I found out tuesday evening that my beloved dad had passed away from COPD, brought on by the discovery of a hole in heart just two years ago.
He never liked any fuss so wouldn't ever tell me what was actually wrong and let me believe he was fine.
I only know now from reading the death certificate.
I wish he had said earlier and we could have worked through it together and given him many more years.
Unfortunately he wasn't found for a week.
I will ALWAYS regret that.
I saw him on his last living day.
And when i was leaving his last words to me were 'Love you Dutch' (pet name).
I wonder if he knew?
Karen x
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karenx
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So very sorry for you Karen. You don't say how old your dad was, but irrespective of that when it's your own father, old is never old enough.
It's no consolation but I've heard from others that sometimes people get tired of fighting and just want it to be over. I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted you to have been worrying about him all the time. My own father died of lung cancer, and as it progressed I think he didn't want to be bed-bound, in and out of hospital and simply gave in. It was hard for my mum and I, but better for him I think.
Since he died I've come to realise that he hasn't really gone ... he's still around, just in a different way - tunes I here, thing's said by others that he would have said, a mannerism I use sometimes or a glance in a mirror - they all remind me of him.
It's going to be hard for you for a while, I'm sure, but you shouldn't beat yourself up about what you think might have been done... things in life have a habit of happening the way they're meant to, even if we can't see that at the time.
Sorry to hear of your loss in such a tragic way, maybe your dad did sense he was reaching the end hence his parting words, they leave you with a lasting memory of him. My dad's last words remain in my heart as I like you never saw him again.my thoughts go with you at this sad time
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear Dad. Maybe he did know Karen - a very special Dad who protected his daughter to the end. May you find the strength to get you through this very difficult time.
So sorry Karen. I posted my poem about regrets before I had read your post but do not regret that you did not know anything about your Fathers last days. Your Father must have had his reasons and one of those would have possibly been because he loved you he did not want you to see his pain, just try to focus on those last word of his "Love you Dutch" and carry those in your heart
My heart goes out to you Karen as will many other strangers' from all over the country. Your words "my beloved Dad" and his last words to you say it all. How wonderful that you both had such a lovely, loving relationship.
All the best to you and yours at this time. Penelope
Dear Karen, so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. Perhaps he did know but did not want to upset you. Thinking of you at this difficult time. Carole xxx
Sounds like your lovely dad didn't stop being your dad even at the end, so sorry dad has gone, you can still come on here for support Karen, will keep you and dad in my prayers, god bless x x x
How sad for you Karen your Dad must have loved you very much . Take good care with much love TAD x x x
So sorry for your loss Karen. My dad made sure he saw my 3 children and me before he died. He became very tired of hospital and blood transfusions. I found it hard but had to accept that he was ready to go. You have so much love to recall it will make you smile at times through the tears. Your dad was protecting you to the end. It was his wish. Good luck and love to out and your family. Alison
I'm so sorry for your loss Karen. It must have been a terrible shock for you. I reckon your dad did know and he decided to go on his terms. He got what he wanted. One day you will meet again and until then he will always be with you in heart and spirit. Try not to feel guilty he wouldn't have wanted you to. That's very hard to do though. I still have regrets and feel guilt over my dad and he died nearly 5 years ago. It's just the way it is. My thoughts and prayers are with you love. Go on with your life and you will carry on making him proud of you.
Sorry about your loss Karen but please don't have regrets. Your dad wanted you to think he was fine as a way of protecting you. Try and remember the good times.
So sorry on your sad loss,of your Dad,remember & treasure his last words,he loved you,& wanted to go his way.Be proud of him,& treasure your memories,
Hugs,Wendells xxx
So very sad...this is why much more needs to be done to publicise this disease and its best management. You have been badly let down by the lack of heath info to the public. I hope my last words are as loving as your dad's. Xxx
Just wanted to add my sincere sympathies to everyone else's. Your relationship with your Dad must have been very special. Don't blame yourself that you weren't there with him at the end. Many people wait until relatives have gone away before they take their final journey because they want to be alone. Also many illnesses are only discovered after death and I think it will always be that way. In time you will be able to concentrate more on the happy times you shared together.
Thank you everyone for your replies. I've printed them off and read them back to myself when i'm feeling down. It was only afterwards that i realised it was very insensitve of me to post what i did.
Dad was 68 years old and he had only been ill for two years. I feel cheated and robbed and am having a really hard time accepting that he is gone.
It seems like a sick sick game and i've had enough of playing it.
The more i talk to people who know him, the more i realise he knew he was dying and i was too stupid and naive to see it. I so wish i can relive the last few months and make lots of changes.
Bless you. There is no need to feel that you were insensitive in any way because you were not. One of the greatest things about this site is being able to "tell it like it is", being able to let off steam when you are angry and moan when you are down, to discuss what has been read and compare with others in a similar situation. You were cheated and robbed. But you were not stupid or naive. Your Dad loved you very much and took care to look after you as much as he could. There would have been nothing you could have done to affect the outcome. Give thanks for his life and your great relationship. If it helps to come back sometimes then do so. You will be welcomed. xx
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