, nannyb.

[Toci]

Hi Smartt, I am so pleased you are still winning! Keep it up.

One point, it is terribly sad about your two daughters having eating issues, but that is not helped by you smoking. You have your own issues - needing to breath. NO SMOKING is the rule from here on in okay? Tell both of your daughters (and everyone else at your home) that you are not to have a cigarette. Tell them your life could depend on it. Tell them that they are to police you and make sure you do not fall. Then just keep going, one day at a time, until it is over and you can look people in the eye and tell them you are a non-smoker. It really is a great feeling!

[Hidden in reply to Toci]

Yes, you're right. It's bloody tough though. Didn't mean to give the impression that my daughters aren't being supportive, they are. I suppose the point I was attempting to make was that they have their own demons to deal with and, obviously, as their mother, they impinge on me. Ah, parenthood. Now, had I been warned, would I or wouldn't I?!

[Hidden]

That was such a lively, interesting post, Smartt. I wanted to smile until I read about your two daughters. I do hope that they will get back to normal eating soon. Love Annie x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

annieseed, thanks for that and, yes, fingers crossed. Just about to put the beef into the oven in preparation for big family dinner this evening! I'll try to ignore the 'young' people (as I now call them) going out into the garden for their fags. GROAN!

[Toci in reply to Hidden]

Yes, feel pity for them, not envy. They are still slaves. Imagine what a good example you can set for them,

[Hidden]

Poor souls on a cold, damp Nov. afternoon. And I used to be like that, Smartt.

[Hidden]

Yay...

Plenty of food with twelve of us sitting around the table consuming a huge roast beef dinner.

Also, unexpected guest; my niece's new boyfriend... very nice guy! Birthday boy, slightly disconcerted at digging into the chocolate birthday cake I bought for him which was fashioned into a hedgehog with his own name, Hugo! Perhaps you've seen him (well, obviously, not this particular one, in Sainsbury's).

'Young People' (Blimey I'm not that much older than some of them all went out into the garden and ITCHY (Damm you Itchy) has been slightly troublesome this evening.

I've just been out to see the dog ends in the ashtray (12 in total). Now, how weird/voyeuristic/creepy is that on my part?!! Actually, that is a bit weird.

Night, night one and all (as Tiny Tim said - well, not quite but not far off!).