Letter of complaint re my lungs

Like I'm sure many of you are I am feeling a bit fed up with my lungs atm. If I could I'd complain to the manufacturers, like this:

To Whom It May Concern,

Re: Lungs

I purchased this product from you in October 1985 and I have to say I am disappointed with its performance. I was told the predicted lifespan of this product was approximately 80 years, and it began to malfunction after just 7.

Though your technical support handled this problem well and I was able to use the product without any serious issues for several years, I have not been at all happy with its performance within the last 2 years and its recent function has been appalling. It is no good your technical support telling me that the numbers show this is a superior product and therefore must be working well, nor that I must be using it wrong and if it's not making a funny noise there can't be anything wrong with it. I have been using this product for 25 years and I know when it's not functioning properly, even if I need help troubleshooting (and no, I can't turn it off and back on again).

Furthermore, the product is beginning to have an effect on other parts it works with, requiring more calls to other areas of technical support. Your technical support team is for the most part very efficient and dedicated, but I would rather be spending my time doing something else, even if some of the calls do give me a perfect excuse to buy ice cream.

I would like an immediate replacement of the faulty parts and an assurance that this problem will not reoccur.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Philomela

[Asthma-girl]

Nicely put, I like it.

[Hidden]

Heehee, love it, great letter!

[Hidden]

this is brilliant, i would defo provide a new set, uh-hmm, pair of lungs for you

x x x

[Hidden]

Wonderful, couldn't have written it better myself!

[Hidden]

Thanks I had fun writing it.

Encounter with 'technical support' today (cardiology) - still the 'well, there's nothing we can find, are you sure you're not using it wrong?' (ie are you sure it isn't stress). Not that I want there to be anything wrong, of course, but sometimes technical support can be very nice to talk to but you still come away frustrated.

[Hidden]

thats brill made me smile xxxx

[Hidden]

thats brill made me smile xxxx

[Hidden]

Letter's great. I wonder if I could borrow it to send to work's H&S dept? Might do something more rapidly about possible occupational asthma.

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Talltree if you think it would get their attention go ahead! I take it they're burying their heads in the sand a bit? Am surprised how varied H&S can be on issues - ours are all over trip and lifting hazards but fire safety doesn't seem to figure much judging by what happened when the alarm went off last month. I haven't tested how they are on asthma and related issues - I don't have occupational asthma (I maybe don't even have asthma!) but I do cough more at work, I've noticed.

[Hidden]

I want a refund for my lungs and a free replacement! lol

[Hidden]

Lol, I love it Philomela! I couldn't have put it better myself. Also ""purchased"" my lungs in October 1985 too. =D

[Hidden]

Hehe Nimueh, reckon that month they had a run on models which look great on the box but don't do the job properly - 80s consumerism 'gone mad'? I have an issue with the manual too in my case - tells you to use your lungs to improve them then when you do and end up with impressive specs tech support don't believe you when you say they don't work properly!