HELPFUL TIPS TO MAKE YOU SMILE

Helpful tips for real life:

Delia's Way

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips.

The Real Woman's Way

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Delia's Way

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Woman's Way

Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

Delia's Way

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Woman's Way

Tesco’s sell cakes: They even do decorated versions.

Delia's Way

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Woman's Way

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh* t. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: ""I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.""

Delia's Way

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks

The Real Woman's Way

It could keep forever. Who bluddy eats it?

Delia's Way

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Woman's Way

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won’t give a sh*t

Delia's Way

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Woman's Way

Why do I have a man?

Finally the most important tip

Delia's Way

Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles.

The Real Woman's Way

Left over wine???? Hello!!!!!

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Amazingly Simple Home Remedies......

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.

Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly

removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing

vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while

you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the

toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and

bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your

veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,

will prevent you from rolling over and going back to

sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of

laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a

hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of

life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and

Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the

WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct

tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know

them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

.....And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..........THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT.....THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

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You guys crack me up. Thanks - needed that!

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hehehehe these are great realy enjoyable read hehehehe!!!!!!

giggles x x

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Ta for those girlies ! Really needed a giggle have just been bankrupted by eldest daughter as she needed new school shoes plus trainers, another new swimsuit and a pair of new crops.

Lungs having a mega strop so i think i must have overdone things even tho i used shopmobility, at least i have just nebbed b4 i read these!!

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ty foor theese - raiised a much neded smille. am stil chucklign to mysellf now

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Excellent work girls. I love a good chuckle - however, I did almost choke several times due to me stuffing tree chocolate HobNobs into my face at a time. please be more responsible here when telling jokes. Tut.Tut.Tut.

x x x

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i love the deliah ones. especially the alcohol ones.