This past October I had another psychosis and was hospitalized. It came out of nowhere, triggered I think by reading a book, as was my first psychosis. I am so devastated as I now have an official bipolar diagnosis. It feels impossible, and like a promise that life will be very hard. I’m on medication but it seems to be no help at all. I’ve fallen so far from all the progress I once made. It is hard to share this because I think one of the last things I posted was so positive, like I/we can do this. Now I just feel like I can’t do anything.
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KatMax
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Hi KatMax, I am really sorry to read that you had another episode of psychosis last October and had to be hospitalised for it. I can imagine how your confidence has received a blow and how this new diagnosis of bipolar weighs heavily on you. I think the timing of your diagnosis is unfortunate as receiving it when you are so low, feels like what you are feeling at the moment will be how your life will be from now on. That is certainly not the case. You are the same person you were before your diagnosis. As you say you were so positive a few months ago, let me just say that you can be that person again. It is of course not to take it lightly, and I don't want to diminish what you are feeling at the moment in any way, but I want to give you hope that you won't feel like this forever. Things will get better.
Regarding medication it is not an easy process. Finding what is right for you takes a while and a lot of trial and error, I hope that you find the meds that work for you very soon. It helps to bring up the medications that have worked for you in the past when you are talking to your doctor. Also, in your own time, keeping a mood diary helps, maybe with just one word per day so that it is not too demanding.
I will be thinking of you, sorry that you have been going through this since October, hoping you start feeling better soon. Take good care
Hi KatMax, sorry to hear about your psychosis in October. I’m hoping a bipolar diagnosis will provide you with lots of help and support. Medication is always a tricky one and can take time to really work, but it will!
Your last post was positive and the words can resonate for you now. You are incredibly brave, healing can take time but you’re so strong you’ll smash it.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but this is only temporary and you will start to feel better.
Hi Kat. I’m really sorry to hear that - it sounds really tough. I’ve had a bipolar 1 diagnosis for over a decade and through the right medication, I’ve stayed well for the large part of that time apart from PP. as Maria says, it can take a while to find the right combination, but the good news is that there are now a whole lot of different medication options to choose from and find the best ones for you.
I know there’s the charity Bipolar UK, which has lots of information on its website as you start to learn more about bipolar. I see you’re in the US, so hope there might be a similar organisation offering peer support in the US. When I was first diagnosed, I found it really helpful to speak to others a bit further along their bipolar journey to make me feel less alone and give me hope. But equally I think a lot of us here have a bipolar diagnosis so do keep asking. You will get there, I just know how hard it can be when trying to get out of a down that follows an up.
Good to hear from you across the miles. I’m sorry you’re feeling devastated after an official diagnosis of bipolar. There are mothers of courage here, just like you, who have endured such an illness with dignity. I had PP twice many years ago followed by severe depression but did not experience bipolar.
I just wanted to let you know that Postpartum Support International at postpartum.net offer online support groups, one of which is bipolar support for perinatal (pregnancy and postpartum) mums. I hope this might be helpful.
Be kind to yourself. Perhaps if your medication isn’t working you could ask your care team for a review. Take good care 🌻
Hi Kat, I've wanted to reply to you for days but had a technical problem. I'm so sorry you've had a setback. Please forgive yourself; we all have setbacks, even those who don't have to deal with these illnesses. I had quite a lot of setbacks over the years with my illness, and gradually they became farther and farther apart. My last big one was in 2016. Bipolar is a chronic illness and you will continue to have to manage it for most of your lifetime, but that doesn't take away the fact that you can otherwise have a good and productive life. I deal with this even as a cancer survivor - there are times like last spring when it ends up consuming a chunk of my life. The important thing is what you do next.
Someone told me an anecdote last year that I found useful and maybe you will too. This was in the context of weight loss, but I think it can apply to many other situations. They said, think of it as if you're driving your car on a trip. You're going down the road, and all of the sudden you have a flat tire and have to pull over. You're frustrated, and maybe scared, and aggravated that your journey has been waylaid in this manner. So what do you do? Do you get out, pop the other three tires, and just sit there for days on the side of the road? No, you fix the flat, or call someone to fix the flat, and then you keep driving. Eventually you do make it to your destination. Life is like this. We drive down the road, and we get off the exits here and there, or sometimes we're forced off by a flat. But we never just stop and sit on the side of the road, because we go nowhere that way. We find a way to go on.
Come and talk to us; we've all been there. Message me if you like. I'm in the middle of this awful storm and may lose power for a few days but if I'm online I'll get back to you.
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